Sometimes, Women just NEED a man in the house (1234 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.65 on 41 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Cassiopeia (View user info) at 2004-10-11 15:09:57 EDT
...Especially when we're drunk and horny!
Anyways, here's a little story of two female roomates... or should I say, 2 *STRAIGHT* female roomates. Roomate 1's boyfriend is out of town, so her male help is not available for the time being. Roomate 2 just broke up with her boyfriend, so her male help is not available either. So what are 2 female roomates to do when their kitchen curtains fall off the wall?
Make out and have a steamy dyke session??
NO! Shit, I have to do something to keep your attention you malnourished perverts!
We broke out our own tools (no, not dildos or vibrators or buttplugs or even the infamous pearl rabbit) but our phillips and flathead screwdrivers. For about 20 minutes, we struggled with this son of a bitch curtain and cheap-ass drywall... needless to say, a battle that was lost horribly, and that was ended with.....
A STEAMY DYKE SESSION??????
NO! The curtain owned us in the face, and we admitted defeat. Damn, it sure would be nice to get a man in the house.
User Reviews
Submitted by Julia (user info) at 2004-10-12 08:33:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-10-11 16:43:34 (#)
Ranking: 1
Well, I'll come fuck you but I'm not fucking with the curtain rods.
***
<insert disturbing mental picture here>
Submitted by PeteyD4 (user info) at 2004-10-12 08:30:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Flipping off inanimate objects is funny.
Submitted by landyuk (user info) at 2004-10-12 08:18:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If you're feeling randy then just call Landy!
Submitted by Brianthetruthspeaker (user info) at 2004-10-12 08:04:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am quite handy
I fix your curtain just dandy
And if you then were kind of feeling Randy?
My Best tool you'll like better than Candy
Cassiopeia my favorite constellation by they way
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2004-10-12 07:48:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Julia (user info) at 2004-10-11 15:40:53 (#)
Ranking: 2
Tim, you crack me up. You sound like my husband too.
Me: Oh my God, honey, there's a big spiderkillitkillitkillit!
Man: What? Where? . . . Jesus, I'm not touching that.
Me: It's moving! Smash it! Take off your shoe.
Man: Why do I have to kill it? You kill it.
Me: <screaming>
Man: Spiders eat bugs. Can't we let it live?
Me: I'm moving out.
_________________________________________________
My Baby-Mama and I have this conversation weekly.
Therefore, you get the much coveted, "its funny cuz its true" +2.
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2004-10-11 22:52:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
**Squish the bugs and you get lasagne and oral sex. It's a fair trade, I think.**
For that, I'd kill a puppy, much less a spider.
Submitted by Quasiplasmohedron (user info) at 2004-10-11 19:46:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by cozmikgirl (user info) at 2004-10-11 17:10:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So true...
That's what the ex boyfriend is for, just remind him how much he owes you for lowering yourself to have spent that time with him and he'll come over begging to do your chores. Trust me, it works!
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2004-10-11 16:51:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hadley Tobedone says:
Unless that curtain was hanging over the sink, why exactly were you not in the kitchen?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-10-11 16:43:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Well, I'll come fuck you but I'm not fucking with the curtain rods.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-10-11 16:37:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The only answer is to move.
That is how I wanted to solve the issue of the water spot where the roof leaked. It turns out they sell this stuff that you can dip a brush into and swipe over the ceiling and the spot goes away.
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2004-10-11 16:27:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yup
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-10-11 16:14:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Slapshot99 (user info) at 2004-10-11 16:12:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
"Squish the bugs and you get lasagne and oral sex. It's a fair trade, I think."
****** Finally...a woman with a good head on her shoulders********
Submitted by Slapshot99 (user info) at 2004-10-11 16:12:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Squish the bugs and you get lasagne and oral sex. It's a fair trade, I think."
****** Finally...a woman with a good head on her shoulders********
Submitted by mxc_jwebber (user info) at 2004-10-11 16:12:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Buy me a plane ticket....
Submitted by icarus9mm (user info) at 2004-10-11 16:01:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
see? that's why you get paid less for the same work.
but really...
it's true.
Submitted by sublime (user info) at 2004-10-11 16:01:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by OneCheapGeek (user info) at 2004-10-11 15:51:37 (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by sublime (user info) at 2004-10-11 15:18:20 (#)
Ranking: 2
who needs the opposite sex when you hacve rreeeeses peeces. oh man.
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Spoken like the perma-virgin you are.
--------------------------------------------
I would advertise that fact but it seems you control that market, 'OneCheapGeek'
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-10-11 15:57:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hey, send me an email at hidden101.at.hotmail.com
Submitted by OneCheapGeek (user info) at 2004-10-11 15:52:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Julia (user info) at 2004-10-11 15:43:20 (#)
Ranking: 2
Squish the bugs and you get lasagne and oral sex. It's a fair trade, I think.
---------------
DEAL!
Submitted by Cassiopeia (user info) at 2004-10-11 15:52:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hidden- yes i'm at scott, you in st. louis right now?
Submitted by ICO (user info) at 2004-10-11 15:51:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Somehow, it just feels different... I'm giving you a +/-0 as it was, as it says, 'Worth Reading'.
Submitted by OneCheapGeek (user info) at 2004-10-11 15:51:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by sublime (user info) at 2004-10-11 15:18:20 (#)
Ranking: 2
who needs the opposite sex when you hacve rreeeeses peeces. oh man.
--------------
Spoken like the perma-virgin you are.
Submitted by j0andre1 (user info) at 2004-10-11 15:46:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're supposed to drink beer when you're working with tools.
Geez...
Submitted by Julia (user info) at 2004-10-11 15:43:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
P.S. Back when we lived in an apartment, I called security at midnight once because we had a waterbug (aka Scary Cockroach from Hell) in the house. It was almost dead. Still kicking, though. I called security. They didn't want to come get the bug. I had to start crying and make them. Shameless, I am, but I Hate Bugs.
Squish the bugs and you get lasagne and oral sex. It's a fair trade, I think.
Submitted by Rob at 2004-10-11 15:41:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yay.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-10-11 15:41:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
it took my mom an entire month to get my dad to put up curtains. us dudes don't really like dealing with them.
hey, aren't you stationed at Scott? i'm about 20 minutes away from there right now.
Submitted by Julia (user info) at 2004-10-11 15:40:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Tim, you crack me up. You sound like my husband too.
Me: Oh my God, honey, there's a big spiderkillitkillitkillit!
Man: What? Where? . . . Jesus, I'm not touching that.
Me: It's moving! Smash it! Take off your shoe.
Man: Why do I have to kill it? You kill it.
Me: <screaming>
Man: Spiders eat bugs. Can't we let it live?
Me: I'm moving out.
Submitted by Shay (user info) at 2004-10-11 15:34:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
:-)
Submitted by Cassiopeia (user info) at 2004-10-11 15:32:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yes, yes... they are ghey tools... but hey, they are a step up from trying to hammer nails with the heels from my shoes!
I am also afraid of bugs, so you better believe men are the bug squishers! There was a cricket in my room a while ago, and I had to get my roomate to get it out for me! Also, I think I need to invest in one of those rubber jar opener thingys, because that's also a weakness of mine...
Calain-- I know I havent posted in a long time... I'm slacking! I'm working full time and going to night classes, so my brain is pretty much drained from that....
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2004-10-11 15:31:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
a) curtains are women's territory. men don't touch 'em. unless its sunny outside...then we'll drill some holes with an 18.6 V cordless drill.
b) your tools suck. thats why you couldn't put up the curtain. you needed a drill, and a screwdriver with a bigger handle.==>more torque.
c) don't put the spider killing duties on us, julia...thats just fucked. they're all scary looking and shit. seriously, did you see aracn...that movie...i can't even type it.
Submitted by boredgurl210 (user info) at 2004-10-11 15:29:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Julia (user info) at 2004-10-11 15:18:17 (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes. Men are the bug-squishers. If you have a penis, you're killing the big nasty spider. It says so in the Bible.
_____________________________________________________
I agree.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-10-11 15:21:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Still waiting for pictures of the steamy dyke section and promised butt plugs. Don't hold out on us.
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2004-10-11 15:21:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What was that? The sound of my rippling muscles being used to open a jar deafend me to this post.
Submitted by Kracka (user info) at 2004-10-11 15:20:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ahh women.
-Black Ninja
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2004-10-11 15:18:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
smallest.
hammer.
ever.
Submitted by sublime (user info) at 2004-10-11 15:18:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
who needs the opposite sex when you hacve rreeeeses peeces. oh man.
Submitted by Julia (user info) at 2004-10-11 15:18:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes. Men are the bug-squishers. If you have a penis, you're killing the big nasty spider. It says so in the Bible.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-10-11 15:16:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How weird, I had just clicked your user info on a comment you made on the Peer-to-peer post because I wondered how long it was since you had posted. And you posted this at the same time!
It must be Fate! Or some shit.
P.S. Those are pretty ghey tools.
Submitted by Cassiopeia (user info) at 2004-10-11 15:16:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well, I know that I'm good in bed, but I didnt think that a RELIGION would be created from my masterful skills! Go me! woo! Thanks for the... odd.... er, um, i mean... interesting info....
Submitted by big_wigger (user info) at 2004-10-11 15:13:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oops cant talk...my wife is yelling that i didnt hang her painting straight
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2004-10-11 15:13:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ah ha! Good post about the classic battle between women and curtain hangers.
Do you know that your name is the same as this crazy religion that believes that all humans are organic portals for a 4th dimension race of reptiles and that those who know about this will transcend in 2012 before the wave comes and destroys us all? Just thought you should know.