Summerfest and getting socked in the eye (529 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: -0.5 on 5 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by The Toast Eating Bastard (View user info) at 2004-10-15 11:36:18 EDT
It was this last summer, at a free music fest called Summerfest. It's in Milwaukee, Wisconsin(for those of you not in America, it's where milk comes from. Hell, fans of our football team are called Chheseheads) The tickets were about 9 bucks, but if you got un, you could go to concerts like Chevelle, Saliva, Flaw, Trapt, local folk bands (It is Milwaukee), and singers like Jessica Simpson, but the pop music, and by pop, I mean preppy motherfuckers, you would usually have to cough up another $20, because they'd be in a special arena.
Anyways, I was there for Smile Empty Soul opening up for Drowning Pool. I was with my friend Aaron, so that meant we were gonna get high that day. The thing was, we had no weed. And if we wanted any, we'd have to find someone willing to sell to us where we were, or call Aaron's guy, pay for his ticket in, miss most of Smile Empty Soul, and get spots so shitty, that when the concert was over, we'd still have perfect hearing.
We ended up calling his guy over (he lived here in Milwaukee, so it was no big deal), he gave us a good deal considering he had to drive through traffic that can turn you homicidal. We couldn't find someone willing to part with their weed, but I think that Aaron's to blame. He said things like, "Hey maaan, let me get a hit off of that J you got." Or "Dude, I'm lookin' for some grass, dude. You got any I get buy, dude? Any grass?" Real fucking obvious shit like that. It doesn't help that we were 16 either. People don't sell weed at Summerfest, they horde it to themselves, because they're all selfish motherfuckers, with no kindness (or weed) to spare.
So Aaron's guy came over. This fat, greasy, 5000 pound if-we-ever-get-lost-on-a-desert-island-I'm-gonna-eat-you kind of guy. We caught Drowning Pool just as they got onstage. Which everyone knows is the best time to arrive, because you don't want to get close to the band, because then you might have a good time or something. Though we didn't get the best spot to stand, we still had an awesome fucking time. We had weed, Fatman was going home, and we just saw Drowning Pool. Nothing could go wrong. Until Fatman decides to party on our way out. You see, Fatman ( His name was Nate, but I like calling him Fatman) sees me as a skinny guy he can just push around. I told him that I like to mosh, and ever since then, when he sees me, he just rams his blubber-shoulder at me with a running start. It doesn't hurt, but it knocks me back a few feet. I'm only 6' 165 lbs.
Fatman was excited. No, not in the pants. He wanted to mosh. There was no pit of which to mosh at Summerfest. There was, but it was filled with benches to watch the concert instead. But Fatman's moshing attitude was contagious. Aaron weiged around 250, Nate was at around 280, and well over 6 foot. Nate rammed Aaron, Aaron rammed Nate, but then Nate rammed me. Normally, this isn't a problem. I jog back to where the moshing is, and continue, but this time I was pushed into a ~23 year old college guy. You know the type: no shirt, a bit short, buzz cut, beer in hand. Until I bumped into him. It was more of a crash, because he spilled his $4 cup of beer. Not on me, though thank the beer-spilling-gods. This made Bitter Billy Bitchcakes a bit mad.
Bitchcakes:Hey what the Fuck?
Me: Whoa man *yell* WHOO!
I was in party mode, my mind must've thought that I knew that guy. So after a few more pushes, The two of us, Fatman decided to leave, decided to get some greasy goodness from the Wendy's stand. But Bitchcakes was still mad about his beer, and decided to come over and talk about it.
Bitchcakes: You're the fucker who spilled my beer, and tried to start shit, ain't ya?
Me: Fuck off
Bitchcakes: (getting angry) What Bitch?
Me: (slow and in his face) Fuck. Off. Cock. Sucker.
Bitchcakes: *Head butts* what now?
What Bitter Billy didn't know was that I had a head of fucking concrete. You remember that guy in high shool who always ran head first into the wall, the guy who people were afraid to head butt, that wrestler whose nipples were immune to titty twisters because he had nipples of steel? That's me, and I don't take no shit. I head butt him back. He head butts me, I him. He mutters something, I nail him in the nose. He puts his hand to his face, but instead of holding it there, he socks me in the goddamn eye. Sucker punched in a fight I could've easily won. My vision was blurry, I know when I've lost. I wave my hand at him like a little bitch, because I had double vision, and would lose terribly if I punched him back. This was my worst day ever. At least my friend didn't help me out, because I didn't want to win or anything. Fucking Asswad.
On the way home, Aaron told me that I had developed a sort of lazy eye. This fucked with me bad. It was true. I looked in the mirror, and both of me had one eye that moved slower than the other. It got better though, when we got to his house, my left eye was only having trouble looking to the right, and wasn't as slow as it was before. But then, at around 1AM we brought out a "J" (Aaron's term), and everything was fine. Later on, he told me that a little blood was under Bitter Billy's nose, but I think he was just trying to make me feel better.
User Reviews
Submitted by UBERDOOBIE (user info) at 2004-10-15 15:35:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
-1 for not wanting to finish it your self, -1 for not having your own weed at a concert, +2 for at least getting high that day, -1 for the smugness, -1 cause Im an asshole
Submitted by Timmah (user info) at 2004-10-15 11:51:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for getting your shit ruined.
-1 because this read worse that a dyslexic shopping list.
+1 because it made me smile
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2004-10-15 11:48:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Oh you didnt mention that fuck stick. So here's a -1 for your hassle. haha
Submitted by ToastEatingBastard (user info) at 2004-10-15 11:46:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Obviously, Billy wasn't alone. Aaron couldve beat up his friend. It would've been two on two.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2004-10-15 11:43:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
-1 for getting your ass kicked, another -1 for bitching about your butt buddy not helping you. Are you black? Can't win a fair fight?