The Only Similarity Between You and a Bird Is the Size of Your Brain (An Open Letter to Nelly Furtado) (1109 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.02 on 31 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Quasiplasmohedron (View user info) at 2004-10-13 22:32:48 EDT
Dear Ms. Furtado,
I am writing concerning a song of yours titled "I'm like a Bird." You might remember that it was played incessantly on the radio a few years ago, causing many thousands of people to commit suicide and/or move to Afghanistan (this was before Afghans were permitted to listen to Western music - you may well be a large part of the reason that the Taliban has been able to regain control of much of the country, but I digress). In your song, you sing,
"I'm like a bird, I only fly away
I don't know where my soul is, I don't know where my home is."
You stupid twat! What kind of retarded fucking bird doesn't know where it's home is? How exactly do you think that birds return to the same spot every summer? Dumb luck? In fact, migratory birds have TWO homes, and they know where both of them are, which is more than you could say before your nasal voice polluted the airwaves and brought you riches beyond the wildest dreams of most birds.
You would have been better off to have titled your song "I'm like a Bum," or, to be politically correct, "I'm like a Homeless Person." Other possibilities include "I'm like a Moron," "I'm like Dick Cheney," and "I'm like Someone Who Was Hit on the Head and Got Amnesia and Can't Remember Where They Live." Perhaps in your future songs you'd be so kind as to leave out the horrible analogies and stick to what you know, which, judging by your song titles, is restricted to misspelling words and "Shit on the Radio."
Sincerely,
A Concerned Citizen
P.S. Given your obvious lack of knowledge of birdly things, I'm also curious to know if you are responsible for the following advertisement:
User Reviews
Submitted by willartstorg (user info) at 2009-09-16 20:43:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
funny as doodles fuckin his dad
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2009-09-16 18:11:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
still funny
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-11-21 07:34:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
AHAHAHAHAHAH!!
I loved it; I luffed, I cried, I urinated an echidna...
what?!?!
Submitted by Jay_Bassman (user info) at 2005-03-20 08:22:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by zxcvvcxz (user info) at 2004-10-14 11:12:40 (#)
Ranking: 1
That song drove me insane. It's taken me forever to forget about it.
Thanks for bringing it back up.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-03-20 07:25:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahaha the article...
Submitted by Wazza (user info) at 2005-03-16 02:30:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
yEP THAT HIT THE SPOT!
Submitted by TimeCop (user info) at 2004-11-27 03:29:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
My neighbor had a dog, and every morning before he went to school we would put the dog in this giant birdhouse and tell him that it was a doghouse, and he had built it himself. And every morning he would take it out and tell us that his dog must be a bird.
Then one day, the dog leapt up to catch a frisbee, and just flew off, like a bird...
We never saw it again.
No wait, that's what his parents told him. The dog got put to sleep because he was too horny.
Submitted by Jo_of_the_golden_P (user info) at 2004-11-27 03:04:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
heh heh heh
She is so annoying
Submitted by zxcvvcxz (user info) at 2004-10-14 11:12:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
That song drove me insane. It's taken me forever to forget about it.
Thanks for bringing it back up.
Submitted by big_wigger (user info) at 2004-10-14 10:57:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
a critical breakdown of the lyrics of a pop-song is sort of like shooting fish in a barrel
-1 for being untimely
-1 cuz i like that song
Submitted by BlinkSparky (user info) at 2004-10-14 05:31:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
nice and original
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-10-14 05:16:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you are quite on top of things.
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2004-10-14 01:32:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking birds.
Submitted by ornerybastard (user info) at 2004-10-14 00:47:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd nail Nelly Furtado provided anything but her music was playing at the time.
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2004-10-14 00:30:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I'm like Someone Who Was Hit on the Head and Got Amnesia and Can't Remember Where They Live."
+2 just for that. I just heard that song on the radio
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2004-10-14 00:08:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I love this because it's so random. I don't think I've heard that song in 2 years at LEAST.
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2004-10-13 23:58:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ahhhh, +2 then for me not getting the joke.
Very good, sir.
Submitted by Quasiplasmohedron (user info) at 2004-10-13 23:56:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Matt, that was hilarious. In case people can't tell, this was a joke. She does have some good songs.
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2004-10-13 23:49:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
and a +1 to even it out.
Because let's face it.... I still like ya.
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2004-10-13 23:48:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
It is called: Poetic license
Hey now
All your children
Leave your lights on
You better leave your lights on,
Cause there's a monster
Livin' under your bed
......
"DURRR!! WTF SANTANA YOU STUPID TWAT!?!?!!1 EVRYBODY NOWS THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS MONSTERS!!!!1!"
Nice try.
Submitted by Natalia_Everitt (user info) at 2004-10-13 23:45:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought it was pretty funny...
But I'm high as kite.
Submitted by Blitzen (user info) at 2004-10-13 23:42:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
i've got no beef with Nelly Furtado. she's canadian, she's got some talent, she's got some morals..
how many hit songs have you written??
Submitted by Quasiplasmohedron (user info) at 2004-10-13 23:37:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I care, because it STILL gets stuck in my head sometimes.
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2004-10-13 23:36:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
She rules, you suck. Her friends call her Smelly Fartodour.
Submitted by Sepsis (user info) at 2004-10-13 23:29:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Dude.. that song was on the radio years and years ago.
who cares?
Submitted by Quasiplasmohedron (user info) at 2004-10-13 23:28:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Salmon (user info) at 2004-10-13 23:02:09 (#)
Ranking: -2
What about that really famous song YOU wrote. Oh yeah. You suck.
I guess you didn't realise it, but I'M RICK JAMES, BITCH!
(Sorry, but I've never before seen anyone say that in a context that made sense)
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2004-10-13 23:02:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn straight! FIght the... power?
Submitted by Salmon (user info) at 2004-10-13 23:02:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
What about that really famous song YOU wrote. Oh yeah. You suck.
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2004-10-13 22:47:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
that bitch is sexy
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2004-10-13 22:42:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
owned? :)
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2004-10-13 22:35:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Because I agree with you completely.