Mensa Approved IQ Test (4052 hits)
Category: Science & EnvironmentalLabels: ETS_Comedy_Writing
Rating: 1.86 on 78 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (View user info) at 2004-10-07 11:26:50 EDT
1. Which of the following does not belong?
A) paper airplane
B) paper towel
C) toilet paper
D) newspaper
E) lead
2. You're trapped in a cave and a grizzly bear has you cornered, which of the following items would be most useful?
A) pearing knife
B) industrial grade tunnel boring machine
C) pair of tweezers
D) spoon
E) 7mm Weatherby Magnum Bear rifle
3. I am a liar.
A) true
B) false
4. What is the next number in this sequence: 0, 0, 0, ...
A) 3.14159265
B) E=MC2
C) Genghis Khan
D) Chaka Khan
E) 0
5. How many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop?
A) Depends on whether or not your name is Gene Simmons
B) Depends on whether the licker is a lesbian
C) 49
D) Depends on the alignment of the planets
E) -2 die
6. Key is to lock as man-juice is to:
A) shower drain
B) lead
C) busy highway
D) drinking water
E) eye
7. Which of the following words best completes this sentence:
Monkeys are _______.
A) cute
B) good for screwing
C) primates
D) Optimus Primates
E) Bastards
8. You walk into a bakery. You purchase 2 long johns for $0.95, 3 other phallic-shaped donuts at $0.79, and 1 regular donut hole for $0.15. You then return the donut hole when you discover that it's not what you expected it to be, so you instead purchase a regular donut for $0.35. You pay with a $100 dollar bill. A man in a ski mask bursts in and robs everyone. How much money do you have left?
A) true
B) false
9. What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?
A) 100,000 grams
B) 100,001 cubic meters
C) Pi
D) 33.7 liters/sec
E) 10 meters/sec.
10. Which of the following is least like the others?
User Reviews
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2005-02-11 06:25:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ahoy
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-02-11 02:01:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by eIectrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-10-23 17:28:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I would have liked to insult you, but the sad truth is that you wouldn't understand me.
Submitted by steph (user info) at 2004-10-22 10:26:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-10-20 23:35:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
None of the equalizers are me people. One is Fetish. One is someone else. I only have a vague idea who that might be. They are two different users. Look at their user info if you don't believe me.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2004-10-20 23:24:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
-2 for camping...
but this thing is so far into the pluses it still doesn't suffer. Fuckin brilliant.
Submitted by equaIizer (user info) at 2004-10-20 23:07:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-10-18 21:29:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Almost...maybe I should have kissed more ass.
Submitted by Eric_Rice (user info) at 2004-10-17 15:24:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-10-08 12:50:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Disektor: Yea, I out of 10 is great, RETARD! :~)
Bart rated one of my posts! I feel a special sort of fuzziness inside.
Submitted by Disektor (user info) at 2004-10-08 04:04:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
1 out of 10 is good... right?
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-10-08 03:53:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
funny
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2004-10-08 03:49:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm sure someone has asked already, but I'm too lazy to scroll down. An African Swallo or a European swallow?
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2004-10-08 03:37:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Could you bring me his jaw as a trophy? It would make a great conversation piece.
On second thought, I don't think there's enough room on my wall for that thing; keep it.
HAR HAR MANDIBLE!
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-10-07 22:05:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Fetish: I already know who you are, and I will work out where you live, Eric. I am going to Ubercon on the bay...then I am going to come for you.
For the last time...you'd better leave me the fuck alone, dude. I am not even fucking playing anymore.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-10-07 21:10:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Fetish approved -2.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-10-07 20:04:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Avals: Yea, we'll be just like 'The Darkness' only different and with even higher-pitched voices, and even more marshall stacks than anyone ever thought possible! And we'll be louder than AC/DC and Judas Priest giving birth! It'll be fantabulous!
Add me to MSN or yahoo:
electrictoothsyndrome.at.msn.com
electrictoothsyndrome.at.yahoo.com
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2004-10-07 16:15:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Guess we're both doomed to hell for all eternity then, huh?
No worries; there's some Satan bloke with a post on the site right now that says hell isn't as bad as it's cracked up to be.
Worse comes to worst, you and I can start a band to pass the time. Imagine the vocal range you'll achieve with boiling lava burning your bollocks!
I can see it now - we'll be: "The Damned"!
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-10-07 16:00:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Avals...I think it's both wrong that I made the joke and that you got it at all! Not getting it would have redeemed you, but it's too late for that now.
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2004-10-07 15:52:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"PLAYTURD!!!"
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ... <Gasp> <Gasp> HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Is it wrong that it took me a while to get the joke?
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-10-07 15:43:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by bignasty (user info) at 2004-10-07 15:38:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
6. Key is to lock as man-juice is to:
A) shower drain
B) lead
C) busy highway
D) drinking water
E) eye
cum in the eye gets me every time
---------------
I wouldn't tell anyone else that if I were you!
Avals: PLAYTURD!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2004-10-07 15:41:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh yes! Now that you mention it, he did have scores of scantily clad wom ... erm, turds. Womturds? Femturds? Turdgirls? Anyway ... running around him all excited-like.
Oh no! I flushed Hugh Hefner down the toilet! What will our world be like without Playboy?
Oh, right ... I have the Internet. No biggy then.
Submitted by bignasty (user info) at 2004-10-07 15:38:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
6. Key is to lock as man-juice is to:
A) shower drain
B) lead
C) busy highway
D) drinking water
E) eye
cum in the eye gets me every time
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-10-07 15:26:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Avals: did he by any chance look like Hugh Hefner or Hugh Grant?
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2004-10-07 15:22:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I once left a turd floating in the toilet. It eventually developed intelligent life forms.
You should've seen the chaos when I finally came in to flush it.
Me: (Reaching for the handle)
A monocled turd looks up, and starts screaming at me: "I say old chap, what on earth are you doing? Stop that! Stop that I say! Hey fellas, take a look at this tosser here. Thinks he can bloody well just flush us down the toilet! Come 'ere you wanker! Have at you!"
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-10-07 15:08:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Your sophisticated humour confuses and infuriates us! Og will now bludgeon you with his wooden club. "
---------
If turds could be sophisticated, I guess my humor could too!
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2004-10-07 14:55:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"I am sure I'll never be accused of not knowing this! It's the rest of the world that just hasn't caught on yet...but, hey, you're a start!"
Your sophisticated humour confuses and infuriates us! Og will now bludgeon you with his wooden club.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-10-07 14:05:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2004-10-07 13:38:42 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-10-07 13:36:12 (#)
Ranking: 0
No avals, I love it! Keep it up! You rock!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why thank you; you're quite fabulous yourself!
-----------------------
I am sure I'll never be accused of not knowing this! It's the rest of the world that just hasn't caught on yet...but, hey, you're a start!
Submitted by Sekeeth (user info) at 2004-10-07 13:52:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good times.
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2004-10-07 13:38:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-10-07 13:36:12 (#)
Ranking: 0
No avals, I love it! Keep it up! You rock!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why thank you; you're quite fabulous yourself!
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-10-07 13:38:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sweet
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-10-07 13:36:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No avals, I love it! Keep it up! You rock!
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2004-10-07 13:28:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-10-07 12:39:59 (#)
Ranking: 0
Avals: A-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! *breathes* AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Are you trying to upstage me, cause it's working!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oh no, no; God forbid! I'm just being an attention whore as usual.
Sorry master. I'll go back to my cage now. <Waddles back to his cage looking dejected>
Submitted by Monarch (user info) at 2004-10-07 13:21:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
8. You walk into a bakery. You purchase 2 long johns for $0.95, 3 other phallic-shaped donuts at $0.79, and 1 regular donut hole for $0.15. You then return the donut hole when you discover that it's not what you expected it to be, so you instead purchase a regular donut for $0.35. You pay with a $100 dollar bill. A man in a ski mask bursts in and robs everyone. How much money do you have left?
A) true
B) false
---------------------
Okay, THAT deserves a +2.
Submitted by jimbo (user info) at 2004-10-07 12:55:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Goddamnit, I got 100 AGAIN.
Not really, just a shameless excuse for link-whoring a related story: http://www.ubersite.com/m/29692
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-10-07 12:39:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Avals: A-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! *breathes* AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Are you trying to upstage me, cause it's working!
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2004-10-07 12:31:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Avals: because as everyone knows, bears have horrible unibrows!"
You're absolutely right! And if the bear is going to kill you, he should look absolutely fabulous for the occasion! Right? Am I right or what?
Submitted by Ancius (user info) at 2004-10-07 12:30:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny. As. Fuck.
Also my first nomination for B@W.
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2004-10-07 12:30:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I scored a 6!!!
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-10-07 12:25:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Avals: because as everyone knows, bears have horrible unibrows!
Julia: Don't tempt me. I'd much rather drive though.
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2004-10-07 12:25:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny and origial.
A)TRUE
7)FALSE
Submitted by Kent_Weirdo (user info) at 2004-10-07 12:22:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for Avals' reponse.
Submitted by Julia (user info) at 2004-10-07 12:20:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Let's leave those people who live with us and run away and get married.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-10-07 12:15:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Silvr: yea, just another manic Thursday.
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2004-10-07 12:15:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
2. You're trapped in a cave and a grizzly bear has you cornered, which of the following items would be most useful?
A) pearing knife
B) industrial grade tunnel boring machine
C) pair of tweezers
D) spoon
E) 7mm Weatherby Magnum Bear rifle
This question is solved by way of elimination:
E) The gun has no bullets. It is useless.
B) The machine has run out of gas.
D) There is no spoon.
A) You are confronted with a grizzly bear, not a pear. A pearing knife is not appropriate for this situation.
The answer is C: a pair of tweezers.
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2004-10-07 12:12:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's one of those days, isn't it?
+2 for #9
Submitted by triple_optics (user info) at 2004-10-07 12:05:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2004-10-07 12:05:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Well, you have to know these things when you're a king, you know.
Submitted by Schwarzes_Glas (user info) at 2004-10-07 12:04:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuckin' great.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2004-10-07 12:04:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I fully unloaded my lower bowel into my pants when I read number 8.
Funiest thing i've read in a long time...
Submitted by TaK (user info) at 2004-10-07 12:04:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was fuckin' hilarious.
Thanks for the laugh man.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-10-07 12:03:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't care if they're African or European...
...so long as they swallow.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-10-07 11:58:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Who else is a "retard"?
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2004-10-07 11:54:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I started laughing out loud at number four and just kept on laughing til the end.
But seriously, should we factor into our answers the fact that African swallows are non-migrate-ory?
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-10-07 11:52:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Key is to lock as man-juice is to..."
Got me fucking laughing.
Submitted by boredgurl210 (user info) at 2004-10-07 11:52:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
For information on both the African and European swallow go here: http://www.style.org/unladenswallow/
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2004-10-07 11:50:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Monkeys are bastards.
Submitted by Don_Megga (user info) at 2004-10-07 11:47:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
::harmonic squeel::
(not harminic...that's just silly)
Submitted by strider (user info) at 2004-10-07 11:47:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
African or European indeed! Which is it?
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-10-07 11:47:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Don_Megga (user info) at 2004-10-07 11:46:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha. Funny post. Gave me a good chuckle. Some lady looked at me while I was laughing though, so I threw a pen at her and it stuck in her eye. I'm rad.
::harminic squeel::
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2004-10-07 11:44:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good post.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-10-07 11:43:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What do you mean? An African or European swallow?
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2004-10-07 11:42:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is hysterical.
+2 for number 8.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2004-10-07 11:41:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I got two of them right.
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2004-10-07 11:40:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No one told me there was a test today! I was sick when we covered this chapter in class.
Submitted by MisterCeltic (user info) at 2004-10-07 11:40:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Outstanding. This is the second time I've scored 'retard' or worse on a test, should I be concerned?
George B.
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2004-10-07 11:37:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
very good.
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2004-10-07 11:37:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good stuff.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2004-10-07 11:37:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-10-07 11:36:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
har har peener
Submitted by ICO (user info) at 2004-10-07 11:36:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
8 rocks!
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2004-10-07 11:34:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I seriously liked this. Very clever post. Enjoyable.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2004-10-07 11:32:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
DAMN GOOD
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2004-10-07 11:32:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+ 2 for the Chaka Khan
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2004-10-07 11:30:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2004-10-07 11:29:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
10made me shit
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-10-07 11:28:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment