Behind You (402 hits)
Category: UberMadness! EntryRating: 2 on 1 review (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Evan Greene <ScoutCJustice.at.aol.com> (View user info) at 2004-10-09 03:07:02 EDT
This post was an official UberMadness! entry. Click here to view the original matchup.
Behind you is a cloud of memories. As you lay on a sanitary hospital bed in an overly bright hospital room, the choices that led you to this point come rushing to the foreground of your thought. With each stabbing pain emanating from your gut, the string of seemingly inconsequential decisions that placed you on this fateful path demands your attention. A string of decisions culminating in one final moment of true stupidity. Why, oh why, did you eat that package of cheese doodles you found behind the refrigerator?
It all started out innocently enough. You finally received your tax refund check. You didn't agree with the tax cuts, but 300 bucks was 300 bucks and you wanted a new refrigerator. You were sick of filling those damned ice trays so you were going to get a fridge with an icemaker, and that 300 would do nicely. You were well on your way to the high life.
Getting the new refrigerator was easy enough. The only troublesome part was sifting through the near endless amount of styles and brands to find that fridge that fit you as a person. Someone once asked, "If you were a fridge, what kind of fridge would you be?" and you felt it was important to get it right. After you chose your fridge, Lowe's would deliver it to your house and even install it for a small service charge. The worst part of this whole ordeal would be the removal of the old fridge. And old it was. Its sickly avocado green color, which most likely matched the countertops that had since been removed, clearly marked it as an early 70s appliance. It was a standing reminder of shag carpeting and disco music. How had you put up with it for so long?
You enlisted the help of a friend to move the behemoth of pasty green plastic. You knew you would need some help because, after come careful deliberation, you realized that you had never actually seen that fridge move. In fact, you specifically remember one night when you wandered into your kitchen in a drunken stupor. Reaching for the handle of the fridge you lost your balance and fell straight into the monster, noting to yourself, "that damn thing didn't move an inch" just before passing out and waking the next morning with a blinding pain in your right shoulder.
After a little bit of planning and some time spent groping for a decent hand hold, you and your friend give the fridge a heave... and another. It was as if the ancient refrigerator had grown roots into the floor, for it did not move. On the third heave, the fridge broke loose, severing those ancient roots and allowing for much easier movement. After that it was the relatively simple task of getting it out the door and onto a truck.
You went back into the house and took a nice break. The delivery men wouldn't be there for another 2 hours at least, and all you had to do was clean the floor where the fridge used to be. After a beer (properly preserved in a cooler filled with ice until the new fridge arrived... you had your priorities straight) you went back to the kitchen to finish the job. The patch of floor where the old fridge had been was pretty much what you expected. A few coins, a crayon, and some bits of broken glass, all covered by a thick layer of grimy dust, were the only reminders of what used to occupy that space. As your eyes drifted to the back corner of the square of filth they caught a glint coming from a shiny plastic wrapper... an unopened shiny plastic wrapper.
"Oh sweet, cheese doodles."
User Reviews
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2005-01-16 12:01:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment