Mammal hunting on the molecular level (789 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.97 on 20 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <rurumon> (View user info) at 2004-10-21 10:51:59 EDT
Spread across the face of a crystal, millions of protons and electrons sit perfectly balanced, creating a perfectly neutral surface.
Thwack
Thwack
Thwack
The tiny hammer is released by its catch, and the potential of the spring loaded rod sends the small piece of metal piercing into the tiny piezoelectric crystal. The crystal, having been jarred by the pressure of the hammer, instantly has its charges rearranged creating a potential difference between different faces of the crystal. The built up potential releases itself in the form of a monstrously high voltage arc. The tiny blue arc, while weak in current, possesses a high voltage which, coincidentally, happens to hurt a bit when applied to someone's earlobe, but that's for another time.
The fast moving electrons from the voltage arc excite their nearby neighbors, which in this case happen to be lots and lots of an aerosol and air. The aerosol molecules begin to vibrate wildly, and eventually begin to break apart. The oxygen in the air recombines with these molecules and the wild vibration spirals out of control, as the molecules create a giant wave of vibration as they tear apart and recombine with oxygen. This wave of vibration begins to compresses air molecules as it rapidly expands, creating a surge of pressure not unlike dropping a big rock in a pond. As the wave of combusting molecules slow down, the pressure wave continues ahead of it.
Inside a cylindrical chamber four inches wide and twelve long, a somewhat uniform wave of vibration begins from its initiation point near the voltage arc at the back of the cylinder, and spreads out like a sphere. Reaching the walls and the rear of the cylinder, the fast wave runs into a higher density material. The wave now possesses so much velocity, it reflects back in the opposite direction. The reflected waves combine together along with the wave that was already moving down the cylinder in the first place to create a huge surge of pressure, racing down the cylinder at the speed of sound.
The surge eventually runs into a venturi, which compresses the wave further, increasing its speed just in time for it to hit a giant obstruction. In this case, a potato. The wave, having no place to go, slams into the rear of the potato. Its fast moving molecules impart their energy into the potato, which transfers the heat and momentum of the wave into raw kinetic energy.
About a hundred yards away, a squirrel is desperately trying to crack open an acorn. He is very perplexed, if squirrels possess the ability to be perplexed, when the sun is suddenly blotted out by a tuber moving at 300 feet per second.
A hundred yards back, fire singed hands frantically load another tuber as the squirrel attempts to make his escape.
User Reviews
Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2006-12-21 22:13:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That is a really nice rod. Keep up the good rod...
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-03-10 13:32:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Technically they aren't guns, they are cannons. And yes they do rock.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2004-10-21 20:15:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love this.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2004-10-21 14:43:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Another one for a fantastic story and because I hope satan dies of his STD in the next few days.
Submitted by Satansgotsyphillis (user info) at 2004-10-21 14:41:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Hey! didn't see this until now.
I hate fucking potato guns, got a problem with that? Now I've also got a problem with you, thinking you can fucking RANT on me for no reason. Get a life, you're lucky anyone reads this garbage FAG!
Submitted by rurumon (user info) at 2004-10-21 12:42:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
None taken lovin. Im not here for the ratings.
But seriously...syphillis...fuck you.
I mean, if you have no idea what Im talking about, then obviously your response was just to start shit. Potato guns rock, ask anyone who has built one. I'd love to stay and debate the merits of building your own combustion cannon, since it was my senior thesis...but you would just -2 the crap out of me. As much as I dont really care about the ratings, it would still really cheese me off.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2004-10-21 12:03:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2004-10-21 11:55:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm really confused right now. You got two guys who didn't give you +2's, yet it says that they did? Where the fuck was this two days ago when my streak was broken after forty fucking reviews? No offense to the author but I'm giving this a +1 just to see if it does anything.
Submitted by Satansgotsyphillis (user info) at 2004-10-21 11:48:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Potato guns? This is retarded.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-10-21 11:38:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
again a +1 within a +2 streak.
Me thinks bart has changed things if so well done bart.
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2004-10-21 11:31:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Quality
Submitted by Halo_Of_Retards (user info) at 2004-10-21 11:24:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I just don't see the when and where you could use something like this.
Submitted by TheMidnight12AM (user info) at 2004-10-21 11:21:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice.
Submitted by landyuk (user info) at 2004-10-21 11:13:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=5727109656
Submitted by strider (user info) at 2004-10-21 11:10:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's a much better propellant mechanism than hair spray. Pretty darn cool.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2004-10-21 11:08:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck WMD's I want one of these!
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2004-10-21 11:02:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2004-10-21 11:00:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Green Tomatoes are EXCELLENT ammo
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2004-10-21 10:54:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
GET THEM SQUIRRELS!
Submitted by rurumon (user info) at 2004-10-21 10:53:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Just so no one flames me, that potato gun is not mine. It was made by the brilliant yet waaaay too bored geniuses at www.spudtech.com .