50 things guys wish girls knew...and more blatant email plagiarism (756 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.56 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by TheRef (View user info) at 2004-10-22 09:23:00 EDT
1. If you want to cuddle after sex go buy a teddy bear.
2. Swallow. Don't start the race if you ain't gonna finish it.
3. While giving a hand job please remove all rings from your fingers, they hurt really bad.
4. Shave your shit. Seriously, shave it bald.
5. Remember that a little blood never hurt nobody.
6. There is no such thing as a fat, ugly, blow job.
7. If you ask us to any sort of dance that requires that we wear a tie, we expect a sexual favor in return.
8. If you used a vibrator and let us watch it might be the greatest moment of our life.
9. If you wonder why we will not eat you out it is most likely because; it stinks, its hairy, or it stinks and its hairy.
10. You masturbate and we know it. When you do it just let us watch.
11. Birth control is the best invention ever. Start poppin those bitches.
12. Just cause we call you when we are drunk does not mean that we like you. It means that we need some ass.
13. Guys night out means guys night out. It doesn't mean that you and your friends meet us at the bar later.
14. If you wonder why your ass looks fat in those tight pants its because you have a fat ass.
15. If you are with us and you start to cry for any reason just get up and leave.
16. Don't think that we don't know that after we take you out and you order a salad to make us think you eat healthy that you go home and order pizza with your fat friends.
17. Once again, seriously shave your shit.
18. Just cause you get our dick one night, does not give you any right to get it the next.
19. If we drink too much, we do not need someone to hold our hair back and act like our babysitter. We have puked before and know how to handle it.
20. After we are through with you, do not expect to make us jealous by fucking our friends. We really don't care what you do.
21. If we cheat on you and you never find out about it, then its not cheating.
22. If we cheat on you and you do find out, at least it wasn't with one of your friends.
23. Swallow(just in case you forgot #2 already).
24. We don't have a problem with watching chick flicks as long as we get in your pants after.
25. Never under any circumstance take a shit while you are around us or fart. Just thinking about it makes us sick.
26. While giving us head don't be afraid to fondle our testicles, they don't bite.
27. If you are gonna jerk us off aim properly, a nut can irritate your eye.
28. Always remember that men are the superior sex and back in the day you had to ask us if you could speak.
29. If we're about to have sex and we decline because we don't have a rubber its not because we're scared we're gonna get you pregnant, its that we're scared we're gonna catch something from your dirty skank ass.
30. If you swallow like you should, do not expect us to kiss you after. Sorry that's just the way it is.
31. I don't care if you do have a flavored condom, you just don't give a blow job with a condom on. Would you like us to eat you out with a dental damn?? I didn't think so.
32. If we're doing it doggy style there is no reason to turn around and look at us, we're focused on your ass cheeks and that slapping sound.
33. Blood stains on our bed sheets come off with cold water, so make sure you scrub them thoroughly before leaving.
34. When we go down on you to munch on your rug and we instantly start sucking on the inner thighs rather than the clit, its because your clit smells like a dead trout.
35. If you let us donkey punch you we will owe you for life.
36. Just cause we have sex with you when we are drunk does not mean that you are pretty or that we like you. It means that you were our only choice.
37. If we dance with you for more than 15 minutes at a bar we expect you to come home with us.
38. If you think that you are ugly, we probably do too.
39. Don't count on us saying we love you, its just not going to happen.
40. If for some reason we do say we love you its only because we want to have sex immediately after we say it.
41. Just cause you have our phone number doesn't mean we want you to call us. If we want to talk then we will call you.
42. If you invite us over to watch a movie it would be awesome if we watched a porn instead of a movie.
43. If you can't dance then you most likely suck in bed. So stop trying to dance and start having more sex.
44. Hmmmmm......girls in thongs.......yummmmmmmmmm
45. If you are fat the only way you are going to get anywhere in life is to give great blow jobs. Sorry that's just the way it is.
46. A sure way to keep a guy around for awhile is to have anal sex with him. We can't put into words how it feels.
47. You don't have to ask our permission to make out with another chick. Just do it but make sure we are there to watch.
48. In case you didn't read #4 and #17 let me repeat...Shave your shit!
49. Guys don't have sex or make love, we fuck.
50. You can impress us if you can swallow our entire load without dripping or wiping your mouth afterwards.
Seriously ladies this list is the truth and all guys think this way. If your boyfriend says that he does not agree with these then he is either a fag or he does not have the balls to admit it like I just did. This list is all that you need. Take your pussy Seventeen magazines or whatever the hell that you read and burn them or something, those quizzes in there do not mean shit.
User Reviews
Submitted by AvrilLaPete (user info) at 2004-10-22 19:30:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I know you didn't write this, and it is not original. But....But it was funny.
Submitted by WhatTheHell (user info) at 2004-10-22 13:55:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You suck.
Submitted by zombieZero (user info) at 2004-10-22 13:46:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Idiot
Submitted by Lechuga (user info) at 2004-10-22 11:53:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+1 for post, +2 for linkwhoring.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/48797
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-10-22 11:45:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Oh, what a fucking pile of shit. Even the ones that ARE true are overshadowed by the tripe that isn't.
Might as well add "Don't think. We don't need you to think and we feel threatened when you do. In fact, don't speak, either. Or move. Just open your mouth and spread your thighs when you hear my zipper. Anything else else scares the fuck out of weak little boys like me."
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2004-10-22 11:45:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Re: #4
If a girl does Hairy turds, she's a lost cause from any perspective...
Submitted by Valacosa (user info) at 2004-10-22 11:38:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
28. Always remember that men are the superior sex and back in the day you had to ask us if you could speak.
I don't know where to begin with this one. I could write about how some ancient cultures worshipped fertility godesses and such, but a thoughtful dissertation would be wasted on you.
For the sake of mankind, do the following three things:
1. Go to Harlem, alone and unarmed
2. Start yelling point #28 at the top of your lungs, except replace "men" with "whites" and "sex" with "race"
3. Die.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2004-10-22 11:03:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked it.
Submitted by ParlorTrick (user info) at 2004-10-22 10:50:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well...I suppose as long as the blood on the sheet is yours....
Submitted by Duck_lucky (user info) at 2004-10-22 10:33:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Wow,I must be perfect then...
NOT...
I'm not a fucking anorexic whore.
Brandy
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2004-10-22 10:14:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Gotta give a plus1 because I hadn't seen all of these before... That and I'm totally link whoring to my slightly more original sexist post... http://www.ubersite.com/m/46718
Oh yeah and ladies I don't really believe any of this stuff I'm one smooth sweet charming guy in real life.
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2004-10-22 10:12:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
"25. Never under any circumstance take a shit while you are around us or fart. Just thinking about it makes us sick"
Really? It kinda turns me on.
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2004-10-22 10:06:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
So you've never been laid?
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2004-10-22 09:49:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I've seen before
Sorry useless im at work. mikmike100373.at.aol.com is my e-mail.
Submitted by TheRef (user info) at 2004-10-22 09:31:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
it prolly was written by a 15 year old. i really don't give a fuck.
you have to admit though, most of this shit is true
Submitted by Totally_useless (user info) at 2004-10-22 09:30:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
*yawn*
boring FW: post
Paging knucklesnelson, knucklesnelson please report to AIM...
Seriously, dude, I need to talk to you.
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-10-22 09:27:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
reads like it was written by a 15 year old.
note this line:
"If you ask us to any sort of dance that requires that we wear a tie, we expect a sexual favor in return."
thanks for spread ing the shitty virus