Fuck You, Wrigley (6450 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.4 on 126 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Kristen (View user info) at 2004-10-24 21:28:45 EDT
I sat there, my legs askew. The sticky-sweet, creamy concoction slathered all over my nether regions had since spread onto my inner thighs. A baggie of ice cubes rested atop that mess. I'm sure I sound like a sick and depraved individual but it's not what you think.
It all started about an hour ago. I was sitting back, enjoying the Sunday paper when I felt a familiar tingle. Time to pee.
I sat upon my porcelain throne, tapping my bare feet against the cold tiles. As I sat there, I decided to get rid of a piece of Cinnamint gum that had long since lost its appeal. I ripped a couple squares of toilet paper from the roll and spat the gum into its new aloe-infused, rippled home. The steady stream of urine stopped suddenly and I reacted on pure instinct. Plunging my hand between my legs I wiped from front to back, and released the crumpled toilet paper from my grip. I stood up to flush and was rewarded with a slight tickle against my left inner thigh. Looking down, I saw my wad of toilet paper, slightly swinging to and fro from a rope made of resin, corn syrup, and refreshing cinnamon flavorings. I quickly pulled the paper loose and dropped it into the still swirling water and then made my way to the mirror to survey the damage.
The innocent, pastel pink of the gum contradicted the severity of the situation. The sticky wad of hell nestled in the oh-so-trendy landing strip I pay an old lady named Wanda $25 to maintain.
My first method of removal involved biting a rolled up towel between my teeth and yanking. In my mind's eye, I imagined a magician tugging a tablecloth free from its perfectly set prison beneath crystal stemware, fine china dishes, and polished silverware resting on crisp, linen napkins. All that was required were a few seconds of intense concentration followed by a firm, quick jerk-and then freedom.
Unfortunately, the gum was rapidly responding to my body heat. The ever-increasingly sticky and softening gum was not going to be so easily removed.
Next, I turned to Google. I typed, "gum in hair" into the search engine, sat back, and reaped the rewards. Webpage after webpage suggested spreading a thick layer of peanut butter over the gum. The natural oils would then break down the gum and allow it to be easily wiped away. I grabbed a jar of Jif and a spoon and scooped out a blob. After all, I'm not one to challenge science.
My crotch, however, disputed these seemingly sound facts. One 32-ounce jar of what choosy mom's choose later, the gum was still stubbornly adhered to my pubic hairs.
Swatting my overly interested dog away from my vagina, I read one last tip off the Internet. Once again, I made my way to the kitchen, this time to fill a plastic bag with some ice. According to another website, all I had to do was harden the gum with ice-then it would break right off into teeny little pieces.
Twenty painfully cold minutes later, I tested that theory. After yanking out yet another frozen chunk of gum with another fifteen or so pubic hairs stuck to it, I gave up.
My legs set widely apart, I waddled back into the bathroom to assess what had become of a once tidy pubic region. Peanut butter still covered the frostbitten patch of hair, and had traveled onto my legs as well. There were a couple tiny bald patches where tufts of hair had been yanked out during the icecapades. Wanda would have had a stroke.
I sat on the ledge of my tub, spent. The bag of ice rested on my lap.
Reaching over, I wielded a small, lavender razor. The light glanced off the triple bladed head.
Peanut butter is a decent stand-in for shaving gel.
User Reviews
Submitted by Electro (user info) at 2005-02-12 18:55:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
OUCH! Hope your luck gets better! ;)
+2
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2004-12-20 18:41:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Taking care of babies takes a little bit of time, eh?
Submitted by Shaun_Rocks (user info) at 2004-11-23 01:58:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2004-10-27 13:30:22 (#)
Ranking: 1
Next time try hair conditioner. It will get gum out of hair every time.
-------------
That is a good suggestion, but somehow I doubt there would be a "next time" for this...
Submitted by CaptainAmik (user info) at 2004-11-23 01:33:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed. I Cried. I locked my door and hid under my blankets for 10 minutes.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-10-29 17:57:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i can't believe i missed this. this is great! ahahahahahahahaha
one time i got really drunk and threw up in my lap while i was on the shitter. (i was a rookie then)
i hadn't discovered shaving then and getting dried up puke out of your pubic hair after you sober up is a dirty job.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-10-29 11:19:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
check your e-mail for a surprise
Submitted by j0andre1 (user info) at 2004-10-28 13:20:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh yeah, this was really funny too.
Submitted by j0andre1 (user info) at 2004-10-28 13:20:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thank you for giving me the mental image of a sloppy vagina.
It's been a while.
Submitted by WhatTheHell (user info) at 2004-10-28 11:23:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Thored (user info) at 2004-10-26 21:15:24 (#)
Ranking: 1
You have a vagina-- +2.
Im a spiteful asshole-- -2
-----------------------
GREAT math skills asshole.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-10-27 17:44:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-10-27 17:36:16 (#)
Ranking: 0
Ha, Stevie, at least there was no mention of bodily fluids of any sort.
Speaking of which, I soooo have to tell you what was on my QTip this morning...
--------
Was it your asshole?
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-10-27 17:36:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ha, Stevie, at least there was no mention of bodily fluids of any sort.
Speaking of which, I soooo have to tell you what was on my QTip this morning...
Submitted by ThatOneGirl (user info) at 2004-10-27 17:17:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Zod (user info) at 2004-10-27 17:15:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow. A post involving your crotch. I'm shocked and surprised...ok, not really. Your lucky this was funny as hell.
Submitted by BoogieFevuh (user info) at 2004-10-27 15:47:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Brilliant!
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2004-10-27 13:30:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Next time try hair conditioner. It will get gum out of hair every time.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2004-10-27 13:26:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How did I miss this?
Peanut butter works wonders
for several things.
Submitted by Kaelic (user info) at 2004-10-27 13:19:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Coward.
Submitted by Donitsu2002 (user info) at 2004-10-27 12:46:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Kristen is an alter, probly by teh same dude who did KristySwan.
No hot chick is that dumb
I hope.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-10-27 12:38:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Call me a big fan of stories about Kristens' pussy. I'm a sucker for them.
Submitted by thaumaturge (user info) at 2004-10-27 12:27:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's happened mid-coitus before... minty gum adds a sensation.. but keep it in place dammit!
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-10-27 10:21:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I try.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-10-27 10:16:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Wrigley at 2004-10-26 01:36:06 (#)
Ranking: -2
Fuck you, too.
------
Now THAT is funny.
Submitted by cheesedick (user info) at 2004-10-27 10:02:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/49815
Submitted by Nicole3 (user info) at 2004-10-27 07:38:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice post. It could have been worse. Try touching yourself down there after handling hot peppers. You ain't felt nothing yet. Actually, now that I think about it, my hot pepper exploits would make a good post. Thanks.
Why didn't you just cut it out?
Submitted by Random Joe <blow.at.me.com> at 2004-10-27 01:32:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Fuck you, Kenny.
I don't have time to put up with your bullshit.
Submitted by Kaelic (user info) at 2004-10-27 01:07:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Give me an e-mail address, Random Joe.
Submitted by bart <bart.at.cilfone.com> at 2004-10-26 22:26:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
if i liked women this would have turned me on
Submitted by Thored (user info) at 2004-10-26 21:15:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You have a vagina-- +2.
Im a spiteful asshole-- -2
Submitted by Mario (user info) at 2004-10-26 18:28:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
+2 for the story...you find yourself in some interesting predicaments, you're pretty damn goofy (gooey?), but very entertaining no less.
-2 for ruining the belief I've carefully been trying to cultivate in my head that beautiful women don't use the bathroom, but rather fart bubbles. All that work...
I'm just glad you didn't try to Nair that shit.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-10-26 14:56:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2004-10-26 01:39:06 (#)
Ranking: -2
That random comment below might just have been the best one I have ever seen.
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Submitted by Wrigley at 2004-10-26 01:36:06 (#)
Ranking: -2
Fuck you, too.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thanks.
:D
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2004-10-26 12:56:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think you are very clever.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-10-26 11:28:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
And then the other person you are always ragging on lookswise. From:
"Loren1: I think this chick is way to hot looking for her own good..."
To: Submitted by Kaelic (user info) at 2004-03-23 16:29:49 (#)
Ranking: -2
Also, I'd like to point out the difference between writing a post that expresses feelings I sometimes have, and projecting those feeling in real life. Can we say, "healthy outlet"? Good. Now why don't you go choke down some dick in hopes that one day someone will love your snaggle toothed, hideous ass. Thanks again. =]
There are probably numerous other examples so just wondering what makes you suddenly viciously turn on women that you find attractive at first. No hostility, just plain curiosity.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-10-26 11:27:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
At one point you didn't think Kristen was ugly. From:
Submitted by Kaelic (user info) at 2003-12-16 13:49:24 (#)
Ranking: 0
You're cute, but your smile always looked incredibly fake. Like you're always just trying to grin and bear it.
To:
Submitted by Kaelic (user info) at 2004-09-08 01:52:31 (#)
Ranking: 0
Go back to stuffing your face, Kristen, and thinking about your ruined body. None of the kid's you teach respect you because they think you're a whore. I hope Bart likes huge, ugly stretch marks, because you're damn sure going to have them.
Submitted by InkyFingers (user info) at 2004-10-26 11:27:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Descriptive Writing, but ...it's about your vagina. The audience your writing to impress is between 12 an 26. That excludes a lot of people who are intimately familiar with vaginas, and no longer intrigued by their mere mention. I gave this a 1 instead of 2 because it is more of a description than a story. Very nice descriptions however.
Submitted by Jabba_the_Shit (user info) at 2004-10-26 09:53:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Show some twat!!
Then I will return with a plethora of +2's.
And by "twat" I mean your very on bajiner-ness.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2004-10-26 08:39:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good writing... Very descriptive imagery without being crude.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-10-26 08:37:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by blingshizzle (user info) at 2004-10-26 07:51:52 (#)
Ranking: -2
Also, I own no porn, other than what's downloaded on my Mcdonald's workstation.
---
OK. This can't be real.
Submitted by HyDrA (user info) at 2004-10-26 08:12:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't know what everyone elses problem was....but I liked it...+2 :)
Submitted by blingshizzle (user info) at 2004-10-26 07:57:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
"to get there" is what i meant. Also, what do you think would happen if your special-ed students were to read this? Do you think your superiors would re-evaluate your contribution to the development of those retards? I mean nothing more vital to the education of youngsters, as disabled as they may already be, than a teacher who posts about her whorings with men and dildos, and her participation in beastiality. Good work.
Submitted by blingshizzle (user info) at 2004-10-26 07:51:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Also, I own no porn, other than what's downloaded on my Mcdonald's workstation. And even those skanks no how to not have kids, congrats for not shopping at fashion bug.... i told you in order to get their you need to save up.
Submitted by blingshizzle (user info) at 2004-10-26 07:50:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
My gym teacher had two college degrees.......what's your point?
Submitted by Lady_in_the_radiator (user info) at 2004-10-26 05:27:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So ya like dogs, do ya?
Do ya?
Ya know in China, people eat dogs...
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2004-10-26 01:39:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
That random comment below might just have been the best one I have ever seen.
Submitted by Wrigley at 2004-10-26 01:36:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Fuck you, too.
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2004-10-26 01:18:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am in total baseball mode and thought this would be about Wrigley Field. Oy.
"...and have never shopped at the Fashion Bug for jeans." Ahahahaha! Rockitude.
You should email me and let me know how you're doing.
Submitted by Freight_Train (user info) at 2004-10-26 00:36:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
squattail
Skinner, John
1225 Westmeade Dr
Bowling Green, KY 42101-1954
(270) 393-8931
quagmire/stabkill
White, T
4465 Oakdale Dr
Green Bay, WI 54313-8611
(920) 434-7102
koolmang
Rocha, E R
190 Dudley
Thornhill, ON L3T 2G1
(905) 762-8909
degreeless
Stevens, A
8313 Peach Blossom Ln
Evansville, IN 47715-6289
(812) 471-2710
Submitted by precision (user info) at 2004-10-26 00:01:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't believe that this happend to you too, oh, wait, never mind...
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-10-25 22:28:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This post was shit. It just shows you are a stupid vile bitch who likes small woodland animals foraging in her vaginal foramen.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-10-25 21:20:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I'll bang you, if you have the time.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-10-25 21:18:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Opinions are like assholes.
Everyone's got one, and they all stink.
Yours smells like another man's penis and fingers, Kenny.
Submitted by Kaelic (user info) at 2004-10-25 21:09:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Wow, -two- college degrees. Let me guess ... communications and pole-taking? You're such a lame, raggedy cunt. Just stop acting like anyone on this site other than IHAKF wants to see your stretch marked ass naked. Stop using this website to confirm your faded attractiveness. You are not a MILF. You are not even above average intelligence.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-10-25 20:25:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
AHAHAHA. I'm loving these replies.
bling, I'm not currently nor was I ever mad at your reply. I don't know why you thought I was. I'm just kind of unsure why you care so much, but hey. You're welcome to pry in my life if you lack one of your own.
I don't generally ask my daughter if she minds my bringing home strange man after strange man for a couple of reasons. The first one would be that she's seven weeks old. Secondly, I haven't brought any man home with me in about eight months, and the last man I brought home was her father (my boyfriend at the time). I know, I should have consulted with her when she was an embryo. My bad.
The drain on your wallet may have less to do with the welfare/WIC that I do NOT receive and more to do with that nasty porn habit that a personality like your's ensures you will be doling out for for a looooong time. I have 1) a job 2) inheritance 3)assets in the form of bonds and a home 4) two college degrees. I doubt you have to worry about me skimming a couple bucks off what you contribute to Federal taxes.
Basically, your entire beef with me lies in the fact that I have had sex at various times in my adult life. That's all that's left. My daughter's father is an active part of her life, I have the money and means necessary to support her and myself because I waited to have sex until I was at a point in my life where I could be personally responsible for the outcome, and have never shopped at the Fashion Bug for jeans.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-10-25 18:41:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't know about the rest of you, but I got wood.
Submitted by GhostWriter (user info) at 2004-10-25 18:39:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Not good, not bad.
Submitted by SwissCamel (user info) at 2004-10-25 18:33:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This never happened. I'd bet something on it.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-10-25 17:43:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-10-25 17:21:36 (#)
Ranking: 2
I know. I'm inherently loveable.
---
Me too. Just kidding.
Submitted by Schwarzes_Glas (user info) at 2004-10-25 17:38:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Kaelic (user info) at 2004-10-25 17:22:34 (#)
Ranking: -2
What's really sad is how you try to maintain this illusion that you are such a smoking hot chick, that every post you write alludes to your stinky vagina, or how you like to cram dildo's up your ass, or whatever, and everyone applauds you.
Submitted by Kaelic (user info) at 2004-10-25 17:22:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
What's really sad is how you try to maintain this illusion that you are such a smoking hot chick, that every post you write alludes to your stinky vagina, or how you like to cram dildo's up your ass, or whatever, and everyone applauds you. I know you're just a stretched out, low self esteem bitch. Nothing will ever convince me otherwise, and I'm glad you won't be responding to another thing I write. It saves brain cells that surely would have died reading your presumptious drivel.
P.S.: Your "personal attack" didn't hurt me at all.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-10-25 17:21:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I know. I'm inherently loveable. (Not to be confused with incoherently loveable, which only happens on rare occasions and only after I've given enough lapdances at the local dive to justify the barman getting me wasted.)
(That never happened.)
Submitted by blingshizzle (user info) at 2004-10-25 17:08:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Ha ha, yes, please continue to stick up for someone who wiped themselves with the same piece of tp they just spit gum into, and then tried using peanut butter to get it out. And not even your dog was stupid enough to go down on you.
Submitted by Kaelic (user info) at 2004-10-25 17:05:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Oh yeah, IHAKF, that was just complete ownage.
You're one hypocritical whore, too, Kristen. I guess you would know about not being able to keep your legs closed, though, huh? So I guess thanks for that advice, cunt.
There is no relationship ... people ask me, "Hey, what have you got against Kristen?" And I just say the truth: I hate that cunt. Simple as that. People like you disgust me. It's too bad you left out the real part of the story, where the dog licks the peanut butter off of your stretched out pussy. What? That stretch mark cream not working out? Go die you nasty fucking prostitute.
That is all.
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2004-10-25 17:03:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey Bling now usually I love watching idiots like you make fools of themselves but you are taking dumb to a new level. Kristen has a good job and if she wants to have a fucking kid you can lick her ass. If she wants to bring guy after guy home well thats her fucking choice. I don't see her standing on the corner selling her ass so for all purposes you need to shut the fuck up and mind your own goddamn business. I can just imagine you in real life Mr.FryGuy at McDonalds.
Submitted by blingshizzle (user info) at 2004-10-25 16:57:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Oh wow I'm a douchebag, at least i'm not reaching into your back poket and stealing money in the form of WIC checks to feed my child that i can't support. Single mothers are one of the single biggest downfalls of this country in the past half century. Look it up, I may be worthless (you'd probably bow down and give me head if you had any clue about me in real life) but at least i'm not a detriment to society. You can bet your bottom dollar my child will have two parents, and therefore: do better in school, be less likely to do drugs, be less likely to go to prison, be less likely to commit violent crime, be less likely to drop out of high school, be less likely to be raised on other peoples handouts. Do you think your child enjoys you bringing home man after strange man? Have you ever asked him/her?
Do you teach your students about the perils of having children out of wedlock? About the burden they represent to society? Just curious, don't be mad, respond in an educated manner.
Submitted by xenon (user info) at 2004-10-25 16:48:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
how the hell is this heated?
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2004-10-25 16:04:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You pay some old lady named Wanda to shave you? Plus two for that weird way-too-personal information alone. Not that the rest wasn't extremely personal but... +2!
By the way that reference to this being on the Simpsons made me try to recall some obviously controversial and explicit episode where Marge has pubic hair problems involving a chewy sugar-based candy. A minute later I remembered the one where Bart throws gum in Lisa's hair and the many mixing experiments that followed to get it out. Her head hair, that is. Sicko.
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2004-10-25 15:54:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"HAHAHAHA,Eatme, I've never stuck a Big Red wrapper to my forehead...but I'm interested to find out how you discovered this little secret. Was it just a freak discovery? What drove you to lick the wrapper and place it to your face?"
Though I can't remember who, someone told me about it years ago. You have to leave it on your forehead for a few minutes. When you take it off, about a minute or so later it begins burning and usually leaves a large red square in the spot where you stuck it. Add in one highly suggestible stoner (recovering) and the results are a dumbass with a big red mark on his head. May be that's how they got the name?
You're a teacher right? Why not torture your students? Every child should try this at least once...
Submitted by Chi_Guy (user info) at 2004-10-25 15:38:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Kristen, I have no idea why all the personal attacks against you. My guess would be jealousy. But I've been reading you for a while and I think you are a talented writer. Not trying to kiss up, just giving my option. Keep up the good work.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-10-25 15:22:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2004-10-25 15:03:22 (#)
Ranking: 0
Fetish my breath smells her vagina because I spent all weekend with her legs wrapped around my head.
---
Like I said, that would be a compliment.
Submitted by JenBee (user info) at 2004-10-25 15:15:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
well. at least you'll have an extra twenty five bucks, eh?
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2004-10-25 15:03:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Fetish my breath smells her vagina because I spent all weekend with her legs wrapped around my head.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-10-25 14:13:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh HELL no.
Blingwhatever, you're a douchebag. Kristen is a big girl, and can take care of herself, so while your personal attack on her annoyed me, it didn't make me want to cut of your dick and make you eat it. Bringing her child into it, however, did. That was REALLY low. Congratulations, you have proved yourself to be completely worthless.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-10-25 14:12:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
HAHAHAHA,Eatme, I've never stuck a Big Red wrapper to my forehead...but I'm interested to find out how you discovered this little secret. Was it just a freak discovery? What drove you to lick the wrapper and place it to your face?
MM, I don't watch the Simpsons, but I'm happy to be aligned with them nonetheless. That can't be a BAD thing, right?
Perhaps, Fetish. Perhaps.
Oh, and SEAN! What's this I read about you not going to Vegas? Are you trying to break my heart or what?
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-10-25 13:40:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-10-25 11:30:58 (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, Brendan...like your BREATH.
---
Woudn't that be a compliment to Brendan?
Submitted by someone (user info) at 2004-10-25 13:29:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good post, but the response to Kaelic was better.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-10-25 13:04:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-10-25 12:10:29 (#)
Ranking: 0
Meh, Kaelic. Meh.
I'm over keeping up the appearance of this hate/hate relationship when in fact I just don't care about you one way or the other whatsoever. But hey, enjoy basting in the cesspool of your psuedo-angst, I know it gives you some odd satisfaction and brings a little sunshine nito your otherwise bleak existance. Keep 'em coming, buddy. This is the last time I'll bother replying to you. Good luck in your next relationship, may your future girlfriend manage to keep her legs closed when she's with other men. Bye.
---
Complete ownage.
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2004-10-25 13:04:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Teeheehee...
Ewwww...
teeheeehee
Submitted by MM_LP_Track3 (user info) at 2004-10-25 12:45:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This was from a Simpson's episode...
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2004-10-25 12:42:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny, you're probably one of the only people that this has happened to. Have you ever licked a Big Red wrapper and put it on your forehead? Burns like hell...
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-10-25 12:17:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey, thanks for the unprovoked personal attack, bling. Have a great day.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-10-25 12:10:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Meh, Kaelic. Meh.
I'm over keeping up the appearance of this hate/hate relationship when in fact I just don't care about you one way or the other whatsoever. But hey, enjoy basting in the cesspool of your psuedo-angst, I know it gives you some odd satisfaction and brings a little sunshine nito your otherwise bleak existance. Keep 'em coming, buddy. This is the last time I'll bother replying to you. Good luck in your next relationship, may your future girlfriend manage to keep her legs closed when she's with other men. Bye.
Submitted by blingshizzle (user info) at 2004-10-25 12:00:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Wow, you have "pure white trash" written all over you. The fact that you may be somewhat attractive (i've never seen a picture, but every troglodytic Bill Gates look-a-like on here seems to think you're crazy hot)is offset by the fact that you A) Wear Bebe's clothing (if you save up you'll be able to afford Fashion Bug jeans someday), B)have a least one child out of wedlock (congrats, some dude blows a giant load in you, and you think you've accomplished something by having a kid, think about what you've done to that little bastard)and C)that you actually pay someone to take care of your pubes. Do you do that to please the multitudes of men that you allow to beat up your vulva? Just curious, good post though, classy.
Submitted by Kaelic (user info) at 2004-10-25 11:48:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Pretty limited mental faculties, huh?
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2004-10-25 11:31:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Your vagina must smell minty frsh which was not what I heard from the porn producer you filmed with over the weekend.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-10-25 11:30:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, Brendan...like your BREATH.
Wait, did I just insult myself?
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2004-10-25 11:24:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I bet your vagina smells.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-10-25 11:20:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Circe, I love you.
Submitted by Lechuga (user info) at 2004-10-25 01:50:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Vagina: Check.
Salty Sandwhich spread: Check
Girl shaving pubic region: Check
Exploding Robots: Nope.
This post therefore sucks.
Just kidding.
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-10-25 01:45:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
What the fuch, sick bitch.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-10-25 01:42:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Circe, I think you're awesome and all, but Kristen is MINE.
Submitted by sublime (user info) at 2004-10-25 01:35:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i guess you had, a "wrigley field"?! yes, i had to make that comment.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-10-25 01:34:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You should have taken a picture of it. You could have called it "Femininity and Adhesives" and it would have been Art (the capital is deliberate. Art and art are not the same thing.)
"This piece symbolises the ongoing struggle of Women in a Modern World to combat the Tyranny of Men. The pain, the embarrassment, the futility of struggle; all these things can be clearly seen in the way the gum (Man) grimly clings to and obscures the Precious Flower of Woman's Integrity (Kristen's snatch.) The Razor symbolizes Lesbianism; the cutting oneself free of Man altogether and embracing the purity of Sapphic indulgence."
It'd be hailed as a masterpiece of feminist Art and I'd have an excuse to hit on you.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-10-25 00:05:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
if the dog had become more involved, it would be a plus 3.
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2004-10-24 23:46:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Peanut butter..I'd've never thought to use that as a shaving cream. I'll smell like I didn't wash my face after a couple pb&js.. ...SCORE!
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2004-10-24 22:56:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
meh
post = +0
vagina mentioning = +1
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2004-10-24 22:46:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Weirdo. Hilarious, but you're still a weirdo.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-10-24 22:34:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2004-10-24 22:31:13 (#)
Ranking: 0
But what goes on in the mind of a sick rapist? We shall never know. Well of course YOU would know, Eric.
---
You tell me. You seem to be fascinated with the idea.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-10-24 22:32:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
On a more serious note, why bother to spit the gum into a tissue?
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2004-10-24 22:31:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
But what goes on in the mind of a sick rapist? We shall never know. Well of course YOU would know, Eric.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-10-24 22:30:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't know what to say about this.
Myrtle has re-awakened.
Submitted by Sepsis (user info) at 2004-10-24 22:29:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-10-24 22:23:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You can keep that one all to yourself, AJ.
We all know how your mind works.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-10-24 22:21:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Upstage me?
HAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Fetish, if it's your goal to upstage me, then you haven't been meeting that goal very well, amigo.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Upstage me?
Do you realize how ridiculous that sounds?
Alright, so I suppose if we were to keep playing your little game I'd say something like, "Kristen, I'd let you vomit in my mouth!"
Is that how this goes?
Grow up.
Submitted by RateBot (user info) at 2004-10-24 22:17:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-10-24 22:15:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The reply below me is for squattal/fuckface, not zero.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-10-24 22:14:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I always have to upstage AJ. You on the other hand, who cares?
Submitted by ZeroSignal (user info) at 2004-10-24 22:13:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 For lots of in-depth detail.
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2004-10-24 22:11:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Real classy Eric.
J@W!
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-10-24 22:06:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-10-24 21:51:20 (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy shit, Kristen.
I would've chewed it out for you.
---
If I had sucked the piss out of her, she wouldn't have even needed to get up in the first place. Problem solved.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-10-24 21:53:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Honestly, I have no idea Mike. I just scanned over my titles and this is only the third post out of 89 entries that has anything to do with vaginas at all.
Corrine, it's not really. There's a guy named Cory at the same salon who does waxing, but I can't bring myself to go to him. I think that would be awkward.
WQP, I demand that you follow through and make a snow woman for me! I actually think you promised me before, so pay up.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-10-24 21:51:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy shit, Kristen.
I would've chewed it out for you.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-10-24 21:49:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That finger in the picture really cracks me up!
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-10-24 21:48:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jesus christ woman.
Jesus Christ.
HAHAHA
Isn't it ackward to have someone wax your pubes?
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2004-10-24 21:47:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i hate to laugh at your misfortune, but that was damn funny
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-10-24 21:46:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Why is it that whenever I click on one of your posts I know it's going to be about your vagina?
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-10-24 21:44:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This post is making my mouth water.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-10-24 21:43:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Do you need some banana to go with that peanut butter sandwich?
Submitted by quack (user info) at 2004-10-24 21:42:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hot
Submitted by absolutes (user info) at 2004-10-24 21:41:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Never has gum in pubic hair been written so well.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2004-10-24 21:40:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I..um...yeah....
Submitted by TheMidnight12AM (user info) at 2004-10-24 21:38:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
All right! A post worth reading!
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2004-10-24 21:36:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're making people dream tonight.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-10-24 21:35:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHAHA!
This is pure awesome.
Hey Kris, it finally snowed up here! I should make a hot snow-woman and cover her crotch with peanut butter in dedication to you.
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2004-10-24 21:34:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
gum=evil
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2004-10-24 21:34:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2004-10-24 21:34:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yep.
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2004-10-24 21:30:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
WTF IM NOT READING ALL THAT