Everyone Here is Stupid: An Analytical Rant (795 hits)
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Rating: -0.2 on 13 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by AsshOly <olyjr2001.at.sbcglobal.net> (View user info) at 2004-10-15 23:10:07 EDT
The people at this school have the collective mental capacity equivalent to that of a box of animal crackers. Ignorance does not preside within the classrooms of Lincoln College because that suggests these people have the capability to comprehend. No, this is a case of wide-spread, unchecked, uncompromising stupidity. Listed below are the actions and words of the lobotomy failures I agonizingly call my peers.
*- I have a friend who does not know how to structure the letter Y.
"Oly, I'm so sick of reading your filthy, dirty lies."
No, I'm serious. Look at the picture below. We had to tell the volleyball team it's a trademark, something that sets us apart from the rest of the cheering sections. We said we did it on purpose. The really sad part is I was the fourth person to see his letter, and the FIRST to notice it was backwards.
*- Less important, but still embarrassing: Her name is Vicki Tuttle. The name painted on the back of X reads "TURTLE."
*- One of my friends, in an inebriated stupor, walked into my room while I was sleeping, turned on the lights, thought I had been lit on fire, and yanked me off the top bunk onto the stone floor. Then stamped out the flames.
*- The first day of school, a kid we call Chimney (read into that yourself) LIT HIS TESTICLES ON FIRE.
*- The next day, he did it again. Then he ate his own shit. He wonders why nobody respects him.
*- I liked a girl in my English class until I found out she can't read. She is a real winner.
*- I found myself in a heated argument with the rest of my swim team because our coach told us to keep a tight radius on our flip turns. I was the only person who understood. The conversation:
Eric: "What the hell is a radius?
Oly: "Didn't you take geometry in high school? Or...grade school?"
Rob: "Really. Dude, a radius is a half a circle."
Oly: "Wait, what do you mean by that?"
Peter: "You dumbass, a radius is a line with a starting point and an arrow at the end."
Oly: "No, dude, that's a ray. Rob, that's not what a radius is. A radius is half the diameter of a circle. A half circle is just called a half circle."
Peter: "No...oh. Oh, yeah."
Tyler: "What's a diameter?"
Rob: "No, a radius is 180 degrees. Isn't it?"
Oly: "Well, I guess...If you're saying it has a 180 degree flat angle, then yes. It's 180 degrees." Shit, I confused him.
Rob: "See? What? Yeah! See, dude, it's a half circle."
Oly: "NO! It's the distance from the point in the middle of the circle to the outer edge..."
And so on. I finally was able to explain to them by tracing a radius on the pitcher's mound in the picture of a baseball field on the back of my tee shirt...ten minutes later.
*- My girlfriend's roommate, without realizing she hadn't yet opened the door to their room, walked nose-first into it. She never even touched the knob.
There are so many more, but with these alone you should get my point. Before I arrived at this campus, I had never used the phrase "two-digit IQ" but it is now part of my regular vocabulary.
I know everybody has encountered countless acts of unrelenting stupidity at college, work, or wherever, but they occur here at such frequent intervals I have seriously considered dropping out and starting over elsewhere.
I feel as if the school has been recruiting. They set up flyers at high schools' College Nights across the country, advertising brilliance's counterpart. "Have you ever been compared to a bucket of bricks, coal, or hair? Do people ask you more than once per day if you lived under power lines as a child? Does your mother insist you were a stillbirth victim whose body survived without a working brain? Look no further than Lincoln College for your post-high school plans and build yourself an inevitably unsuccessful future, today!"
I am rapidly losing faith in humanity. Bring me home, God. I can't wait in purgatory for another semester.
So you know--I am N in the picture.
User Reviews
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-06-04 09:47:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-06-04 09:24:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by gazdemon (user info) at 2006-06-04 07:17:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-10-28 21:23:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2004-10-28 21:00:26 (#)
Ranking: -2
Didn't I -2 this already?
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-10-16 05:46:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Scary picture
Submitted by BridgetJones (user info) at 2004-10-16 04:25:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Sorry. I hate scrolling!
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2004-10-16 03:55:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
"*- One of my friends, in an inebriated stupor, walked into my room while I was sleeping, turned on the lights, thought I had been lit on fire, and yanked me off the top bunk onto the stone floor. Then stamped out the flames."
They definitely weren't drunk. They just wanted to stomp you.
You kinda sound like an asshole.
Submitted by Sekeeth (user info) at 2004-10-16 03:26:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
-1 for formatting.
+2 for the kid with the "Y" on his chest. Good stuff.
Submitted by TheMidnight12AM (user info) at 2004-10-16 03:05:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
For making me scroll.
Submitted by CoachMagirk27 (user info) at 2004-10-16 01:44:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
reformatt it
Submitted by heyzues (user info) at 2004-10-16 00:05:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WOOOOOHOOOOO
Submitted by cigar (user info) at 2004-10-15 23:28:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2004-10-15 23:13:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 for making me scroll sideways.