My cop-killing bonanza (1122 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.27 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Sepsis (View user info) at 2004-10-10 12:35:37 EDT
A few days ago, the Kerry campaign sent out a request for photos of Kerry / Edwards in action.
I had a photo for them.
It was a photograph of me standing on a rock, completely naked, with a burning American flag in one hand, and a headless, mutilated bald eagle in the other. The bloody severed eagle head was impaled on my dick.
I didn't try to make it unpatriotic, it just... turned out that way, you know?
In any case, I got a call back the next day. It was "Janet" wth the Kerry campaign. I couldn't really understand what she was saying, because I was pumping some tunes in the background. I managed to make out something about "warrant for arrest." Oh well.
So about fifteen minutes after I hung up on her, three Cop cars pulled up to my house. "Oh shit."
I went down into my kitchen and pulled two of those big cooking knives from the knife rack. I could hear the cops trying to bust down my door.
I walked over and was all, "Homies, you got a problem?"
No answer. They stopped beating on my door, and started whispering to themselves. Holding one knife between my teeth, I opened the door.
I jabbed my knife into this one cops cheek. He was pretty fat.. I'm fairly sure his name was Bubba. Bubba was so stunned he couldn't even move, so I castrated him with my other knife. He crumbled to the ground, and I was on him in a second. I managed to cut away all of the skin around his mouth, exposing his jaw.
The other cops were yelling something about shooting me. I snatched Bubba's gun and put two bullets in some cop's neck. Another cop got two bullets to the temple.
The remaining cops were shooting at me, but I had run out of ammo. I ducked behind a low wall in my garden and started to think of a plan. The cops stopped shooting and started to reload their guns. I knew what I had to do.
I jumped up and started peeing in their eyes and mouths. They were blinded so I grabbed a gun and blew a hole into each one of their heads.
I made sure to detonate each of the cop cars, as to avoid any scrutiny from other cops. Burnt-out cop cars look much less conspicuous than regular cop cars.
User Reviews
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2004-10-12 17:35:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Must... not... laugh...
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2004-10-12 17:26:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So...
Are you voting for Kerry too?
Submitted by Ancius (user info) at 2004-10-12 11:21:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You know you don't have to hit people with a sledgehammer to get their attention don't you?
Submitted by Crudite (user info) at 2004-10-12 11:10:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"nominate"
And here's another -2. Tardo.
Submitted by Crudite (user info) at 2004-10-12 11:10:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I nopminate you as the new leader of the UberTard Patrol.
You are eminently qualified.
Submitted by Rob at 2004-10-10 16:10:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Just for saying "bonanza", I love that show.
Submitted by Supreme_Overlord (user info) at 2004-10-10 14:43:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Cop Killa
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2004-10-10 14:40:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy Fucking Shit!
You have SERIOUS potential!
Submitted by gibberish (user info) at 2004-10-10 13:29:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2004-10-10 13:24:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
It was a photograph of me standing on a rock, completely naked, with a burning American flag in one hand, and a headless, mutilated bald eagle in the other. The bloody severed eagle head was impaled on my dick.
I didn't try to make it unpatriotic, it just... turned out that way, you know?
------
Man you are weird.
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2004-10-10 13:17:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"It was a photograph of me standing on a rock, completely naked, with a burning American flag in one hand, and a headless, mutilated bald eagle in the other. The bloody severed eagle head was impaled on my dick"
You should have at least photoshopped something...
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2004-10-10 13:02:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I didn't try to make it unpatriotic, it just... turned out that way, you know?"
+2 right there
Submitted by cigar (user info) at 2004-10-10 13:01:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
good stuff. I'm starting to like your stuff, and that's sad.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2004-10-10 12:59:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Plus 2 for the following-
-A gun with only four bullets.
-Being able to castrate someone, fully clothed and in a standing position.
-The vague feeling of anticipation for "GTA: San Andreas" i got reading this.
-The last line; killer.
Submitted by jimbo (user info) at 2004-10-10 12:47:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bizarrely entertaining.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2004-10-10 12:41:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is more like it. Love that last line.
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2004-10-10 12:37:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I love cop killers.