Why you should own a puppy. (1092 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 0.67 on 42 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Seralena (View user info) at 2004-10-17 22:54:27 EDT
I have discovered the fool-proof way for guys to pick up chicks.
I was walking to class, and I saw a guy walking a dog, which I believe was a beagle puppy. It was wearing a little blue sweater, and tripping all over trying to keep up to the guy who was walking it. Knowing I was late to class, I attempted to continue walking, but the hypnotic power of this puppy was too much for me. I admit it, I stopped and crouched to pet the little thing.
"What a cute puppy!" I cried, as the dog tried to jump into my lap.
Her owner stops and smiles, says, "Her name is Ginger; she's three months old."
Of course, I'm paying significantly more attention to the dog than I am to the owner. If I hadn't been late to class, however, I would have probably stuck around to talk to the guy and pet the puppy some more. I could tell the guy was totally eating up the attention, too. Another girl stopped to pet the dog and talk to him after I started to walk away. Doubtlessly, that dog stopped multiple girls.
This isn't the first time I've seen this phenomenon. My friend Billie and I were cutting through a park once to get to class, and this man was playing with his three Yorkshire terriers. We came to an immediate halt, drifting over to play fetch with the five-inch-tall dogs. These dogs were spring-loaded; we'd pick up a ball, and a dog would just suddenly launch into the air off all four legs, without putting any apparent effort into this move. We were hypnotized by the three darlings, and that translated into conversation with their owner, as well.
All a guy needs to get a girl's attention is a tiny dog. While it won't work for every girl, so many of them stop to see these puppies that I think it is a worthwhile investment. It's better than a kid, really. The dogs don't talk, so they can't screw up your plan with any ill-timed comments about the girl you were with last night, or your latest trip to the clinic. Puppies, however, are irresistible.
User Reviews
Submitted by 10c7c (user info) at 2004-10-29 00:44:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
somehow i doubt its worth looking like a complete wanker just for a girl with an intelligence level so low she is gonna go for you over an animal.... but anyway
Submitted by Phalarus (user info) at 2004-10-28 15:33:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
gotta agree with you on dog size polyamorousaj... small ones are too easy to break. i always think of rats when i see them...
Submitted by Seralena (user info) at 2004-10-24 14:35:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
How the hell did I acquire a spammer?
Submitted by Quagmire (user info) at 2004-10-23 12:42:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Is this funny?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-10-18 14:01:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Here's a bit of advice for you, Gayboy.
Saying someone "owned" somebody, or, as Uber losers like you like to say, "pwned", isn't cool...clever, funny, or even a good dig. So that didn't really work for you, polesmoke.
Secondly, can you bench press a Q-Tip 20 times?
I bet you can't.
Third, stealing tips on tanning from Casper The Friendly Ghost isn't real brilliant, either, Virg.
In conclusion, unless you have plans on meeting up with me for your beating, shut your fucking mouth, Urkel.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-10-18 13:20:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-10-18 12:48:00 (#)
Ranking: 1
Wow. That's interesting.
Maybe you should stick the sandles firmly up your ass.
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Quit your whining... Loren owned you. Period.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-10-18 12:48:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Wow. That's interesting.
Maybe you should stick the sandles firmly up your ass.
Submitted by Gnome (user info) at 2004-10-18 12:04:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
bickering children here, quite amusing though. oh, and Loren's reply WAS the best reply ever. no kidding.
i've thought about getting a cat, and i only have 2 pairs of shoes, 1 pair of sandles and 1 pair of baseball cleats(sp?).
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-10-18 11:53:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Time shares are for suckers. Schlongy is a lemming.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-10-18 11:27:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shlongy camwhore: http://www.ubersite.com/m/46720
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-10-18 11:15:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Actually, my self worth is predicated much more on the score of my last round of golf or on how much money I won (or lost) betting on football this weekend, than by my motorcycle or my BMW or my time share or my bank account, but thanks for your diagnosis, Dr. Phil.
I did like the pic in the cowboy hat, though. Can I help you shave your box sometime? Maybe then we could be friends.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-10-18 11:11:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah Schlongy, I'm really bitter that you won't come fuck me.
(Think it's about time to come up with something new? - just a friendly suggestion.)
I digress...
You've certainly hit the nail on the head. It's always been an extremely difficult task for me to find people willing to fuck me - not the least of which - those who's self-worth is directly connected to what kind of motorcycle he pedals around on.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-10-18 11:02:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Loren- Still bitter that I won't come fuck you? Please, get over it , darlin.
First of all, I've owned more motorcycles than Loren has had eyebrow waxes.
Secondly, I've gotten laid more than Fetish has successfully pooped and wiped.
Third, do you really think I give a shit whether you believe my snake story?
Now Fetish, get outta Loren's ass. She wouldn't ever even acknowledge you and those pipe cleaners you call arms if you were ever face to face.
Get back on those number 2 pencil curls, you little dork homo.
PS. My snakes, and there were 4 of them (3 Ball Pythons, 1 Burmese), went by the names Rex, Steve, Jake (of course) and Randall K.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-10-18 10:48:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-10-18 10:28:32 (#)
Ranking: 0
Schlongy, you're pathetic.
More than likely your story should have read:
"As I was riding my Huffy, I pulled over and grabbed a half-dead Garter snake off the side of the road during the paper route career I practiced way back when I was 26, then I impaled it on a stick and chased all the 8 year old girls around the school yard with it until the cops showed up. It was awesome. I rock."
By Schlongy
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Best reply ever!
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-10-18 10:45:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Just read the post, and I'm disappointed because I can't stand tiny dogs. I don't mind it when other people have tiny dogs, and I even like a lot of them. But I can't have a tiny dog. If I stepped on it, it would die. That's why we've got a Great Dane.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-10-18 10:41:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-10-18 10:28:32 (#)
Ranking: 0
Schlongy, you're pathetic.
More than likely your story should have read:
"As I was riding my Huffy, I pulled over and grabbed a half-dead Garter snake off the side of the road during the paper route career I practiced way back when I was 26, then I impaled it on a stick and chased all the 8 year old girls around the school yard with it until the cops showed up. It was awesome. I rock."
By Schlongy
******
AAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Okay, I'll admit I didn't read the post, but with a reply like this at the top, it's gotta be worth a +2.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2004-10-18 10:40:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dogs are totally men magnets.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-10-18 10:28:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Schlongy, you're pathetic.
More than likely your story should have read:
"As I was riding my Huffy, I pulled over and grabbed a half-dead Garter snake off the side of the road during the paper route career I practiced way back when I was 26, then I impaled it on a stick and chased all the 8 year old girls around the school yard with it until the cops showed up. It was awesome. I rock."
By Schlongy
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-10-18 10:18:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shlongy hasn't ever fucked anything.
Here is a picture of him: http://www.ubersite.com/m/46720
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-10-18 10:10:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Dogs work well for this purpose.
Surprisingly enough, so do snakes...I used to bring a couple of ball pythons with me to the beach...in my backpack...on my motorcycle.
Take them out, toss 'em around my neck. Broads would float over to me to check them out like bees to honey.
Then, I'd go fuck them in the community bathroom.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-10-18 09:46:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm a sucker for puppies. I hate to admit it.
There are other advantages to having a dog. For example, mine bites.
Submitted by Kaelic (user info) at 2004-10-18 09:36:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't believe Kristen gave this a negative rating. What a fucking bitch.
Some guys don't need to own a rottweiler to make a statement as to what kind of tough manly man they are. Some guys are secure enough that they could own a cat, and it wouldn't come off as any kind of statement about them whatsoever.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-10-18 09:36:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Agreed... Although the little dog I have is over 12 years old, chicks still stop to say, "Oh. What a cute puppy."
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2004-10-18 09:27:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Oops.
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2004-10-18 09:27:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
My brother figured this one out awhile ago, with a Pekingese. Instant babe magnet.
Submitted by Belrafon (user info) at 2004-10-18 09:06:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Nice.
Walking a puppy like that is a good way to start a conversation.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2004-10-18 09:04:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
PUUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!! (bursts into tears)
Submitted by Seralena (user info) at 2004-10-18 08:58:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The sad thing is, I automatically went, "Oooh, dachsund!!!"
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2004-10-18 04:21:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So true, but you don't want a fag yorkie or anything less than 10 lbs. I have a miniature Dachshund that gets me chicks all of the time. I think it has something to do with the cognitive jump that a woman has from "Weiner Dog" to "I wanna play with his Weiner". Go figure.
Submitted by Sacrew (user info) at 2004-10-18 02:56:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Puppies are homosexual.
But Istaros' comments are fucking HYSTERICAL.
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2004-10-18 02:31:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
But the guy doesn't have to own a small dog. I stop and say hi to all dogs. But either way, this post is very true. My roomates recently got a puppy. Ron, a boyfriend of one of the roomies, usually takes the puppy on walks. Suddenly he's a chick magnet.
Submitted by Zandy1123 (user info) at 2004-10-18 02:12:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'd give you a +2
but my ex-girlfriend's puppy is one of the reasons she's now my EX-girlfriend
Submitted by cigar (user info) at 2004-10-18 02:10:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
nope
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2004-10-17 23:51:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
"Has that actually worked?"
like you wouldn't BELIEVE. it's a weird thing too -every single girl i tell this to is like 'whatever josh whatever that is SO gross whatever i'm on my period whatever whatever hey look ice cream narf narf whatever' but then i go 'oh yeah? cum here you dirty little slut' and she's all "WTF i'm not a slut you manwhore!*cry cry weep weep cry*' and i'm like 'STFU SKANKBOT' and she goes 'lol brb ttfn rofl gtg omg' and i just pull it out and we start fucking in less than 5 minutes in fact the longest time it's taken so far is 4 min. 59 sec. and a couple of times(out of about 3) she starts ssaying she wants me to stop but we all know how much better it is without permission anyway
Submitted by fudge_me (user info) at 2004-10-17 23:38:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This just further perpetuate's the theory that the only way to a woman's heart/pussy is to own things. How do you think the puppy would feel if he knew he was only wanted so that its owner could fuck some materialistic slut on the sidewalk?
PS. On the way to work yesterday I saw a guy kick a little dog so hard it cried out, not before launching aobut 3 feet into the air.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-10-17 23:36:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Picture of a cute puppy = +2. Always.
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2004-10-17 23:33:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
A nickname for James Carville used in this particular context is the most disturbing thing I think I have ever heard.
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Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2004-10-17 23:15:24 (#)
Ranking: -1
why bother with a dog when all you need is to whip out your ragin' cajun and spray the bitch's shirt with a gracious helping of ye goode ole male ejaculate? she'd have to have ice running through her veins to not jump you right then and there.
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Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-10-17 23:30:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
When I see a guy with a tiny dog I think, "He may as well have a cat..."
I mean REALLY. A tiny dog? He may as well slap a sign on his forehead that says, "High-maintainance, owns 40 pairs of shoes, and uses moisturizer."
HUGE turn-off.
Submitted by TheMidnight12AM (user info) at 2004-10-17 23:29:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Awwww.
Submitted by Seralena (user info) at 2004-10-17 23:21:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2004-10-17 23:15:24 (#)
Ranking: -1
why bother with a dog when all you need is to whip out your ragin' cajun and spray the bitch's shirt with a gracious helping of ye goode ole male ejaculate? she'd have to have ice running through her veins to not jump you right then and there.
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Has that actually worked?
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2004-10-17 23:15:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
why bother with a dog when all you need is to whip out your ragin' cajun and spray the bitch's shirt with a gracious helping of ye goode ole male ejaculate? she'd have to have ice running through her veins to not jump you right then and there.
Submitted by ZenMachine (user info) at 2004-10-17 23:07:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I'd love to hug you. Hug you do death, like an anaconda......