The Promise - Part 4 (1029 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.94 on 19 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Julia (View user info) at 2004-10-21 11:38:37 EDT
Part 1 - "The Deal" - http://www.ubersite.com/m/46415
Part 2 - "The Details" - http://www.ubersite.com/m/46524
Part 3 - "Blue Dress" - http://www.ubersite.com/m/47748
Part 4 - "Idle Hands"
The lights of the city glittered below like gold-picked brocade as Michael gazed out the window of the living room. Everything was quiet. One of the reasons he had chosen this house was that it was so far above the blind bustle of the city. He felt removed and watchful.
A house like this had been Michael's dream when he started his software company four years ago. It wasn't his now, though, and merely living in it brought him little satisfaction. He and Constance had talked at length about where he wanted to live, after he made the promise to the man in the red tie and could live anywhere he wanted.
"Familiarity can be a comfort," Constance had said gently, "and loneliness can be a terrible burden."
"I can't make any friends here," Michael had protested. "How can I? I'm supposed to be selfish for the next seven years."
"People will find their way into your life. They might not stay long, but they'll likely stay longer than you think." Constance had patted his hand. In the end, Michael continued to live in the city, and Constance was right.
He wanted a drink. And some company. Michael turned from the window and felt in his pocket for keys. The Porsche 911 Turbo S the only big thing he'd bought since meeting Ignatius almost three years ago. Constance had paid the bills for the furniture he'd chosen and the clothing that filled his ample closets. He'd bought himself the car, and the rest of his ten million dollars was invested, generating healthy wads of money.
He'd go to the club. He hadn't been there in a few days. As he let the Porsche purr toward the bottom of the hill, a bum shuffled across the street, dragging a trash bag. Michael lay on the horn and swerved around the thin, stooped man, who stepped back in alarm.
Michael glanced at himself in the rearview mirror. Heartless bastard.
The club was packed. Michael sat at the bar and ordered some 15-year Laphroaig, neat, and leaned back to wait. It never took long.
"Hi there," smiled a woman at his elbow. He flicked his eyes to her without turning his head, and sure enough, she was eyeballing his watch. He turned.
"Well, hello," Michael answered warmly. Her hair was long and glossy auburn, and her lips were full. He tried to guess her name. Jennifer. Lauren. Kelly. No, Kellys were usually blonde.
"I'm Giselle," said the young woman. Giselle. Perfect. Giselles were easy. Michael was willing to be she'd be in his bed within . . . say, two hours. He looked at his watch and pretended not to see her looking at it again.
"What a beautiful name. I'm Michael. May I buy you a drink?" Of course she wanted a drink. And what else would she want? Michael looked her, smiling. She wore no jewelry except for a pair of ornate diamond earrings. She was a diamond girl.
An hour later, Michael sat with a pleasant, attentive look on his face, listening to Giselle chatter about St. Bart's. Although his eyes were fixed on her face, he was aware of everyone in the place. They all seemed to be watching him. Women, wanting someone to pay the lease on their condo or to buy them some shiny bauble. Men, looking for an investor or silent partner or a sucker for their high-stakes poker games. They all pawed at one another and sniffed for money.
Giselle was still talking. Michael forced his face not to appear bored. He nodded and made appropriate sounds as she tossed her hair and said, "I'd love to go back. Have you ever been to the island?" He smiled, shook his head and imagined what she'd let him do to her before the night was up. Gazing into her dark eyes, Michael willed her to stop talking. Under the table, his hands twiddled idly.
"You'd love it there. It's so beautiful. I practically live in my biki—oh!" She blinked, startled.
"Sorry to interrupt," Constance said.
Michael was used to her turning up in unexpected places. "Constance, this is Giselle. Giselle, Constance."
"I'm sorry," laughed Giselle self-consciously. "I didn't see you standing there." She looked at the middle-aged woman in the blue dress appraisingly. "Are you Michael's . . . aunt?"
Constance laughed and shared a look with Michael. "Oh heavens, no," she said, squeezing into the booth with them and folding her hands. "We're no relation."
Giselle was still smiling, but her eyes were a little puzzled. "Are you his secretary?" Her head was cocked to one side, as if listening to a high-pitched sound.
"My, would you look at this?" Constance said, opening one of her hands. A large diamond earring lay in her palm. Giselle gasped and touched her empty lobe. "How odd." Constance's face was bland and vaguely surprised. "Oh well." She carelessly tossed the earring out onto the dance floor, and she and Michael laughed as Giselle sprung after it like a dog.
"I didn't like her," Constance said. "Little tart."
Michael smiled. She always fussed over him. "So what's up?"
"Come on. Ignatius wants to talk to you, but it's too loud in here." It was. He followed her three doors down to an ice cream parlor.
Ignatius rose from his seat at a small table. "I know, I know. Of all places." He looked at Constance affectionately and held a chair for her. "Constance has a special fondness for ice cream." She gave him a glance of mock annoyance as a waitress approached, then ordered a hot fudge sundae.
"Michael? What will you have? Choose something." Michael wasn't hungry, but he knew Ignatius would insist. He ordered a vanilla milkshake. "And I will have a dish of lemon sorbet, please," said Ignatius. When the waitress left, he turned to Michael. "Constance tells me you're unhappy."
"I'm all right," Michael replied.
Ignatius looked thoughtful, smoothing his scarlet tie. "Would you say the job is easier or more difficult than you imagined?"
"Both," said Michael. Constance patted his arm, and the table was quiet.
The waitress returned with a tray. She set before them glasses and dishes before them and replaced Michael's ice cream spoon with a long-handled one.
Ignatius looked at Michael's long spoon and grinned. "Now that's funny," he said.
User Reviews
Submitted by um . . . where's it at <um . . . where's it at@need-a-> at 2004-10-28 10:48:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
will there be no part five?
have i missed something?
Submitted by ve <ve> at 2004-10-27 09:13:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Where is part 5?
Are we ever gonna get part 5?
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-10-22 14:48:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This series deserves way more attention than this.
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2004-10-22 12:52:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thanks Julia. I was really looking forward to continuing on in UM. Unfortunately...I've already been unceremoniously ousted. Ah...such is life.
Looking forward to Part 5.
Oh, and as for the fairy tale you're referring to...wouldn't happen to be "The Devil's Sooty Brother", would it?
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-10-22 12:37:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am glad you pointed out that last one, as it is not in my vernacular, and I was kinda wondering what the spoon things was about, and I just hought it would be explained in the next chapter.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-10-22 12:25:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
obviously one of the main themes is also, "Money is the root of all evil." Thich might be something else to consider later.
Submitted by Julia (user info) at 2004-10-22 12:08:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Okay, so my chapter titles aren't too strange. That's good. Chapter 5 is entitled "Long Spoon," coming from an old saying, "If you eat with the devil, use a long spoon." I decided in chapter 1 to make these proverbs plot devices.
My favorite fairy tale inspired this story, but you're right, its theme has been repeated in stories for centuries. I'm not going to say which fairy tale, because I don't want to ruin the end. I'll tell you when it's done.
And Badlands, I don't think I've seen anybody with as impressive an overall rating as you. You're truly gifted. I'm looking forward to seeing you go far in UM.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-10-22 11:05:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Beat me to it Badlands...you were spot on though.
I think I already mentioned the Devil With the Blue dress...
I personally thought that there were similarities with a lot of stories throughout the ages, including, but not limited to "Devil and Daniel Webster". "Faust" comes to mind. There was also an Eddie Murphy movie in the 80s that was the pinnicle of the literature and artform of the time.
Beyond this, I thought there were a few small similarities, at least in premise, to my first round "Beggar's Banquet" story too. I don't recall if you reviewed that one or not.
Regardless of what it's based on, this story is growing on me...in me, around me, etc...and deserves the all the attention we as users can give it, for it is becoming, in my mind, one of the master works of the uber catalogue.
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2004-10-22 10:55:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
1. The significance of the chapter titles
2. On which fairy tale this is based
----
I'll take a whack at it.
1. Making a deal with the devil...the devil is in the details...devil with the blue dress on...idle hands are the devils's work --- or something to that effect.
2. The Devil and Daniel Webster
Submitted by Julia (user info) at 2004-10-22 10:48:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks, Toothy, you sweet talker.
I'm thinking of making this into a novel, and I figured you might know the following two things. I want to know somebody does.
1. The significance of the chapter titles
2. On which fairy tale this is based
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-10-22 10:07:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Julia, to link to a particular reply, click on the little pound sign "#" to the right of the reply. The link will then appear in the address bar. You can then right click on the address and use copy/paste. (you're welcome in advance)
As for this episode...
I absolutely adore your writing and your characters are so full of color, it's scary to think of how far you could go with your writing if the right people were to read it. From everything I've seen, you are an artist, and should be respected as such.
You are in the top 5 of the best creative writiers on this site. I will not put them in order, and I will not name who I think they are, but I will say that you hold your own against the best of 'em in my mind.
I am not trying to flatter you, (although if this is a side-effect, I am not sorry about it). I am not trying to embarrass you, (and if I do that only means that your ego hasn't caught up with your ability yet). I can only expressing my honest opinion, which is that you should be making a living from your true, God-given talent.
Can't wait for the next one.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2004-10-21 20:54:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Spiffy.
Submitted by Julia (user info) at 2004-10-21 16:11:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks everybody. I'm sorry this chapter took so long to produce. My characters had a mind of their own and refused to go where I directed them. I think I'll have part 5 out tomorrow.
And Fegg, I haven't figured out how to link to a particular reply, but please see my response to Tidalfae in my "Sick" thread.
Submitted by WildOx742 <jamesjholt.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-10-21 16:05:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent
Submitted by drfeggphd (user info) at 2004-10-21 15:45:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Julia, I just realized something embarrassing.
I'm married, you're married--but I don't remember
anything about our honeymoon. Was I alright?
Submitted by engine13 (user info) at 2004-10-21 15:15:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2004-10-21 14:49:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I went back and read the series...I like what I see.
We need more of this to combat the shit! Viva la good posts!
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2004-10-21 13:31:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent series.
My only complaint is that you need to be posting chapters faster!!
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2004-10-21 11:53:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent!
I can't wait for the next part