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The Noise Was Incredible (528 hits)

Category: UberMadness! Entry

Rating: 2 on 1 review (Rate this item) (V)
Labels:

Submitted by David Jones <davjones.at.iastate.edu> (View user info) at 2004-10-11 22:28:21 EDT


This post was an official UberMadness! entry. Click here to view the original matchup.


My prized possession when I was 13 years old was a self built PVC potato gun. Nothing is more exciting as a young male than harnessing the power of an explosion.

As simple as it may seem to you, and as it seems to me even now, learning the correct way to use a potato gun was a very complex science when my friend Ben and I originally crafted our masterpiece. You see, in order to make it work right, there has to be enough oxygen in the combustion chamber with your flammable material for it to fire.

We learned this the hard way.

-------

"Why the fuck is this thing not working? We followed the instructions PERFECTLY."

"This is exactly like the one Brad showed us. What the hell are we doing wrong?"

"Duh, I'll go call him."

While Ben was inside trying to get in touch with the local potato gun guru I continued playing around with our gun. I knew the problem had to be something stupid.

I only heard one side of Ben and Brad's conversation through the kitchen window.

"Hey, what's up Brad?"
-
"Yea, we finally got it all put together, but the damn thing won't shoot."
-
"We are using hairspray, just like you told us to."
-
"Oh, that makes sense -- hey man, he says there isn't enough air inside for it explode, take off the sewer cap!"

-------

Now, I have never been a very large guy, so for me to take the sewer cap off of this 4 foot long pipe I had to stand it straight up. In hind sight, placing my head directly in the path of a gun's recoil is not a brilliant move.

-------

KA-FUCKING-BOOM - I am sure the noise was incredible, although all I could hear was ringing.

The instant oxygen was allowed into the chamber the potato shot straight down into the sidewalk. Flames roared out of the back the gun, lighting my hair and shirt on fire as the recoil drove the PVC contraption directly into my face.

The force of the blow sent me stumbling backward. Unfortunately for me Ben had just opened the door to my house, and directly behind me were my basement stairs instead of a hardwood door.

Ben has described my tumble down the stairs as being similar to the time he threw his little sisters raggedy Ann doll out a second story window - although instead of red hair I had flames trailing me.

Later, after I woke up from being knocked cold, I discovered that my trusty friend had put the fire out and stopped my bleeding.

Thanks Ben.

-------

Potato Gun

Materials:

1) 3-4 foot long piece of 2 inch PVC pipe.
2) 1-2 foot long piece of 4 inch PVC pipe.
3) 4 to 2 inch PVC reducer
4) 4 inch sewer plug
5) electric grill starter
6) Assorted nuts, bolts, nails...
7) O-Zone eating hairspray

Directions:

1) Using epoxy or some other extremely strong adhesive connect the PVC pieces together.
2) Place long thin nails in the back half of the 2 inch PVC.
3) Drill 2 holes in 4 inch PVC.
4) Place a nut and bolt on one side, and insert the grill starter on the other side.
5) Make sure your bolt comes out far enough to consistently spark with the grill starter.
6) Push potato into 2 inch pipe until it reaches the nail blockade you created.
7) Put O-Zone eating hairspray into end of 4 inch PVC - be sure not to overfill, you did need oxygen inside as well - promptly close with sewer plug.
8) Push trigger.


classic raggedy ann.jpg (16 kB)

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User Reviews


Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2005-01-16 11:49:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment


It's just that I've only seen this movie twice before, and I've seen
you every night for the last eleven ye -- aha. What I mean to say is:
We'll snuggle tomorrow, sweetie. I promise.

-- Homer Simpson
Grampa vs. Sexual Inadequacy