Never Trust a Nose-picker (696 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.91 on 11 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Lutes <absolutes18.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-10-18 17:22:55 EDT
Booger-nose Ben was the social outcast of my kindergarten class. An epitome of why girls thought boys were smelly, Ben always had dirt smudged on his face and clothes, and unruly black hair that he refused to comb. All the girls in my grade ran away shrieking when he came into close contact, and the boys refused to share toys or play games with him. Ben didn't seem to mind. Though lacking in friends, there was no end to his imagination as he invented various invisible companions. Ben stood alone whenever our teacher declared free playtime, choosing instead to pick his nose and talk to himself.
One morning my teacher did the unthinkable and paired us together at the baby-washing station. I was horrified; surely Ben would eat the doll's head. Ignoring him, I focused on scrubbing my baby's plastic skin. When I chanced to take a look at his activities, however, I was amazed. Ben was washing the baby in a careful and loving manner, even stopping to soothe imaginary cries with his gentle words. Never in my life had I seen a boy with such promise of being a good father, and from that moment I saw Booger-nose Ben in a new light. At closer inspection there was something cute about his obvious practice of hiding when his mother tried to bathe him. Besides, the more I thought about it, boogers were kind of cool.
I asked him to build blocks with me and the rest of the morning was magical. We played tag, shared snacks, and napped under the slide together. The other kids teased us but their words were ineffectual on my plans for our future marriage. At that moment, I loved Ben more than I loved my crayons.
The next day I rushed into the classroom eagerly, but Ben was nowhere to be found. To my dismay, all the other kids were pointing at me and laughing at some form of inside joke. My best friend pulled me into the mock-kitchen to break the news. Apparently Ben told everyone that we had held hands, and now he was dating Jenny, a girl whom had kissed the cheek of at least half the boys in our class. I didn't want to believe her, but sure enough Ben emerged from under the slide with Jenny, looking smug at his newfound popularity. Enraged as only a five-year-old can be, I stomped over and punched him in his stupid, runny nose.
Many people still remember their first love, and mine will forever be recorded as an "inappropriate violent behaviour" comment on my kindergarten progress report. Justice was served when Jenny broke up with Ben the next week, leaving him once again playing in the sandbox by himself. As for Ben and I, we never did fully reconcile. Whenever I attempted to apologize for hitting him, he ran away with a mixed look of fear and spite. It was painful at first, but bravely I moved on from the heartbreak and found a new and better boy to chase around at recess. After all, if there was one thing I learned from this experience, it was that you shouldn't nap under a slide with the first boy you see.
User Reviews
Submitted by WhatDoesThisButtonDo (user info) at 2005-06-19 11:27:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by NumLock (user info) at 2005-06-19 11:24:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this is cool
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-06-19 11:09:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-06-19 10:50:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very cute.
This earned you a vote in Uber Madness.
Submitted by ThatOneGirl (user info) at 2004-10-18 19:11:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Adorable.
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2004-10-18 18:31:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
..Beautiful..*tear*
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2004-10-18 18:31:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2004-10-18 18:16:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2004-10-18 18:05:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2004-10-18 17:52:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ben sucks...what a jerk
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-10-18 17:40:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bravo!