I am the best. (1612 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.68 on 32 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <tina.at.tina.com> (View user info) at 2002-12-18 02:48:44 EST
I've noticed this site seems to spark a whole lot of debates concerning which country kicks the most ass. You can all rest assured that I have the answer.
I am the best.
Everybody knows it. I am better than everyone. I am always right. I am the coolest, smartest, prettiest girl I know. Sometimes I surprise even myself. Here are some reasons why I kick ass:
-I won the "I'm Nuts About Chemistry" award in high school. My teacher made me a trophy comprised of peanuts attached to a wood block and the peanuts even had googly eyes.
-I drink whole milk, not pussy skim milk.
-My therapist says I am pretty and smart and that I should just ignore the irrational scrutiny I assume others impose on me because of a certain social anxiety disorder.
-My kitty only eats when I am watching her and stroking her. Her very existance depends on me.
-People say I have nice skin.
-I eat ice cream in the winter because I know it won't melt.
-I'm one bad-ass 18-year-old. Once it snowed and my mommy was going to take me to school because I missed the bus and when she told me to help me look for her keys I PURPOSELY didn't look. Wait--it gets better. When I found her keys I--get this--didn't tell her I found them. I went to confession afterwards and told my mom but you have to admit that was pretty HARD-CORE.
-I know the difference between "your" and "you're," "there" and "their" and "its" and "it's."
-My mommy and daddy call me at college nearly everyday to make sure I am eating, which does not imply I have some sort of eating disorder. Boy, the universe really does revolve around me.
-I proofread this article repeatedly, and no one can prove that my obsessive fear of mistakes is because of another psychological disorder.
There you have it. I am the best. My skinny ass could easily kick America's AND England's AND Canada's AND Australia's collective asses with my hand tied behind my back.
User Reviews
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-05-21 09:07:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
He he he... funny stuff... have a stint on the MRR won't you?
Submitted by streetpunk (user info) at 2003-01-09 16:09:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I can't believe PAS is such a schmuck! PAS is an idiot who wants people to think she is some bad ass genius-scholar. You're not PAS, you suck!!!!
Peace,
STREETPUNK
Submitted by streetpunk (user info) at 2003-01-02 14:53:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked this post. I used to feel the same way, until the world came crashing down around me, and I realized that I am worthless, but I am sure you are the best. Maybe someday I can be the best too!!!!! Will you be my girlfriend?
Submitted by Roman (user info) at 2002-12-23 18:47:50 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Not original.
Proof?
http://maddox.xmission.com/
Submitted by dahdahdah (user info) at 2002-12-22 15:09:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
there are 3, not 2, "there," (over there) "their," (their hat) and "they're" (they're talking)
sorry to nitpick, but if you aim to be the best, you'll have to know little things like that.
thanks for the laugh!
Submitted by Titinita (user info) at 2002-12-20 17:27:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dammit...it messed up.
Here's ghetto kitty:
=^_^=
Submitted by Titinita (user info) at 2002-12-20 17:26:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Look everyone--a kitty:
/|__/\
O o
>(_v_)<
U
Tina
Submitted by PeopleAreStrange (user info) at 2002-12-20 17:21:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for your sense of humour Tina, you take the piss very well, I know you'll fit right in, lol.
Submitted by PeopleAreStrange (user info) at 2002-12-20 17:17:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Man, someone linked to me - I am the best!!!
Tina, take a pill, JP is spot on "uber-users are some sarcastic, critical f**ks. It's nothing personal."
You shouldn't have felt pissed off, it was a funny post, it kept us entertained and gave me something to do.....it's great to see you were being original - not that that should make any difference anyway if the effect is still good, but I can't help being a niggly spoddy belligerent bookworm....may as well be proud to be a nerd, oh yes, we'll rule the world (from our bedrooms, nyek).
And welcome to Ubersite, you've had your first spat and now the air is cleared, I hope you decide to stay.
I stand by my 'nice eyes' comment Sky, I haven't seen anything else of Bart and it is probably best it stays that way, but he has yawzah* colour eyes....and this could be a better site....but don't bite the hand that feeds so thanks very much for existing wee site on the virtual web_type_place...
PAS
*I think I just made that word up, bloody phonetics.
p.s. Thanks for the insult hendrixjrr, although people are talking, they think it's code for chatting me up....oooh stop it young man.
psyche : p
Submitted by Titinita (user info) at 2002-12-20 17:13:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, I just love everybody here! Yes, even you. Waith, should I be citing this in correct MLA format? I think Maddox might have used the word you...just in case*(see footnote)
*Words I have used in this here response may or may not have been stolen from the Master of the Universe himself, Maddox.
But seriously, I LOVE EVERYONE AT UBER! YOU ARE BOOTY-FULL!
Submitted by sky (user info) at 2002-12-20 16:59:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I thought your post was funny too :) PAS just likes to cite lots of things (thinking that gives her more clout) and tell people they have nice eyes when she looks like an idiot... oh wait, reference point for you ....
the 'nice eyes' post
http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?message=103582569031869702
Submitted by _JP (user info) at 2002-12-20 16:36:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Tina,
Welcome to Ubersite. :) You can't write anything on ubersite without sparking intense debate. I don't think anyone was trying to hurt your feelings. But on the hole uber-users are some sarcastic, critical f**ks. It's nothing personal. You also have to take everything with a grain of salt. Hope you decide to come back.
P.S. I thought that your post was funny.
Submitted by Titinita (user info) at 2002-12-20 14:15:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This was just a joke. Perhaps some of you should get back to work and stop trying to prove how stupid my entry was. It was supposed to be stupid. I wrote it because I didn't feel like writing final paper for one of my classes. I simply wrote a stupid entry to mock all the other stupid entries at this site that are cocky and serve absolutely no purpose, yet still manage to spark intense debates. Writing entries out of boredom is one thing. Repeatedly attacking entries with worthless comments is another. Normally, I would have assumed these stupid reviews were just the result of boredom, but the whole attempt on some of your parts to prove how I plagiarized another worthless site pissed me off. I went to the site in question and read some of it, all for the first time. As if Maddox, is that his name? invented the phrase "I am the best." Excuse me, but I was actually imitating the way my younger cousins and siblings talk. All two-year-olds can give you a list of why they are the best at everyting they do. I can't believe someone actually tried to dig up evidence to prove what a loser I am, even providing future readers of my amazing entry with a link, so as not to try to fool the public any longer. I wrote this stupid entry the day I "discovered" Ubersite, and returned only out of curiosity of what people had to say about my boasts. I normally don't even like the internet. My point is, get back to work, and I will get back to writing my paper. This way there will be no more useless bickering. These insults, pathetic as they are, hurt my feelings and pissed me off.
Submitted by _JP (user info) at 2002-12-20 11:05:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Uber-folk are funny
Submitted by SeK (user info) at 2002-12-20 04:20:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
See? Told you I'd get my ass flamed. *shrug* I'll be sitting here with my Coke while you guys can keep getting pissed off and develop one syndrome or another. Eventually psychologists will be thanking me for bringing them good business.
Oh yeah. The 1 is for the effort people put in publicly announcing their stupidity.
Submitted by hendrixjrr at 2002-12-19 22:38:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
PAS, you're stupid. <===Obligatory insult.
Submitted by PeopleAreStrange (user info) at 2002-12-19 19:57:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Tina, I'm not saying you've blatantly copied and pasted verbatim from Maddox but you've definitely been taking lessons from the master - any of these expressions look familiar?
http://maddox.xmission.com/imbest.html
"I'm The Center of the Universe.
I'm better than everyone. I kick ass at everything. The other day, someone cut me off on the freeway, so I sped up beside him and I rammed him off the road. Nobody is as good as I am.
Some people think I'm conceited. Oh well.
All my friends think I'm better than they are. Sometimes my friends ask "So how come you rule so much?"
One time I decided to play basketball, but I suck at basketball so I lost. Just kidding, I kicked everyone's ass because I'm the best.
I own everyone at everything. There's no use in trying to be as good as me because it's impossible. There aren't enough words to describe how good I am.
THE UNIVERSE REVOLVES AROUND ME.
I AM KING. Everyone wishes they were me. EVERYONE.
If I weren't me, I'd wish I was.
I love me.
people aren't as good as me. "
Let me know if you manage to come up with something original one day, yeah?
Submitted by PeopleAreStrange (user info) at 2002-12-19 19:44:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
That's not bad Tina but it's a pity you had to copy Maddox and the way he talks about himself in his 'Best Page in the Universe website' http://maddox.xmission.com/
which I would have thought other Ubersiter's would have visited and noticed your blatant plagarism of his phrases.
Still they're damn funny, so no harm in trying to claim his humour as your own.
:o)
Submitted by Chiron (user info) at 2002-12-19 12:13:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I loved Tina's post because it showed to EVEN more people what a pathetic little fuckstick SeK is...
Chiron
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2002-12-19 10:32:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Another +2 for entertaining schizophrenic conversation.
Submitted by Titinita (user info) at 2002-12-18 15:35:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I meant that my REVIEWERS are the best. You guys kick ass.
Tina
Submitted by Titinita (user info) at 2002-12-18 15:33:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Tina is so cool she can write haiku.
First five syllables
Then there's seven syllables
Last five syllables
Wow.
My reviews are the best. All of them. I love all of you.
Tina
Submitted by Titinita (user info) at 2002-12-18 15:29:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Tina, don't listen to the last review. I am sure you are really cool. You are the best. Rock on.
Tina
Submitted by Titinita (user info) at 2002-12-18 15:28:04 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Tina YOU STINK. You think you are so great? Guess what--I have news for you: you aren't. You are obviously stupid to think you can beat four whole countries with one hand you dumbass.
Tina
Submitted by michaelahunt (user info) at 2002-12-18 15:19:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No sek, you have tall poppy syndrome, where you must pull people down to your level because you don't want people to feel good about themselves. She is the best, why try to compete where you know you will lose.
P.S, Do you have nice skin? No
Submitted by michaelahunt (user info) at 2002-12-18 15:14:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You are the best, and I must admit, that I'm 18 years old girl and have not done anything half as good as you. Good work, I use to think I was the best in the world,because my mother says I'm special,but I guess you win because I don't know how to spell phscologist. YOU GO GIRL
Submitted by hornboy (user info) at 2002-12-18 14:29:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
. . . and BTW, what happened to the old-fashoned, light-hearted Uberuser?
Submitted by hornboy (user info) at 2002-12-18 14:27:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
OK, haha, it's a joke. Get over yourself seK and, and please forgive me - maybe i'm missing the point of your rating (it wasn't funny if it was a joke, but i'll concede if someone can prove that it's funny to be a drug dealer), but you've left me with nothing else to say.
Submitted by nixvivivi <nixvivivi.at.nowhere.com> at 2002-12-18 14:24:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I haven't posted here in months. Your post prompted me to do so. Thanks.
Submitted by DarthFaded (user info) at 2002-12-18 11:25:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You would have my vote for being the best if you are hot and you put out.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2002-12-18 10:39:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 to balance this out, because you missed the humor of the original.
Submitted by SeK (user info) at 2002-12-18 03:47:41 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
God I hope you're joking. No doubt there will be people flaming my ass for putting this up, but what the hell, it's a timekiller.
Rest assured, you're not the best.
You can call yourself whatever the hell you want. It's called denial. Here's why.
Apparantly your chemistry skills aren't worth an actual award. I have solid gold medals from badminton competitions.
I don't drink milk. I can afford Coke.
I don't need a goddamn therapist to tell me I should be who I am.
I can give the word and have anyone I want eliminated with their demise chalked up to an accident. People's existance depends on me.
Who cares if you have nice skin? You're not a very nice person.
People don't eat ice cream in the winter because it doesn't balance your body temperature. If you tell me you eat ice cream in a shop then it'll still melt.
I've disassembled school portables in elementary school with one flathead. I've set the school on fire. I've driven a Chrysler Acclaim when I was around seven. I deal weed by the pound. I do frauding. Whatever I don't do I can have done. I've smoked since I was five. (It was in Hong Kong. People don't give a shit if you're old enough or not. You can always tell them you're buying smokes for daddy.)
Since I'm doing better than my parents (over $5k a week) I check on them to make sure they're enjoying life.
I don't need to proofread this because you're not worth that extra effort.
There you have it. You're not the best. I'd like to be the one that ties your hands behind your back and watch America AND England AND Canada AND Australia's collective effort to beat you into a bloody pulp.