Can I? (2257 hits)
Category: UberMadness!Rating: 0.36 on 98 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Uber Madness 2004 (View user info) at 2004-10-24 22:00:37 EDT
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This post is officially part of UberMadness!. Click here for more information on the rules and restrictions. |
Entry 1
"Son of a bitch!" George yanked the steering wheel to his left, barely clearing the offending vehicle and simultaneously displaying a large middle finger from his right hand firmly in the direction of the elderly driver who had just cut him off, and was now speeding along the 45 mph access road at a whopping 12 mph."What in the hell business does a 200 year-old man have behind the wheel of a car?" He growled to himself. "Fucking hell."
30 minutes later, and with his blood pressure elevated to one-seventy over one-twenty, George pulled in to parking lot A and silenced the engine of his '98 Honda. Damn I miss that car, he thought, as he remembered the torque when he so much as tapped the gas pedal of his Lexus turbo. Hell, I enjoyed that ride.
Fucking prick is probably curled up in bed with *his* newspaper, he thought of his boss as he rolled up the New York Times Sunday edition, routinely tucking it under his arm as he strolled slowly toward the lobby entrance, recanting random scenes from Office Space.
He held his briefcase up to the electronic entry system and the doors unlocked with a small click.
And so did his briefcase.
October was a beautiful month. Brisk winds and clear blue skies were the recipe for his favorite weather. Today he could have done without the wind.
Fifteen minutes later, when George felt confident that the contents of his briefcase were recovered, he instinctually wiped the sweat off his forehead with the cuff of his jacket, and dumped a quarter of a cup of still scalding coffee from his travel mug down the side of his neck.
George sat in his chair and wheeled over to a clear space on his L-shaped desk. He opened his briefcase, emptying its contents and spreading them as much as the space would allow. Page by page he reorganized the paperwork of his life, at least as he knew it now. Office memos, crumpled lotto tickets, pay-stubs not nearly matching what he raked in prior to his .com disaster, and Wall Street Journal articles from the days when he could boast about his portfolio, which the attacks of 9-11 had rapidly depleted.
Then there it was - the manila envelope - the one he had been trying to bury, in more ways than just in his briefcase.
Can I do this? Can I? He thought. He had already started the day in fine form, so what the hell, he decided. It was time. He bended back the envelope's metal tabs, slipped the flap's hole over them and spilled out the glossy photos.
Laura's image in each one - a Laura he very suddenly looked upon as a total stranger. While he wasn't really surprised at what the pictures showed, he was surprised at intense pain that shot through him as he looked at the now undeniable proof. He had only hoped against hope he was wrong at the time he hired the young private detective to follow her.
"Sir, can I offer you a little somethin' I've learned from this job? Nine times out of ten, when someone hires me on matters of suspicion, so to speak, they already have their answer - inside. If it's photo album material you're after though, I'll take your money, no problem." George remembered the detective saying.
"No shit asshole," George thought. Wishing now he had said it to the detective. His stomach clenched and he pushed the stack aside and continued reorganizing his briefcase.
Keep. Toss. Keep. Toss. Fucking memos. I don't know why I even pretend to pay attention to them, company moral-boosting picnic in the parking lot? I'd rather lick dog shit from the tread on my tires... Gummy Bears, or rather one giant Gummy Bear, keep. Lotto tickets... one number circled here, two there, none there... last night's ticket. Where's that newspaper, no harm in another disappointment.
*****
George turned off copy machine, buttoned his still damp over coat, picked up his briefcase, which was now void of all but a manila envelope, and walked out of the office building in a mental haze that made him feel as if he was ten feet off the ground, and in danger of tripping over his newly acquired, Giraffe-like legs with every step he took.
He drove slowly and carefully home, paying no mind to the "it's-Sunday-I-need-to-go-to-the-pharmacy-for-Ben-Gay" population flooding the roadways and threatening to create a blood bath at every intersection and crosswalk. Thoughts of the past five years with Laura steadily flowed before his mind's eye.
Had he been in so much denial as to render him blind? He realized now that she stayed with him when things went to shit - at first because she believed he would pick himself up quickly and regain his financial status, but when that didn't happen, she had became more and more distant, emotionally and physically. He assumed now that she had remained only for lack of a back-up plan.
He had felt guilty. He believed he had become less of a man than he was when she first chose him. He could see it in her eyes and feel it in her touch, both growing colder with each passing month. During one of their recent drunken arguments Laura had broken down and screamed, "Stop feeding me your crap! You aren't going to be anything more than you are right now. You CAN'T DO IT!" He had felt ashamed, and realized now how he had been clinging to her like a lifeline, the only connection he had to any remaining sense of his self-worth.
It was all so clear now. All that time she was just looking for her next meal ticket. She was ashamed of him. It shouldn't have, and in hindsight, it didn't surprise him when the sex stopped and made way for countless excuses months ago. Her affection had depleted with his bank account. He had stopped asking. She had stopped making excuses. Seemed fair enough.
*****
Laura arrived home early that Sunday evening from a busy day of errands, salon appointments, and fucking. She slipped on her engagement ring and stepped into a dark apartment. Dark, save the lone dining room table chandelier, which illuminated an assortment of papers, neatly arranged in the middle of the table.
"Odd choice for a centerpiece George." She called out as she put her bags down, checked her lipstick, and smoothed her hair in the hall mirror. She continued down the hall, hiding the disappointment she felt that he hadn't still been at work.
She eyed the papers on the dining room table as she headed toward the kitchen and stopped. Turning slowly, she frowned in confusion. Confusion quickly turned to disbelief, and then to fear when she saw the images in the windows of the photographs.
Without touching anything, her eyes traveled to single sheet of paper just beyond the photographs, where the black and white copied images displayed a collage of a torn newspaper clipping of the prior night's winning lottery numbers - boasting an eighteen million dollar prize, a lottery ticket branded with George's signature last night's date and the six matching numbers, and a handwritten note which read, "Maybe I couldn't do it. But I can now, can't I? Now I can do it all."
- VS -
Entry 2
"What about revenge, can I get revenge?" I asked."No, enacting personal revenge would be out of the question." The devil told me. "You see, part of being my henchman is noticing evil, and REWARDING it... not getting justice. If you're into THAT sort of thing you might want to get ahold of god."
"God lets people get revenge?" I was surprised by this. It doesn't seem like a heavenly thing to do- I always thought revenge was evil. My dad always said, "Two wrongs don't make a right".
I pulled at my collar- Hell WAS hot, just as everyone said. There was no eternal fire, or pits of lava, or any of that nonsense. I was actually a bit disappointed by the lack of horror. Hell is pretty normal looking. It reminds me of New York.
"Okay. Can I be invisible?"
"Listen, this isn't a fairytale. There is NO SUCH THING as invisibility, dummy." He rolled his eyes and leaned back in his chair.
"Can I kill people?"
The devil heaved a sigh and started digging around in his desk. I assumed he was looking for a gun or some other evil device. He pulled out a small mirror and tweezers and began pruning his eyebrows. I didn't know if it was impolite to stare- should I look away? My mother always closed the bathroom door when she began beauty rituals such as this.
I hated not knowing what went on behind her closed bathroom door. One morning I had woke up early, snuck into her bathroom, and hid in the tub. I carefully arranged the shower curtain, allowing for a small opening for me to peer from, yet still remain inconspicuous. I waited in that cold porcelain tub for over an hour, and I nearly peed myself with excitement when I heard her coming towards the bathroom.
She came in, shut the door, and sat on the toilet. Her stomach rumbled, and the room filled with an awful stench. I was amazed. After she was done with the toilet, she stood before the mirror with the tweezers, and aimed them at her eye.
I was horrified- my mother was going to mutilate her eye with a metal prong! I launched myself at her, accidentally pulling the shower curtain down and knocking over all of her bottles of smelly stuff that were lined on the edge of the tub, and tackled her against the door. I ignored her screams and dodged her fury of kicks. I got the tweezers out of her clammy hands, and threw them in the toilet. I was very proud of my bravery and selflessness.
Years later my girlfriend explained tweezers to me, and I was relieved to know my mother wasn't an eye-gouger. I was also disappointed to realize that I hadn't actually been a hero that morning. Oh well.
This all came back to me as I watched the devil. He did have nice eyebrows, perhaps I should start tweezing?
"So, can I?" I asked again.
"You don't KILL people. You simply encourage others to kill. If you accept this job, your first assignment will be in a prison (I haven't decided which one, yet, but there are plenty to choose from). It will be realitivly easy. You will be hired in as a guard, and you simply encourage violence. The first 90 days will be a trial period. You can quit if you choose, and if you get killed you're automatically out. If you stay past those 90 days you will get placed to a different job site."
"Can I pick the next location?" I'd love to go to Tahiti! Have you seen those brochures at the travel agent? Little huts out on the water? It looks divine!
"No. You will go where you will be most effective. Jimmy just got promoted to Afghanistan last month, and he's doing well there. We installed him with some rebels, and he's really an effective leader. I'm focusing on the Middle East now- so most likely that's where you'll go."
"Can I learn Arabic?"
"Of course, you will know the language of your people."
"Can I convert to Islam?"
The devil blanched. He looked as if he had so much to say, yet he sat, saying nothing.
Finally: "You will NOT blaspheme in my presence! We are Christians!" the force behind his words was stronger than the words themselves, I saw spittle forming at the corners of his mouth and his eyes bugged out as the color rushed back to his face. "I will ignore that last question. The job is yours if you want."
"Can I get back to you?" I checked my watch. I had a 3:00 appointment with god. Apparently he was hiring zealots and saviors.
And everyone always told me I was too stupid to get a "real" job.
Harumph!
Entry 1:
Adamdidit2u
Allyson
Bigmike
cexshun
Circe
comicbookguy
Coyote
darko
Dirtbird
Disektor
domenad
engine13
Genko
GodChicken
godking
Jack_McCallum
JMG114
krushul
LadyPlural
Loren1
Method
munkeypants
Nicole3
Prodigy
salmonofdoubt
Seralena
sexy_biatch
SPECIALk
TigerLilly
wazzawazzayo
William_Q_Percy
xenon
Yes
zombieZero
27 eligible votes (34 total) *
Entry 2:
bart
bob
CanucksFan
Caulaincourt
corn_nugget
DavyJones
Degreeless_Capibara
Durae
Gnome
humor_me
hyprspacd
iddqd
jack11058
JonnyX
NerfHerder
omnifica
polyamorousaj
Razor
runninginplace
ruthless
ScoutCJustice
SilvrWolf
sparkle_pink
Stabkill
stevie_says
thaumaturge
tinactin
tlozoot
WillZone
zakalwe
27 eligible votes (30 total) *
* Eligible votes are those made by users who had either (A) posted 3+ messages OR (B) written 100+ [lowered from 750+] reviews as of the beginning of the UberMadness! competition.
User Reviews
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-10-29 11:49:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If I haven't said it before, Tenactin, you're a seething prick.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-10-29 09:35:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Congrats Corn, you'd better continue and kick some serious ass!
I'm actually relieved I don't have to post another. I'm taking off on a cruise a week from tomorrow, and have SO much to do. Having to get an entry in before I left would be insane.
xo
Submitted by Huber_the_Nose (user info) at 2004-10-29 02:39:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
how the hell does #2 win? #1 got more votes, because it was BETTER. Whoever picked the winner should lay off the crack.
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2004-10-28 22:58:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Loren, I'm sorry you lost, but I felt more inclined to vote Entry 2 because of...well, I flipped a coin. When I said that whole you got the vote, I meant it as a joke and never intended for you to take it the wrong way. In case you haven't noticed, I canceled out all my -2s after you apoligized.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-10-28 22:48:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love you too loren. I'm drunk so what do I care!
Houraaaaaaaaaaaaah!
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-10-28 19:24:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No you can't. The splat I heard was a load bouncing off of your chin.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-10-28 18:26:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
CC, shouldn't that be "loser" unless she has been having an incredible amount of sex lately and then she may be both sore and loose.
I agree that there are better ways to decide ties as currently it depends on the mood Razor is in. Doesn't feel like reading a comedy, then the comedy loses. As much as one tries to be objective, it does depend on personal taste. blah, blah, blah. That is a discussion for later. As we do this more and more, we are learning what works and what doesn't. Eventually we will get all the kinks ironed out.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-10-28 10:11:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
loren is a sore looser?
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-10-27 23:32:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
bob, I'm not going to argue this w/ you here.
You have my IM name, so you can use it, and I can tell you how wrong you are over that.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2004-10-27 23:30:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
AJ, the point is though that users discovered her post, no matter how long it was up for.
I think Corinne was very sincere in allowing Loren to stay in because no matter how many people saw it, i could have effected the outcome.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-10-27 23:27:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Totally_useless wasn't DQed.
Stin wasn't either.
daking was the only one because his was up for a few hours and he wrote another post about it, even including the link to the post.
Loren brought no attention to herself when it happened, and we resolved it in about 3 mins.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2004-10-27 23:26:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
loren, relax please.
I agree with you that Razor shouldnt single handedly decide.
However, they did not like the "Higher seed looses" system, so they decided on this.
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2004-10-27 23:20:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What are you pissed about? You should have been disqualified, like the other people who posted their UM entries on the main page.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-10-27 23:18:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Loren, babe. Do you have IM?
If not hit me up on email.
We'll discuss.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-10-27 23:09:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
oops. I meant to continue,
... then you're wrong. And I think I was.
....Jeremy, I'm slathering on the peanut butter now... because I want you to EAT ME.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-10-27 23:07:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I am seriously giving up on UM. If one person ie: "RAZOR" is responsible for deciding ties?
Fuck that shit. IF you think he can toss aside feelings
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-10-27 22:43:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yeah. well then "razor" can kiss my mother fucking ass. TEN fold.
NIGHTY NITE.
PS -I didn't think voting was over until midnight. Prick.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-10-27 20:12:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
stabkill,
neither of these were my posts...
I just can't believe how down to the wire this one was
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-10-27 20:08:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yes, post two wins, although they were both quite good.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-10-27 20:06:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
In due time, Stabby.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2004-10-27 20:06:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
WOOOOO ITS TIED.
And Razor voted for #2
so i assume #2 wins.
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2004-10-27 20:06:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Shit I couldn't decide but at the last second I thought I had to vote on something. I read these twice before. Argh! That sucks. I hope there is a double-forfeit opening and author 1 can continue.
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2004-10-27 20:04:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Who did I help win. You Q?
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2004-10-27 20:04:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My god, my vote actually counted. This was honestly the hardest matchup for me--both were terrific posts. I actually re-read them a couple times over, and decided Entry 2 was better-written.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-10-27 20:01:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Holy shit...
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2004-10-27 19:58:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-10-27 19:41:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2004-10-27 19:18:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
bam
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2004-10-27 17:28:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good times.
Submitted by runninginplace (user info) at 2004-10-27 17:01:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry one, doesn't she have a claim on the money if they were married?
Submitted by numero uno <ihopeilose> at 2004-10-27 16:45:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Amen, dos.
Submitted by Prodigy (user info) at 2004-10-27 16:45:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by numero dos at 2004-10-27 16:10:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Jesus Christ.
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2004-10-27 16:00:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2004-10-27 15:53:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2004-10-27 15:51:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Great work, great ending. Niiiiice.
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2004-10-27 15:39:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2004-10-27 14:15:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2004-10-27 14:12:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by hyprspacd (user info) at 2004-10-27 12:45:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2004-10-27 10:00:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by thaumaturge (user info) at 2004-10-27 09:52:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Memnoch?
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-10-27 09:47:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It was a tough decision. Both entries were fantastic!
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-10-27 02:10:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by CanucksFan (user info) at 2004-10-26 23:46:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Not exactly sure how it relates to the title, but I did like #2 better. Both well written though.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2004-10-26 22:20:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-10-26 21:59:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-10-26 20:53:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-10-26 19:45:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey little fella better check your touch
What you thought was enough- might be too much
I said, it's more cushiony than ever before,
Charmin Ultra- less is more.
When we say less is more, less is more
It's more absorbent than the regular rippled brand for sure
What you used to love now you're gonna adore
Charmin Ultra- less is more.
Cha cha cha!
Charmin!
I watch too much TV.
Submitted by krushul (user info) at 2004-10-26 19:30:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by godking (user info) at 2004-10-26 17:26:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Fuck Laura. The Whore. Entry #1 gets my vote because the whore is named Laura.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-10-26 15:17:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
CHAR-MIN!
Submitted by wazzawazzayo (user info) at 2004-10-26 14:02:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Both good. One a bit gooder.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-10-26 13:44:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
cha cha cha!
Submitted by xenon (user info) at 2004-10-26 12:27:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-10-26 12:20:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy shitballs this one is coming down to the wire.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2004-10-26 11:01:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2004-10-26 05:48:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by tlozoot (user info) at 2004-10-25 21:10:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Interesting take on the whole heaven/hell thing.
Submitted by salmonofdoubt (user info) at 2004-10-25 18:43:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2004-10-25 18:29:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wow! After a slow start and a few typos, entry #1 really paid off. I liked it.
#2 was a waste of time. Jesus.
Submitted by engine13 (user info) at 2004-10-25 17:02:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2004-10-25 16:57:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Revenge is sweet (#1) but #2 seemed a bit more creative. Both were good reads.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2004-10-25 16:45:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Meh.
Submitted by Durae (user info) at 2004-10-25 16:06:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
entry one was good, but I really didn't feel the revenge at the end. I mean, if I was cheating on my husband, and then he decided to *show me* by winning the lottery (not even by working eh) I would just laugh at him.
What is it with guys falling in love with gold-digging whores and then complaining when all they care about is money? If you want a perfectly pretty face, have a big wallet and stop waxing romantic.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2004-10-25 15:52:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Both here were very good - I wish #2 had written more! (minus the tweezer part)
Submitted by omnifica (user info) at 2004-10-25 15:42:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by humor_me (user info) at 2004-10-25 14:56:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by zombieZero (user info) at 2004-10-25 13:23:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Harumph?
Submitted by Nicole3 (user info) at 2004-10-25 12:24:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Dirtbird (user info) at 2004-10-25 11:57:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Gnome (user info) at 2004-10-25 11:01:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
2
"can i convert to islam?"
Submitted by cexshun (user info) at 2004-10-25 11:00:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
#1 was quite good. #2 had extremely great potential, yet fell far short. vote #1
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-10-25 08:18:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Allyson (user info) at 2004-10-25 02:47:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
the ending in 2 turned me away.
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2004-10-25 02:39:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Disektor (user info) at 2004-10-25 02:04:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I love when cheating women have their shit ruined.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2004-10-25 01:40:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by ScoutCJustice (user info) at 2004-10-25 01:16:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Nice irony on entry one, but entry two was just comedic gold.
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2004-10-25 00:43:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-10-25 00:40:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by sexy_biatch (user info) at 2004-10-25 00:25:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2004-10-24 23:49:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm not too sure if it's because I'm over-tired, but I couldn't make sense of Entry 1.
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2004-10-24 23:11:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Creativity wins it hands down.
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2004-10-24 22:48:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
#2.
Submitted by DavyJones (user info) at 2004-10-24 22:37:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Seralena (user info) at 2004-10-24 22:32:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-10-24 22:26:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I honestly don't know what Tinactin's talking about.
??
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-10-24 22:24:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
These both appeal to me on different sides of the spectrum.
#1- love the realism
#2- off the wall, I like that.
#2= tails.
Sorry, #1.
This should be a close matchup.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-10-24 22:23:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I would like to offer my penis to author 1, well done!
Author two - ... I was confused from word one. I am sorry.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-10-24 22:21:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-10-24 22:20:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
tinactin - keep your yap shut.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-10-24 22:19:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Can I? No. You *may* not. That's all I can think about.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-10-24 22:11:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-10-24 22:10:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm not really sure about either of these but number one is better.
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2004-10-24 22:09:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2004-10-24 22:05:23 EDT (#)
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Sorry, but I already know who posted Entry 1. It would've gotten my vote, but hoozah.
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2004-10-24 22:01:35 EDT (#)
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Too bad for Loren.