REAL Midget Tossing (2005 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dumb JobsRating: 1.91 on 29 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <xenon> (View user info) at 2004-10-21 15:02:27 EDT
First, I must preface this post by saying that this story is second hand. It is told by my best friend "Snow." He relayed this story to me, and I am posting it here for all to enjoy. Though it is in first person, it is not me experiencing the events to follow. Now, on with the show...
About a year ago, I moved to Jackson Hole, Wyoming. I've been doing freelance video work for pittance, and working at a luxury ski resort doing odd jobs. In the evenings, I usually work in the kitchen for parties and such.
A few weeks ago, I and another one of my coworkers was asked to work on an all-day "special" private party for extra pay. We agreed, but my boss would not tell us who the party was for.
We showed up early for the party and started getting things ready. There was a stage set up, and a bluegrass band was warming up. There was an exquisite display of food that would be fit for a king. One small oddity remained though...no people.
What's a party without people...right? A few minutes later about five black SUVs pulled up. Out stepped a myriad of people that were clearly of the middle-eastern descent. There were enormous bouncers, petite little entourage chicks, and some other folks. One of the bouncers went to the back door of the middle SUV and opened the door. Out stepped the crown-prince of Saudi Arabia, Abdullah.
Of course, at the time, I didn't know who this guy was. It could've been Osama bin Laden for all I knew. Soon, my supervisor came over and told us who he was and to do EVERYTHING he wanted...short of butt sex. Even that wasn't completely out of the question.
So, he and his entourage had the entire resort to themselves for the better part of the day. They just mingled, ate, and drank while the bluegrass band played in the background. They were actually one of the best bands in the state. Who would've thought that Arabs liked bluegrass?
They acted surprisingly normal aside from the fact that we couldn't understand a word they said. We just smiled and served them hand and foot. Ok, it was just BBQ.
Suddenly, the bluegrass band struck up a tune that I definitely recognized. It was Skynyrd's "Sweet Home Alabama." Immediately, the Crown Prince threw his drink down and got up shouting Arabic nonsense. My first thought was, "Oh no, them bluegrass boys done gone and upset some crazy Arab suicide bomber. We're all goners!" But wait...he's not angry...no he's...he's happy! Yeah, that's it...he's actually dancing to this song.
Soon all of the entourage was up and hopping around like dyslexic paraplegics. It was quite a sight. My coworker and I stood there about 20 feet from the whole thing with our mouths open in disbelief. The Crown Prince was kind of square dancing with all of the entourage chicks. The bouncers were lumbering around in suit.
These Saudi's were diggin' Skynyrd. About half-way through the song, the Crown Prince shouted something back towards the SUVs that had been sitting there for two hours or more. I saw the back doors of one fly open immediately. Then...they appeared...
Out stepped three midgets. Yeah...Saudi Arabian midgets. Midgets like I've never seen before. They were wearing black pleated pants and muscle shirts. They ran as fast as their little midget legs would carry them right to the Crown Prince. As soon as they reached him, he picked one up.
At this point, my coworker and I are pinching each other to see if we're really seeing this. No sooner than he had picked a midget up than he tossed him. No joke, he tossed him about ten feet to an awaiting bouncer. The midget had this indifferent look like, "Where is my self-esteem?"
The Crown Prince was having the time of his life. It looked like a volleyball tournament going on. You would see one midget go flying left, and he would cross mid-air with a midget going right. It was completely unreal. I began to contemplate whether I had somehow slipped into an alternate universe. Had I discovered the meaning of life? Where am I from? Why am I here? I was jolted back to reality by the sight of a little person flying my way with fear in his eyes.
I'm sure the spaced-out look on my face is what caused him to show that fear. How would you feel if you were two and a half feet tall and being tossed to a guy who isn't expecting to catch you?
On impact, I half caught him and half fell over. I felt like I was playing football. I quickly got up without letting the little guy touch the ground and tucked him under my arm. I looked for a receiver...I looked at the midget (more fear)...I looked again for a receiver.
A few feet away, I saw a bouncer with open arms, periodically slapping his hands together suggesting, "I'm open!" And open he was. I twisted my body around and shot-put that midget's butt right into that big guy's sweet spot. Sure enough, he caught him and tossed him back to the Crown Prince.
Seconds later, the song was over and the entourage settled back into their normal routine chuckling to themselves. The midgets waddled back to the SUV and shut themselves up again. I imagined them picking up their UNO cards to pick up the game they left off.
A few hours later, the party was over. As the crowd gathered back into the SUVs, the Prince lingered back with one bodyguard and spoke with my supervisor. They were both smiling, so I assumed he was commending us on an enjoyable experience. I watched him in my peripheral vision while cleaning up the food on the buffet table. I saw him coming my way...which was NOT on his way to the vehicles.
Once he got close, I turned to him and saw him smiling and laughing. He slapped me on the shoulder and said in English, "You almost dropped my favorite one. Good save, boy! You should become a part of my team." With that, he turned away and entered the SUV. As the entourage disappeared into the distance, I couldn't help but wonder..."What team? Is midget tossing a sport in Saudi Arabia?"
I guess I'll never know.
User Reviews
Submitted by xenon (user info) at 2005-01-10 09:06:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Girlwithaclue (user info) at 2004-12-16 17:24:18 (#)
Ranking: 2
That was extremely amusing.
<soda spewing on monitor>
------------------
You might want to clean that off before it gets sticky.
Submitted by Girlwithaclue (user info) at 2004-12-16 17:24:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That was extremely amusing.
<soda spewing on monitor>
Submitted by Academy (user info) at 2004-12-16 17:06:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Luckylacquer (user info) at 2004-10-22 12:18:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Midgetriffic
Submitted by boredgurl210 (user info) at 2004-10-22 11:42:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2004-10-22 11:42:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Supremely strange, in a good way.
Submitted by xenon (user info) at 2004-10-22 11:29:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sepsis (user info) at 2004-10-21 20:01:49 (#)
Ranking: -2
Your best friend "Snow' is a great storyteller.
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Thanks, pal.
..|..
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-10-22 01:37:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahaah definately a good story! especially the "(more fear)" part!
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2004-10-22 01:11:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, OK. That was funny.
Submitted by Sepsis (user info) at 2004-10-21 20:01:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Your best friend "Snow' is a great storyteller.
Submitted by Elf_Down (user info) at 2004-10-21 19:46:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
sweet action.....................................kajsd;lfkjalsdkjf;lakjsd;flkjas;dflkjsd;lkfjd;lkfj
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long review of bullshit..dkaslfjlkjel;wkj
everyone else's is like 2 words...sad dsalf;lsdkjflkawejlfkajwelkfjksd;lfj
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i win
Submitted by Mitchell (user info) at 2004-10-21 19:30:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
cool
Submitted by Millie_Grace (user info) at 2004-10-21 17:11:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
damn
Submitted by jumpinjellyfish (user info) at 2004-10-21 15:34:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wonderfully funny post.
Submitted by ornerybastard (user info) at 2004-10-21 15:28:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Easily the most fucked up thing I've ever read.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2004-10-21 15:28:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy Shiite.
Submitted by squirrel_master (user info) at 2004-10-21 15:22:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think my co-workers are starting to wonder why I can't stop laughing
Submitted by Halo_Of_Retards (user info) at 2004-10-21 15:19:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Midgets are good for the soul, like soup.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2004-10-21 15:19:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Now I AM curious!?!
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2004-10-21 15:18:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by scrumdown (user info) at 2004-10-21 15:18:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Put one on my tab this evening.
Submitted by xenon (user info) at 2004-10-21 15:15:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
:)
Thanks for the offer, GLALL, but I dont' frequent the other side of the tracks for that very reason. Too many people have guns.
Submitted by ardubs (user info) at 2004-10-21 15:14:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A masterpiece!
Submitted by toddska (user info) at 2004-10-21 15:14:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
dwarf-tastic
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-10-21 15:14:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ahahaha!!!
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2004-10-21 15:13:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
at first i thought it was gonna just be a catchy title with an ok story. well, i was wrong.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2004-10-21 15:12:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent post xenon! Let's go get some shots!
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2004-10-21 15:09:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Woo Hoo! Great post.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-10-21 15:09:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome story!