He Ate His Pimple: A Zoological Study of the Brookdale Computer Lab (1420 hits)
Category: Computers & InternetRating: 1.68 on 25 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Boogiefevuh <cowpower.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-10-21 17:07:20 EDT
Sometimes between classes, I find myself in the library/computer lab, taking advantage of the delicious high speed connections. Time well spent either messing around with hotmail, talking to friends on AIM, or with my illegitimate lover, Ubersite. One little known fact about college computer labs is that they yeild the most colorful assortment of people and experiences one could ever hope to find in a community college. So as I curse those people who live away at college, and have interesting stories about dorm life, I present you an analysis of the people I've been lucky enough to come across here upon the humble campus of Brookdale.
The Emo Singer (Wussyness-Crytoomuchicus): This one doesn't really require too much description, but I happen to have one in my sights right now. First and foremost, keeping gender in mind, HE wears too much makeup. Mostly eyeliner, but who knows what other dark secrets he may hold. They wear carefully contrived "messy" hairstyles, which coincidentally take an hour to get to just the right level of messiness in the morning. His shirts are tight and bright, with sleeves no further than half way where the bicep would normally be located on a man. The most frightening feature, however, is the pants. Good God, the pants. Hot girls don't wear pants that small. They usually stay until they have class, or "band" practice.
The Lost Group of Girls (Cantfindigus-Ohmygoddicus): Unfortunately, the valley-girl mindset is not extinct. They have simply become more rare in days of late, and have begun banding together for safety in numbers. Less fortunately, they all like to sit down or wander in areas where I'm trying to work. They are never in groups smaller than four. These are the kinds of girls who will stumble around, giggle maniacally, and exclaim "OH MY GOD" at the same time. Yes, at the same time, as if it's been rehearsed before. A "Simulcast of dumb," if you will. They never know where to go, what computer(s) to use, or where they are. Sometimes they'll look around, all start giggling, and say things like, "This isn't my class!" "Oh my God we're so dumb!" and the such. They don't stay too long, as they've got places to go and dicks to suck.
Da Ghetto Thugz (Ghettolivinus-Thugitupicus): These people travel in packs of three or more. A happy assortment of people, despite having been raised in middle-classed Monmouth County of New Jersey, and having the money to go to college, television/peers/God has convinced them that they are from 'da streetz.' They usually come in walking to an imaginary beat, look up porn and laugh about how "We ain't even gettin' caught!" Luckily, they lose interest pretty quickly, and leave.
The Fat Chick (Smellicus Hippopotimus): The Fat Chick is indeed a grisly sight to behold. This is the girl who eats and eats, and complains about how she's too fat, and it's not fair. If sat within a close proximity of you, you will be constantly tormented with the sounds of chewing, and her strenuous sighs; her attempts at breathing. When she walks by you, she leaves behind the smell of stale chocolate. Fat Chick, I hate you.
The Ultra Nerd (Annoyingus Geekwadicus): Ok, I'll admit, this one is a lot rarer than one would think to find in a computer lab, but if encountered, approach with extreme caution. There are plenty of Dorks and Geeks wandering around campus, but only few Ultra Nerds. Based on experiences from just a few minutes ago, this rare speciman has a heightened potential for 'annoyingness,' a word I just made up. They may play Flash games online with the sound all the way up. When told to turn the sound off, they may put on headphones and turn the sound all the way up, making it just as loud. They may clean out their ears with their fingers, and rub the wax between said appendages until it's all gone. They may pick their nose, and wipe it on:
A: Behind their moniter
B: In their pocket
C: On the edge of their headphones
If you selected one or all of the above, you are correct! Okay, not much has the potential of grossing me out, but every man has his limits. Mine just happens to be when said Ultra Nerd finally succeeds at popping a huge pimple after a 30 minute endeavor, and proceeds to dap at the blood flow with his fingers and lick it, and eat the skin he ripped off his face. Yes, he really did this. He ate his pimple.
I think I'm gonna drop out...
User Reviews
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2008-06-24 21:31:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BoogieFevuh (user info) at 2004-12-04 15:17:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Cute...I love when people spam me, it shows they care.
You're banned now hahaha!
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2004-11-26 23:51:50 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by BoogieFevuh (user info) at 2004-10-27 16:44:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's not enough material to write another one of these, but I would just like to say that I'm in the computer lab again, and guess who decided to sit DIRECTLY LEFT of me?
I just wanted to write something in case his pimple erupted and drowned me in it's gooey innards, or if i possibly throw up/and or pass out...then die. God damn it pimple eater I hope you go to uber site and see this article.
Submitted by BoogieFevuh (user info) at 2004-10-24 16:25:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
...coming from someone hiding behind a fake name
Submitted by Quagmire (user info) at 2004-10-23 16:31:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Fetish supporter = dick sucker and -2
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2004-10-22 13:56:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Inspiring.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-10-22 12:44:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2004-10-22 08:20:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BoogieFevuh (user info) at 2004-10-21 23:48:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'll give a big sexy +2 to anyone who can find out what college is #1 in the country for most STDs.
...and free sex
...in the pooper
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2004-10-21 23:34:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well played.
Submitted by Zod (user info) at 2004-10-21 21:52:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm from Brick on Ocean County.
And goddammit,we're not #1 anymore!?! I feel so empty...and less itchy as well.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-10-21 21:34:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BoogieFevuh (user info) at 2004-10-21 21:22:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Fellow Jersian, eh? I'm from Hazlet in good ol' Monmouth County. You should come to OktÜber fest!
Haha Rutgers...did you know you guys aren't the #1 college for std's anymore? Does anyone know who took the title?
Submitted by Zod (user info) at 2004-10-21 20:56:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You talking brookdale college in NJ? If so, I go to rutgers. Where in NJ are you from?
Submitted by ThatOneGirl (user info) at 2004-10-21 20:55:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Naaaaasty.
Submitted by drfeggphd (user info) at 2004-10-21 19:56:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I eat tofu so I don't remember college, but
if I did I bet it was probably like this.
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2004-10-21 19:04:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
God bless stereotyping.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2004-10-21 17:50:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Disgustingly awesome
Submitted by big_wigger (user info) at 2004-10-21 17:43:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
mmmmmmmm, pimply good
Submitted by triple_optics (user info) at 2004-10-21 17:32:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this piss take latin was the best!
Submitted by great_angst (user info) at 2004-10-21 17:24:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Jason "Sexier Than You" Edward <BonJoviEatsAss.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-10-21 17:23:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I could not put it any better myself. I live by these stereotypes and beat anyone who looks like they might fill one of these descriptions, or even if they might know someone with any of these descriptions. Either way I do alot of Nerd, Emo, Thug-life beating! I stay away from the fat chicks! Keep on preaching and fighting the good fight! Gotta Go! NERD in sight! ZEPPELIN ROCKS!
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2004-10-21 17:15:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice!
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2004-10-21 17:15:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ever so rerely is such a long post worth reading.
CRIPS 4 LYF
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2004-10-21 17:12:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Didn't read the post, but star wars kid is always a winner.