Visiting Circe (1004 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: Untruth
Rating: 1.44 on 29 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Snark << snarkk.at.gmail.com (View user info) at 2004-10-12 12:20:41 EDT
VISITING CIRCE
"Hey... Did you see where I put my baby?"
I stared down at the empty Port'A'Crib beneath me in puzzlement an unopened beer held out uselessly in my hand.
Circe's drowsy reply floated down the hall, barely audible "You left it in the crib"
I leaned forward and checked under the blanket again as a tinge of worry began to grow within me.
"No it's not"
The familiar creak of her bedsprings was followed by the soft bray of the Jumbuck and a mumbled curse as she exhaustedly struggled to get up from under it. Worriedly I busied myself with searching the nooks and crannies of her sparsely furnished spare bedroom for my lost infant.
"Could've sworn I put it in here somewhere"
Circe entered the room and glided to the side of the crib, her plastic wrap pajamas squeaking pleasingly.
"Hmmm" she said "You're right... do you remember the last place you saw it?"
I scratched my head and did my best to think back.
"I can't really remember. I think we had it with us at dinner but we were pretty drunk, then afterwards we had all that sex... I kind of remember it moved at one point so I brought it in here..."
"I kind of remember that too" She said "I had to unchain you from the wall"
"Yeah" I said and then caught my mistake and quickly replied "Yes Mistress"
Luckily she ignored my faux pas and instead ran one hand through her fiery hair to smooth the chaotic results of the night's adventures. "How come you're up anyways? You should be exhausted"
I held out the unopened beer in my hand "I was worried Canadian babies might not handle the heat here that well so I figured I would bring it a Cool One"
"That's sweet"
"Yeah" I replied "Sometimes it makes noise, then I give it beer and it stops"
She nodded her head in solemn agreement "The golden rule of parenting... Hey, did you look under the crib?"
"Yeah" I said as I crossed to the closet "I've looked everywhere but here"
I slid the wooden door open with a squeak and anxiously peered inside, then squealed with joy as my eyes focused on a small baby lying on a pile of Tucker bags. I leaned down and grabbed it by one plump leg then quickly stood and held it over my head triumphantly.
"Here it is!"
Circe giggled and clapped her hands with then stopped and took a step forward to get a closer look as a slight frown made its way across her full red lips.
"Hmmm" she said "I'm not so sure that's a real baby"
"Huh?" I turned my prize as it dangled upside down in my hands so I could see its face "How can you tell?"
"Well it's been awhile but I don't think they're made out of plastic"
I switched my grip to its torso and held it out so we could both get a good look.
"Maybe it's just dehydrated" I said "How else can you tell?"
Circe bit her bottom lip in thought for a second "Well... like you said, they make noise sometimes... give it a squeeze"
I gently squeezed its torso and was immediately rewarded with a tinny angelic response.
"Ma Ma"
"Woohoo!" I shouted "That settles it! It's a baby!"
"Not so fast sport" She replied, her sculpted brow creased with concern "Here, let me have a look"
I tossed it over to her then paced the room much like an expectant father. Finally, after what seemed like a lifetime she voiced her decision.
"Nope this definitely isn't the real thing"
"Shit!" I yelled "How can you tell?"
"Well... it doesn't stink" she replied then moved her hand to its face, tracing the smooth round contours with the skilled fingers of a Circe "I seem to remember babies faces are soft and this one's hard"
"Hard" I echoed, the word almost catching in my throat.
"Hard and smooth" she said.
"Yeah" I replied as I took a step towards her "Hard"
"And smooth" she replied huskily as she ran her moist red tongue slowly over her lips and seductively began to unwind the plastic wrap from around her waist.
"And Hard" I said as I slipped out of the S Club Seven boxers she'd bought for me earlier that day.
"Smooth too" she replied as the last of the plastic fell away from her body to reveal
oh
to rev
ashnslleihj89n3,,a23
!
That's better.
Shit where was I?
Oh yeah.
Twenty minutes later the doll's leg came out with a loud wet *Pop* and we both stood up naked and panting.
"Want a beer?" I asked
"Sure!" she replied cheerily "Oh wait... the baby!"
I brought the palm of my hand hard against the side of my head "Fuck Yeah! We'd better find it first!" Frantically I searched the room again with my eyes, then her, then the room again, then her. Finally I gave up and raised my hands in the air in abject frustration "Damn it! It's got to be around here somewhere!"
Circe placed a warm consoling hand on my shoulder "Don't worry Snark darling, we'll find it... how come you always refer to it as 'It' anyways?" she asked "Didn't you check what sex it is when you found it?"
I shook my head in response "I respect its privacy"
"That's sweet"
Her kind words fell on partially deaf ears as a knot of panic began to slowly turn in my stomach. I had never lost a baby before but something told me it probably wasn't a good thing. In desperation I shut my eyes tight and did my best to come up with a solution to the problem at hand then opened them and did a happy dance as an idea sprung to life.
"Maybe if we called it!"
Without waiting for a response I cupped my hands to the sides of my mouth and shouted the best baby call I could muster.
"Pip Pip! Here baby! C'mon Baby! Atsa Baby! C'mon! C'mon! Soooeeee!"
We waited in silence as the echoes of my call reverberated through the house.
Nothing.
"Shit!"
I was about to give up, give her my beer and go to the kitchen to grab one for myself when I noticed a look of absolute horror on her face. Slowly I turned to follow her gaze to the open window on the far wall then watched as she ran to it and stuck her head out to peer at the ground below.
After a moment she straightened up and turned towards me, her face a mixture of terror and sorrow.
"Tracks" she whispered.
"Huh?"
"Snark... I'm so sorry... Dingo's stole your baby"
My natural cynicism roared to life "That's kind of hard to believe. How can you be sure?"
"I was raised by them as a child, trust me I know"
Something about the look on her face and the way we had just had sex told me she wasn't lying.
I stood there for a moment in disbelief as the realization of what had happened kicked in, then pulled out two handfuls of hair and stomped my foot on the ground "Fuck! That's just great. My friends are never gonna let me live this down!"
"If only we'd paid more attention" she moaned "If only we hadn't lost ourselves in drink and carnal pleasure!"
"Yes!" I shouted "It was the sex! That's it! No more sex!"
We looked at each other for a moment in silence and then simultaneously broke into uncontrollable laughter.
"Yeah right" she said in between spasms.
"Like that'll happen" I managed to grunt.
Five minutes later we managed to get control of ourselves when Circe suddenly stood stiff with shock and exclaimed "Wait! Maybe it's not too late. Sometimes the Dingo's stop to drink at the Billabong. If we go now we might catch them."
"Woohoo!" I shouted. I had no idea what a Billabong was but nevertheless a rush of hope stampeded through me like a herd of old ladies into the last Casino Bus.
I stood aside and let her lead me to the front door, partly because I'm a gentleman and partly because it gave me a nice view of her gently swaying recently spanked ass.
Mmmmmmmm.
Where was I?
Door!
Moments later we reached the front door and I tore my eyes from her rosy cheeks as she threw it open and stepped outside. I made to follow her through the threshold then paused as fear and indecision fought for a strangle hold on my short and curlies, or rather where they would have been had she not shaved them off the day before.
Circe turned to make sure I was following then stopped and raised a questioning eyebrow.
"You coming?" she asked.
"I can't" I replied sheepishly.
"Why not?"
"I'm Canadian" I explained "There's no snow... I'll get lost"
I closed my eyes and cringed, waiting for the inevitable admonishment but none came.
"That's OK" she said cheerily "You'd probably scare them off with your freaky Canuck farmer tan anyways. You go wait inside. I shouldn't be too long"
With an eye pleasing bounce she turned and faded naked into the night like a Circe. I blew a grateful kiss towards her as I watched her ass fade into the Outback and silently prayed she wouldn't run into the Great Humungus and his evil henchmen. After a short while I closed the door and took a seat at the dining room table where I had left my unfinished crossword puzzle. Not wanting to waste time foolishly while she was out searching I picked it up and did my best to solve the final word.
"Four across, second letter is an A" I mused. Nothing came to mind so I read the hint for the hundredth time "Possible result of unprotected sex between a male and female"
"Ahaa" I yelled in triumph "Orgasm!"
Several minutes later I realized that the word "Orgasm" was longer than four words so I shortened it to "Gasm" and pounded the rest of my beer in triumph then stood up and practiced my happy dance.
Half way through my dance the front door opened and my Aussy Succubus stepped through, her head bowed in defeat.
"I couldn't find it anywhere" she said dejectedly "I looked under the porch and in the Billabong, I even checked under the Coolabah tree but nothing... just nothing... but I found this"
She raised the flat V shaped piece of wood she held in one hand and looked at me with a hopeful half smile.
"Cool" I said "What is it?"
"It's a Boomerang" she replied "You throw it and it comes back to you"
"Yay!" I cried clapping my hands with joy. "Then what do you do?"
"We run away" she said her smile stretching across her entire face "It's great fun!"
"Sweeet! Hey... want a beer?"
"Sure!"
I got up and went to the fridge as she closed the door behind her then took her own seat at the dining table.
In keeping with a one of the oldest Canadian traditions I carefully tucked little Snark between my legs to protect him from the inevitable blast of cold air and pulled open the door of the fridge to peer inside, then took a quick startled step back and said "Hey! Here he is!"
The baby on the top of the shelf looked at me and gave me a cherubic grin and said "Ma Ma"
Circe sprung up from the table and ran to stand beside me "Yay!" she squealed as she threw her arms around me and gave me a big wet kiss "Dingo's didn't steal your baby!"
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I've watched Road Warrior about 14 times and never once seen a dingo. I don't think they really exist.
"I must have left it in there when I grabbed its beer" I said cheerfully.
Circe removed her arms from around my neck and gave me a stern look "Snark darling, it could have froze to death!"
"Nah, it's Canadian... hey let's celebrate!" I said as I slammed the door shut.
She gave me one of her seductive Circe smiles and said "I think it's your turn to be the Bad Cop" then ran her Circe fingers in little circles around her Circe nipples while I turned and slowly slid my open palm over her Circe navel and down between her Circe legs...
Oh
She parted
L(*&WL###L^(69
!!
so good
User Reviews
Submitted by johnny.b.dumb (user info) at 2009-04-02 01:44:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
lame as fuck. Is there a point?
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2009-04-02 01:28:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Just the title made my nipples hard. And then I did stuff.
Where am I?
Submitted by Jo_of_the_golden_P (user info) at 2004-11-29 21:36:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-11-19 20:23:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-10-13 00:54:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ok, I have arrived at the conclusion that Circe is a slut...a fickle one at that. Plus, she is my baby's momma!
Submitted by indepth25 (user info) at 2004-10-13 00:50:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"And Hard" I said as I slipped out of the S Club Seven boxers she'd bought for me earlier that day.
- S Club Seven, I knew you were a sick and distrubing individual but now I can see it goes a lot deeper then I ever thought... damn you and one upping everyone BASTARD!
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-10-13 00:47:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I'm Canadian" I explained "There's no snow... I'll get lost"
effin GOLD
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2004-10-12 23:12:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
*smirks at the title*
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2004-10-12 22:02:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't know, I thought this was pretty damn funny
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2004-10-12 20:07:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the whole damn post. And for Circe's comment.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2004-10-12 19:23:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Smooth too" she replied as the last of the plastic fell away from her body to reveal
oh
to rev
ASHnslleihj89n3,,a23
!
______
Coincidence? I think not!
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-10-12 16:04:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-10-12 15:44:22 (#)
Ranking: 2
ETS, you're an even bigger asshole than he is.
Not by much, though.
Snark, I can't overstate how fucking funny this is. I came back to reread it, just because it makes me giggle like a schoolgirl. A catholic schoolgirl, having her first experience with a strong warm hand moving insistently, surely, with purely male firmness, up her inner thigh; that nervous, low laughter, followed by a soft intake of breath and her eyelids half closing as her back arches and the heat in her body demands that she submit to what she needs, what she craves, what she thinks about in the darkness before dawn when her hands explore her own secret hollows and her breath comes faster and the world fades away to be replaced by the hot pleasures of the flesh and oh god, yes, right there, and she parts her thighs and her hips lift and her teeth are in her bottom lip and....
[ANNOUNCEMENT: We are experiencing technical difficulties. We apologise for the inconvenience.]
--------------------------------
Oh, I think I've discovered the technical problem...shall I restore the feed?
*grins a wide and devilish grin, rubbing hands together in immanent victory, exclaiming: "MUHAHAHAHAHA!" while getting a blow job from a Dingo-reared baby*
Submitted by SwissCamel (user info) at 2004-10-12 15:56:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Too long
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2004-10-12 15:47:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That reply was not fair!!!
I'm at work and don't have spare underwear.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-10-12 15:44:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ETS, you're an even bigger asshole than he is.
Not by much, though.
Snark, I can't overstate how fucking funny this is. I came back to reread it, just because it makes me giggle like a schoolgirl. A catholic schoolgirl, having her first experience with a strong warm hand moving insistently, surely, with purely male firmness, up her inner thigh; that nervous, low laughter, followed by a soft intake of breath and her eyelids half closing as her back arches and the heat in her body demands that she submit to what she needs, what she craves, what she thinks about in the darkness before dawn when her hands explore her own secret hollows and her breath comes faster and the world fades away to be replaced by the hot pleasures of the flesh and oh god, yes, right there, and she parts her thighs and her hips lift and her teeth are in her bottom lip and....
[ANNOUNCEMENT: We are experiencing technical difficulties. We apologise for the inconvenience.]
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2004-10-12 15:33:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hehehe
It was a fun visit.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-10-12 15:29:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Does he really have to "make you out to be" ANY of those things, Circe?
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-10-12 15:13:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!
Snark, you asshole!! I thought you were kidding.... fuck, I laughed at this. I'm still laughing. You rock. Even when you're making me out to be some kind of sex obsessed dingo whisperer who should be locked away, you rock.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2004-10-12 14:21:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks ETS,
I only pay attention with the Necro series.
I posted this as a joke for Circe (She knows it's coming)
It's definitely not my best writing but I didn't post this one for ratings.
I've been wanting to play with the whole "Dingo's stole your baby" thing for a long time.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-10-12 14:15:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Snark, pay no attention to the rabble; this is funny as fuck!
Submitted by Xena (user info) at 2004-10-12 13:45:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Naw, it's Canadian!
Submitted by Smurfs (user info) at 2004-10-12 13:42:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
...wtf?
Submitted by sis <sismo12345.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-10-12 13:39:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Hey Snark, pretty good. It's hard to believe that your a parent." Possible result of unprotected sex between a male and a female". "Ahha".I yelled in triumph." Orgasm". Nice Boy not too smart. Your smilimg friend Sis.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-10-12 13:33:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I don't get it.
Probably because I DIDN'T get through all that.
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2004-10-12 13:28:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Can't believe I read all that...
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-10-12 13:24:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So THAT's why she doesn't respond to my IM's...she's busy looking for babies!
Can't blame her...it is one of the world's most beloved past-times.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2004-10-12 13:22:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks to The Road Warrior and the lyrics to Waltzing Matilda for teaching me everything I know about the land down under.
Submitted by the_lone_stranger (user info) at 2004-10-12 12:41:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow! That's pretty much how things went when I visited too. We should all visit together.
Submitted by Monarch (user info) at 2004-10-12 12:37:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have no clue where the hell all this came from, but I laughed my ass off.
+2.
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2004-10-12 12:30:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yawn. I am sure someone will find it worth reading, but it didn't make me smile, and it sure as fuck isn't kicker of all ass.