How to 69 yourself. (5771 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -1.44 on 28 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <icyfireball2001.at.aol.com> (View user info) at 2002-12-30 04:42:40 EST
XXX says... you've got mail! Excuse me there, too much online'ness. Anyway, has anyone read Bill Clinton's new biography? It's called "How to 69 yourself!" It's great. If you do yoga, you'll love this book. Have any of you watched a crappy movie and thought to yourself, I wish I was having sex right now. Well, now you can. You don't even have to worry about pleasuring your partner! I encourge everyone to 69 themselves.
User Reviews
Submitted by a_reader (user info) at 2005-12-21 05:42:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by UNconfused (user info) at 2003-10-13 22:51:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Trix (user info) at 2003-10-05 02:50:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by SoxSexSax (user info) at 2003-09-25 01:16:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I want the 20 seconds it took me to read this back.
Submitted by Beer_bong (user info) at 2003-06-15 19:22:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"And we want our utensils back! No more sporks or spiknives or knifoons, it's like a Doctor Seuss kitchen down there"
-From "Andy Richter Controls the Universe"
Submitted by Mr Mr <mjaprivate.at.bigpond.com> at 2003-02-06 21:27:33 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I would go down on a spork.
In the 70's in Australia "splades" were a popular wedding present that would be disposed of before the honeymoon. Basically a metal spork, they also had a sharper edge to cut with... like a spoon, fork AND knife all in one.
You could slash your tongue off in a Pavlova eating frenzy.
I wonder why they never caught on?
Submitted by _JP (user info) at 2003-02-06 21:05:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I've heard a few people say that, but I have no idea who said it first. Actually, I knew this guy in high school who claimed that he could suck himself. He had a colasped sternum, and he said it gave him greater flexability. Anyway, he said that it didn't feel like anything. He compared it to sucking your own finger. If someone else sucks your finger that might feel really good, but if you do it yourself it doesn't do anything for you. Just thought you might like to know.
Submitted by blanchfor (user info) at 2003-02-06 16:13:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
69 yourself? Excellent. Then again, the more you think the more I wonder. A better book would be one of my own (in the making) entitled "How to shit yourself and make a cake out of it". It even comes with the candles.
Submitted by Rott (user info) at 2003-02-06 15:52:23 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
_JP that was a Bloodhound Gang quote from 'Yummy Down On This' wasn't it?
Submitted by PeopleAreStrange (user info) at 2003-01-07 19:14:35 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Yeah, but you'd have the taste <shudder>
Submitted by _JP (user info) at 2003-01-06 11:57:20 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This sucks. But I do have to say: If I could suck my own dick I would never leave the house.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2003-01-06 10:45:31 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Also, it should be noted, being stabbed to death by a spork is so shameful you'd probably turn into one of those mournful spirits that just kind of rattles chains and can't even get it together to kill anything.
At least if you get stabbed to death with a proper utensil nobody will ask too many questions... like if it was made of metal.
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2003-01-03 18:42:58 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
A "spork" is a cheap plastic utensil that looks like a spoon with a few mini prongs at the end. You would usually get them at crappy fast food restaurants like Kentucky Fried Chicken where they're too cheap to actually provide both forks and spoons.
Mainly, it's just a fun word to say.
Submitted by streetpunk (user info) at 2003-01-03 17:12:30 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
peer pressure, everyone else was doing it. I had to jump on the band wagon. -2
Submitted by PeopleAreStrange (user info) at 2003-01-03 15:09:04 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
What the fuck is a spork?.....bloody hell, dictionary.com says it's a plastic eating utensil, must be an American thing. Anyway, a proper metal fork would have a better stabbing effect, try one of them.
Submitted by dumbasssayswhat (user info) at 2003-01-03 13:02:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Wow. What a fucking waste.
Although having straight -2 rankings is a dubious honor, it is an honor nonetheless. We cant have this piece of shit standing out with any honors.
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2003-01-03 01:29:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This is the best piece I've read in ages!
Just kidding. You're a fucking idiot.
Submitted by Exoms at 2003-01-02 21:57:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You have got to be the dumbest person in the world. Stab yourself with a spork.
-Exoms
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2003-01-02 17:23:46 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I believe this may be the post that accquires the dubious honor of "Most consecutive -2 ratings"
Submitted by hendrixjrr (user info) at 2002-12-31 08:34:21 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by XXX (user info) at 2002-12-31 07:08:27 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Everyone loves XXX.
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2002-12-30 22:04:34 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Funny Name at 2002-12-30 17:14:01 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Wishfull thinking
Submitted by Teri (user info) at 2002-12-30 15:01:57 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by lodnem (user info) at 2002-12-30 14:58:46 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
to bad you can't rate below -2.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2002-12-30 10:20:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by hendrixjrr (user info) at 2002-12-30 10:02:38 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Amy at 2002-12-30 09:54:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -2