Sleep Now (444 hits)
Category: UberMadness! EntryRating: 2 on 4 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Parlor Trick (View user info) at 2004-10-22 03:35:25 EDT
This post was an official UberMadness! entry. Click here to view the original matchup.
-Game Over -
I flip the switch on the back of the PlayStation and the TV screen goes black. The empty pizza box falls to the floor revealing the several rounded layers of fast food that conceal my otherwise - toned stomach. I stumble into the bedroom and without bothering to brush my teeth I fall into bed wearing the same boxers I've worn for the last three days.
The alarm clock is lying on the floor next to the bed. I pick it up and set it for 7:30 a.m. It glares at me with its red numeric eyes. We have an understanding, a mutual dislike of each other. I return the clock to the nightstand, brush some crumbs off the sheet and close my eyes.
The images swirl and I find myself standing in my boxers in front of my graduating class of 1992. I'm holding a snake in one hand and a radio in the other. I roll over and the story twists in my favor. I am sitting at my office desk, the beautiful Emily; the Department Supervisor, is sitting on my desk. "I've got something to show you", she says, hands on her knees just below her velvet peach skirt.
"WAKE UP! GET UP!" My alarm clock screams fast and high pitched. "WAKE UP! YOU CAN'T SLEEP NOW! SLEEP LATER! GET UP!" It's been sitting there on the nightstand waiting and watching. It lives for these moments.
I hate getting up in the morning - hate it even more this morning for reasons that are firmly obvious. I yank the clock's umbilical cord from the wall - forgetting its battery-powered heart.
Still alive it screams - "WAKE UP! GET UP! WAKE UP! SLEEP LATER!"
I pound on its head until it is quiet. "Sleep now," I say and with two fingers slowly push the clock over the edge onto the floor, just because I can - a satisfying thump.
I pull my blanket around my shoulders and close my eyes. Emily is nowhere to be seen. The hefty Judy from human resources is filling the doorway. Her big orange lips are moving out of sync with her words "you're going to be late, such a loser, you're going to be late, you're not so great, you're going to be late, you're going..."
I decide to get up.
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It suffices to say that motivation hasn't been in excess lately. No breakfast worms for me. Things have been on the decline. I've been getting some pressure from outside forces to pick up the pace, get to work on time, pay my bills and call my mother - and I just want to sleep.
Yesterday Emily {deep sigh} greeted me at the door. "Um, Robert...it's almost 8:30....that's the second time this week. Remember if you're going to be late...."
"Ya know," I interrupt, "you sound like that guy from Office Space..." It seemed like a diversion was in order. She looked at me, deciding how to react.
"Riiiight...well if you could just go ahead and get to work on time - that would be grrrreaaat. Um-kay?"
God I love this woman, but at this rate it's going to take months before she'll spank me. "Sorry Em - I've got a problem with my alarm clock..." She's gone before I finish.
That was yesterday. Today is a new leaf to turn. Things are looking up. Things are going to be different. I can feel it. My coffee is gone before I drink it. I'm showered and shaved and dressed in colors like never before. I'm going to work. I'm going to get there on time. I'm going to show everyone how it's done. I push past the sheep in the kitchen and head to the elevator. Normally sheep in the kitchen would be of interest, but I don't want to be late so I'll have to deal with that later.
My one bedroom apartment sits in the belly of a weather stained six-floored structure, which stands with its friends in the bowels of the city. The scuffed elevator doors yawn open on floor three.
"Are you going Up or Down?" asks an off-scaled man in the corner with a head too large for his body. He is wearing the classic 'guy in the elevator uniform'. I've never seen him before. He is standing on a small platform that extends over an ominous black abyss, tiny little hands holding a thick rope.
Perhaps the obvious question is - "What the hell happened to the elevator?" but instead I ask, "Why is your head so big compared to..."
"Don't mention it," he says matter-of-factly. "Up or Down?" he asks again somewhat impatiently. I stare at the rope and the two large buttons on the wall next to him.
"What happened to the elevator?" it was bound to come up.
"Change, progress. You've got to be able to adapt. Is that a problem Bob?"
"The name is Robert."
"You're barely a Bob more like a Bobby; I was doing you a favor."
"I don't think I like you." I think he should know this but he seems unfazed.
"That's really not a problem as far as I'm concerned. Now which is it? Up or Down?"
My neighbor from across the hall, the sleek and elusive blond Linda, is walking towards us. She never talks to me or even grants me a glance. I start gesturing at the elevator anxious to see her reaction to the new mode of transportation.
She pushes past me, steps onto the platform and takes the rope. The bigheaded short guy presses the top button. Linda flies upward out of sight and the ropes falls back to the platform seconds later.
"What is this some sort of Willie Wonka meets Steven King thing?"
"If you like. So are we going to chitchat all day or are you going to decide? Up or Down?"
I'm feeling pressured, "Now what is Down exactly versus Up? I'm just a little confused about the implications here."
"I'm not surprised. Down is the path of least resistance, just one little step and gravity handles the rest. Takes you right back to where you came from. You know it well. Up, on the other hand, no guarantee what you'll get if you go Up - but it certainly won't be Down."
I step onto the platform ...
---------------------------------------------------
"Robert! So glad to see you!" Emily gushes, her hand on my shoulder. "This is Linda, your new assistant. She will be helping you on the downtown development project. Let me know if I can get you anything. " We are standing in a corner office with windows framing the world.
"Hello Linda, things are looking up. I extend my - hand.
"Hello Robert , I am so pleased to be here!" she takes my hand and holds it in both of hers.
"Nice to ah...meet you...are you a ..."
"I'll be anything you like," she says and places my hand on the front of her pink blouse. Emily comes back into the room holding two cups of steaming coffee. She sets them down on the redwood desk and approaches Linda.
"Let me help," she offers and unbuttons the first pink button.
---------------------------------------------------
"WAKE UP! GET UP!" I stare disbelievingly into the red eyes of the clock looking at me upside-down from the floor - its face reading 82:8. It's grinning at me, I'm sure of it. I can hear Linda and Emily packing up their things and going home in the back of my sleep fogged head.
"GET UP! SLEEP LATER! WAKE UP!" I sit up in bed, teeth clenched, resolute. "WAKE Up...wake...up......?" it sees my anger and lowers its voice. I get up. I walk to the window and meet the clock's gaze. There is a brief moment of shared understanding. I grab the end of the cord and pull the clock to me. It wraps itself briefly around the leg of the nightstand. "WAIT! WAIT. NO!! Sleep now? SLEEP NOOOOWWWW!!!" I hear it wail during its decent before it smashes on the sidewalk below.
I drag myself to the kitchen to check on the sheep.
User Reviews
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2005-01-17 22:32:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Pretty good.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-01-16 20:53:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2005-01-16 20:26:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2005-01-16 11:42:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
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