The future for Canada & America (revised edition) (607 hits)
Category: PoliticsRating: 1.25 on 8 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Tokerson (View user info) at 2004-10-20 19:27:03 EDT
Tokerson's note: Sorry about the lack of paragraphs; I had just copied and pasted this from a Word article and so it clumped it all together in this blob of text. I was suprised at how many people complained about it, so I'll repost. Enjoy
The year is 2073, and chaos and havoc reigns supreme on the planet Earth. The sky is evermore an iron-grey overcast due to due the greenhouse effects' damage to our atmosphere after years of oil harvesting, forcing humans to scorch the sky with powerful explosives, along with major pollution caused by oil harvesting, keeping a protective layer of cloud cover between humanoid underground stalactite cities, and the deadly ultraviolet rays that penetrate our atmosphere.
New technologies recently developed to extract oil from recently renamed Neo-Canadia's oil rich tar-sands has made Neo-Canadia an Economic and Militaristic Supreme Super Power of previously unknown proportions, which holds a vicelike grip on the remainder of the World. Oil fields are completely depleted in all OPEC nations, and most other oil-producing countries as well; resulting in catastrophic wars of supreme terror and destruction over what little oil remains untapped and unclaimed.
Being the only force capable of using advanced military vehicles and technologies, Neo-Canadia invades the USA, bringing the Yankees to their economic and sociological knees. After the public execution of the American President, the Neo-Canadian government disbands all American political parties, claiming leadership for themselves. Having no means to fuel their vastly extensive military, American resistance was naturally of little concern to Neo-Canadian extermination forces.
With no form of Government, Neo-Canadian officials take over, forcing the American people to bear the horribly disfiguring ultraviolet rays as they toil in Neo-Canadia's vast Albertan oil fields as Canadian slaves, harvesting precious oil to fuel Neo-Canadia's world domination war effort.
Naturally, Canadians expanded their new age-Empire by colonizing the Moon in 2046; therefore, all Canadians live in freedom and peace far above the black chunk of scorched Earth that they control. No one lives in former Canada, as it is completely unnecessary for any human presence other than American slaves to live within their country; as the slave population dominates most of the living areas, they are kept in line by advanced Robotic Sentry Droids that patrol all areas, keeping the slave population under control by random Guerrilla terror tactics to keep the Americans afraid of any attempted organized resistance or dis-obedience.
Disease also remains a completely foreign concept to Neo-Canadians as no bacteria or germs were transferred from Earth to the Moon during space flight. The Moon is renamed Neo-Canadia and becomes a Utopian society that survives off of the work of American slaves.
All other nations on Earth are transfigured into colonies of Neo-Canadia and are controlled by Government appointed Viziers. Life is impossible upon the surface of the Earth over long periods of time, so all that remains are the ruins of once great cities that dot the landscapes, and the towering Neo-Canadian Oil Production facilities that the Americans are forced into. All other people are forced to live in underground stalactite cities for protection against Earth's surface dangers. Life is capable on the surface only when proper suits and precautions are taken, and even then every week spent outside reduces one's lifespan by a year, on average.
No oil is necessary to fuel machinery on the moon, because due to temperature regulators, vegetable oil is an efficient alternative energy source to crude oil, and is used to power all vehicles and machinery. The newly installed Neo-Canadian Monarchy keeps all of its colonies, other than America, in extreme poverty, providing the people with next to no money, but enough furnishings to live comfortably. Money has been made a privilege that cannot be trusted with the rest of the population, as they may use it to develop similar technologies to the Neo-Canadians such as Vegetable oil power, or tar-sand oil extraction. The American population has been virtually destroyed. American reproduction slaves are kept constantly busy to replace the expendable work force of American laborers. Americans are required to work 22 hour work days, and spend their free 2 hours in cramped muscle-rejuvenation booths to prepare them for another 22 hours of backbreaking labor. All Americans at birth have their tongues removed and taste buds burned off to forbid them the luxuries of speech and taste. Some lucky surplus slaves are sent to Neo-Canadia to serve as household slaves to the Master Canadian race, and avoid the oil field toilings of their cousins. Quite the future, no?
User Reviews
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-11-04 20:06:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I didn't even read the whole thing, but it's pro-Canada, and that's what I like.
Submitted by icarus9mm (user info) at 2004-10-20 21:06:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i knew it.
it already started, with you canadian fucks continually searching my car when i try to cross the border.
son of a bitch confiscated my kurt cobain thermos...
called it an "open alcohol container"
sure, it had JD in it... but it was closed goddamnit.
Submitted by Samer (user info) at 2004-10-20 20:35:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think the Americans would invade us before we could develop all that technology if there truly was an oil crisis as you described :)
Submitted by Flying_Burrito (user info) at 2004-10-20 20:09:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I have always had an uneasy feeling about Canada.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-10-20 19:52:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I plus two this because it is so far fetched that it was funny. What was your source on this?
Also, even if Canada somehow plays its cards properly and becomes a superpower through exploitation of Albertan oilsands, I doubt we would ever have 'extermination forces' and control everything from the moon.
...
Unless thats what it is going to take to get the NHL lockout broken.
If so, then maybe you have a point.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-10-20 19:42:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Certainly an interesting read...
http://www.ubersite.com/m/26365
Submitted by Tokerson (user info) at 2004-10-20 19:33:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Neo-Canadia*...
Submitted by TheMidnight12AM (user info) at 2004-10-20 19:29:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Neo-Canada?