I'm A Slut and My Son's A Dumbass: An Ode To The Dipshit Generation (553 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 0 on 7 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Davok (View user info) at 2004-10-16 19:10:48 EDT
If this is stupid, please forgive me. My dining hall is closed and I have nothing to eat but stale taco shells.
Snap. Crackle. Pop. Most children interpret these three simple words as the sound of their cereal speaking to them. Indeed, it is talking to them. It's saying, "Eat me! I'm getting soggy you fucking dipshit!"
Today, people are shitting bricks about politics. The recession, the war on terror, fuck all of that! You have greater problems; your children are growing up to be spineless, moronic dipshits! It's your fault primarily. If you'd hit your god damned kids, instead of sinking one level lower than their genitalia and begging for them to stop jumping on the god damned bed, they wouldn't be acting like this!
Nancy - Cops slaughtered, women beaten, cars wrecked everywhere, fire spreading through all buildings, a psychotic man stands in the middle of it all with a rocket launcher in his hands. Once police come, he speeds off on his Jap-apanese motorcycle. This sounds like some grizzly terrorist attack right? Wrong! In fact, it may have happened in your very house. These very sights are common in the game..... ..Vice... ..Grand.... .Auto.. ...4.... ...well the name doesn't matter, what matters is that not only are they common, they're rewarded for. Points are given for the murdering of cops, women, and other helpless victims. "I can't believe such evil could go right under our noses," said Gloria Angus. Gloria is the founder of Women Helping On Restricting Entertainment.
Gloria - One day, when me and The Golden Girls (my girlfriends) met for our book club; we were happily discussing the compelling new Dr. Seuss novel over tea, when we happened to bring into conversation an interesting story we heard on how video games were corrupting our children. We knew it was up to us and our husbands' money to remove these evil things from the market, and replace them with soft cuddly things, like bunny rabbits!
Let me tell you a story friend. This one time I had to make an important call and left my four unattended children in front of the TV. "A Very Brady Christmas Carol" was on, so I saw no need to monitor my kids. While I was on the phone; I heard a horrible word in the other room that tore my family apart "helluva." I was in complete shock at the foul obscenity that came out of Peter Brady's mouth. I threw down the phone, leaving my phone sex girl on waiting, and I smashed through the TV with the holiest of hammers! I sprinkled holy water on the remains of the Satan Gate, and prayed that the lord would forgive us. Oh, it was horrible. My children were screaming and crying, when only seconds ago they were laughing and cheering, while I was purring and moaning. Censorship has given us a great place. I'm glad we live in a land where we can find any jollies of violence on television. Sex isn't too bad either, just as long as there's no nudity. God damn it! How many animals have to be skinned alive so you can masturbate to pornography you MURDERER! But worse than nudity is profanity. I don't really mind if there are knives or penises (as long as they're mosaic) sticking into every orifice of a young lady's body, but profanity has gone too far. Allowing children to hear an exploitive term like that on a family program is disgraceful. To protest my outrage over what was said on that filthy special (that they had the nerve to share on Jesus' birthday) I'm proudly boycotting "Brady Bunch Fruit Punch." I ask that any parent reading this, craving an end to vulgarity, racial and feminine discrimination join me in my fight against the Brady Bunch. Join me! Together, we can take a bite out of crime!
The worst thing about the Teletubbies are those god damned scenes that mark the end of the monochromatic half of the show; the ones where one of the Teletubbies shows a bunch of little wiener kids prancing around on another continent. Thank you Teletubbies, I've always had the theory that every kid on the face of the Earth was a dipshit with shitty taste in television. Now you have proven it! If it's one thing that fills my heart with happiness, other than the fact that to compensate for the hundreds of brain cells your show has destroyed in a ten minute interval, some goofy little bastard can count to five, is the fact that some child in India can take time out of his schedule of starving to death, to dance in the name of "Tinky Winky!"
I am superior, you'd better believe this,
I hate terror, while I rein it,
there's no time in my schedule to lament,
the loss of civil liberties in exchange for parental convenience,
you've already crossed this rusty line ugh...
Oh yeah, I'm too busy getting fifties shoved inside vagina!
Mommy's busy now, don't you try to roast her,
mommy's busy now shoving her fork in her toaster,
mommy's gonna buy you justice forever,
mommy's gonna turn around while you shove your hand in that blender,
mommy doesn't care about this compensation crap,
mommy's gonna buy you a concentration camp.
The bill of rights must die! I'll proudly nickel and dime,
so I can neglect my children and watch more Lifetime,
don't think I'm different because of the gazebo,
I speak for the world with my conceited ego,
we're all in decline and we all need help,
ask not what you can do for your country, but what your country can do for yourself.
One day, we're all gonna die,
and when we die, what will be our alibi?
User Reviews
Submitted by Davok (user info) at 2004-10-17 17:51:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Supreme_Overlord (user info) at 2004-10-16 21:10:20 (#)
Ranking: -2
Please get off the computer and get back to studying. I hope you are enrolled in some writing courses.
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nO;,
-Handshake
Submitted by Supreme_Overlord (user info) at 2004-10-16 21:10:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Please get off the computer and get back to studying. I hope you are enrolled in some writing courses.
Submitted by cigar (user info) at 2004-10-16 20:48:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-10-16 20:10:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
blow your dad you asshole
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2004-10-16 19:41:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Good, but kinda all over the place. I had trouble following.
Submitted by Xile (user info) at 2004-10-16 19:20:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by ForeSkin (user info) at 2004-10-16 19:11:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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