Grandpa got runned over by the heart attack (1870 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.5 on 9 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by SlowlyRotting <therickva.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2004-10-15 16:22:40 EDT
If you are expecting to be entertained by this post you can kill yourself now. I have nothing funny, entertaining, interesting, nor dramtic enough for a positive rated uber post. I do, however, have enough free time to pound away at the old Dell Quietkey for a minute before I head back to www.kerrysucksblackcocks.com. And with the debates over with, I'll have nothing to write about for 4 years (God forbid Bush win and Hillary run next time), so I leave you with my boring day.
What am I to do?
I drove my wife to Baltimore this morning to catch a plane down to Lafayette. (her grandfather died and my cheap ass fucking in-laws couldn't buy tickets out of Dulles) I had to stay behind so my boss doesn't fuck up the $2 million contract I just won him from some Kerry-loving, pot-smoking, hippie owned <see: loki> South Carolina contracting office, which coincidentally was referred to me by a Halliburton contact. Of course being from Louisiana, I got lost trying to make my way back to Ashburn from 495 and somehow ended up on my way to Richmond. However, all is not lost... I got to work by 10:45 in time to find out my submittal deadline has been postponed until next Friday, and I have nothing to do today.
So I spent a few hours in the warehouse tossing a football with the stockers, went home and had a 2 hour long lunch break/nap, then came back in to check my email and surf the net on company time until 5:00 rolls around.
Back to my point... What am I to do? I've only been married for a few months and already I've forgotten how to be single. Will I spend the weekend in a masterbation fury with porn galore, play PS2 with the surround sound blasting all night, drink Jager till the room spins and pay homage to the porceline demi-god, go to DC and hit every club I've denounced since selling the Camaro to pay for the carats?
Nah... I'll probably just do the dishes and vacuum. I've done some scientific calculations and determined the size of my nutsac has decreased in direct proportion to how much larger my wife's pregnant belly has swollen. Maybe if I have a son he'll inherit the balls I used to have.
In any case, with all the free time thrust my way Ron Jeremy style (who along with Ronald Reagon was once a member of my beloved fraternity TKE) I thought I'd jump on uber and bore you all with the mundane reality that is the life of a white twenty-something middle-class republican man.
And I didn't drive a Camaro either, it's Ford Ranger till I die beyatch. Now lick my shrivelling ballsac.
for your information, this is not my actual nutsac, merely one I've located by going to google image search and typing in "liberal+yummy+snack"
User Reviews
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2004-10-17 15:06:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That'll work.
Submitted by legallady (user info) at 2004-10-16 17:52:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I guess Toxic didn't read the Post...since those aren't his balls.
We are +2 rotten's ablility to entertain with the mundane boring life
he now has...but he will live longer.
Submitted by ToxicNarcotic (user info) at 2004-10-15 19:30:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
why the fuck would any of you +2 someones balls
grow up
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2004-10-15 17:49:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What happened to you? You used to post funny shit all the time when I first came here, and now you stick to politics.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2004-10-15 17:33:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I've done some scientific calculations and determined the size of my nutsac has decreased in direct proportion to how much larger my wife's pregnant belly has swollen. Maybe if I have a son he'll inherit the balls I used to have."
--
Man, that's just poetic.
Submitted by CoreaPeekay (user info) at 2004-10-15 16:38:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because you're old and you drink jager like a pro.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-10-15 16:38:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm sorry I knocked up your whore wife. I am glad you are going to take care of the child for me.
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2004-10-15 16:28:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you are slowly rotting.... from the neck down.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-10-15 16:25:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jesus. We just posted about the same thing.