My father's knives. (505 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.67 on 3 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <queensowntalia.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-10-12 01:06:32 EDT
Vodka flows through my veins. Apple vodka mixed with diet Vanilla coke (don't knock it till you've tried it). It feels good and bad at the same time. It takes the edge off black reality, adds pleasant fuzziness, but lurks at the bottom of my stomach, a promise of future nausea.
I want to do it. Badly. I probably will.
My situation: 27 years old and living in a room at my parents home. I'm such a winner.
That's besides the point. I share this room with my father's entire knife collection.
They range in size from a couple of inches right up to a full-fledged machete.
Not all are particularly sharp.
Over the course of the last couple months, I've discovered this.
Some are sharper than others. Some are preferable.
I dont know what leads to it. The urge to take these knives and cut my arms up. Slice them. Drawing blood is optimal - the desired result. I want to see that thin line of copper-flavored red appear across my arm. Anything less is a failure. An abysmal attempt.
Even now I have the fading marks from previous sessions. Still dark red with dried blood. Boring. They don't even hurt any more.
Why do I want this? I don't want to die. I don't seek oblivion, except in that sweet poisonous alcohol, a dulling of the senses. I'm not ready to abandon the sunrise and sunset. Something about each sweet painful slice (I have to be drunk to do it properly, lowering pain tolerance, raising acceptance), the thin line of blood. Its about feeling special.
I have a secret. It makes me special. Instead of bland, not too intelligent, not too liked, few friends, I'm special. Oh yes, each mark on my arm, something no one knows. (except, apparently, an online community of anonymous internet users. Go figure.)I savor that feeling. I cling to it. Theres not much else to cling to.
Id like to really gash myself one of these days. Watch the blood flow down my arm. Wonder if I would pass out. But its all about pain tolerance. Mine is low, and few of my father's knives remain sharp.
User Reviews
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2004-10-13 02:13:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
i'd resubmit this if i were you
Submitted by cigar (user info) at 2004-10-13 02:01:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2004-10-12 01:09:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You need to stay away from Lojope then.....