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My cop-killing bonanza (1026 hits)

Category: General

Rating: 1.27 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Labels:

Submitted by Sepsis (View user info) at 2004-10-10 12:35:37 EDT


A few days ago, the Kerry campaign sent out a request for photos of Kerry / Edwards in action.

I had a photo for them.

It was a photograph of me standing on a rock, completely naked, with a burning American flag in one hand, and a headless, mutilated bald eagle in the other. The bloody severed eagle head was impaled on my dick.

I didn't try to make it unpatriotic, it just... turned out that way, you know?

In any case, I got a call back the next day. It was "Janet" wth the Kerry campaign. I couldn't really understand what she was saying, because I was pumping some tunes in the background. I managed to make out something about "warrant for arrest." Oh well.

So about fifteen minutes after I hung up on her, three Cop cars pulled up to my house. "Oh shit."

I went down into my kitchen and pulled two of those big cooking knives from the knife rack. I could hear the cops trying to bust down my door.

I walked over and was all, "Homies, you got a problem?"

No answer. They stopped beating on my door, and started whispering to themselves. Holding one knife between my teeth, I opened the door.

I jabbed my knife into this one cops cheek. He was pretty fat.. I'm fairly sure his name was Bubba. Bubba was so stunned he couldn't even move, so I castrated him with my other knife. He crumbled to the ground, and I was on him in a second. I managed to cut away all of the skin around his mouth, exposing his jaw.

The other cops were yelling something about shooting me. I snatched Bubba's gun and put two bullets in some cop's neck. Another cop got two bullets to the temple.

The remaining cops were shooting at me, but I had run out of ammo. I ducked behind a low wall in my garden and started to think of a plan. The cops stopped shooting and started to reload their guns. I knew what I had to do.

I jumped up and started peeing in their eyes and mouths. They were blinded so I grabbed a gun and blew a hole into each one of their heads.

I made sure to detonate each of the cop cars, as to avoid any scrutiny from other cops. Burnt-out cop cars look much less conspicuous than regular cop cars.


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User Reviews


Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2004-10-12 17:35:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Must... not... laugh...

Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2004-10-12 17:26:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

So...


Are you voting for Kerry too?

Submitted by Ancius (user info) at 2004-10-12 11:21:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

You know you don't have to hit people with a sledgehammer to get their attention don't you?

Submitted by Crudite (user info) at 2004-10-12 11:10:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

"nominate"

And here's another -2. Tardo.

Submitted by Crudite (user info) at 2004-10-12 11:10:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

I nopminate you as the new leader of the UberTard Patrol.

You are eminently qualified.

Submitted by Rob at 2004-10-10 16:10:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Just for saying "bonanza", I love that show.

Submitted by Supreme_Overlord (user info) at 2004-10-10 14:43:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1

Cop Killa

Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2004-10-10 14:40:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Holy Fucking Shit!

You have SERIOUS potential!

Submitted by gibberish (user info) at 2004-10-10 13:29:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2004-10-10 13:24:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1

It was a photograph of me standing on a rock, completely naked, with a burning American flag in one hand, and a headless, mutilated bald eagle in the other. The bloody severed eagle head was impaled on my dick.

I didn't try to make it unpatriotic, it just... turned out that way, you know?
------
Man you are weird.

Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2004-10-10 13:17:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

"It was a photograph of me standing on a rock, completely naked, with a burning American flag in one hand, and a headless, mutilated bald eagle in the other. The bloody severed eagle head was impaled on my dick"

You should have at least photoshopped something...

Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2004-10-10 13:02:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

"I didn't try to make it unpatriotic, it just... turned out that way, you know?"

+2 right there


Submitted by cigar (user info) at 2004-10-10 13:01:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

good stuff. I'm starting to like your stuff, and that's sad.

Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2004-10-10 12:59:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Plus 2 for the following-

-A gun with only four bullets.
-Being able to castrate someone, fully clothed and in a standing position.
-The vague feeling of anticipation for "GTA: San Andreas" i got reading this.
-The last line; killer.


Submitted by jimbo (user info) at 2004-10-10 12:47:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Bizarrely entertaining.


Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2004-10-10 12:41:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

This is more like it. Love that last line.

Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2004-10-10 12:37:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1

I love cop killers.


Dammit, I'm no supervising technician. I'm a technical supervisor. It's
too late to teach this old dog new tricks.

-- Homer Simpson
Homer's Odyssey