Rub-A-Dub-Dub, Two Men in a Tub, or Public Shower Etiquette (5951 hits)
Category: PoliticsRating: 1.85 on 36 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Jonukah (View user info) at 2004-10-15 01:28:54 EDT
Rub-a-dub-dub—Two men in a public shower.
I love to people-watch. People are amusing creatures. Have you ever stopped to thing how terribly goofy we are in our day-to-day activities and interactions with each other? Ever tried to imagine yourself as an alien from another planet watching the humans and commenting like some Intergalactic Geographic Magazine article? I have, and it probably isn't that far a fetch more me. Much of my time at work at Sears (aka, dicking around in the mall) is spent in camouflage with binoculars, perched up in one of the palm trees that they plant in the middle of the damn eatery for no apparent reason.
Okay, maybe it is sitting in a chair in front of the movie store, ogling over the girl with the incredible ass who works there as I people-watch, but that isn't as amusing a visual, now is it? Anyway, as I people-watch, I acknowledged something about the way people look at people that I picked up from a girl who once took psychology class, and is therefore an absolute truth, since social sciences are never, ever wrong, and neither are college-bound stoners. Right? Regardless, here is aforementioned acknowledgment:
As part of our animal instinct, when we first look upon each other, we search for eye contact. Upon eye-contact, there is an instinctual raising of the eyebrows, which I have heard from said girl is to acknowledge that we recognize the other as a member of our species. Upon recognizing them as a member, we then look...for their "member," or lack thereof, to determine that person's sex. Of course, with 99.98% (edumacated guess), we can tell that by looking at their face without ever searching or sniffing the groin, but I have heard this is part of our animal instinct, and it sounds reasonable enough to me. I know that I look at my groin often enough to determine my own sex, and sometimes I....with that is another story.
"So what," you ask. Or state, apparently. I can never remember the proper format for quoting a question within a statement, whether or not to include a question mark, etc. I know a lovely lady that I most recently tried to E-court via www.hotornot.com who is a full-time editor and would know such things, but she broke up with me before we ever even went out on a date. So sad. How cares, yada-yada-yada, ANYwayssss....
SO, I was taking a shower at school today after my strenuous workout, which is always a good courtesy to the students of my next class, when another guy walks into the showers. This sort of thing happens frequently, which I suppose is why they call them "public showers." Now, I've come a long way since elementary school, when I wouldn't go into a public shower without my bathing suit on.
<<<<<<<<<<<<Just a little trip down memory lane sprung from that last note: When I was around ten, I would often visit the sports-club my grandparents had a membership to, which included a lovely pool, tennis bubble, sauna, great pizza, and hot showers. There are two things I remember distinctly from those times: The ungodly sight of my grandfather's balls, and the ungodly site of my grandfather's feet.
I remember my grandfather telling me every time he got out of that shower with all of those nasty old men to ALWAYS make sure that I COMPLETELY and THOROUGHLY dried my feet after getting out the shower. Why, I asked? To stave off athletes-foot. I'll tell you fucking-what. All it took me was hearing it once and looking at those nasty feet, and I got the message. I got the message SCORCHED INTO MY FUCKING BRAIN! To this day, you will never see me get out of the shower without thoroughly drying my feet, I swear to God. Not only that, but no parcel of clothing nor human, once out of the shower, can touch me until I am FULLY dried.
I remember sharing a shower with beautiful young lady once, and retiring to her bedroom before my hair was dried. BEFORE MY HAIR WAS DRIED! Thankfully, I was drunk at the time, so I didn't have quite the hissy-fit/panic attack that I would have otherwise. Still, I think she was a little put-off by the fact that she wanted sex, and I wanted dry hair. We may have compromised by making sure there was a towel in between my head and everything else at all times, I don't quite remember.
This is the reason that I could never be in a triatholon.
"JON ELKINS is the first to come out of the five-mile swim to start one hundred miles of cycling, EIGHTEEN minutes ahead of second. He is dashing to his bike, NO WAIT! He is running to....to.....A TOWel? And.......HE'S DRYING OFF! And.........HE'S DRYING OFF SOME MORE!....Man.....never seen a man so obsessed...."
<27 minutes later>
"And Jon is BACK ON TRACK, starting the cycling, now is 157th place......."
And it really doesn't help, not in the slightest, that I'm a real hairy son of a bitch. Damn water retention....damn obsessive compulsive tendencies....meh....can't be helped.
Now where the fuck was I in my original story?>>>>>>>>>>>
So, I'm an adult now. Apparently. Comfortable with my body, comfortable wit my sexuality, and just a little obsessive-compulsive. I get undressed, grab my little black shower-bag, and walk into the shower of the UB locker room. In walks another man, natural instinct kicks in, we make eye contact, raise eyebrows, man, he's got a really big penis, and on with my shower.
My theory: EVERYONE peeks. Or I'm just gay. Either way. But I am leaning towards the former theory. I think no matter who you are, how you brought up, who is your god, EVERYONE peeks. So what? We're mammals. What is wrong with animal instinct?
Nothing. Yet, we try to deny it. We stare at the floor, we stare at the wall, we stare at the ceiling, when spoken to, we lift our chins up just a little bit higher than we normally would as to deter ourselves from noticing it with our peripheral vision. Then, when he is turned slightly away, and our arms are brought up to the sides of our head while washing our hair and conveniently blocking him out from our vision, we turn ever-so-slightly to grab our conditioner, and we steal our peak. Or, that is just me, and I'm gay. Either way, I don't care.
However, I think there should be a change in public shower etiquette. Why all this denial and secrecy and turbulence? When you meet a man anywhere else besides the shower, you shake their hand and say hello. I think, when you are in a public shower, and someone walks in, you should offer the same honest courtesy.
"Hello"
"Hi"
<shake their hand>
"How's your penis?"
<looks down>
"Fine, how's your--"
<looks down>
"....Damn, sorry man."
<shrugs shoulders>
"Meh. Not your fault."
"Nah, man. I'm reeeeeally sorry. How do you even...."
"Meh, I go for petite women. No biggie"
"I can see that"
"......."
"......."
"Carry on then"
"Carry on"
Why can't we be open and honest about it, and get it the fuck over with?
___________________________________________________________________________
<Sigh> Writing a post about seeing guys in the shower. To what level will I sink to next?
^This is what happens to people when they exposed to something of a sexually-explicit nature under the age of twelve. Like your grandfather's nasty balls, let alone his nasty feet and toenails. <shudders> Really. Ask Doctor Drew on Loveline. Because people on radio can't possibly be wrong. So, we should all listen to Doctor Drew, and we should ALL go to therapy and talk about our FEELINGS and raise the cost of healthcare for people who really need it.
___________________________________________________________________________
I could not POSSIBLY have found a better picture to go along with this post, besides maybe a cam-whoring shot of me to BigMike's glee.
User Reviews
Submitted by Chillax (user info) at 2005-05-17 15:21:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Aye, I did mean to +2 this. Whoops.
Submitted by Chillax (user info) at 2005-05-17 15:21:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-10-15 03:50:13 (#)
Ranking: 2
p.s EVERYONE looks.
My football team captain has a massive dick. I console myself with the thought that mine is quite reasonable when erect and his probably doesn't grow that much more from flacid.
So I tried it.
Turns out his DOES grow more when erect. And it tastes of noodles.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Apollo, you genius.
Also, origional post excellent. I don't think we *mean* to peek, but it's the diametric opposite of not looking at a hot naked chick.
With the chick, you can't possibly not look, because she's:
a) Hot
b) Naked
With the guy, it's a sort of...I dont know. I'll spend some more time in public showers and get back to you.
Mmmmm....public menz showers...
Submitted by goose (user info) at 2005-05-17 14:54:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2005-02-17 22:34:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Hello"
"Hi"
<shake their hand>
"How's your penis?"
<looks down>
"Fine, how's your--"
<looks down>
"....Damn, sorry man."
<shrugs shoulders>
"Meh. Not your fault."
"Nah, man. I'm reeeeeally sorry. How do you even...."
"Meh, I go for petite women. No biggie"
"I can see that"
"......."
"......."
"Carry on then"
"Carry on"
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2005-02-17 22:27:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Women always get single shower stalls, despite that they are usually more comfortable around other women than men are around other men. And all you guys get is a big tiled room with a drain. I've never understood it. Good post...
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2005-02-17 22:22:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Seven simple words:
You're not ghey, but you will learn.
Submitted by MrRottenTreats (user info) at 2005-02-17 22:09:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Here is a +2 and a Link http://www.ubersite.com/m/59868
Submitted by OneCheapGeek (user info) at 2005-02-17 21:46:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I remember sharing a shower with beautiful young lady once, and retiring to her bedroom before my hair was dried. BEFORE MY HAIR WAS DRIED! Thankfully, I was drunk at the time, so I didn't have quite the hissy-fit/panic attack that I would have otherwise. Still, I think she was a little put-off by the fact that she wanted sex, and I wanted dry hair.
-----------
If I had your back hair, I'd make sure to dry it off before sex too.
Submitted by bush_for_god (user info) at 2005-02-17 21:35:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by nrduncan (user info) at 2005-02-17 11:00:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Seralena (user info) at 2004-10-24 23:04:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was good, despite your apparent editing crisis.
If you post another picture of yourself, I'll help you prove you're not gay.
*Blink*
What?
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-10-24 19:06:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wear flip flops in a public shower.
I KNEW you guys checked out each others packages!
Submitted by a;lksdjf at 2004-10-22 21:38:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Fig Pucker
Submitted by BoogieFevuh (user info) at 2004-10-20 05:10:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I only peek at my own in the showers.
And is it just me and the gym/health club i used to go to, or does EVERY asian man like to stand butt nekkid in front of the mirror, brushing his hair? EVERY ONE OF EM! Even the crusty old one with a liver spotted carapace on his back...*shudder*
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2004-10-16 23:59:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If this post were a woman, she'd be sexy enough to..umm..do what you do to a sexy woman..yeah.
Submitted by jonukah (user info) at 2004-10-15 22:03:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Remind me never to write a post when I am too tired to edit.
Reading this over makes me cringe.
Submitted by Monarch (user info) at 2004-10-15 15:12:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I concede the point.
Submitted by sebcharrot (user info) at 2004-10-15 14:45:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hehehehe.
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2004-10-15 12:16:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I avoid this altogether by never doing anything strenous enough to necessitate using a public shower.
I'm serious. The last time I ran anywhere was four years ago and I was being chased by a naked woman with a butcher knife. It's a long story.
Submitted by jumpinjellyfish (user info) at 2004-10-15 10:46:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha!
I never peek...
or at least almost never.
Submitted by xenon (user info) at 2004-10-15 09:23:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Good story, but you REALLY need to spell-check!
Oh...and politics?
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2004-10-15 05:52:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think this best gave the gayness away
"and we steal our peak..."
Not Peek, as in glance,
PEAK, as in HOT MALE THROBBING ARCH-BACKED POO-ON-COCK ORGASMISISM!!!!!!!!!!
Aaaaaaaand, i'm done...
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2004-10-15 05:38:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I feel an obligatory "ATTN GHEY MENZ" must be said.
ATTN GHEY MENZ!
Now that that's done, I don't think you're gay, just curious (Not in the bi-curious way, just for a comparison).
My tw'penneth worth.
Submitted by toddska (user info) at 2004-10-15 03:57:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Turns out his DOES grow more when erect. And it tastes of noodles."
Class Apollo....great read by the way.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-10-15 03:50:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
p.s EVERYONE looks.
My football team captain has a massive dick. I console myself with the thought that mine is quite reasonable when erect and his probably doesn't grow that much more from flacid.
So I tried it.
Turns out his DOES grow more when erect. And it tastes of noodles.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-10-15 03:48:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
GHEY LORD!!GHEY LORD!!GHEY LORD!!GHEY LORD!!GHEY LORD!!GHEY LORD!!GHEY LORD!!GHEY LORD!!GHEY LORD!!GHEY LORD!!GHEY LORD!!GHEY LORD!!GHEY LORD!!GHEY LORD!!GHEY LORD!!GHEY LORD!!GHEY LORD!!GHEY LORD!!GHEY LORD!!GHEY LORD!!GHEY LORD!!GHEY LORD!!GHEY LORD!!GHEY LORD!!GHEY LORD!!GHEY LORD!!GHEY LORD!!GHEY LORD!!GHEY LORD!!GHEY LORD!!GHEY LORD!!GHEY LORD!!GHEY LORD!!GHEY LORD!!GHEY LORD!!GHEY LORD!!GHEY LORD!!GHEY LORD!!GHEY LORD!!GHEY LORD!!GHEY LORD!!GHEY LORD!!GHEY LORD!!GHEY LORD!!GHEY LORD!!GHEY LORD!!GHEY LORD!!GHEY LORD!!GHEY LORD!!GHEY LORD!!GHEY LORD!!GHEY LORD!!GHEY LORD!!GHEY LORD!!
Submitted by TheMidnight12AM (user info) at 2004-10-15 02:42:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Eh.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2004-10-15 02:30:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
<Sigh> Writing a post about seeing guys in the shower. To what level will I sink to next?
Is there a level below "ghey voyeur infiltrating straight shower" porn? If so, I'm unaware of it.
Congratulations on sinking to a new low, you hilarious bastard.
Submitted by cshape (user info) at 2004-10-15 02:22:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
In walks another man, natural instinct kicks in, we make eye contact, raise eyebrows, man, he's got a really big penis, and on with my shower.
+2
Submitted by siliconjesus <necron_7.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-10-15 02:01:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I knew it. You're ghey. or gay. or wahtever you people call it with your "leet" speak and your low carb food. You are all going to hell. NOT because you are gay, but because you all spell it wrong.
Submitted by Pringles4eva (user info) at 2004-10-15 01:58:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
bmp's make the baby jeebus cry
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2004-10-15 01:56:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't go into public showers because I'm afraid that some one I know from work will be there, or some one else's hair will get stuck to me.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-10-15 01:42:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Fag.
Submitted by Durae (user info) at 2004-10-15 01:37:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My roommate happens to walk around our room nekkid - for some unknown reason - and no, I do not "peek".
Face it Jon, you're just a perv. :)
Funny post, and I'm sure it really is more true than one would think.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2004-10-15 01:35:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I know that I look at my groin often enough to determine my own sex."
I can imagine you doing that.
I think you're just GHEY.
Submitted by jonukah (user info) at 2004-10-15 01:32:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ARGGGGHHHHHH..............WHAT HAPPENED TO THE PICTURE??!?!!??!
.JPG.BMP??!?!?
WTF?