Little Billy jokes. (2741 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.08 on 18 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by TheRef (View user info) at 2004-10-21 06:25:23 EDT
L ITTLE BILLY ON....GETTING OLDER
Little BILLY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another.
After the 6th one, a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
Little BILLY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
"Oh?" replied the man. " Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
"No" replied Little Billy, "he minded his own fucking business!!"
LITTLE BILLY ON....PHILOSOPHY
A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?"
She calls on little BILLY.
He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."
Then little BILLY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
To which Little BILLY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking."
LITTLE BILLY ON....MATH
Little BILLY returns home from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
"Why?" asks the father.
"The teacher asked, 'How much is 2x3?' I said 6," replied BILLY.
"But that's right!" says his dad.
"Yeah, but then she asked me, 'How much is 3x2?'"
"What's the fucking difference?" asked the father.
"That's what I said!"
LITTLE BILLY ON....ENGLISH
Little BILLY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?"
BILLY says, "Mas-tur-bate."
Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little BILLY, that's a mouthful."
Little BILLY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
LITTLE BILLY ON....GRAMMAR
One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.
First she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.
"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully."
The teacher responded, "Excellent, Michael!" Then, she reluctantly called on little BILLY.
"Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, Beautiful, just fucking beautiful."
User Reviews
Submitted by TheRef (user info) at 2004-10-25 06:03:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
good stuff method
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-10-25 05:48:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
One day, little Billy comes home from kindergarten for lunch. Not finding his mother in the kitchen, or the living room, he heads upstairs to check her bedroom. He opens the door,and what does he see, but his father, who had also come home for lunch, stripped naked,on top of his mother, also naked, heavily into the act of lovemaking. Not wanting to traumatize the boy, the parents continue as if nothing was wrong. Billy watches, and after a couple of minutes asks,"Daddy, can I climb on and have a horsie ride?" "Of course, Son, we're a family." So Billy climbs on and after a few more minutes his
mother starts moaning and writhing wildly. "Hang on Dad!", cries Billy, "this is where me and the mailman usually falls off!"
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-10-25 05:47:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
One day at the end of class little Billy's teacher has the class go home
and think of a story and then conclude the moral of that story.
The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer
to tell a story. Suzy said, "Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the
truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday
we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the
road." The teacher asks for the moral of the story. Suzy replies,
"Don't keep all your eggs in one basket."
Next is little Lucy. "Well, my dad owns a farm too and every weekend we
take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only
8 of the 12 eggs hatched." The teacher asks for the moral of the story.
Lucy replies "Don't count your chickens before they're hatched."
Last is little Billy. "My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam war; his plane
was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed with
only a case of beer, a machine gun and a machete. On the way down he
drank the case of beer. Unfortunately, he landed right in the middle of
100 Vietnamese soldiers. He shot 70 with his machine gun but ran out of
bullets, so he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more. The blade on
his machete broke, so he killed the last ten with his bare hands".
The teacher looks in shock at Billy and asks if there is possibly any
moral to his story. Billy replies, "Don't fuck with uncle Ted when he's
been drinking."
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-10-25 05:31:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
these are great.
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2004-10-25 04:50:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
the first one was the best
Submitted by TheMidnight12AM (user info) at 2004-10-22 01:25:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha. New to me.
Submitted by ginger (user info) at 2004-10-22 01:11:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2004-10-21 11:38:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Heard them before, but still good
Submitted by triple_optics (user info) at 2004-10-21 11:37:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
qaulity
Submitted by WhatTheHell (user info) at 2004-10-21 11:26:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh SHUT THE FUCK UP with all the "IT'S NOT YOURS....IT'S COPIED AND PASTED"
WHO - GIVES - A - FUCK !!
This shit was funny.
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2004-10-21 10:24:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Great jokes, but still copied n' pasted.
Submitted by lordofduct (user info) at 2004-10-21 08:19:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
only a minus one because yet this is a copy paste they still are hilarious... especially philosophy and math.
Now the other reason its a minus 1 is because HOLY SHIT i havn't heard these since 3rd grade... these and johnny deeper were the rave on the playground in 91'
Submitted by TheRef (user info) at 2004-10-21 07:53:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
this is an obvious copy and paste as you fella's have so eloquently pointed out. Being deployed like i am, you tend to get alot of these types of email. People you don't even know send you jokes just to help with morale. some are funny, others are stupid. the little billy series makes me laugh out loud everytime. therefore, i am sharing billy with ya'll.....)that didn't sound right , did it?)
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2004-10-21 07:43:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
It's funny, but it's still not yours.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2004-10-21 07:35:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by titmouse (user info) at 2004-10-21 06:38:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
its nice to have all the little billy jokes in one place though
Submitted by titmouse (user info) at 2004-10-21 06:38:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
its nice to have all the little billy jokes in one place though
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2004-10-21 06:31:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Funny, but still 'ctrl+c ctrk+v'ed