The Harbor (828 hits)
Category: UberMadness!Rating: 0.36 on 42 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Uber Madness 2004 (View user info) at 2004-10-11 23:40:27 EDT
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Entry 1
And the ship sailed away...So long...
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"Let's go on a cruise" Sally whispered into my ear.
"A cruise? Not a bad idea" I whispered back.
We had always talked about going away on an exotic vacation, but work was always standing in our way, preventing us from escaping. Life isn't fun anymore. As a child, innocence was the ultimate escape. It was a gift that kept on giving. I could fly away to another world like Peter Pan by playing in the tree in my front yard. I could become a Pirate and sail the vast oceans and make people walk the plank. I could pretend I was the president of the world and have all the people in the world bring me candy and cookies.
Yeah, life was good.
But here I am, the gift of innocence depleted from my soul. I bear the weight of the world on my shoulders. I walk through life with a hunch back, trying to accomplish my daily tasks and activates.
I went to high school. Got into college. Dropped out of college to begin a family. With Sally. Oh Sally...So naive. She wants to just pack up and escape from life. She's like a child in a way. Always suggesting we run away to Paris or the Caribbean.
"I can't stand it here anymore. The same old sun shining down. The same old job. The same old car. The same old life" she would say when she was fed up with things.
I work as hard as I can to pay the rent, and here she is wanting to run away. Sometimes I think she wants to run away from me. I don't have a college degree because I sacrificed my way of life for her. I have a low paying job...I'm a mechanic in training. I hate being a mechanic, but I know it's a trait I can pick up fairly easily.
Oh Sally, how you make my world so much more difficult.
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I was driving home one day after training in my Mazda 4-Banger truck, which I call "The Hooptie". Oh Hooptie, how I love you so. So simple. You take me from point A to point B, never complaining. Oh yeah, you're the man.
So, as I said, I was driving home. The radio was on some light classic rock, the good stuff. I was about four blocks away from my house in a small, quiet neighborhood.
And there he was. The image that has been engraved into my brain forever. A kid rode his bike into the middle of the street. I froze. Our eyes locked. Then we made a connection. The front bumper connected with the front of his bike.
My eyes welled up as I put the car in park. The sun was setting quickly, the neighborhood was empty. I sat. And I sat. And I sat.
My phone rang. It was Sally.
"Hello" I gasped.
"Where are ya honey, we gotta get packed for our cruise tomorrow" she said.
"I made a mistake" I said as I hung up the phone.
I pulled up to my house, tears rolling down my eyes. Sally was outside to greet me.
"What's wrong, honey" she whimpered, sensing my pain.
I rolled my eyes to the back of the truck.
She collapsed. She lay on the ground crying. She got up.
"OK, OK, we can get through this. We can get through anything."
She sprayed down the front of the car with the hose.
"Get in the passenger seat" she said quietly. It was now pitch black outside.
We drove for about an hour until we got to a chain-linked fence. She pulled up to the fence and stopped. She stared blankly ahead. The car backed up then plowed through the lightly guarded fence. We were at the harbor. The huge ships came in and out everyday to pick up and drop off cargo.
"Shirley works down here. She showed me how to open the crates one time. She said that a lot of these crates don't get opened for months after they're shipped."
I just sat in the car. My wife kept telling me how much she loved me and that everything would be alright. We could get through this.
She opened one of the giant crates. Those crates had humungous doors. She seemed to have the power of ten men when she popped those doors open. I just sat there.
Sally backed up the car halfway into one of the crates. I could hear her rolling the body out of the bed of the truck. Tears rolled down my cheeks like a river. I was frozen.
We were there for what seemed like an eternity. The sun began to rise.
We drove out of the docking area, away from the crates.
We sat watching the harbor. We saw ships come in and out. Silence filled us. A ship came in...the crate, our crate, was loaded onto it. I buried my eyes into my hands.
And the ship sailed away...
So long...
- VS -
Entry 2
It was a fine Saturday in August when my roommate William finally convinced me to accompany him to the Tall Ship Fair. I really didn't want to leave my couch and the baseball game to see some dumb wooden boats, but William has this persistent and annoying manner about him. He also has this sick fascination with sailing ships and anything to do with pirates, and the Tall Ship Fair was driving him into a frenzy."Avast, ye scurvy sea dog! Your matey wishes to see the tall ship fair at the harbor, and if ye don't accompany him, he will keelhaul you to Davy Jones locker!" William capered about in front of the TV to get my attention. His pirate-addled psychosis was in full affect.
"Dude, get out of the way. Bonds is up to bat," I told him as I craned to see the game.
"Shiver me timbers! A lily livered landlubber dares to give orders to the bloodthirsty buccaneer Deadeye William? I ought to give ye a taste of the cat-o-nine to improve your lubberly demeanor!" William unsuccessfully attempted a menacing glower, presumably to look like some sort of evil pirate.
"I see," I said unenthusiastically, "Well, I guess you're walking because I don't take too kindly to threats from old buccaneers." I was the only one of us with a car that ran, so William was at my mercy for a ride to the harbor.
"Arrr," pondered William for a good moment. "Perhaps I spoke in haste. Perchance we can strike a bargain where if you provide me conveyance to the Tall Ship Fair we can split a fine booty of pirate ale?"
Hmmm. Drive William to the harbor, listen to his insane pirate drivel, and then see some boring wooden boats, all for a measly few beers?
"Deal."
"Avast me Bucko!" exulted William triumphantly. "Let us weigh anchor, jib the mizzenmast, set three sails to the wind and plunder - "
"On the condition that you cut the pirate crap out, at least until we get there," I quickly added. He looked quite saddened by this stipulation.
"Uhhh, ok. Just let me get ready."
William went off to his room and left me in peace to watch the rest of the inning. When he came out a few minutes later I couldn't believe my eyes. William was dressed up in full pirate regalia. He had a captains hat, fake earrings, a puffy shirt, an eye patch and a plastic hook and sword combo. Worst of all, there was a mangy stuffed parrot attached to his shoulder.
"You have to be kidding me," I said in disbelief. "Is this Halloween or something? Do I seriously have to be seen with a grown man dressed as a pirate?"
"What!" protested William. "I put a lot of work into this outfit."
"Whatever man. Lets just go," I said, shaking my head in disgust. This whole thing was getting worse and worse by the minute.
"Just you wait and see dude. You will be amazed at how many chicks I pick up with this outfit." The sad thing is he was serious.
"Yeah, I bet," was my only response to that.
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I have to admit that when we got to the harbor and I saw the tall ships with my own eyes, I was impressed despite my initial misgivings. The thought that sailors were willing to risk life and limb, and even fight battles in these wooden ships impressed the hell out of me. I made a mental note to look further into the history of these ships when I had the chance.
What I didn't enjoy so much was the thronging crowds and William's constant stream of pirate nonsense. He was in a frenzy, like a kid on Saturday morning full of sugar smacks. He kept darting about to and fro and was singing a ridiculous pirate chantey repeatedly:
'Yo-ho yo-ho a pirate's life for me!'
I was just about to punch him in the face when we passed by a female crew member of one of the tall ships. She was standing beside the gangway escorting people on and off the ship. She was dressed as an old style sailor, with a head bandana, a loose fitting shirt, a red sash and wide legged trousers. She was quite attractive for a pirate wench.
"Hey man, watch this," William said as he nudged my ribs. "I'm going to use the best pickup line in history on this girl."
Oh great, I thought. This should be good.
William sauntered up to the sailor girl, held out his plastic hook in front of him and growled to her, "Yarrrrr!"
Unbelievingly she smiled at him and replied sweetly, "I like your parrot. What's your name?"
"I be Deadeye William I be. The most bloodthirsty pirate of the seven seas I am," William said as he moved in closer.
I couldn't believe it! The pickup line 'Yarrr' had actually worked. What kind of insanity was this? Either William had just picked out the dumbest girl in the world, or he was on to something with this pirate crap.
Just then I noticed another sailor girl walking towards the us. I just couldn't pass up this opportunity. I covered one eye with my left hand to make an eye patch, curled my middle finger into a makeshift hook and ran up to this new sailor girl. "Yarrr!" I said to her in my best pirate imitation, shaking my hooked finger in her face.
"Get lost freak," she spat as she shoved pass me.
Well that question had been answered.
Suddenly I heard a loud piratey voice that wasn't William's boom out, "What in the name of Lucifer's beard is this scurvy scallywag doing with my wench?!"
I turned around to see William surrounded by a gang of pirates. I couldn't belive my eyes - there were more people on this earth as pathetic as William who thought they were pirates.
The leader was a rather large and menacing man who had issues with William. He had at least another six of his goons, all dressed as pirates with him. I groaned aloud and then slowly made my way over to the commotion. I really didn't want to fight a bunch of morons in pirate outfits, but I couldn't let William get pummeled alone.
"I was just talking to her, dude. Chill out. Nothing happened!" William had abandoned his pirate act to try and talk his out of this mess.
"No lily-livered swab would dare talk to my wench if he valued his hide!" roared the pirate leader who was obviously as pirate crazy as William.
"What the hell is going on here? Are you ladies having a costume party or what?" I asked as I stood at William's side. I knew it would be a very one sided fight if it came to fisticuffs with these idiots, but when outnumbered it is important to radiate an air of confidence.
"If ye knew what was good for you ye would nose out of our business landlubber," said the pirate leader to me. He was slightly taken aback by my confrontational manner. However he did not back down.
William, whose confidence was buoyed by my appearance, found regained some of his pirate courage. "I am Deadeye William, the scourge of the seven seas! Ye would best be scuttling off if ye don't wish to face the edge of my sword!" Then William pulled out and brandished his plastic sword. I groaned inwardly and realized I should have just left William to get beaten up.
Before anyone could react, the pirate leader pulled a steel sword out of his scabbard and with a quick flourish swiped at the parrot on William's shoulder. The parrot's head toppled to the ground. His sword was a real one, not a cheep piece of plastic like William's.
Instantly William collapsed to the ground clutching the side of his head. "My ear! You cut my damn ear off you bastard!" he howled in pain and outrage. William's severed ear was indeed lying right beside the parrot head. Blood was pouring out from between his fingers.
"Oops! I must have over swung a bit there!" said the pirate leader, quite shocked at this turn of reality. Cutting off William's ear was obviously not his intention. "Well I guess you have learned your lesson you scurvy sea dog. Boys, girls, lets get the hell out of here before the cops arrive." He grabbed his protesting woman by the elbow and quickly led her and his cronies away from the scene.
I regarded William writhing on the ground for a long minute. I sighed and picked up his severed ear and parrot head and put them into my pocket.
------------------
The doctors stitched William's ear back on. We should know in a couple days whether it will stick or whether William will lose his ear forever. The prognosis is not good.
As I was taking him home I asked, "So, you're going to give up this pirate nonsense now right? I mean look what happened. You're probably going to lose your ear over it."
William looked thoughtful for a second, then gave his best Braveheart impression, "Yarrrr! They can take my ear, but they can never take my gold doubloons!"
I resisted the urge to tear his ear back off and instead slugged him in the gut.
Entry 1:
Circe
Spuds002
WiKi
zombieZero
4 eligible votes (4 total) *
Entry 2:
Anjie
cexshun
cigar
corn_nugget
darko
DavyJones
Dirtbird
Disektor
earth_collapse
Fulcrum
Gent
GhostWriter
girlreporter
Impassive-Digressive
jack11058
Jack_McCallum
JonnyX
Julia
kabigon
Kristen
LadyPlural
lojope
munkeypants
NerfHerder
runninginplace
salmonofdoubt
Seralena
sparkle_pink
Stabkill
stevie_says
thaumaturge
The_Wizard
tinactin
tlozoot
Vermin
William_Q_Percy
WillZone
xenon
32 eligible votes (38 total) *
* Eligible votes are those made by users who had either (A) posted 3+ messages OR (B) written 100+ [lowered from 750+] reviews as of the beginning of the UberMadness! competition.
User Reviews
Submitted by salmonofdoubt (user info) at 2004-10-13 19:43:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2004-10-13 19:04:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I was thinking #2 was too silly until I read this and had a laugh...
"Oops! I must have over swung a bit there!" said the pirate leader, quite shocked at this turn of reality. Cutting off William's ear was obviously not his intention. "Well I guess you have learned your lesson you scurvy sea dog. Boys, girls, lets get the hell out of here before the cops arrive."
Sometimes, silly is good.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-10-13 17:42:44 EDT (#)
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Submitted by girlreporter (user info) at 2004-10-13 17:03:21 EDT (#)
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Submitted by runninginplace (user info) at 2004-10-13 17:02:48 EDT (#)
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Submitted by Julia (user info) at 2004-10-13 16:10:42 EDT (#)
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Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2004-10-13 15:48:38 EDT (#)
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Yarrr!
Submitted by Anjie (user info) at 2004-10-13 11:09:34 EDT (#)
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Submitted by thaumaturge (user info) at 2004-10-13 10:37:38 EDT (#)
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Submitted by Dirtbird (user info) at 2004-10-13 09:48:43 EDT (#)
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Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2004-10-13 05:42:33 EDT (#)
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Yo ho ho and a barrel of votes.
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2004-10-13 02:00:28 EDT (#)
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Submitted by kabigon (user info) at 2004-10-13 00:37:37 EDT (#)
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Submitted by cigar (user info) at 2004-10-13 00:37:11 EDT (#)
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Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2004-10-13 00:16:12 EDT (#)
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Submitted by Seralena (user info) at 2004-10-12 23:30:28 EDT (#)
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Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2004-10-12 21:45:46 EDT (#)
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Pirates rock.
Submitted by tlozoot (user info) at 2004-10-12 21:34:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Buahahahahaha
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2004-10-12 18:45:14 EDT (#)
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<insert witty coment here>
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-10-12 16:36:15 EDT (#)
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Submitted by WiKi (user info) at 2004-10-12 15:25:22 EDT (#)
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Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-10-12 15:23:45 EDT (#)
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picture rule! #2 wins.
Submitted by Gent (user info) at 2004-10-12 14:16:38 EDT (#)
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No Comment
Submitted by xenon (user info) at 2004-10-12 14:13:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
nice
Submitted by zombieZero (user info) at 2004-10-12 13:38:18 EDT (#)
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No Comment
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-10-12 13:03:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Author 1 - Thank you.
Author 2 - Kick ass, I like that there was no revenge.
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2004-10-12 12:53:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Pirates.
Submitted by cexshun (user info) at 2004-10-12 12:36:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
#1 was good, but was 2 paragraphs of story and 3 pages of rambling, unnecessary buildup. #2 was pretty funny.
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-10-12 09:22:38 EDT (#)
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Submitted by Spuds002 (user info) at 2004-10-12 08:33:45 EDT (#)
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Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-10-12 06:37:48 EDT (#)
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haha 2. dumb yet funny.
Submitted by Fulcrum (user info) at 2004-10-12 04:20:45 EDT (#)
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Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2004-10-12 02:39:59 EDT (#)
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Submitted by GhostWriter (user info) at 2004-10-12 02:08:11 EDT (#)
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At first, the 2nd one caught me off guard and kind of in shock when he got his ear cut off. I thought "wow that was lame"...but then i started to laugh. Funny stuff, nice writing.
Submitted by DavyJones (user info) at 2004-10-12 01:29:51 EDT (#)
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Submitted by Vermin (user info) at 2004-10-12 01:10:31 EDT (#)
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Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-10-12 00:56:38 EDT (#)
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Submitted by earth_collapse (user info) at 2004-10-12 00:54:04 EDT (#)
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Heh
Submitted by Disektor (user info) at 2004-10-12 00:43:20 EDT (#)
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Pirates kick ass.
Submitted by The_Wizard (user info) at 2004-10-12 00:04:38 EDT (#)
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Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2004-10-12 00:00:23 EDT (#)
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Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2004-10-11 23:45:16 EDT (#)
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