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Category: UberMadness! Entry

Rating: 2 on 1 review (Rate this item) (V)
Labels:

Submitted by harmlessness (View user info) at 2004-10-24 21:47:59 EDT


This post was an official UberMadness! entry. Click here to view the original matchup.


"It really is quite interesting how such a small creature can be so... dangerous."

Professor Hemmingway examined the small spider closely through a high-powered microscope. He wasn't in danger; the spider was enclosed in a clear plastic box.

The small, lime-green arachnid was spiked, and the tip of each spike was blackened, almost as if it had been charred. The sheer potency of the venom released in each bite could instantly kill thirty healthy elephants, let alone a man as small as Tim Hemmingway.

He stood just over five feet tall, had blue eyes, a fair complexion, and his medium-length curly brown hair only emphasized the fact that he was a 'nerd.' He was happily married to a beautiful woman, Megan, and the couple had three children together. Nobody in the family was lacking anything-- they lived in a beautiful house in a suburban area, and both Tim and Megan had well-paying jobs.

As he pulled his head back from the microscope, he felt a tap on his shoulder.

"Tim, one of the spiders got loose in Sector 4. Two have been bitten, and the antidote is still in Phoenix."

Tim turned around, adjusted his horn-rimmed glasses, and glanced at the man that stood before him-- Professor Eric Goodwin. A glint of light in the corridor to his right caught his eye, and he turned on one foot and took off full speed towards it.

He knew.

It could only be one thing.

Tim raced after the Charred Green Lynx spider; he knew its venom was exponentially more potent than normal because it carried an egg sac on its back. As he turned the corner, the spider climbed up the wall to his left. He knew he couldn't kill it, so he removed his shoe and pulled a pen out of his shirt pocket.

He reached up with the shoe in one hand, pen in the other, to knock the spider off of the wall. He stumbled backwards when the spider jumped from the wall and lodged itself in his hair. He knew not to scream; the spiders reacted very violently to loud noises. He knew not to try to rub the spider from his hair, either, for the spikes on the spiders back became more poisonous than the fangs when it had an egg sac.

He didn't know what to do. He tried bending over and shaking his head violently, but the spider clung tightly to his curly hair.

He ran back towards the main laboratory room, careful not to disturb the spider.

He saw Eric and walked towards him, putting his shoe back on when he got close. He pulled a small notepad from his back pocket, scribbled "help! there's a spider in my hair!" on it, ripped it off, and handed it to his friend.

Eric read it quickly, rushed to the cabinet in the corner, jerked the doors open, and removed a pair of thick rubber gloves. He put them on as he rushed back to Tim, who bent towards him so he could see the spider better. He vigilantly picked the spider from Tim's hair and placed it in a plastic box similar to the one under the microscope that Tim had been looking through.

-------------------------------------------------

Tom awoke the next day in a haze; his scalp itched and burned with a fire he could only compare to that of an incinerator. His wife wasn't in bed. He reached one hand up and touched his scalp, and his heart skipped a beat or two when he felt one large bump surrounded by legions of smaller ones.

He lazily pried his face from his pillow and made his way downstairs, where his wife and his three kids were congregated-- Each of them had the itchy-burning sensation, as well. He instructed everyone to take a shower, but he knew that wouldn't help.

Hours later, the members of the family were screaming in pain. Their hair had begun to fall out and boils began to form on all of their scalps. The children were desperately trying to pinch the boils away, but for naught.

The paramedics had taken them to the hospital and administered the antidote, but they feared it would be too late. The boils had begun spreading down from their scalps onto their faces and upper torsos.

Slowly but surely, they were dying. How the venom didn't instantly kill them is a mystery, only known by God himself.

Charred Green Lynx Spider eggs don't wash out.

green_lynx_spider.jpg (5 kB)

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User Reviews


Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2005-01-16 11:39:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2

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Woman: I'm not going to press charges, but I assume you'll want to
punish him.

Homer: 'Preciate the suggestion, lady, but he hates that. And I
gotta live with him.

Bart: You're the man, Homer.

Bart After Dark