Why small children scare me. (383 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0 on 3 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <canadian_blonde29.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-10-10 15:31:04 EDT
"Hey! Hey you! Yeah...YOU!! GIVE ME BACK MY SHOE!!!"
I suppose that I never really loved small children, especially since the age of 11 I'd babysat for them, and by the time I was 12 I'd stopped growing at the great height of 5'3". So I wasn't too intimidating in the eyes of the kids I was paid to look after. In more than one occasion I just let them have whatever the hell they wanted so they wouldnt throw a tantrum, and sitting them in front of the TV was always a good way of keeping them out of trouble. I really wasn't cut out to be a babysitter, even though I was strong, and could yell in a loud way. Young children just annoyed me.
TIME ONE:
I'd say I was about oh, 12 at the time, and I was looking after the kids across the street, Meg, who was 6 at the time, and Cam, who was 3. It was all going pretty well, comparitively to other nights, and the two looked tired, which meant that they would go bed easy. However when the time came, Cam didn't want to go. Now this kid was the most muscular 3 year old Ive ever seen. He probably could've lifted me if he wanted to, so making him go to bed when he didn't want to was a bit of a chore. After chasing him around the ownstairs, I grabbed him and started making my way up the stairs to his room. In the two minutes it took to get there, he'd managed to climb from one side of my arm, onto my back, onto the other arm, and then on my head, all the while ripping out my hair, punching at anything he could reach, and screaming " I hate you! You're STUPID You're UGLY I hate your clothes I hate your hair I hate your shoes..." and so on. As a result of that night I had a black eye for a week and the money I made went to replacing the shirt the little demon spawn destroyed.
TIME TWO:
It was a sunny day in June, and I'd just finished my math final. My friends and I decided to got to the local gas station to get slushies. We cut through the ravine behind one of their houses, and walked through the back of the school towards the waterpark on the way. Now it was in the middle of a heat wave, and well, we couldn't resist ourselves, so we ran throught the waterpark and got completely soaked. Sure we looked like idiots, the only 16 yearolds in the middle of toddlers, but no one cared, it felt damn good. Suddenly, I realized we were being followed, followed by the most evil looking 5 year old ive ever seen. She had this grin on her face, maybe I was supposed to look endearing, but that grin still haunts me. She started running towards us.
"OH SHIT" I thought, and not even taking the time to realize that 3 teenagers were afraid of a kindergardener, we bolted to the other side of the park.
On the way across I lost my sandal "I LOST MY SHOE" I yelled
"LEAVE IT BEHIND" was my friend's advice, I never got around to getting her back for telling me that. Being the idiot that I was, I listened to her, and kept on running. The kid quickly lost interest in us, and picked it up. I walked over to her. Nicely. I said "Could I have my sandal back please?" Nicely. She ran under the bridge. Shit. The bridge was two feet high. No one over the age of 8 could fit under it. I decided to work out a deal with the nearest kid. Knowing how much kids love dumping large amounts of water on my head, and laughing at my mascara run, I offered to let the kid do so, in order for getting my shoe back. He dumped water on me and ran off. Shit. Well there goes my great plan, and I wasn't exactly getting any help from my friends, who had been killing themselves laughing since the kid ran under the bridge. My only option was to wait the kid out. I sat outside the bridge, and waited. Two hours later i had my shoe back and was on my way.
TIME THREE:
After I turned 15 I decided to give up babysitting and look for a real job. After 8 months of applying everywhere, I got one at the local Dairy Queen. Dairy Queen gives out whistles in their kids meals. Combine that with parents buying 2 yearolds large chocolate sundaes and having 10-kid birthday parties there, all ordering kids meals with whistles, you can imagine why i plan to never have children. EVER.
User Reviews
Submitted by cigar (user info) at 2004-10-10 16:46:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
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Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2004-10-10 15:32:20 (#)
Ranking: 0
TIME FOUR
You bending over and getting a nasty case of the rape.
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BEST EVAR!!!!
Submitted by Disektor (user info) at 2004-10-10 15:54:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Best review ever.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2004-10-10 15:32:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
TIME FOUR
You bending over and getting a nasty case of the rape.