Solid Gold (453 hits)
Category: UberMadness! EntryRating: 2 on 1 review (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by russizm (View user info) at 2004-10-05 15:26:21 EDT
This post was an official UberMadness! entry. Click here to view the original matchup.
My girlfriend, Sarah, just moved into my apartment and my Fight Club-ish obsession with possessions was at an all time peak. Our lives were budding into something special.
Both of us had no complaints about each other, and I was starting to fall hard for her. Hell, she was a good cook, knew how to re-install windows, watched football, and we had awesome sex. The biggest worry in my life was how the hell I was going to get past Chapter 15 in Ninja Gaiden. (Which I have finally beat, bitch!)
My life at work was about as good as it could get, besides the hours. I worked 1am to 7am on Solid Gold FM. It was a semi-popular station that attempted to expose new artists to folks in the tri-state area. In theory, it was a good idea, but it felt like a poorly run shoutcast stream. We put anything and everything on the air. Even Sarah would occasionally burn a cd of new stuff she found that I would throw on so I could leave early, which I would listen to on the way home.
Due to our conflicting hours and days off, there was only one day a week that I was able to showcase my superior abilities.
When she returned from work I was waiting in the bedroom for her, naked! (God damn I was clever) She slipped into bed and laid besides me. With my crotch on her ass I got "that feeling" and proceeded to hump away. I jumped on top of her and kissed her lips feriouscly.
After a little foreplay we got the show on the road. As soon as I was inside her she starting screaming with ecstasy. And I pounded away.
When we climaxed (she always comes) I yelled "HELL YEAH BITCH, HELL YEAH, YOU LIKE THAT SHH--". It's hard to finish thoughts while you're coming. We both fell asleep shortly after.
A few days later she handed me another cd-r to play on my way out from work. The fact that I didn't ever screen them gave her the opportunity to put whatever she felt like on the air. I didn't care. I trusted her.
Mistakes are usually funny, except when they are my own and cause extreme emotional anxiety.
After another night at work I set the cd she gave me to play after the next song and headed out. When I turned the radio on there was silence. Other stations worked fine, so I tuned back in. As soon as I did I heard her start to speak in a devilish tone.
"Hi everybody! This is Bill's ex-girlfriend, Sarah! Why ex, you say? Because after he hears this he is not going to see me ever again. Hahah. When we have sex, his dick feels like a little kid is poking at my underwear. Most people would realize that they suck at something, and then get better at it, not worse. I deserve a gold sticker for all the times I had to fake it with him. Sometimes he wouldn't even be inside me and he would still bounce around, or whatever the fuck he was doing, on top of me. So please, consider this a public service announcement. Even if you think you are awesome at having sex, ask for pointers! Goodbye Bill, have a nice life! Hahaha"
I now reside in Small-Penisville, Wyoming. Population: Me
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Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2005-01-16 12:09:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
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