What A Waste (1691 hits)
Category: UberMadness!Rating: 0.54 on 126 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Uber Madness 2004 (View user info) at 2004-10-06 17:20:21 EDT
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This post is officially part of UberMadness!. Click here for more information on the rules and restrictions. |
Entry 1
Kermit had been spending the last three months preparing a surprise birthday party for the love of his life, Miss Piggy, and he was going to make sure that it went down in the record books."Let's see here..." Kermit said with a grin of anticipation as he ran over the list of things to do for the party.
"Hire catering... check!" as a matter of fact, Kermit had hired the best in the business, The Swedish Chef. The man in the tall, puffy white hat had been slaving in the kitchen non-stop for the last two days... Kermit was very proud with his selection.
"Bjorgi! Bjorgi!" the Chef noted as he spread out the delectable hors o'deurves, petting his bushy moustache all the while. There were bacon wrapped scallops, a spread of fruits, pork dumplings, jell-o dishes, quiches, Swedish meatballs (of course), platters full of ham and cheese, and a new signature dish that the Chef was revealing especially for this party: Sweet and Salty Pork Cupcakes.
"HA! Everything looks great Chef!" Kermit quipped with glee as he checked everything off the list, his little green feet pitter pattering as he moved around the room.
Streamers... check. Big Bird and Snuffalopogus helped hang them extra high.
Balloons... check. Grover, Elmo and Rizzo the Rat went the extra mile by importing the finest quality Turkish helium for the custom made decorations.
Music... check. Professor Honeydew and his assistant Beaker set up the sound system, and Animal would be spinning the tracks until the break of dawn if all went according to plan. Rowlf the dog and that bald token black guy from Seasame Street, Gordon, even built a shiny new dancefloor for people to boogie down on. As shiny as Gordon's head!
Entertainment... check! There was to be a spectacular variety show to be emceed by the critics, Statler and Waldorf, a comedy bit from Fozzy Bear, a magic show from the Siamese alien twins, and an Italian aria especially composed by Kermit and performed by Oscar the Grouch.
Kermit even found a sitter for the muppet babies so they could party all night long. The excitement was bubbling inside him to such magnificent heights!
"YAAAAYYYYYYY!!! PARTYYYY!" Kermit exclaimed with glee, his little arms flailing about in the air, "maybe this will be what finally puts me over the top with my love. Hopefully tonight will be... THE NIGHT."
You see, for as long as Kermit had loved Miss Piggy, they had never consummated their relationship. Kermit was no longer a decent, frigid frog. Oh no, he was the horniest of toads. He wanted nothing more than to lay down with Miss Piggy, and he would go to extraordinary lengths just to see that he got what he wanted.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Bert and Ernie were the first to arrive, and like a good host, Kermit showed them in and took their coats. The rest of the guests soon started pouring in. The food was going like handouts at a Cuban hurricane relief mission, and the chef's new cupcake recipe was a sparkling success!
The muppets were in such high spirits that the party just kind of started on its own. People were dancing, drinking, singing and having a great time. But there was a dark cloud on the evening, two hours had passed and there was still no guest of honor. Miss Piggy was nowhere to be found.
Eventually the nerves were too much for Kermit, and he got up on Stage, interrupting Fozzy's stand up routine, to ask if anyone knew the whereabouts of his love.
"How can you tell if a man is lying? Hey ladies? How? Ha... you can tell a man is lying if his lips are moving! WOKKA WOKKA WOKKA! HAA!" Fozzy was killing the crowd with his tried but true material, spinning bow-tie and all.
In his meekest voice, Kermit bumped his friend out of the way and inquired, "Ha, great joke Fozz. Sorry, uh, excuse me everyone. I am sorry to interrupt, but you may have noticed that Miss Piggy isn't here yet. I am getting a bit concerned as she was supposed to be at my house tonight by 8 pm and its almost 10:30. Does anyone know where she might be?"
Just then, the Chef came out of the kitchen with his "coup du gras", the platter to end all platters. On the large silver tray there was roasted head of hog, complete with shiny glazed apple. To the horror of Kermit, the head of the hog was none other than the head of Miss Piggy!
"AAAUUUUGHHH!" Kermit yelled, "you monster! What have you done with Miss Piggy!?"
"Bjorgi! Bjorgi?!" the Chef replied, a look of confusion written all over his face.
"Oh dear..." interjected Professor Honeydew. "Kermit, it seems that the Chef misunderstood your catering request. He thought you said that you wanted to cater a party WITH Miss Piggy, not FOR Miss Piggy. A simple mistake really, as you see the Swedish word meaning 'with' is very similar..." the professor trailed off.
Kermit stood on stage with his head down. A single tear rolled out of his eye, and was quickly absorbed by his felty green skin. No one said anything. The room grew mighty uncomfortable, mighty quickly.
Finally, Bert stood up and approached Kermit. "Kermit, old pal, I think there is something that all of us here need to share."
"No Bert, it will be too much for the poor guy," Ernie said as he tried to stop his 'roommate' from going up there.
"I'm sorry Ernie, but this has been bothering me for a long time. I know that there are a lot of puppets in this room that will feel better after getting some things off their chest. There is no better time than right now," Bert replied with compassion, gently kissing Ernie's forehead.
Bert walked closer to Kermit, preparing for the breakdown that was sure to come. "Kermit, I... I know about your situation with Miss Piggy, and this is why it is extra hard for me to tell you this," Kermit looked up at his old friend. "Well, Piggy was a nymphomaniac. Every Saturday night, she liked to come over to our apartment and just watch as Ernie and I" -
"WHAT!?" Kermit exclaimed.
Just then, Gordon stood up, "Every Monday night, Miss Piggy would visit me. She just couldn't get enough of my big black" -
"NO!" yelped the frog.
"Tuesday nights were our special time," Gonzo said with a look of distance in his eyes. "We would do this thing that she called 'soixante-dix neuf', she was so sophisticated. She said that she loved the way my crooked nose would tickle her" -
"ACK!" Kermit croaked.
All hell broke loose. Elmo revealed that he learned his "tickle me here, vibrate down there" trick with Miss Piggy. Grover admitted that his "Super Grover" costume came from his role-playing nights with her. It didn't end there, either.
"STOP IT!" Kermit squealed with tears in his eyes. "So she was with one of you on a regular basis, for every night of the week? Please tell me that she didn't disgrace the holy day of Sunday with her sinful behavior!"
Big Bird and Snuffalopogus just hung their heads in shame. "I... I'm sorry Kermit," said Big Bird softly, "but she did this thing with her" -
"ENOUGH!" shouted Kermit, tears streaming down his face, no amount of felt could absorb this torrent. "So she was off gallivanting around with the entire world every night while I sat here pining over when it would finally be my turn!? I hate you all!"
"Kermit! WAIT!" Bert yelled. "She didn't do those things with you because she actually loved you. She wanted it to be worth something with you. She wanted it to be special."
"Is that true?" Kermit asked, most sincerely.
"Of course, now come here and give us a hug. We're very sorry for your loss, we know how much she meant to you. To all of us," Bert said lovingly.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
After phoning the police to report the murder of Miss Piggy, Kermit wanted to throw away all of the food that "That Bastard Swede" prepared. As he was collecting up some of the platters, the two critics Statler and Waldorf stopped him.
"What a waste it would be to throw away all of these delicious treats, especially these cupcakes! So salty, sweet and fluffy! I think they must be made out of her best pieces." Waldorf decreed.
"Yes," concurred Statler, "for once we agree upon something. We should enjoy the rest of Piggy's spread and deal with this murder atrocity in the morning."
"Spread! HA! I get it, because she was such a slut!" piped Waldorf, nearly choking on his food.
"Shut up you buffoon!" Statler retorted.
So the party went on, although with a somber tone. Kermit wanted it to be a celebration of Miss Piggy's life, and that is what it truly ended up being. Somewhere among the tales of all of the sordid plush velvet love, Kermit could be found by his lonesome, shoulders slumped, crying.
"It ain't easy being green... No one likes it froggy style," he lamented.
As the police showed up to take the Chef away, in between the sobs and tears, Kermit vowed vengeance for his loss, "You'll pay for this you fat mustachioed freak! I swear to Henson that you'll be some bad muppet's boyfriend for a very long time!"
Fin.
- VS -
Entry 2
She came into the living room from folding the laundry to find him asleep on the couch. She sighed, but she couldn't help but give a little smile as she gently shook her head at him. She thought about how routine this was becoming as she went over to the stereo to turn the music off.A few things have changed over the years. She still saw the man that stole her heart all those years ago with his ever-present smile and interesting approach to everything. He never really was that charming but he always saw things from an angle she never thought of before. Maybe that was the something that drew her in.
One day he came home from work and said he wouldn't be going in tomorrow. The company told him that they had made some difficult decisions due to 'the economic downturn in the industry' and that his position would no longer be staffed. His whole industry took a fall so there were no jobs for him anywhere.
Soon after that came the first real changes since they'd been seeing each other. She could see that it was hard on him but he was trying to be strong. He took advantage of the schooling he was eligible for through unemployment since he wasn't going to be working any time soon. He threw himself into the schoolwork and seemed to genuinely enjoy most of the classes he was taking. If it wasn't for the fact that he was there because he didn't have a choice, didn't have a job, she thought that he'd probably really enjoy it. But there was always that little nagging thought that he couldn't shake, she could see it. She knew him too well for him to be able to hide it from her.
It wasn't long before he started drinking more. He always drank a fair bit socially, say on Friday and Saturday nights with his friends, but that started bleeding over into weeknights. And then alone.
Being without a job became too much for his confidence and his ego. He started leaning more and more on alcohol. Not long after that his friends started hanging around less frequently, he just wasn't any fun to be around anymore. That made it worse.
He was never abusive towards her. Disrespectful, inconsiderate and unreliable on occasion, but never abusive. He took his situation out on himself, not her.
For her, it was almost like living alone at times even though he was always there. But she couldn't leave. He'd helped support her while she was going to school so she couldn't leave him when he needed her like this. He needed her.
This was not the first time she's had these thoughts lately and she was sure they'd come back again soon enough. They usually surface when she finds him passed out somewhere around the apartment or vomiting somewhere in the apartment. Or both. But she didn't want to think about it right now, she was tired and just wanted to relax a little before bed.
She finished gathering up the empty bottles and repopulated the now empty cardboard case they came from and went to watch a little television before bed. No more thinking about it today, she'll worry about it another day when she had time to think. Of course, she's been saying that for a few years already, maybe she'll just never get the time.
Curling up next to him on the couch with the remote in her hand she started thinking again. Thumb on the ON button, arm outstretched, she hesitated. What if he never came out of this state of self-destruction he's in? What if he is never able to treat her like she's always dreamed of being treated, like he used to treat her? What if she waits her entire life and it never happens? What a horrible waste of life that would be... No, not now. Now is for relaxing before bed. She's got to work tomorrow after all.
Besides, she couldn't help that she loved him.
Entry 1:
AlwaysAnEagle
Ancius
Anjie
apollo88
AshK
AshyLarry
Badlands
Bigmike
BillsSBChamps
BLITZKREIG_BOB
bob
BoogieFevuh
Brdn_Nkd
Caulaincourt
Circe
comicbookguy
corn_nugget
Coyote
darko
Degreeless_Capibara
Dirtbird
Disektor
DJMattB241
Domochevsky
drink_DDT
Durae
EatMeCompletely
engine13
espo
evolydal
Falconer
FilthyAssistant
Genko
girlreporter
humor_me
hyprspacd
Ignore_the_Small_Print
Impassive-Digressive
jack11058
JMG114
JonnyX
Julia
knucklesnelson
LadyPlural
lilbill87
loki
Mercutio
Method
munkeypants
NerfHerder
omnifica
Orla
ParlorTrick
Philst82
Phinch
polyamorousaj
Pringles4eva
razmataz73
Razor
redraven
runninginplace
rurumon
salmonofdoubt
satchel
Scott_James
Seralena
shadow
shark25
Shuman
Siren
sketch9
Slovin
Smurfs
sparkle_pink
SPECIALk
SpikeGoddess
Spooner
Spuds002
stevie_says
strider
TaK
tech-junkie
Testicleus
thaumaturge
The_Walrus
Thor
tidalfae
tlozoot
Vermin
William_Q_Percy
xenon
youarsoghey
YouLookLikeINeedADrink
80 eligible votes (93 total) *
Entry 2:
Allyson
AvrilLaPete
babydoll
big_wigger
cexshun
electrictoothsyndrome
gamma
Gnome
Jack_McCallum
JohnGalt
lojope
maiorano84
MrRottenTreats
Natalia_Everitt
QueenAshlee
ralphmacchio
ruthless
sebcharrot
SilvrWolf
Spiral_Abraxis
Stabkill
Teephphah
Therighteouswicked
TigerLilly
VirtuosoDilettante
WiKi
WillZone
20 eligible votes (27 total) *
* Eligible votes are those made by users who had either (A) posted 3+ messages OR (B) written 100+ [lowered from 750+] reviews as of the beginning of the UberMadness! competition.
User Reviews
Submitted by TaK (user info) at 2004-10-13 10:26:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I swear to Henson" and "froggy style" got the vote. The whole thing was pretty inventive.
And I'm a sucker for muppets.
#2 almost got my vote because I'm afraid of becoming the drunk. But alas, #1.
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2004-10-12 09:15:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-10-12 03:22:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BoogieFevuh (user info) at 2004-10-11 17:46:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy shit...one was simply scrumprilescant. I don't see how anything could have stood up to that.
Submitted by Testicleus (user info) at 2004-10-10 15:33:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by sebcharrot (user info) at 2004-10-10 14:28:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Philst82 (user info) at 2004-10-10 14:19:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Muppets rule
Submitted by YouLookLikeINeedADrink (user info) at 2004-10-10 14:09:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2004-10-10 02:09:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2004-10-09 21:49:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by AvrilLaPete (user info) at 2004-10-09 12:10:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
entry 1 gets my vote because sesame street and the muppets are totally different. why mix the two? there's more than enough muppets to complete the story.
Submitted by The_Walrus (user info) at 2004-10-09 11:44:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I liked Entry 1 alot, especially because you mentioned the Snuffalopagus. That thing's crucial to any good story.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2004-10-09 00:29:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Therighteouswicked (user info) at 2004-10-08 23:43:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by morticia <ernychic11.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-10-08 19:39:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2004-10-08 19:12:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ugh.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-10-08 17:41:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was an extremely difficult decision. I think the swedish chef did it for me though.
Submitted by Natalia_Everitt (user info) at 2004-10-08 16:38:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Number one at first... but you lost me at the end.
Two was just beautiful.
Submitted by VirtuosoDilettante (user info) at 2004-10-08 16:15:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry 1
-------
It's seems that the content of the story overshadows the writing ability. I didn't really care for the content/story so, I can't vote for this one. My image of supergrover is eternally marred.
Entry 2
-------
Thought provoking, that's for sure. It's a little too narrative for my liking, but I still enjoyed it.
Submitted by Durae (user info) at 2004-10-08 12:22:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
entry one because it was so damn weird.
Submitted by shark25 (user info) at 2004-10-08 10:35:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by WiKi (user info) at 2004-10-07 18:21:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by babydoll (user info) at 2004-10-07 18:13:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by evolydal (user info) at 2004-10-07 18:06:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Author #1 at 2004-10-07 17:53:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2004-10-07 14:48:15 (#)
Ranking: 0
#2 was a bit maudline and reminded me a bit too much of my own life, but it was still better than #1. I saw where that one was going as soon as I read "pork cupcakes."
----
AH! I put that in there on purpose. If you notice the other foods listed at the start, there were quite a few 'pork-based' items. I tried to hide them inbetween other crap so it wouldn't be so obvious, but I couldn't get it past you!
Girlreporter: Muppet sex has been done, but the subject material of #2 hasn't?
Lojope: How is this close to theivery?
cexshun: The muppet characters are hilarious on their own, any humor in this post just flows from their already established traits. I didn't have to try to add anything for this to be funny.
Author #2 - Thanks, your post was an excellent read.
Submitted by tech-junkie (user info) at 2004-10-07 17:26:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
These posts sucked!
The second one was anticlimatic, so that makes the first one the better of the two.
Submitted by Ignore_the_Small_Print (user info) at 2004-10-07 17:03:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Smurfs (user info) at 2004-10-07 16:11:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2004-10-07 15:29:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck it. I don't like either one. I flipped a coin.
Submitted by tidalfae (user info) at 2004-10-07 14:59:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2004-10-07 14:48:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
#2 was a bit maudline and reminded me a bit too much of my own life, but it was still better than #1. I saw where that one was going as soon as I read "pork cupcakes."
Submitted by ralphmacchio (user info) at 2004-10-07 14:22:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by girlreporter (user info) at 2004-10-07 14:05:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I was tempted to vote for 2 because the muppets having sex thing has been done before...but the storyline in 1 was more developed and readable.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2004-10-07 13:19:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll take muppet sex over this sad, depressing, drivel that uber-madness keeps feeding us.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2004-10-07 13:09:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Allyson (user info) at 2004-10-07 12:53:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-10-07 12:51:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i'm honestly surpised by the voting on this one. i felt #2 was much better in terms of writing and creativity.
and this annoyed me about #1 : Rizzo the Rat its ratzo Rizzo. (a spin on the name of dustin hoffman's character in midnight cowboy)
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-10-07 12:49:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yech. #2 i guess.
Submitted by hyprspacd (user info) at 2004-10-07 12:42:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by satchel (user info) at 2004-10-07 12:28:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by strider (user info) at 2004-10-07 11:56:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2004-10-07 11:53:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
A Sesame Street paridy is a great idea... unfortunately, this didn't do it for me.
Even though #2 was a bit too slice-of-life for me, it was extremely well-written, so it gets my vote.
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2004-10-07 11:53:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
How you going to go head to head with KERMIT?
Entry 1 bitch.
Submitted by thaumaturge (user info) at 2004-10-07 11:51:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Dirtbird (user info) at 2004-10-07 11:49:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by xenon (user info) at 2004-10-07 11:40:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
too bad these both royally sucked
Submitted by Anjie (user info) at 2004-10-07 10:52:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Good job both, but #2 hit a little too close to home.
Submitted by gamma (user info) at 2004-10-07 10:46:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by rurumon (user info) at 2004-10-07 10:18:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry 2 was mightily boring.
Submitted by runninginplace (user info) at 2004-10-07 10:09:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-10-07 10:05:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2004-10-07 10:05:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yeah muppet love!
Submitted by razmataz73 (user info) at 2004-10-07 10:02:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Number One was the most awesome post. I LOVED it. If you guys didn't laugh for it, you live a sad sad life. I think that it was courageous and creative to post something revolving around Sesame Street. This entry was fabulous.
Submitted by redraven (user info) at 2004-10-07 09:25:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2004-10-07 08:45:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-10-07 08:02:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
#1 ruled
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2004-10-07 07:51:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-10-07 07:50:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2004-10-07 06:28:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Both were very good!
Submitted by Ancius (user info) at 2004-10-07 04:40:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
mmmmmm...piiiig
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-10-07 04:27:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2004-10-07 04:16:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wokka Wokka!
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2004-10-07 04:13:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Entry 1 was pretty creative.
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2004-10-07 03:20:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Reminds me of the old reliable 4th grade joke,
"What's green and smells like pork?"
"Kermit the Frog's dick."
Ah, good times.
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2004-10-07 02:46:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hottness.
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2004-10-07 02:17:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Coin-toss......
Kermit, or fairly good writing...... hmmmmmm.......
Submitted by Spuds002 (user info) at 2004-10-07 01:58:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
1 was funny, 2 was bleah
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2004-10-07 00:10:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
1. hands down.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-10-07 00:03:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by ParlorTrick (user info) at 2004-10-06 23:57:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Entry 1 - Eating Miss Piggy...ok, you've got to like that.
Entry 2 - I feel like I just got off the phone with my sister.
Submitted by Disektor (user info) at 2004-10-06 23:46:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Julia (user info) at 2004-10-06 23:33:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Entry 2, your story was engaging and well-written, but I can't NOT vote for Sesame Street and "Oh no, he was the horniest of toads."
Entry 1, you meant soixante-neuf (69), unless 79 is some new freaky thing I'd rather not know.
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2004-10-06 23:12:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ahaahahah
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2004-10-06 22:35:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Vermin (user info) at 2004-10-06 22:30:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2004-10-06 22:25:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Slovin (user info) at 2004-10-06 22:00:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Er, WITH muppets, rather.
Submitted by Slovin (user info) at 2004-10-06 22:00:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I saw it was a post without muppets and thought I wouldn't have to make any body count entries for this one. Oh well. Insanely funny though, kudos to #1.
Sorry #2, you're a good writer, but Apples are definately better than Oranges here.
Body count: 483
http://tbd.yi.org/umbc.php
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2004-10-06 21:51:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I can't not vote for bestiality, especially of the muppet kind.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-10-06 21:48:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2004-10-06 21:47:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by omnifica (user info) at 2004-10-06 21:28:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2004-10-06 21:25:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-10-06 20:57:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Domochevsky (user info) at 2004-10-06 20:45:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Orla (user info) at 2004-10-06 20:24:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
. . . I just had to.
Submitted by Seralena (user info) at 2004-10-06 20:23:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No... *snort* comment...
Submitted by big_wigger (user info) at 2004-10-06 20:08:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-10-06 20:04:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
As creative as entry one was in terms of writing something different, it just didn't really do much for me honestly. I guess I am not really that big of a Muppets fan. Sesame Street was cool, but I always hated the Muppets. It's not only for that reason that I don't cast my vote in that direction. I thought the title was kinda shoved in perhaps as an afterthought.
I have decided to keep in mind the titles more when voting, and #2 just seemed like they got their title and started writing something to it that fit and had a bit of theme.
Submitted by Thor (user info) at 2004-10-06 19:57:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by espo (user info) at 2004-10-06 19:55:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-10-06 19:54:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by SpikeGoddess (user info) at 2004-10-06 19:47:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for "coup de gras"!!! If I had a dime for every time I hear "coup de grace" misprounounced as "coup de gras"..... The whole thing was brilliant. If entry 1 wasn't by JMG then by it's his long-lost French cousin.
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2004-10-06 19:42:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by humor_me (user info) at 2004-10-06 19:34:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2004-10-06 19:32:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Shuman (user info) at 2004-10-06 19:28:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by sketch9 (user info) at 2004-10-06 19:23:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i didnt like either.
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2004-10-06 19:22:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
#1
Submitted by Spiral_Abraxis (user info) at 2004-10-06 19:18:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by lilbill87 (user info) at 2004-10-06 19:15:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yay for the picture
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2004-10-06 19:02:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2004-10-06 18:43:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
bravo entry one. Bravo.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-10-06 18:42:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2004-10-06 18:17:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Gawd help me, I laughed.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-10-06 18:16:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2004-10-06 18:11:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-10-06 18:11:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
These were both passable. But the tense changes and awkward phrasing in Entry 2 stopped me from enjoying it as much as I could have.
On the other hand, Entry 1 was just too glib and shallow to be funny.
Crap. Entry 1 it is, but please try to do better in later rounds.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-10-06 18:09:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by Author 2 <<i'm so fucked>> at 2004-10-06 18:09:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
even i might vote for #1. that was goddamn funny.
oh well, i guess either way i vote my ubermadness days are over.
good luck from here on in Author #2....whoever you may be......
Submitted by MrRottenTreats (user info) at 2004-10-06 18:03:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yeah
Submitted by cexshun (user info) at 2004-10-06 18:00:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Eh. #1 tried way too hard to be funny. At least that's what I think they were trying to do...
Submitted by salmonofdoubt (user info) at 2004-10-06 17:58:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Gnome (user info) at 2004-10-06 17:58:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-10-06 17:54:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-10-06 17:54:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Because entry one was a little too close to theivery
Submitted by drink_DDT (user info) at 2004-10-06 17:49:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by engine13 (user info) at 2004-10-06 17:48:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Gotta love the muppets. It was just too funny.
And, I think this was one of my suggestions for a title, WooHoo.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-10-06 17:47:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Mercutio (user info) at 2004-10-06 17:47:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
1 was simply golden. 2 was a tad repetitive and a little too uneventful, which is completely unexcusable in the presence of a third-person narration and apparent lack of dialogue.
Submitted by Falconer (user info) at 2004-10-06 17:44:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by AshyLarry (user info) at 2004-10-06 17:40:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2004-10-06 17:35:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Muppets = atuo win
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2004-10-06 17:29:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Bork bork bork!
Submitted by tlozoot (user info) at 2004-10-06 17:27:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Not a chance.
Submitted by Pringles4eva (user info) at 2004-10-06 17:22:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
maybe it got fucked up and we'll both live again
i dont know
i dont know
i really dont really think so