Who am I writing for? (665 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: -1.5 on 5 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Rick (View user info) at 2004-10-16 22:17:08 EDT
What is my audience? Well, I don't really aim for a particular group, I just write whatever I feel like, and I don't really hold back and worry about offending people. Someone who would like my writing is probably an American male, aged 16-35. My writing is intended for people who like odd humor and violence. I may be prone to insult various groups of people, such as Christians, Republicans, midgets, Mexicans, or even Canadians.
Writing about my target audience made me think back to all the writing I did in middle school and high school. In 6th grade my English teacher wasn't too fond of my writing. She was an uptight wench. I ended up getting a C+ my first semester. That was the first C I had ever received for a class grade. A few days later she found out she had cancer. True story. Its odd how life works sometimes isn't it? In seventh grade I wrote a lot of good horror stories. I wish I still had the stories. I would show them to Steven King who lives here in Bangor. But he would probably steal my story and publish it, because he is old and senile, and running out of creative ideas after writing so many books. If he did that, I'd probably steal a van and... just kidding! I'd sue his rich ass. In seventh grade we were also assigned to write a kids tale with a moral, which would be read to Elementary school children. I wrote a story about a boa constrictor that came to a small village that was inhabited mice. The boa constrictor was actually a friendly, caring, vegetarian and the mice lived in the village without fear with the boa constrictor. He would help the mice gather food, and they ate a lot of it. Of course this was all a trick. The boa constrictor waited till all the mice of the village were plump and fat, and couldn't run fast. He did his magic, and devoured every single last mouse in the village. The moral was that in life you could be backstabbed at any moment, so watch out. And never make friends with a boa constrictor you stupid asshat.
In eight grade I wrote two awesome stories. One was about a gay robot that roams New York City, and another was a funny parody of Clue. Its hard remembering all my stories. I do remember one of the characters I made in Clue. She was Ms. Harlot, a parody of Ms. Scarlet. Harlot is another word for prostitute, and I made the character a slut. I wish I still had those stories. In 9th grade I wrote a 10-page research paper on the pygmy marmoset. Even though it was a research paper, it had lots of funny moments, and you could actually have fun learning about the smallest monkey in the world. It was so good, the English teacher uses my paper as a guide to freshman students this day. I also wrote a really good essay on why Pokemon, the animated series, really sucks. In 10th grade English my friend and I would write funny stories, often together. The teacher was a donkey and gave all my stories C's. The entire class would burst out in laughter when my stories were read out loud, yet she thought they were horrible. One story was called, "Who's got Cholera?" It was written around the time that the reality TV show and game show fad really took off. A bunch of zany contestants are shipped to an island, where one by one they will contract Cholera until the last one without it wins. It turns out the island is over run with mutated kill Chihuahuas and it becomes a race to escape. In the end two people live to be rescued by a helicopter. It turns out a Chihuahua somehow got on board the plane, and it killed the two contestants. The helicopter pilot witnesses this and says, "Jesus Christ!" My teacher considered Jesus Christ to be a obscenity and marked me down to a C- on the story. I don't know about you, but if I saw two people being ripped to pieces by a mutant Chihuahua, a few things might slip out of my mouth. 11th grade is kind of fuzzy. All I remember doing was a bunch of lame required essays and a huge research paper on Michael Crichton. In 12th grade I had a brand spanking new teacher. He was obsessed with his dog, and would even make us write lame stories about his dog. I had the urge to kidnap his stupid "Izzy" and make a ransom on her. He would make us do free writes, but forced us to listen to really bad music in the background as we did it. In my English research paper, he marked me down for making Will Smith references, and for making fun of the lame Truth commercials about cigarettes. And now I'm here in college. Who knows what things I will come up with in this English Class?
User Reviews
Submitted by TheMidnight12AM (user info) at 2004-10-17 00:55:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Instead of telling us about your writing, show it to us.
Submitted by gain (user info) at 2004-10-16 22:39:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
By the way, if even you wrote half decent stuff, the education system would not recognize it.
I only post about a fifth of what I write on Uber, and I've only showed one thing to a teacher. She made suggestions as to how to water it down and make it 'less offensive'
Websites like Uber are where you should put your stories. Not stuffy idiots who think that you are the same person you write about.
Submitted by boxcar (user info) at 2004-10-16 22:36:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This makes me want to write a stream of random letters....
ADFREGKIN<DFBGHKSKEAMTAWERJWEDNBNFGHIROEWRPWEGKAGAWFWAEFIWGINOLHGBAWEWERTFGFGHNZCMV<CITUETHJJOETDR
Submitted by Douche (user info) at 2004-10-16 22:25:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This really blew.
I couldn't read past the first sentence, I just completely lost all interest.
Submitted by gain (user info) at 2004-10-16 22:23:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You are writing for yourself, ideally.
You must have low standards.