What Do You Want? (477 hits)
Category: UberMadness! EntryRating: 2 on 4 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by prophet (View user info) at 2004-10-11 16:13:20 EDT
This post was an official UberMadness! entry. Click here to view the original matchup.
All throughout Evan's body, a wholehearted sigh resonated. This was, by no means, the way he had hoped to begin his weekend.
Walking around to the front of the 1994 Honda Civic, the young marketing executive lifted the front lid of his car and staggered back, gagging, as he was met with a cloud of putrid black smoke, curling towards the sky.
This was not good. No, it seemed as if things had gone right the other way from good and were now moving full speed towards disastrous, or bust.
Evan looked up and down the Utah road his car was now stranded alongside. Empty salt flats stretched as far as the eye could see in both directions, dotted with short brush and the occasional cactus. The last road stop was easily twenty miles behind, and he could see the landscape to be empty for at least a mile or two ahead of him. He took a few long moments that could have been minutes or even hours, staring through disbelieving eyes at the wasteland that he now feared would claim his life.
Jesus Christ, thought Evan desperately- why the fuck did her parents have to live in the goddamn boondocks? I'm going to get my ass killed out here, his mind grumbled in a tone that failed to make matters more palatable.
Evan removed his suit jacket and tie, which he had been wearing since he departed the Vegas strip roughly seven hours before. He rolled up his sleeves and lay back upon the hot roof of his car, looking up into the dimming sky, thinking various thoughts. Thinking about how misfortunate he was to be in his present predicament. Thinking of Maria, and the trouble he went to just so she'd be happy.
Thinking of how his suit pants were becoming more and more wrinkled. What a stupid thing to be concerned with, he chastised himself. Fuck the pants. The pants don't matter. There's no rule that you have to look your best when you die an excruciating death of dehydration in an uninhabited wasteland. People probably don't even pay attention to how much you paid for your Gucci loafers when your flesh has been eaten away by various desert inhabitants.
Though it would have probably not cheered him up much to know it, he was indeed absolutely correct on that account.
**************************************************************************************************
High above a now useless amalgamation of various metals and synthetics and a rather dejected looking ape descendant hung three buzzards, thinking things that buzzards are quite keen on thinking about, which generally consists of where the next meal is coming from or whether or not any of the little buzzards back at the nest were up and flying yet. These particular buzzards were entirely unaware of the effect they were having on the morale of the evolved simian below; nevertheless, it is probably quite safe to assume that if they had known, they would not have cared much.
Buzzards can be cruelly one-dimensional that way. In their defense, it is only on a rare occasion indeed that one goes out of one's way to protect the welfare of a buzzard.
**************************************************************************************************
Twelve hours had passed since Evan curled up in the back seat of his worthless wreck, hoping someone would come along and rescue him. Dawn was beginning to creep its way over the expansive, flat horizon, and a few ambitious desert creatures made attempts at grabbing a morning's meal. Some of those very same animals became the morning meal for other such animals.
To be certain, there is no animal on the planet Earth nearly as concerned with the time and nature of its demise than the human being. A mouse has little to say for himself when he is foraging for the occasional morsel on his family's behalf and gets swept into the talons of a ravenous hawk. In fact, were the mouse and the hawk to meet in a future life, and recall the nature of the terms upon which they had last met, it's quite likely that they would have a good laugh over it while musing that the mouse really should have been two steps quicker than the hawk, or perhaps that in the next life the latter would be the prey of the former.
Unless, of course, they happened to be humans, in which case it's quite likely that a war would start over it. Once again, it's worth stressing that humans do not deal with issues of life and death at anywhere near the level of grace that their various animal counterparts possess.
It was for precisely this reason that Evan found himself cursing the predicament he found himself in presently- stranded in the middle of nowhere, and quite likely soon having to tally up his score for this lifetime and perhaps wish himself better luck next time.
And at this very opportune moment, it was a great shock to Evan that a gentle rapping would come upon his window, and an even greater one to be greeted with the sight of a nearly toothless old man, grinning like a fool through deeply creased cheeks. A halo of long white hair ran round the man's head, and a tangled, bushy grey beard hung from his chin.
"Ye look like you're in trouble, boy!" cried the man in a cheerful but unnerving cackle.
More than I had thought, muttered Evan under his breath.
**************************************************************************************************
I rather doubt there's anything in the world more heavenly than a Starbucks caramel apple cider, mused Maria as she stared out the window of that very establishment. The Gods in their heavens are drinking ambrosia at this very moment and envying the taste rolling around on my tongue, she thought with a smile.
Maria was a young Hispanic girl with striking tanned curves and hair possessing the black lustrous sheer of ravens' plume. She cared for Evan greatly, but couldn't bear to be away from him so frequently. That was what she needed to talk with him about. She had invited him to come meet her parents, in that devious way that women can often have, in hopes of endearing him to them and them to him before discussing the prospect of a more long-term commitment in private.
Maria sighed in contentment as she sipped on her cider and thought of Evan with a smile. She couldn't wait to see him the next day. In that strange way the universe has at times, Evan was at that very moment sighing and thinking of Maria with a frown, wondering if tomorrow would ever come as he reached for the door handle to deal with what seemed equally likely to be either his salvation or perhaps the person who would carefully label his various body parts and store them in a freezer somewhere.
**************************************************************************************************
"Umm... hi?" a rather frightened and confused Evan ventured as a means of starting conversation. This alone conclusively proves that despite a marketing executive's ability to sell ideas to the public at large, he is not guaranteed to have social skills in potentially life-threatening interpersonal interactions.
"That all you can say to me, boy? I hadn't come along, you'd be dead soon 'nuf!" the old man gleefully announced with another cackle. Evan wondered what was up with all of the cackling as he surveyed the man's attire. Sporting only a dusty pair of overalls that showed off wisps of curly white hair on the chest and shoulders of the man's wiry frame, and some brown, mud-encrusted boots that were worn enough as to be of indiscernible origin, there was hardly anything about his appearance that didn't lend itself to be disconcerting.
"Well, boy? What do you want?" spat the old man through his wrinkled gums, as he rested his foot on the roof of Evan's car.
"Uh... you see, my car broke down, and I don't have any way to get in touch with my girlfriend back in Salt Lake City-" said Evan just before the old man cut him off.
"That's not what I asked ya, young man. I done said, what do ye want?" inquired the man as he cocked his head to the side.
"I suppose I could use a ride back to the city, if you don't mind... Say, where's your car, anyways?" Evan asked as he looked up and down the road. It seemed to be the same as it was when his car had broken down- an empty wasteland with no signs of life.
Am I going crazy? Evan wondered. Maybe I'm dead, and this old coot is here to take me to the netherworld. No, I doubt Death wears overalls and a pair of filthy boots. An eternity of escorting souls to the gates of Hades would almost certainly keep one in the loop as to the latest fashion trends.
"A ride? That's what ye want, boy? Come on now, that's what would get you back to where ye was. I don't want to get ye there, boy- and I don't think you want to be there either. Ye weren't goin' nowhere when you was there, and unless you figure out what it is that ya want now, ye're not goin' nowhere from here. So, I's a gonna ask you one more time. What do you want?"
The man seemed to be getting angry, or at the very least, tired with Evan. Evan thought quickly as to what his response would be.
"I... I want to be back with Maria, where I can cherish her love until the end of our days," Evan stammered, wondering if his response was a bit too trite. But it had come from his soul. Nothing on the face of the planet meant as much to him as Maria.
"Good answer," replied the grinning old man.
**************************************************************************************************
Evan woke up in his own bed, and stared at the ceiling. The surroundings were familiar. How did I get here? he considered, and decided that it had all been some kind of ridiculous dream. Strange, though- how vivid it was...
Evan walked over to the phone and called up Maria. As he waited for the call to ring through, he looked over at the calendar. August 5th. The day I left for Utah, Evan thought. That is to say, the day I had dreamt I left for Utah...
"Hello?"
"Hey, hun- it's me! Look, I know I said I was driving, but I'm feeling a little weird about that at the moment. I'm going to take a bus, if that's okay with you."
"Sweetie, that's fine," Maria cooed. "I just can't wait to see you!"
Evan exchanged pleasantries with Maria as lovers tend to do, before racing up the stairs with a new bounce in his step to grab his bags from where he had left them after a long night of packing.
This was it. This was the weekend. That crazy dream had convinced Evan to take the initiative and invite Maria into his life permanently. She was just too important to him, and life was just too short. He'd have to make a stop for a ring, but he had some money saved up for a special occasion, and decided that they don't get more special than this.
And roses, he thought. She deserves roses. I'll take her out to a nice restaurant, and I can do it there. I hope- I pray- she'll want to be with me forever.
Evan phoned a taxi to take him to the bus station, and brought his luggage outside to wait.
It was just then that something caught his attention out of the corner of his eye.
Was that- yes, a dusty brown footprint, sideways on the hood of his car?
But of course, that wasn't- I mean, it couldn't possibly be... No, it's just a coincidence, Evan surmised, as the taxi pulled up to the curb in front of his modest suburban home. He shook his head, counfounded, as he loaded the bags into the trunk and climbed aboard the cab.
Yet for the rest of Evan's long and happy days, the gleeful cackle of that strange little old man never strayed too far from the corners of his mind...
User Reviews
Submitted by Alter (user info) at 2005-06-22 19:29:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2005-06-22 14:37:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ProgramGeek (user info) at 2005-06-22 14:18:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Your fucking terrible. Let me help you lower your score down.
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2005-01-16 11:50:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment