How Much For The Women? (489 hits)
Category: UberMadness! EntryRating: 2 on 1 review (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Ingsoc (View user info) at 2004-10-10 21:24:04 EDT
This post was an official UberMadness! entry. Click here to view the original matchup.
If there's one thing I can't stand, it's cranberry juice.
Anyone who purchases cranberry or grapefruit juice while not at gunpoint should be shot in the face. Seriously, wake up people! That stuff tastes like pure fecal shit and you're too stubborn to get orange juice instead. What is the fascination with something that tastes truly horrible and leaves a stunningly wretched taste in your mouth? It's no healthier than orange juice- and if it is, it's not worth it.
Sometimes people will ask me if I'd like something to drink. Being someone who can drink a gallon of water a day and not notice it, I usually say yes. When I do, I'm not realising that some people have severely diminished mental capacities. As a result, they have tastes in beverages that are infinitely inferior. Sometimes I'm just shocked by some people and their corresponding activities. Like this one time I and a group of others were served Gatorade and Chips Ahoy as "refreshments". Sports drink and chocolate chip cookies may cut it for refreshing in Warsaw, but not here in The Free World. I remember back in the day we stoned these people in the streets for being such retards.
People who have no qualms about drinking Clamato or V8 also get my goat. Really! That stuff's nasty, and only the elderly drink it- with the exception of the fruit varieties of V8. I approve those beverages. But not anything with tomatoes. The tomato is the apple's retarded cousin.
And why does apple juice get such a bad rap? People actively knock it, simply because you gotta knock something. These are always the people with the oil drum full of Ocean Spray in their kitchen, because there's no reason why something that's good for you should taste good. Apple juice tastes good. It's not a little kid's drink; the elderly enjoy it too. Those people have been around, and they would know better than anyone.
Why are there no strawberry or key lime or banana juices? Those are probably the best theoretical flavours not around- orgasmic, even. And what's the deal with fruit punch? It doesn't taste like anything other than the powder it was made from. Plus that stuff's always warm, regardless of whether or not it's been refrigerated.
And I love these people who think they're outsmarting everyone by not buying into the juice in the cartons because they're "paying for the water" when they do that. Of course you're paying for the water. You pay for it no matter what. Ever heard of a water bill? Why not just outsmart the dairy industry too by buying a carton of cream and pouring it into a jug with a shitload of water? Why not go a step further and do it with a stick of butter? Why not just rip the bones out of your fucking arms and eat those? Cut out the middleman! At least that way, you're not paying for the water, right?
This may have been disjointed, unintelligible, and not at all related to the given title, but really! I'm right, aren't I? At least I didn't try a poor story straight out of Grand Theft Auto, masking my shitty writing and cryptard syntax with the word 'fuck'. It coulda been a lot worse; but I guess it coulda been a lot better, too. Damn.
Sound the bell, school's in sucker!
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Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2005-01-16 11:58:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
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