So you told me that life wasn’t going to be like high school. (893 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.83 on 20 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Glitch Cow (View user info) at 2004-10-07 14:36:05 EDT
But you haven't changed one bit, in the ten miserable years since we left.
Last week you crawled through the window of our first story apartment, drunk, and threw up all over the carpeting. You smiled when I swore at you, then handed me your car keys.
"I can't drive home like this. Remember, don't get pissed out of your mind and drive?"
I stared at blankly, then draped a blanket over you.
"You're already home sweetie."
It's funny how ten years ago I would have told anyone how much I was in love with you, that we were going to get married and it was going to be the best goddamn thing since sliced bread. You started talking about marriage so soon, at the end of high school.
It was like you didn't understand at all. I never wanted to get married to you, I had never wanted to give up my life so young and have children, of all the putrid things in the world. You told me that you loved my ambition, the goals I set for myself.
And then you ignored all of that and asked me, so fucking innocently, "Will you marry me in a month, when we graduate?"
I remember it so clearly. I remember this feeling, this horrible wretched feeling of the air getting knocked out of me, and then a fleeting composure, a desire to please you. But there was too much confusion, I stuttered, and couldn't give a clear answer. How could I tell you that you were simply never going to be a part of the life I had planned for myself?
We all knew I was going places back then. Everyone knew. I was going to get out of this circle of people, this suffocating, dirty town and do something with my life. I was going to go out West, to the best damned college that would accept me, and I was going to study to be in foreign services. Something interesting, something big.
And then with your stupid self absorbed question, your half proposal, you changed everything. I wanted to please you more than I even wanted a life for myself. Part of me knew that you were never going to be able to provide for me, never going to be able to give me the pretty things you said that you wanted to and the life that you promised.
After I muddled my answer, didn't give you a clear yes or no, you used the most effective method of control you probably never knew you had.
"I was just wondering, you know. Don't worry, I'd never ask you that now. You're not the kind of girl I'm going to marry anyways. You're too independent, and I'm too old fashioned".
And so I rose to the challenge.
We got married, the end of that year. We had both barely turned eighteen. Neither of us had a place to live. I stayed, I never went out west. We decided on the state university. It didn't have an international relations department. I studied hospitality with you.
It's funny how those ten disappointing years brought me the exact same places they promised to. On my knees, scrubbing your vomit out of the floor. Getting you back to the bedroom and tucking you in, only to have you scream something at me, something I couldn't even make out, you were that intoxicated.
I hardly ever see you anymore. You'd rather I stay home and watch the kids, so I do. I almost love them - almost. Except for the fact that I could never love anything that came from you, that was half your fault and half mine. Jason looks so much like you I can barely stand it. He has your dark eyes, your straight blonde hair. Olivia is better - she doesn't evoke your features as much, and she's too young to make me hate her.
So happy ten years, happy fucking anniversary.
User Reviews
Submitted by CoreaPeekay (user info) at 2004-11-17 16:52:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This was a miserable story, what a cunt.
-2
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2004-11-17 15:41:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
never mind
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2004-11-17 15:38:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by TheMidnight12AM (user info) at 2004-10-08 00:02:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well-written...but the whole thing sounds like half my graduating class.
Yuck.
Submitted by No nmae guest at 2004-10-07 23:56:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
good job!
Submitted by original_cola (user info) at 2004-10-07 23:40:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
umm divorce?
Submitted by GlitchCowman (user info) at 2004-10-07 18:51:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oops, I'm retarded. It's not like this identity is a secret, but the whole point of posting this under glitchcowman was to make sure a google search for my screenname wouldn't connect this writing with me.
So much for changing all the details.
Ninety nine point five percent fiction kids, ninety nine point five.
Submitted by ohlookasquirrel (user info) at 2004-10-07 18:45:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh for chrissakes, yes this is fiction.
Lordy jeebus! I'm a seventeen year old girl now.
And as to the person who remarked that I was never going anywhere anyways, yes I am going somewhere.
This was to vent a lot of the frustration and views of the future I've had recently. Yes, this is based on a true situation at its origin, though.
Submitted by Julia (user info) at 2004-10-07 17:25:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Monarch (user info) at 2004-10-07 14:42:22 (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, shit. THAT's depressing.
Oh well, +2 for good writing.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-10-07 16:11:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm guessing that this is probably fiction, but the line "I almost love them" makes me want to hurt something.
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2004-10-07 16:04:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Mles76 at 2004-10-07 15:50:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Over lord is right. And you made your decision so deal with it.
Submitted by Totally_useless (user info) at 2004-10-07 15:45:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You need some ecstasy and a gun for yourself.
Submitted by Supreme_Overlord (user info) at 2004-10-07 15:39:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Quit deluding yourself, you weren't going anywhere anyway.
I'm sorry, I have no respect for any mother that would remark about her children " I almost love them - almost"
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2004-10-07 15:01:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn.
I know a "good" divorse lawyer...
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2004-10-07 14:59:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by great_angst (user info) at 2004-10-07 14:45:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I fucking loved this.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-10-07 14:43:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Monarch (user info) at 2004-10-07 14:42:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, shit. THAT's depressing.
Oh well, +2 for good writing.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2004-10-07 14:42:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
whoa!
ISSUES!