Sicking it Up (short fiction for those of you who are nearly all scrolled out...) (678 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: Disgusting
Rating: 1.54 on 14 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Jack McCallum (View user info) at 2004-10-14 14:30:23 EDT
Sicking it Up
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At lunch hour I went down to the cafeteria. The other fellows from the institute's engineering department were already at our regular table. I moved through the serving line, realizing with a start that today was Wednesday. Flan day. I hoped I wasn't too late. I pushed my tray along the line and when I reached the dessert display case I saw it. Ernesto's Magic Flan. There was one serving left. I grabbed it quickly.
When I sat down at the table I saw that Hawkins and Laporte also had little plates on their trays, square slices of the world's most delicious flan awaiting them. I was looking forward to eating my own flan. The only dessert I liked as much as Ernesto's Magic Flan was my wife's fantastic rice pudding.
Gilroy was sitting beside me, chewing listlessly on a bland sandwich. He had an apple for dessert.
"Hey Gil," I said, you missed out on the flan."
Gilroy said nothing, his eyes twitching down to my tray and away to the window. He put down his sandwich.
"You look kinda' green, Gil," Hawkins said.
Gilroy said nothing. He looked Hawkins in the eye, looked down at Hawkins' flan, and then grabbed his apple and left the cafeteria.
I shot the shit with Laporte and the Hawk, and when lunch was over I was back at my desk studying a set of blueprints. A shadow moved over the page and I looked up.
"Did you eat the flan?" Gilroy asked. He was pale, a film of perspiration sparkling on his high forehead.
I nodded. "Delicious. You should have tried it."
Gilroy shuddered and looked like he was going to throw up. "Don't," he said.
I frowned. "Don't what?"
"Don't eat the flan. Next time they serve it.. don't."
"What's up with you, Gil? Ernesto's flan is my favorite dessert."
"Do you know where it comes from?"
I shrugged. "They make it fresh every Wednesday. It says so on the menu board."
Gilroy gave me a sickly smile, his throat working silently for a moment. "Oh yeah. Fresh. Every Wednesday."
I asked Gil if he had a hair up his ass about something. He looked at me a long time. Then he spoke in a whisper.
"Listen. Coupla' weeks ago, Willard, the cafeteria manager, asked me if I could go into the kitchen and take a look at his sink. It was clogged, he said, and a plumber would cost him a frigging fortune. He said if I could fix the sink before lunchtime he'd buy me a case of beer, and pay for any parts I might need."
I asked Gil to cut to the chase. I had to finish checking these blues before tomorrow morning.
"I got my tools and crawled under the sink," Gil said. "It was a big sink, lots of room under there so I was sort of hidden away while I was working on the pipe. I got the elbow off and cleaned some crud out of it, and when I was finishing the job I heard somebody come hustling in to the kitchen. It was Ernesto."
Gilroy looked over his shoulder, as if to make sure we were still alone in the room. "He got one of those long, low Tupperware containers, yunno, the big ones, and put it on the table in front of him. Then he puked in it."
"No shit?" I asked.
Gilroy nodded. "He sicked up this pale, pasty stuff. It came out of him slow, but it was really thick, like he was barfing up the world's biggest candle. It looked steaming hot, and when the tray was full and it settled, he wiped his mouth and put the tray in the freezer. When he stepped out of the kitchen a few minutes later I crawled out from under the sink, gathered up my tools and got the hell outta' there. As I was leaving Ernesto rushed back in and took the tray out of the freezer. The last thing I saw was him cutting stuff that looked like flan into little portions. And leaving the cafeteria I noticed the menu board. It said, 'Wednesday's special. Ernesto's Magic Flan. Made fresh daily.'"
Gilroy looked like he was going to say more when Hawkins came through the door. "Don't eat the flan," Gil whispered, leaving the room.
I thought about Gil's story all afternoon, but by the time I got home it was forgotten.
When I opened the front door I could smell a roast cooking. I smiled. Roast beef was a sure sign my favorite dessert (other than Ernesto's Magic Flan) was going to be served. I went into the kitchen and kissed my wife on the cheek. She returned the kiss, and then leaned over a serving bowl and began sicking up that delicious rice pudding.
User Reviews
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-01-11 01:04:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you have a twisted little mind, that's for sure.
well written - found it from Rad's post.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2005-10-29 10:30:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Ew!
This explains my dislike for both flan and rice pudding.
I love tapioca, though. Please don't fuck that up for me. <begging eyes>
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-07-31 16:16:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Supreme Overlord damage repair...
Submitted by Supreme_Overlord (user info) at 2005-07-21 22:09:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
shite
Submitted by horse87 (user info) at 2004-10-18 18:31:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey....
You might want to explain to these nice people how that story is based on a real incident. (..which, as I recall, is almost as funny....)
And since we're on the topic of fucked up food, you should also tell the story about your little 'coffee additive' episode from about the same time period.
Heaven forbid Uberusers should think you're normal.....
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-10-14 21:35:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2004-10-14 16:47:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-10-14 16:31:41 (#)
Ranking: 1
Fight Club
--
Well, I wrote this back in 1991, so...
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-10-14 16:36:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
bonjour jacques
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-10-14 16:31:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Fight Club
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2004-10-14 16:07:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
never tried flan. jerk off daily to the thought of rice pudding.
Submitted by cigar (user info) at 2004-10-14 16:06:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2004-10-14 15:27:11 (#)
Ranking: 0
meh...
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yeah, but Jack = +2.
Submitted by cf7 at 2004-10-14 15:32:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
MMMM, Flan.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2004-10-14 15:27:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
meh...
Submitted by Timmah (user info) at 2004-10-14 15:10:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
pretty good but the ending was slightly predictable
Submitted by ICO (user info) at 2004-10-14 15:07:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nicely Rancid
Submitted by Monarch (user info) at 2004-10-14 14:33:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Disturbing. But well done.
*vomits*