Just one more thing (836 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: random
Rating: 1.78 on 15 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <name withheld by request> (View user info) at 2004-10-21 14:41:09 EDT
I forgot to mention that on the Lord's day I like to get down on my knees and worship God in the way which he deserves. Of course God hates sex, so there is no shame in this.
But I admit I get a secret thrill when I'm down on my knees before what is, by definition, the largest willie in the Universe. God is modest and therefore usually wears pants, so there's nothing gay about it.
But this time, God suddenly ripped off his toga and shouted some gibberish which I knew meant, "Blow Me!"
When God says to do something, I do it, no questions asked. So I got busy right away. But apparently I'm not as good at sucking as I thought I was. God kept muttering something about teeth, no teeth, what's with the teeth?
Then I remembered I'd forgotten my dentist appointment again and rushed over as usual, only the receptionist Helen says I've shown up on the wrong day. She always gives me a little card with the day and time and she knows I always lose it. I am pretty sure they are just fucking with me so I won't use up all the nitrous oxide again.
Since I have a degree in Computor Science, I tapped her home phone to find out where she lives and rushed over to her house and hid in the shrubbery until she got home. When she left the next day I knew she was probably going to work so I teleported right over and became an invisible tree in the parking lot. When she went into the office I stole her car and drove to the drugstore because I needed some more Albolene which is what I use for shaving, though porn stars use it for deep throating lube. I have to shave my willie since I have hypertrichosis along with every other disease.
My father always said to me, Son, when you are in France you must pull down your pants. But after what happened that day in the locker room I was too embarrassed to show up at work anymore, because the factory was owned by a sports promoter in Paris who always smelled funny to me and gave me little winks when nobody was looking.
By this time my tea was cold so I zapped it in the microwave they keep in the kitchen there at the Church, and unfortunately someone had left a fork in it so the whole thing exploded, which I enjoyed because the pastor once raped my twin brother, even though he says it was because God wanted him to learn about the morality of professional wrestling in ancient Greek culture.
Once the sermon was over we all sang songs and then went home to have the annual Easter-egg hunt, which I won easily since I was the only one with a shotgun.
Amen.
User Reviews
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-01-03 18:16:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2004-10-25 00:01:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahahahaha this was going to be a mere +1 until i got to the ending, hahahahahaha
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2004-10-22 08:33:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by drfeggphd (user info) at 2004-10-21 16:01:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I misspelled Science intensionally, as part of my plan to
insert hidden secret messages into seemingly innocuous posts.
Part of my plan for world domination. Nothing to worry about.
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2004-10-21 15:47:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Computor Science?
Submitted by Samer (user info) at 2004-10-21 15:38:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by RateBot (user info) at 2004-10-21 15:31:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2004-10-21 14:56:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by drfeggphd (user info) at 2004-10-21 14:49:58 (#)
Ha ah. This is funny.
Am I going to hell now?
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Yes! But don't worry, we'll have lots of fun!
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I have fun everywhere I go. Hell will be no exception.
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2004-10-21 14:55:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"My father always said to me, Son, when you are in France you must pull down your pants."
Father knows best.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2004-10-21 14:54:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by drfeggphd (user info) at 2004-10-21 14:49:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2004-10-21 14:43:11 (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha ah. This is funny.
Am I going to hell now?
-----------------------
Yes! But don't worry, we'll have lots of fun!
Submitted by Monarch (user info) at 2004-10-21 14:48:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2004-10-21 14:45:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by PROXYman (user info) at 2004-10-21 14:45:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2004-10-21 14:43:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha ah. This is funny.
Am I going to hell now?