I'm Shallow, But You're Ugly (47846 hits)
Category: GeneralLabels: B@W
Rating: 1.87 on 155 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (View user info) at 2004-10-05 21:46:47 EDT
We've all seen the bumper sticker or poster:
"Beer, helping ugly people get laid since blah blah blah"
But sometimes, there is not enough beer to make this a true statement. Case and point:
After a half assed drill weekend, I go out with my buddies to grab a few brews and catch a Sox game. Being whores that we are, we don't change and go in our uniforms. People line up to buy us pitchers of Killians and Bud Light and a good time is being had by all. We order some nachos and wings and reminisce about how much we bilked the Army out of money by claiming paintball as a war game exercise.
Then a group of girls came up to us, probably jailbait. I had seen them earlier and remember making a comment to the effect of, "Those are bangable," before being seated. I now know the true meaning of "Good from a far, but far from good."
Unholy slore pig number one is all over my buddy, cold sore oozing like an alien was about to pop out of it. She was playing with the buttons on his shirt and he was trying to shy away from her stubbly pits.
"So, you guys are in the Army?" USP #1 asks with wide eyes, making me notice her lazy eye.
"Uh, yeah huh," Orlando replies, stuffing his face with chicken wings and beer and breathing noxious fumes in her general direction. Instead of backing off, the beer/hot wings combo was like chumming the water for cock sharks.
Meanwhile, Desperate Dave has a winner on his lap, and I fear for his circulation. If he doesn't get her off of him, we might need to amputate.
I'm busy with my own glore (goth slut whore). Shes suffering from what seems to be a series of frying pan to face incidents, leaving no profile whatsoever. I couldn't tell where her forehead stopped and her neck began. On top of this, she smelled like she took a golden shower and rimmed an elephant. By the look of her cut up gums, it had about a thousand pounds of peanuts as well.
"Sooooo... you guys have girlfriends?" Glore girl asked. I almost passed out from the stench.
Orlando: "I'm married"
Desperate Dave: "Kinda"
Dumbass Donkey: "No"
Shit. Why didn't I lie?
"Oh really?" Glore girl asks optimistically.
Fuckbeans. Here it comes. Way to go, Donkey, way to go.
"Well, I for one support our troops," Glore says.
"That's nice," I say, and excuse myself to the bathroom.
I get up and walk towards the bathroom, not really having to piss, but I need a game plan.
While waiting for the damn air dryer to actually work, I have an epiphany. I'm Donkey, dammit. I don't give a shit about some teeny bopper slores think. I exit with a new sense of cockyness and slap the waitress on the ass. This is going to be fun.
"Hey, I think you're in my seat," I say to the glore.
"I was just keeping it warm," she says.
"I like my seat cold thank you very much," I reply as I dump her ass out of my seat.
She was getting upset and her slore friends were fidgeting. I sit down and pound the rest of my Killians and watch the game.
"You are a dick," Glore suddenly says.
"You're correct," I say glibly.
"I was going to fuck you," she yells, like it matters.
"I wasn't going to fuck you," I say shortly
"Oh yeah, why not?" She askes incredulously.
"Because that would be considered disgracing the uniform," I shoot back.
"You're not allowed to pick up girls in a bar?" She asks.
"Not ugly ones." BA ZING! That should get her going.
"You shallow piece of shit!" Glore screams.
"I may be shallow, but at least I don't look like a bucket full of smashed assholes," I retort.
With that, she gasps and holds a pose that is usually reserved for blow up dolls. Mouth open, eyes wide, and arms straight. She turns and walks back to her table. Her friends follow and Desperate Dave gets some color back as Shamue has waddled back to her feed hole.
Desperate Dave gets pissed and yells at me for cock blocking him. I ignore him, as one day, probably Friday, he will look back at this and thank me.
So what if I'm shallow, everyone is to an extent. If people weren't shallow, there wouldn't be hot chicks.
User Reviews
Submitted by dexpaxas (user info) at 2006-12-22 17:18:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
chumming the water for cock sharks.
I notice people like to quote things from posts. Fantastic!
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-11-05 00:12:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by compEngineer0 (user info) at 2006-08-09 13:27:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ilikeyoghurt (user info) at 2005-12-30 09:11:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Outstanding.
"If people weren't shallow there wouldn't be hot chicks" is pure fucking genius.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-08-27 21:32:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How have I never read this before?
Submitted by malefic (user info) at 2005-08-27 21:19:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
There's a lot of gold to be mined from this article. Well done.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-07-08 14:04:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice to see someone reviving this.
Submitted by bizzy (user info) at 2005-07-08 13:58:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You, my friend, are brilliant:
"I may be shallow, but at least I don't look like a bucket full of smashed assholes,"
Submitted by RaineLark (user info) at 2005-06-28 20:32:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If people weren't shallow, there wouldn't be hot chicks
Classic!
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-01-16 17:25:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No-one's given this a +2 for a while.
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2004-11-21 23:24:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks FuckTheArmy, you always have the best answers.
Submitted by FuckTheArmy (user info) at 2004-11-21 22:58:20 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Actually... Well okay, there are people who I'm quite happy to tell to piss off. Not all of them are what most people would call ugly; I tend to run by my own definitions.
Stereotypes are bullshit.
And yes, I'd consider a woman who was... ok not 400 pounds but 250 isn't out of the question. Burn scars are cool.
There's more to sexy than good looking (or even good blowjobs).
Submitted by Jo_of_the_golden_P (user info) at 2004-11-21 22:39:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2004-10-28 23:45:32 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Holoman (user info) at 2004-10-28 23:37:31 (#)
Ranking: 1
Sounds like a Tucker Max article, and since I'm average, I'll say this is pretty good. It's not like it's fucking hilarious tho.
__________________________________________
Who the fuck is Tucker Max?
---------------------------------
http://www.tuckermax.com
Smashed assholes...I may have to steal that
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-11-10 15:52:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy crap. Congrats on B@W!!!
Submitted by lizzard (user info) at 2004-11-06 23:25:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i was at B@W, and i re-read this... i hope i rated it before too
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-11-05 17:01:32 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This is retarded. I could ramble about why I think it's retarded, but it's pretty obvious, and I really don't think I need to.
Submitted by The_Grey_Pilgrim (user info) at 2004-11-05 16:54:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Best insults I've heard in weeks.
Submitted by Rabies (user info) at 2004-11-04 15:09:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's good to know the military is here for us. Well...at least the pretty one's.
Submitted by tiki <vossvoss_98.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-11-02 14:37:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
"a bucket of smashed assholes".....hahaha!
I think I may use that one.
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2004-11-02 07:29:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Unholy slore pig number one...
+2 right there, and it only got better.
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2004-10-30 21:36:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bitchen
Submitted by xtremecowboy (user info) at 2004-10-30 21:24:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Actually "If people weren't shallow, then there wouldn't be hot girls." is a very true statement. If not for shallow people then there would be no differentiating between ugly girls and hot girls. Bravo to you donkey for standing up for the asshole in all of us!
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-10-29 18:12:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
If people weren't shallow, there wouldn't be hot chicks.
That's gotta be the stupidest thing i've heard........
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-10-28 23:48:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck Tucker Max.
I haven't been to that site in a long time.
Guy's a tool.
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2004-10-28 23:45:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Holoman (user info) at 2004-10-28 23:37:31 (#)
Ranking: 1
Sounds like a Tucker Max article, and since I'm average, I'll say this is pretty good. It's not like it's fucking hilarious tho.
__________________________________________
Who the fuck is Tucker Max?
Submitted by Holoman (user info) at 2004-10-28 23:37:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Sounds like a Tucker Max article, and since I'm average, I'll say this is pretty good. It's not like it's fucking hilarious tho.
Submitted by bdakotac (user info) at 2004-10-26 16:05:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The only people who would rate this item negatively are ugly people. Since they are part of the story, their opinion does not count. Still, I have no problem with ugly people. It is fat people I have a problem with. Butterfaces are always useful. However, fat chicks only have utility when a guy is really desperate and just wants a BJ.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-10-26 15:48:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If people weren't shallow, there wouldn't be hot chicks.
Submitted by Perplexd (user info) at 2004-10-26 15:22:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahahhaha pwned
Submitted by Good4U (user info) at 2004-10-26 14:56:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I found this story quite funny.
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2004-10-25 13:46:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for B@W.
Submitted by NetProphet (user info) at 2004-10-25 09:25:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Congrats on B@W
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2004-10-24 23:09:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
GO DONKEY WOO!
Submitted by GhostWriter (user info) at 2004-10-24 14:49:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
smashed assholes...genious
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2004-10-22 19:38:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by TM at 2004-10-22 09:27:23 (#)
Ranking: -2
Tucker Max ripoff...get your own personality
_________________________________________
Random Joe rip off. Get your own screen name.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-10-22 18:37:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
FUCK ASS! What a waste of time.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-10-22 18:29:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You guys are freaks!
Submitted by butterflygirl <freakin> at 2004-10-22 18:28:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Donitsu2002 (user info) at 2004-10-22 15:35:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jeez Lee, why didn't you tell me about this.
friggin awesome.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-10-22 12:28:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-10-22 10:46:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2004-10-21 22:35:25 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by butterfly-girl (user info) at 2004-10-21 16:34:47 (#)
Ranking: -2
This piece sucks so bad! Really disappointed to see it here. It's not entertaining at all. It's some loser who needs to make himself feel better by putting down other people.
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I'll fucking stab you, bitch.
***
AAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
He will too.
He'll drop you on your neck.
Submitted by TM at 2004-10-22 09:27:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Tucker Max ripoff...get your own personality.
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2004-10-21 22:35:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by butterfly-girl (user info) at 2004-10-21 16:34:47 (#)
Ranking: -2
This piece sucks so bad! Really disappointed to see it here. It's not entertaining at all. It's some loser who needs to make himself feel better by putting down other people.
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I'll fucking stab you, bitch.
Submitted by Donkey <atCreepsHouse> at 2004-10-21 22:32:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Shut up, bitch.
Submitted by butterfly-girl (user info) at 2004-10-21 16:34:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This piece sucks so bad! Really disappointed to see it here. It's not entertaining at all. It's some loser who needs to make himself feel better by putting down other people.
Submitted by ezphilosophy (user info) at 2004-10-21 04:17:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
First time to this site. This piece was quite an introduction.
Submitted by Logos (user info) at 2004-10-20 21:06:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"bucket of smashed assholes"...."that's why there are hot chicks." Amen.
Submitted by tubby at 2004-10-20 20:30:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"at least I don't look like a bucket of mashed assholes" I sharted, +2
Submitted by awesome at 2004-10-20 12:12:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuckbeans. Here it comes
Submitted by Goulash (user info) at 2004-10-20 00:41:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking fat people. Stopcomplaining about how fucking fat you are. stop eating all that shit and being so lazy if you dont want to be fat
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2004-10-19 22:52:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for B@W.
Congrats kid.
Submitted by Gnome (user info) at 2004-10-19 18:02:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ahhh... B@W, that's why i keep seeing it on the recently reviewed.
Submitted by Thereisnogod (user info) at 2004-10-19 17:55:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You WISH you could turn down chicks. Even ugly ones.
Submitted by Martyn_Steiner (user info) at 2004-10-19 17:49:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"On top of this, she smelled like she took a golden shower and rimmed an elephant."
That pushed this from a +1 to +2.
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-10-19 14:05:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good work on B@W! I hope your testicles fall off.
Submitted by Quasiplasmohedron (user info) at 2004-10-19 05:01:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by muttface (user info) at 2004-10-19 01:46:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
what propelled this above the rest was the ridiculously creative language
golden shower + rimming + elephants =awesome
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2004-10-18 23:17:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
AWESOME!
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-10-18 20:52:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey, Bart, the new links don't show up when you visit the site via Mozilla.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-10-18 20:46:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I just went back to B@W and this post is conspicuously missing. WTF?
Submitted by sublime <not logged in> at 2004-10-18 17:21:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-10-18 10:52:04 (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W
Lucky sonofabitch.
===========================
Its called being good.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-10-18 10:52:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W
Lucky sonofabitch.
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2004-10-11 00:12:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
He was kidding, someone. Jebus.
Submitted by someone (user info) at 2004-10-11 00:02:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-10-10 22:21:26 (#)
Ranking: -2
you stole this from a website, you plagiarizing asshole.
----
LInk?
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-10-10 22:21:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
you stole this from a website, you plagiarizing asshole.
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2004-10-09 11:06:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
im not ghey or anything, but i love you.
have my babies?
Submitted by Socialist_Joe (user info) at 2004-10-09 10:55:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
love
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-10-08 04:11:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My boob itches.
Submitted by bravo_foxtrot (user info) at 2004-10-07 20:39:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by queensowntalia (user info) at 2004-10-06 16:15:45 (#)
Ranking: -1
in 5 years from now I envision you walking in on your sexy new wife screwing your neighbor's brains out.
I bet she's a glore.
Submitted by RamJetMax (user info) at 2004-10-07 14:38:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by jimbo (user info) at 2004-10-07 13:53:29 (#)
Ranking: 2
"...at least I don't look like a bucket full of smashed assholes..."
Goddamnit, that's the fucking funniest thing I've read this week.
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where do you come up with this stuff...
so awesome.
Submitted by BanditNinja <spencerluke.at.sbcglobal.net> at 2004-10-07 14:13:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wah-freaking-hoo, dude.
No, seriously.
Wah
Freaking
Hoo
Tell those uglies off
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2004-10-07 13:57:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Schazam!
Submitted by jimbo (user info) at 2004-10-07 13:53:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"...at least I don't look like a bucket full of smashed assholes..."
Goddamnit, that's the fucking funniest thing I've read this week.
Submitted by Stauquin (user info) at 2004-10-07 13:48:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2004-10-07 13:39:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the title, if you thought of it. If not, I am coming back to even out my rank on this post.
Submitted by Davok (user info) at 2004-10-07 13:26:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Give the vapid glore some merit. If people weren't ugly, there wouldn't hot chicks.
Submitted by letpandasdie (user info) at 2004-10-07 13:05:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You my friend, are a god. That has real style.
fancy a laugh? look at http://www.letpandasdie.com
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-10-07 13:02:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2004-10-07 12:11:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
BA ZING.
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2004-10-07 11:43:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love you.
Submitted by Supreme_Overlord (user info) at 2004-10-07 11:35:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2004-10-06 16:25:01 (#)
Ranking: 0
In five years I imagine you still being an ugly slore. Cheers.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
+2 for that. Now please grow a brain and don't screw the country with your vote!
Submitted by Ingsoc (user info) at 2004-10-07 10:50:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Duuuuuude!
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2004-10-07 04:17:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was going to "0" this for drinking in uniform (the old Drill Sergeant Habits die hard) but then I laughed so hard I threw up in my mouth.
Submitted by the_lone_stranger (user info) at 2004-10-06 23:27:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wowsers. That made me laugh so hard I shot crap out of nose.
Thanks a lot dick. Now I have to clean my desk and monitor.
Submitted by Seralena (user info) at 2004-10-06 20:53:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome. That cracked me up.
Submitted by catscradle (user info) at 2004-10-06 17:45:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pwned.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2004-10-06 17:34:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're my hero, Donkey.
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2004-10-06 17:31:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this was awesome
Submitted by untito (user info) at 2004-10-06 17:15:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2004-10-06 16:25:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
In five years I imagine you still being an ugly slore. Cheers.
Submitted by queensowntalia (user info) at 2004-10-06 16:15:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
in 5 years from now I envision you walking in on your sexy new wife screwing your neighbor's brains out.
Submitted by shennanigans (user info) at 2004-10-06 14:55:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
everybody's shallow. we're attracted to people that have biological signs of being ready and able to breed and protect/raise young. just like any other species. if you were 400 lbs. and covered with burn scars i don't think those girls would talk to you. i guess they're shallow too.
glore, by the way, is nothing short of an act of genius.
Submitted by browneyedgirl (user info) at 2004-10-06 14:45:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hells Bells.
Submitted by xenon (user info) at 2004-10-06 14:37:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
nice
Submitted by Timberwolves_At_New_York (user info) at 2004-10-06 14:25:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Just, wow
Submitted by engine13 (user info) at 2004-10-06 14:18:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What did these girls expect. If you are going to try to sleep with guys you just met, you are not going to be evaluated on your conversational skills. They are going to decide whether you are fuckable that night or not based strictly on looks.
Submitted by big_wigger (user info) at 2004-10-06 14:05:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Don_Megga (user info) at 2004-10-06 13:59:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"...as Shamue has waddled back to her feed hole."
That line alone made me laugh out loud. Some people I work with looked at me funny. They can go to hell.
This post was pure gold. Funny the whole way through.
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2004-10-06 13:03:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
gold
Submitted by great_angst (user info) at 2004-10-06 12:53:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
shallow is the only way to go
Submitted by whataefag (user info) at 2004-10-06 12:48:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2004-10-06 12:36:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"my name is donkey. I'm gonna stop posting because I don't think I'm funny anymore and I've run out of ideas."
Can it bitch.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-10-06 12:30:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I couldn't tell where her forehead stopped and her neck began."
That was priceless.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2004-10-06 12:18:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by thaumaturge (user info) at 2004-10-06 12:04:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Love it man, keep this up and you could bestsell a fucking book in no time.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-10-06 11:36:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good call.
Submitted by cigar (user info) at 2004-10-06 11:29:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by NavyJester (user info) at 2004-10-05 22:38:28 (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent story!
I would've done her. But then again, I have no standards.
Wait, yes I do.
But they're not high.
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Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-10-06 11:25:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was really good, but I think I am going to overhaul my definitions of +1 and +2. I have come to the conclusion that +2s should be reserved like standing ovations. Ahh, fuck it!
Submitted by boredgurl210 (user info) at 2004-10-06 10:52:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2004-10-06 10:37:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Instead of backing off, the beer/hot wings combo was like chumming the water for cock sharks.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hahahahahaha
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2004-10-06 10:37:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by hyprspacd (user info) at 2004-10-06 10:36:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I wasn't going to fuck you," I say shortly
If this was said in the tone the voices in my head used it's priceless.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-10-06 10:25:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Donkey Donkey Donkey- and to think, you were going to take a break from writing!!
Submitted by Kracka (user info) at 2004-10-06 10:17:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
good stuff
-Black Ninja
Submitted by TrickyRicky (user info) at 2004-10-06 10:07:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This made me laugh. It also gave me a middle school flashback.
Jessica: Will you go out with [some girl]?
Me: Hell no
Jess: Why not?
Me: Because she's fat and ugly
And then the stupid skank proceeded to punch me in the stomach. The truth hurts.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2004-10-06 10:06:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ugly chicks are only good for plowing the fields and baking pies. They should be stricken from mating.
Submitted by Spiral_Abraxis (user info) at 2004-10-06 09:43:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha! This is funny.
Submitted by espo (user info) at 2004-10-06 09:40:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yup
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2004-10-06 09:10:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This would've been a 2 on fifty something reviews, eh? Not bad.
What are these Gloths you speak of? We don't have ugly chicks here in New York, really. I mean, I'm sure they exist, but they wouldn't have the nerve to step into my bars.
Submitted by triple_optics (user info) at 2004-10-06 09:01:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
=2 for you're comment
wrap a flag around her head, and do it for you're country!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
fucking rockin'!
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2004-10-06 08:44:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Quite right.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-10-06 08:19:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO tinactin.
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2004-10-06 08:19:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You are now, and forever will be, my hero.
Submitted by Amusingly_shaped_semen_stain (user info) at 2004-10-06 06:32:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hehe, Glores rock.
I got a blow job off a glore once. They moan about the futility of life alot less when theyve got a cock in their mouth.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-10-06 06:30:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"So what if I'm shallow, everyone is to an extent. If people weren't shallow, there wouldn't be hot chicks."
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2004-10-06 06:14:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Goths are hot.
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2004-10-06 03:57:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're stupid, but you more than make up for it by being a heartless bastard.
I approve wholeheartedly.
Submitted by BoogieFevuh <dontfeellikesigningin@hotmale.> at 2004-10-06 03:45:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Brilliance!
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-10-06 03:36:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If people weren't shallow, there wouldn't be hot chicks"""
A solid one until that line.
Submitted by mockidol (user info) at 2004-10-06 03:22:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+1 for the glore term
+1 to support our men in uniform
Submitted by JenBee (user info) at 2004-10-06 01:45:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
gorgeous.
Submitted by ValakasDemon <shadowen31.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-10-06 01:21:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-10-06 01:05:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
But EVERYONE is beautiful. Really.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2004-10-06 01:02:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I approve.
Carry on.
Submitted by Spookster (user info) at 2004-10-06 01:01:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Instead of backing off, the beer/hot wings combo was like chumming the water for cock sharks"
Bahahahahahaha!
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2004-10-06 00:58:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2004-10-06 00:41:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The dead never sleep.
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2004-10-06 00:26:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No problem. I'll just have to kill you in your sleep.
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2004-10-06 00:25:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ahhhh well, there is only so much you can do.
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2004-10-06 00:25:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Blah.
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2004-10-06 00:24:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck. I'm an idiot.
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2004-10-06 00:22:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Glore..hahahahaha..I'm still laughing
Glore.
Submitted by EchoBoxing (user info) at 2004-10-05 23:42:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2004-10-05 23:00:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is when I wish there were +3s.
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2004-10-05 22:56:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So wrong, man. And yet, so right.
Submitted by whiskey_jack (user info) at 2004-10-05 22:55:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think I broke a rib laughing. For this post I wish I were a woman so I could have your children. This was hi-fucking-larious.
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2004-10-05 22:47:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
""I may be shallow, but at least I don't look like a bucket full of smashed assholes," I retort"
I think I just shit myself
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-10-05 22:46:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I was going to fuck you," she yells, like it matters.
I can so imagine this scene....
For the record, I was only going to give you a +1 but i'm too nice to ruin your streak.
Submitted by Sepsis (user info) at 2004-10-05 22:44:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this was really good
Submitted by NavyJester (user info) at 2004-10-05 22:38:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent story!
I would've done her. But then again, I have no standards.
Wait, yes I do.
But they're not high.
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2004-10-05 22:35:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
On my way home from work last night, I stopped for a cup of coffee at this bar I hang out in and I got hit on by an extremely drunk 40-odd year old woman. This woman was so drunk her eyes were crossing and she could barely stay on her stool. I tried my best to ignore her but she put her hand on my junk and I was forced to deal with her.
Submitted by NAKEDMAMMAL (user info) at 2004-10-05 22:33:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is the best post i've ever read. That i didnt write.
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2004-10-05 22:26:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Disektor (user info) at 2004-10-05 22:18:43 (#)
Ranking: 2
I wonder if women get offended if you suggest they wear a paper bag over their face?
Anyone here have experience in that field? I really would like to know the answer.
----------
Your mom seems to be fine with it.
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2004-10-05 22:22:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Disektor:
I find its better if you wrap a flag around her head and do her for your country.
Submitted by sublime (user info) at 2004-10-05 22:22:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i work with those people.
Submitted by Disektor (user info) at 2004-10-05 22:18:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wonder if women get offended if you suggest they wear a paper bag over their face?
Anyone here have experience in that field? I really would like to know the answer.
Submitted by Freakmagnet (user info) at 2004-10-05 22:10:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A bucket full of smashed assholes? I puked and laughed at the same time. Just tryingto imagine what that would look like. Ick.
Submitted by Pringles4eva (user info) at 2004-10-05 22:09:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was the
best thing i
have ever read
and I want you
to know that deep
down in the
bottom of my
heart
I think this
deserves a +
2
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-10-05 22:08:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome. B@W. Why the hell not?
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2004-10-05 22:06:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Donkey...I have yahoo....tigerlilly06053
Or AOL...Patscheerlder.at.aol.com
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2004-10-05 22:01:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Somebody get online. AIM FallingDonkey.
Submitted by Duke_Prometheus_III (user info) at 2004-10-05 21:58:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You are awesome.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2004-10-05 21:58:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah...working on that too.
My friend is a travel agent
and is going to hook me up.
If you want, I'll let you
know what she comes up with and
we can see if it fits your price
range...let me know.
Submitted by antiLemming (user info) at 2004-10-05 21:56:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So many brilliant lines there. That's exactly how you deal with 'em.
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2004-10-05 21:56:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Tiger Lilly:
Yes. I'm looking for a hotel right now.
Submitted by downerSTAIN (user info) at 2004-10-05 21:55:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W, definitely.
Submitted by Timmah (user info) at 2004-10-05 21:54:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
""I may be shallow, but at least I don't look like a bucket full of smashed assholes""
Tou-fucking-che
B@W B@W B@W !
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-10-05 21:54:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2004-10-05 21:54:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Haaa! Donkey, you going to NYC?
I want to buy you a shot and I
promise that I am no glore or
USP.
Do you drink Tequila?? Cabo's on
me!
Great post!!
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-10-05 21:51:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/32045
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-10-05 21:49:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W