The Only Similarity Between You and a Bird Is the Size of Your Brain (An Open Letter to Nelly Furtado) (529 hits)
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Submitted by Quasiplasmohedron (View user info) at 2004-10-13 22:31:37 EDT
Dear Ms. Furtado,
I am writing concerning a song of yours titled "I'm like a Bird." You might remember that it was played incessantly on the radio a few years ago, causing many thousands of people to commit suicide and/or move to Afghanistan (this was before Afghans were permitted to listen to Western music - you may well be a large part of the reason that the Taliban has been able to regain control of much of the country, but I digress). In your song, you sing,
"I'm like a bird, I only fly away
I don't know where my soul is, I don't know where my home is."
You stupid twat! What kind of retarded fucking bird doesn't know where it's home is? How exactly do you think that birds return to the same spot every summer? Dumb luck? In fact, migratory birds have TWO homes, and they know where both of them are, which is more than you could say before your nasal voice polluted the airwaves and brought you riches beyond the wildest dreams of most birds.
You would have been better off to have titled your song "I'm like a Bum," or, to be politically correct, "I'm like a Homeless Person." Other possibilities include "I'm like a Moron," "I'm like Dick Cheney," and "I'm like Someone Who Was Hit on the Head and Got Amnesia and Can't Remember Where They Live." Perhaps in your future songs you'd be so kind as to leave out the horrible analogies and stick to what you know, which, judging by your song titles, is restricted to misspelling words and "Shit on the Radio."
Sincerely,
A Concerned Citizen
P.S. Given your obvious lack of knowledge of birdly things, I'm also curious to know if you are responsible for the following advertisement:
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Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2004-11-24 11:53:43 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
ouch!