Causing hobos to shit themselves since mid-2004 (914 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.86 on 29 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Tigre (View user info) at 2004-10-18 15:55:49 EDT
There I was, standing infront of the forge with four little squares of wood, and a bottle of lighter fluid. Not enough fuel for a days work. 'Whats that mean' you ask? Well, I have to get more.
You see, back a few months ago, I used charcoal for my business, but have recently moved up to coal. Back then, if I was out of wood, I was out of business.
I get my tools ready; A big fuckin' axe. There are traintracks behind my home, and trees fall all the time. Theres dead hardwoods, and partially living softwoods, and so-on. As I'm about to decent upwards the hill to the tracks, I see somthing. A little kid with a backpack. This is a saturday, so no kids should be walking home. Well, being a good samaratin, I go to investigate. The kid picks up the pace. As I draw a bit nearer, I can see the better parts of the kid; Matted hair, torn up Doc Martens, ripped shirt, and an old backpack. This kid looked like a runaway.
He picks up the pase, and so do I. Eventually after about 1/8th of a mile, he stops and turns around: This kid has a beard. He takes ong long look at me, and makes the scariest, most horrific look I've ever seen. He holds his hands up at me,
"What the hell man!" It's almost like a choked sob.
"Sir, are you alright?" I ask him, still unsure what to think.
"Fuck no! I just shat myself!"
"Are..are you okay?"
"Not when I just shat myself! what the fuck are you doing chasing me with an axe anyway?!"
"I'm getting wood. Theres dry stuff down here." He looks at me like I'm insane..which I wouldn't doubt I am.
"How the FUCK do you expect me to be alright?! You come up here, with a leather apron, gloves and a fucking AXE! Whats a man got to do to not shit himself nowadays?!" He's wobbling around, most likely drunk.
"Do you live around here?"
"Yeah, just behind naugle motors." I know he's lying. There aren't any houses behind naugle motors, and this guy's obviously traveled places. "Your father must trust you to use an axe and shit. What the feck are ye, a welder?"
"I'm a blacksmith. And my father would, if he were still around."
"Oooh, yeah. My father died in 'Nam too."
This man is insane. Does he know about my stories..?
"You take it easy man."
"oh okay. What is it that you do again?" I turn and leave. I don't wanna get hussled by a drunken hobo...again.
When I get off the tracks, I go next door to the laundramat. I ask one of the ladies,
"How is it that I look?" She looked at my oddly for a second,
"Scary enough that if you were chasing me, I'd shit myself." I couldn't help but smile.
User Reviews
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-11-04 07:03:59 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Staccers (user info) at 2004-11-01 16:56:16 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
HAVE ANOTHER ONE, FAGWHINE
Submitted by Staccers (user info) at 2004-11-01 16:55:43 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
DIE SOME MORE
Submitted by Staccers (user info) at 2004-11-01 16:54:43 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
DIE
Submitted by Jabba_the_Shit (user info) at 2004-10-27 08:35:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2004-10-27 02:37:06 (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm littler, and I have more hits than you.
Poopy.<3
-----------------------------------
Here's another hit.
Heehee. <3
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2004-10-23 01:44:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Please die cigar?
..please?
Submitted by cigar.. (user info) at 2004-10-23 01:35:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Pringles4eva (user info) at 2004-10-23 01:32:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yum. soilent green.
Submitted by cig (user info) at 2004-10-23 01:25:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2004-10-21 17:52:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Lay off the hobos, OK? When the farms dry up and the oceans die, you will be looking for a good source of soylent green.
Submitted by PROXYman (user info) at 2004-10-21 17:46:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
just fucking stop. Your stuff is meaningless. Goddamnit, I want my 30 seconds back.
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2004-10-20 23:51:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah?! Well..you're a jerk! And uuh..you probably have bad taste in music, and a fat face like cigar! >:'(
Submitted by Iawless_heIIion (user info) at 2004-10-20 23:42:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You get a -2 hit due to your supporting of an idiot.
Submitted by ciggy (user info) at 2004-10-19 23:18:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2004-10-18 21:04:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't remember saying that..but I may have.
Was I intoxicated?
...on pie?
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2004-10-18 20:30:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Untitled_User (user info) at 2004-10-18 20:14:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Seralena, you're retarted.
Submitted by Seralena (user info) at 2004-10-18 19:21:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Just because I thought this was amusing:
Rating: 1.11 on 11 reviews (Rate this item) (View all ratings)
Submitted by Tigre (View user info) at 2004-10-18 15:55:49
Ha! 1.11 on 11! Isn't that great?!
...
...
What?
Submitted by Sepsis (user info) at 2004-10-18 19:05:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2004-10-18 19:01:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey John, why not actually write somthing before forming an opinion, you rat bastard?
Submitted by John_Fonda_Kerry (user info) at 2004-10-18 18:59:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Kamargo (user info) at 2004-10-18 17:18:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I would say that you would look scarier if the apron was blood-stained like
a slaughterhouse worker
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2004-10-18 16:39:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It was inevitable cigar. *Glares, making it a point to -2 all of cigars post.* Who wants pie? :3
Submitted by cigar (user info) at 2004-10-18 16:38:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2004-10-18 16:30:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2004-10-18 16:29:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"fuck no! I just shat myself!"
classy and precise.
Submitted by thaumaturge (user info) at 2004-10-18 16:21:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hobo's...
Submitted by cexshun (user info) at 2004-10-18 16:14:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Not when I just shat myself! what the fuck are you doing chasing me with an axe anyway?!"
gold
Submitted by Apricot (user info) at 2004-10-18 16:08:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Kicker of all ass indeed.