I'm A Warrior (2042 hits)
Category: UberMadness!Rating: 0.35 on 95 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Uber Madness 2004 (View user info) at 2004-10-24 23:40:23 EDT
 |
This post is officially part of UberMadness!. Click here for more information on the rules and restrictions. |
Entry 1
Jerry Stevens signed onto his computer at 7 PM, having finished his homework and done all his chores, it was time to sit down to play his favorite game, "Battle Realm." Battle Realm was an online strategy game that Jerry's mother had bought him shortly after she left him and his father. Like most 12-year-old boys, Jerry was not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, so he played the game frequently, despite his father's allegations that his mother was trying to buy his affection.'You are now logged in as 'SpawnofRoland.'
Jerry was a Level 25 Norse Warrior. He was one of the first few thousand people to give the game a shot, and as such had developed his skills and his character's attributes. He took the time to labor over every detail, no matter how minute. If there was a piece of armor dented, he would have it fixed. He carefully arranged his items in the queue so that they were easy to find in a pinch. A place for everything and everything in its place.
He lived for Battle Realm, and all his friends played it. He talked about it non-stop. It was what kept him excited. He hated school, but he drudged through it anyway, knowing full well that his father would look for any excuse to get rid of the game. Neither parent liked it when the other gave him something he wanted. It was a constant game of one-upmanship. Not that Jerry minded, truth be told.
Jerry lived with his dad, but he still saw his mom at random intervals of time. She would usually show up at the door or leave a phone message, apologizing for not calling sooner, but having an excuse for it all. When Jerry did see her she always had some sort of present for him, so he didn't care what the excuse was.
Jerry looked up at the monitor to see this message: 'Dantheman00' has joined your party.
"Awesome!"
SpawnofRoland: Hey Danny, are you ready to look at that cave in D-178 tonight?
Dantheman00: Yeah, but I'm not going to be able to play tonight, I've got stuff I've gotta do. Plus my mage needs to store up his mana for when we get into another scrum.
SpawnofRoland: What kind of stuff?
Dantheman00: I'm going to the mall. I've gotta go shopping.
SpawnofRoland: Oh, okay. Can I come?
Dantheman00: Not this time, Jerry. I'm meeting with people for a school project.
SpawnofRoland: Okay... well, I guess we can check out that cave tomorrow. See ya.
'Dantheman00' has left your party.
Jerry thought it was a little bit odd that Danny wasn't going to play- they'd done so every night for the past four or five months. He shrugged it off and set about to conquer the realm on his own, but it just wasn't the same without a partner. He had to run from three level 5 Druids that he and Dan would've made mincemeat out of had they been playing together. Magic and brute force, they were a perfect combination. He found himself not wanting to play for the first time since- well, since ever.
He logged out of the system and headed downstairs where his dad was watching football, or baseball, or something. Officer Stevens of Chicago PD always liked to unwind after a shift by watching sports of some kind, with a beer, non-light of some kind. Jerry really didn't like sports, so he just usually nodded in agreement while people talked about them and waited for the subject to change.
"Hey dad, whatcha watching?"
"Hockey."
"Who's winning?"
"The fucking Blues. I'm afraid the Blackhawks aren't going to put together another playoff run before the world ends or the league folds. Bunch of fuckin' bums. I'd like to kick Daze's ass. Fucking pansy."
"Yeah... mind if I watch with you?"
His father perked up to attention. He looked at his watch.
"Don't you usually play with your little dragon guy at this time?"
Jerry rolled his eyes. "No, dad, he's a Level 25 Norse Warrior. Geez."
"Oh, right. How could I forget? Why aren't you and Danny playing?"
"He went to the mall to do something. It's just not as much fun without him."
"Oh. Well sure, sit down right here."
Jerry sat next to his dad and watched the game. It felt good. He couldn't see where the ball was half the time, but it was still great spending time with his dad.
"What's the score?"
"3-0, St. Louis. I swear to God, Daze, if you lose the puck in the neutral zone one more fucking time I'm going to gut you like a fish!"
Jerry looked at him, a little bit disturbed.
"Oh, sorry, buddy. I just get a little excited when I watch hockey."
"What quarter is it?"
Jerry's dad looked at him, with a look that was half-bewildered, half-ashamed.
"Jerry, they don't play quarters, they play periods. Three of 'em. It's the second."
"Oh." After a long silence, Jerry spoke. "I'm going to get a soda," Jerry said as he stood up.
"Hey, while you're up, you want to be a good little Level 15 Soldier and get Daddy a beer?" he said as he shook his empty Old Style at him.
"Sure dad."
"Thanks. Oh, and could you try not to stand in front of the TV?"
The next day, Jerry walked to school with Danny, as was their custom. Jerry talked about watching hockey with his dad, a refreshing change from talking about Battle Realm all the time. Usually Danny would interject with comments of his own, but on this particular day, he was silent.
"Daze's such a fucking pussy, you know? Hey, Danny, what's wrong?"
"Look, Jerry, I have something I gotta talk to you about."
"Is this about me using your Stamina potion the other night? I'll pay you one back."
"No, Jerry, this is important."
"Battle Realm is important."
"Battle Realm isn't real life, Jerry!" he screamed.
"What's wrong, Danny?" Jerry said as he cringed away from his friend a little bit.
"Look, Jerry. We're 12 now, almost teenagers! Isn't it time to stop playing little kid games and start doing stuff in the real world? You know, girls, sports, things like that? Don't you ever want to grow up?"
"Well, life is like a leveling up system. You may be ready to become an adult, but I'm not ready to level-up yet. I like being a kid, Danny. Why rush things?"
"Could you stop talking about that fucking game? Jesus. Look, Jerry, I don't think we can be friends anymore. You obviously don't care about anything other than Battle Realm, and I'm ready to move on. It's just a stupid game; it doesn't get you anything in real life!"
Jerry felt tears well up in his eyes as Danny increased his pace. "Oh well," he thought. "Let him go. There are other mages out there. Don't cry. You're a warrior, Jerry. Warriors don't cry."
The days went by, and Jerry and Danny became more and more distant. Jerry's status in Battle Realm fell, as he didn't have Danny's mage to back him up. Jerry became more and more disenfranchised with his life. In Battle Realm, he could be anything he wanted to be, with Danny right there at his side. In real life, Danny hated him and he didn't have any friends to help him. His dad was always busy with work, so he was left with nothing to do. One day his boredom took him to the park a few blocks away from school.
He sat on a swing; just letting his feet dangle off the ground, easing back and forth ever-so-slightly with the wind. He let the sun his face as he closed his eyes, and let the wind ruffle his hair. He felt the warmth of the sun get interrupted, and he opened one eye to see what was going on. One of the boys from his class was standing over him.
"Hey, nerd linger. Whatcha doing?"
"Umm... my name's Jerry, Trevor. And I'm sitting here."
"Hey, don't sass me, poindexter. Your little army of dwarves isn't here to help you."
Jerry heard laughter from behind Trevor, and saw Danny and a few other boys standing a few feet away.
"I don't have an army of dwarves, Trevor. I'm a Level 25 Norse Warrior."
"Oh, la-dee-da, Mr. Fancypants," Trevor said as he pranced around, flailing his arms in a most comical fashion. "Excuse me for insulting the great Dork Warrior."
"NORSE Warrior."
"Look, geek, I told you not to talk back to me."
Trevor advanced toward him.
"Trevor, you better not do anything. I'll tell my dad.'
"Ooh, listen to the baby; he's going to tell his cop daddy. Why don't you run home and cry to mommy? Oh, that's right, she left you."
"You shut up you... you... fucklawn."
"Fucklawn? Did you just call me a fucklawn?"
"You heard me." Jerry said, resolute in trying to sound confident. It came out squeaky and cracked, but it still came out.
Trevor gave him "the look" and Jerry knew he had made a mistake. Trevor shoved Jerry as hard as he could, sending him backwards out of the swing, his legs catching on the seat as he hit the ground on his back. Jerry rolled backward and started crying. He swung at Trevor, and missed completely. The next thing Jerry knew, he was being pushed around the circle of boys as Trevor pummeled him. Each of them took a potshot, even Danny. As he lay on the dirt, his shirt torn, his nose bloody, and his ribs sore, Jerry couldn't help but let a tear slip down his cheeks. "It's okay, Jerry. Even warriors feel pain," he told himself.
As the days went on, Jerry played Battle Realm even less, but still kept up with it when it was raining or there was nothing to do. He spent more and more time with his dad. One day, he asked Officer Stevens a question that many youths ask their fathers.
"Dad, will you teach me how to fight?"
His father looked at him with uncertainty.
"And why would you want to do that Jerry?"
"Well, there're these kids at school..."
"Who? What are their names? You tell me, and I'll take care of it."
"No! If I do that they'll just beat me up more. You can't say anything. Please!"
His father sighed and beckoned him to sit down.
"Let me tell you something, Jerry. If you fight those boys, you're just as bad as they are. Part of being a good warrior is knowing when to fight and when not to, right? Discretion is the better part of valor. If you fight those boys, they're just going to retaliate, and you're going to be back in the same position. If they give you any trouble, just walk away. Don't say anything to them. Walk away, Jerry."
"But..."
"Please, Jerry, just give it a shot."
The next day after school, Jerry saw Trevor and his gang across the street. He put his head down and walked briskly, hoping they wouldn't notice him. He couldn't be so lucky. As soon as he headed down the alley on Parks St. (a shortcut home) they spotted him and gave chase.
"Hey, Elf-boy!"
Jerry ran as fast as he could, trying to evade his pursuers and get home. He looked back to see how far ahead he was when he tripped over a wooden crate at the service entrance to Ginsby's Grocery Store. He sprawled out across the asphalt, cutting his hands and scraping his nose. He tried to get back up again, but they were on him quickly.
It was the coldest walk home of Jerry's life. They'd taken his pants, and more importantly, his pride. As Trevor and Danny taunted him, playing keep-away with his pants, he resigned himself to the walk of shame he would have to endure. When he got home, his dad was cooking supper. He looked at him with tears in his eyes, and walked up the stairs to go to sleep. When his father came to talk to him, he pretended to be asleep. It was less embarrassing that way. It couldn't go on like this. "Time's come, Jerry," he told himself. "Are you a warrior or aren't you?"
The next day, Jerry went to school as normal. When he walked home, he headed up the alley to see Danny, Trevor, and their band of hoodlums leaning against the back wall of Ginsby's.
"Well look who it is."
"Hello, Trevor. Danny."
"Come back for more, wuss?"
"No, Danny, I've just come to let you know that I'm not going to take this anymore. It's over."
Trevor started to do his arms-flailing comical dance once more. "Oh, the little hobbit is going to hurt us. He's not going to take it anymore."
"What are you going to do, Jerry?" Danny asked. "You're a weenie. I only hung out with you because I felt sorry for you. You're not going to do anything, weenie-boy."
"I'm not a weenie," Jerry said, as he reached into his backpack and procured his dad's service pistol. "I'm a warrior."
- VS -
Entry 2
"Bibleize that motherfucker!"My voice rang out sharp and clear against the backdrop of the noisy strip club. The pimps, hos, and johns that stopped turning tricks long enough to look saw the most potent and powerful Christian superhero action team ever to patrol outside of the Garden of Eden: The Jesus Freaks.
A thick black book, thrown soccer throw-in style, spun end-over-end towards its intended target. The target tried to dodge. Left. Right. Backwards. But nothing could interrupt the divine intervention that was not in his favor.
The bible smacked the target directly in the head, and his body immediately sank. On his forehead, the words "Holy Bible" were engrained from smacking his forehead so hard. Another bad guy taken out by The Jesus Freaks.
What? You say that smacking someone in the forehead with a bible isn't the proper Christian way? Do you think that we're just a bunch of subservient cunts that have to ask people if they want a bible and pretend not to be disappointed when we don't hand out a single one all day? I'd rather forcefully shove a bible up everyone's ass as they walk by so they either have to pull it out and read the shit-stained pages or die, sending their bible-stuffed ass straight to hell.
Usually, that's not exactly how the system works.
But every so often in history, God makes a special exception to the rule and allows a person or group of people to kick some heretic ass.
It happened with Joan of Arc. It happened with King Arthur.
And now it's happened with us.
But how did 4 separate kids get the message from God to go out and fight crime, you may ask? Well, our lord and savior works in mysterious ways sometimes. And other times he doesn't.
Joseph was a science geek who spent all of his time in the laboratory. One day, the lord in the manifestation of a spider bit Joseph and gave him the power to shoot webs of salvation. Anyone who is touched by said webs immediately becomes immobilized with Christ's love. And spider webs. Well, mainly spider webs.
Vince was once molested by an angel at his dad's funeral. To this day, the image of the angel coming towards Vince invokes terror in him. So Vince dresses up as an angel and stops others from facing the same fate that he did. Vince doesn't necessarily have any super powers, but does have a cool utility belt.
I am actually not human. I was born on a planet far away from this one that was dying just as I was being born. My parents, who were big shots on the planet, shot me away in a little spaceship. I never found out if they survived as well, or not. My skills, such as flying and super strength, were common on my home planet but are extraordinary here on earth.
And then we have Kathy. Kathy doesn't really have any super powers. Joseph, Vince, and I just thought we needed a girl so that nobody would call us fags. But she is an incredible markswoman with the Bible. And when she throws, Kathy puts enough effort into her throw that we get to see her boobies shake.
Together, we form the Jesus Freak Army.
And in said Army, I am not just a soldier. I am a warrior!
Soldiers are just piddling ants that take commands from a higher power, and warriors are those who think for themselves and do what their...gut...tells...
Wait a minute.
I guess I am a soldier. I mean, God is a great Commanding officer and everything. But...
Hmm.
Sorry about that.
B...But still...I'd say I'm a pretty high ranking soldier. I guess.
Anyway, together our team of Christian crime fighters takes to the streets every night in search of evildoers and devil worshipers.
We've had stake-outs at porno shops and demonstrations against gay parades. We've poured holy water on porno theatres and ripped condoms off of still-humping dicks. Catholicism is the only true faith that worships our God. All of the other so-called "Christians" are merely pawns in Satan's chess game. So we've just killed a few protestants before, as well.
But last night, we faced our toughest opponent yet.
One of our own.
Kathy, our little Bible-throwing lass, had admitted to all of the rest of us that she was having impure thoughts.
"Guys," said Kathy. "I've been having impure thoughts."
It shocked us all, seeing as we don't have the luxury of reading the paragraph preceding that quote as you do. Consider yourself lucky, my sons and daughters.
"I've been thinking...about...well..."
"What is it Kathy?"
"Yes Kathy, what is it?"
"What, Kathy, is it?"
We were concerned for Kathy. She was one of us. She knew all of our deepest darkest secrets; which is another reason why we didn't want to let her out of our little club.
"Guys, I love Satan. He came to me in a dream and told me that I was the prettiest girl he had ever seen."
I leaned over to Vince and whispered,
"Damn, must not be a single looker in hell."
Kathy didn't hear us, and continued to speak.
"I dunno. I just think I could do more damage with a pitchfork instead of a Bible. What kind of a weapon is this?" asked Kathy.
"I'll tell you what kind of weapon it is," I said. "It's the most powerful, dangerous, and loving weapon in the world. Within this book is the power to move minds, Kathy. That's something much more important than just physical intimidation."
"But how many have we turned to our side, eh?"
"Um...I dunno. I'm still getting feedback from that, so I don't have the final numbers and..."
"Bullshit!" interrupted Kathy. "You never ordered any numbers, and we haven't done anything important except when I kill those fucking hobos."
"What about that time we stood outside of that abortion clinic and re-impregnated girls who just had an abortion? That made our world a better place, Kathy. You need to see that God's plan requires forceful terrorization in order to comply with his higher thought. The idiots of this world are not Holy enough to understand, Kathy. They need us to Bibleize them, or they'll never have a chance of getting into heaven."
Now, Kathy is a smart girl. But the look she gave me after this short speech made it seem as if she had never even thought about saving people.
"But really," started Kathy, "do you really want all those idiots in Heaven with you? Think about it, chief. You're going to Heaven; that much is already assured. But do you really want a bunch of crack dealers and unwed mothers clogging up the racquetball courts and swimming pools up there?"
She had a good point.
"You have a good point," I said. I started in on her in a menacing fashion, "but you know what they say. If you can't beat them, use your super-powers to obliterate them."
With that, my laser eyes shot a laser beam straight at Kathy. She dodged at the last second and looked for an object to throw at me. She picked up an old magazine and hurled at me, each page slashing at me in a different place.
"Silly girl, do you really think you can give me a paper cut? Your logic must be failing you with all of that devilspeak in your head, girly girl. You've seen scores of bullets bounce right off of me over the years, and yet you think some worthless magazine can harm me? Ha! Ha! Ha! I laugh at your futility, bitch."
I looked down to see the extent of damage to my costume, and was instead greeted by drops of blood cascading from many places. I wasn't exactly used to this. I looked back up to Kathy as if to ask her what was going on without actually asking.
"Oopsie," giggled Kathy in the same way that an insane person might giggle when they are eating someone's brains. "Oh, fearless leader, so smart and brave, didn't you have your powers figured out? Your powers are only potent when you have all of us together. And as each of us is connected to you, you are connected to us. So with one of the group missing, you are far less powerful. So...with nobody but you, you'd be nothing more than a shell. So..."
Kathy looked at Joseph and Vince with two compact discs in her hand, and half-assedly tossed them towards each of their heads. Immediately after throwing, she turned back to face me, not even satisfying herself by watching their two heads pop off and roll neatly to the base of their legs as their bodies stood perfectly upright.
Kathy didn't want to see what happened to them. She knew. She knew how accurate she was and didn't need any validation of her prowess. She wanted to see my face. I usually complimented Kathy on her skills, but never had they horrified me in such a manner.
I turned back to face her, and I felt everything that I knew about the world drain from me in the form of my muscles. I was reduced to a 90-pound shrimp, what Earthlings call a "dork." And Kathy had not only stripped me of my powers, but also my confidence. And as any guy will tell you, confidence is a weapon that is even more potent and powerful than flight or laser eyes. I tried in vain to fly and to shoot things with my eyes. I hovered a foot in the air for about a second and a thin red mist came out of my eyes, but I couldn't exactly mist my opponent to death.
...or could I?
With all of my might, I shot that mist out of my eyes. I misted and misted and misted some more. I misted so much that I could barely breathe.
Through chokes, I coughed out to Kathy,
"How do you like 'dem apples, bitch? If I'm going down, I'm taking you with me."
Through the mist, her voice rang out just as when my voice had instructed her thousands of times to "Bibleize that motherfucker!" And then I knew how terrorizing it was to hear a voice ring out when you are expecting nothing but silence.
"Did you really think a little bit of red mist could stop me?"
I heard the sound of a window breaking.
"I'll give you a hint, Mr. "Man of Steel."
I saw a large piece of glass fly at my head.
"It can't."
With that, my head fell off of my shoulders and rolled into a nice little pile near my ankles. Blood was running over them. Whether it was from my previous paper cuts or neck I had no idea. My head rolled over in such a position that I could see Joseph and Vince. They were already long dead. Eyes still open in horror. My head came to a final rest right between my feet, looking up.
And as the connection between my eyes, ears, and brain started to fade, I saw Kathy come over and tower over me.
"Tell God I said, 'what's up, bitch?'"
Entry 1:
10c7c
Azriel
BambiTill
Bigmike
CanucksFan
cexshun
chipolatte
Circe
cshape
Dirtbird
Disektor
domenad
Durae
engine13
forumsarestupid
Genko
Gnome
GuNnEr_86
hcp28
Herpes
Huber_the_Nose
jack11058
Kazzerax
Lacksmotivation
LadyPlural
lessthanfour
Maestro
maiorano84
Method
MyNameIsTim
NerfHerder
nitty34
omnifica
Orla
Pringles4eva
Prodigy
PWNstar
rad1101
runninginplace
sebcharrot
Sideburns
someone
sparkle_pink
Spuds002
stevie_says
StonedSilly
thaumaturge
Thored
tidalfae
Tigre
Vermin
wazzawazzayo
xenon
Yes
37 eligible votes (54 total) *
Entry 2:
absolutes
bdakotac
bob
CodeBlue
comicbookguy
corn_nugget
Coyote
darko
DonkeyOnTheEdge
godking
humor_me
hyprspacd
iddqd
Jack_McCallum
JonnyX
Jungle_Jimanee
lilbill87
munkeypants
Phinch
polyamorousaj
ruthless
salmonofdoubt
ScoutCJustice
sexy_biatch
SPECIALk
Stabkill
tinactin
tlozoot
WiKi
William_Q_Percy
WillZone
25 eligible votes (31 total) *
* Eligible votes are those made by users who had either (A) posted 3+ messages OR (B) written 100+ [lowered from 750+] reviews as of the beginning of the UberMadness! competition.
User Reviews
Submitted by Donitsu2002 (user info) at 2004-10-31 02:24:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Is it weird if i know that's a barbarian from the game Champions of Norrath?
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2004-10-30 14:37:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You missed something.
He voted for mine.
I voted for his.
Submitted by 10c7c (user info) at 2004-10-30 06:38:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
err... did AJ vote for the other one, but still win? or did i miss somthing
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-10-27 19:41:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Vermin (user info) at 2004-10-27 19:01:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by chipolatte (user info) at 2004-10-27 18:56:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
2 had promise, but fucked it up royally. 1 was great.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2004-10-27 18:39:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by GuNnEr_86 (user info) at 2004-10-27 18:01:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wow nice story, very impressive, jus one thing did his old man ive him the gun?
Even so cool story
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2004-10-27 17:24:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Entry 1 made me laugh.
Is that bad?
Submitted by Prodigy (user info) at 2004-10-27 17:08:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Gnome (user info) at 2004-10-27 16:46:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
1 - terrible way to deal with bullies (do nothing, ignore them, gun)
2 - one word why you're not getting my vote: God
vote 1
Submitted by tidalfae (user info) at 2004-10-27 16:44:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
this kid went to my middle school
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2004-10-27 16:17:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2004-10-27 15:50:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2004-10-27 15:14:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by hyprspacd (user info) at 2004-10-27 14:49:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hahahahahahaha
Submitted by hcp28 (user info) at 2004-10-27 14:18:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2004-10-27 14:14:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by runninginplace (user info) at 2004-10-27 14:05:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Ronnus <RonnusW.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-10-27 13:37:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
stroy one beats the piss out of story two
Submitted by Azriel (user info) at 2004-10-27 12:44:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by CodeBlue (user info) at 2004-10-27 12:43:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"Bibleize that motherfucker!"
Submitted by thaumaturge (user info) at 2004-10-27 12:07:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by BambiTill (user info) at 2004-10-27 10:46:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I liked it. I prefer laughter over sadness, but this was still pretty good, and relative to our little screwed up world. Nice job.
Submitted by Author 1 <missed@thisbefore> at 2004-10-27 10:45:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Spuds002 (user info) at 2004-10-25 10:46:17 (#)
Ranking: 0
Jerry sat next to his dad and watched the game. It felt good. He couldn't see where the ball was half the time, but it was still great spending time with his dad.
they use a puck, but i still liked the story.
***
Yeah, I was trying to convey the sense that Jerry knew nothing of sports.
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2004-10-27 06:02:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Anyone else getting a "Civic-Minded Five" kind of vibe here? I was hoping for the Chainsaw Vigilante to make an appearance...
Submitted by forumsarestupid (user info) at 2004-10-26 23:53:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by CanucksFan (user info) at 2004-10-26 23:31:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Love it. Awesome ending
Submitted by cshape (user info) at 2004-10-26 22:39:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2004-10-26 21:06:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by tlozoot (user info) at 2004-10-26 20:57:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hm.
Submitted by Orla (user info) at 2004-10-26 17:20:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2004-10-26 17:19:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Durae (user info) at 2004-10-26 16:58:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by omnifica (user info) at 2004-10-26 16:55:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-10-26 16:50:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It was a very tough decision.
Submitted by godking (user info) at 2004-10-26 16:44:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Halfway through #2, I was sure I'd be voting for #1. #2 put it away in the second half.
Submitted by wazzawazzayo (user info) at 2004-10-26 15:33:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://theimaginaryworld.com/box712.jpg
Submitted by Maestro (user info) at 2004-10-26 13:30:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by xenon (user info) at 2004-10-26 13:25:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Lacksmotivation (user info) at 2004-10-26 13:11:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2004-10-26 10:03:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Thored (user info) at 2004-10-26 08:55:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by sexy_biatch (user info) at 2004-10-26 08:49:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2004-10-26 03:44:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by someone (user info) at 2004-10-25 23:26:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Man did I enjoy Number 1!
Submitted by ScoutCJustice (user info) at 2004-10-25 23:04:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Bibleize the motherfucker."
Submitted by Author 1 at 2004-10-25 22:54:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Heehee.
He's right to some extent. If I read half an entry and realize it's shite, I'll stop reading it and go to the other one. If the other is better it will generally get the vote, but please, try to read both posts in their entirety. If not, don't say you didn't read it.
I know lessthanfour's reply probably wasn't intended as a slight, but as an author it can sometimes come across that way.
Wow. Verbal diarrhea.
Submitted by Author 2 <author2.at.ubersite.com> at 2004-10-25 22:47:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wonder why. Most people have to read a story to get into it, you know.
Submitted by lessthanfour (user info) at 2004-10-25 22:03:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
entry 1 was very good. i skimmed entry 2 and couldn't get into it.
Submitted by Kazzerax (user info) at 2004-10-25 22:00:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by lilbill87 (user info) at 2004-10-25 21:46:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
2 rules
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2004-10-25 21:43:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I am a weenie
Submitted by engine13 (user info) at 2004-10-25 19:31:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by salmonofdoubt (user info) at 2004-10-25 19:10:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by sebcharrot (user info) at 2004-10-25 17:52:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by absolutes (user info) at 2004-10-25 17:38:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2004-10-25 17:14:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by WiKi (user info) at 2004-10-25 16:32:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2004-10-25 16:17:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I liked both. Good stuff.
Submitted by humor_me (user info) at 2004-10-25 15:13:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by bdakotac (user info) at 2004-10-25 14:56:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
These both suck, but at least #2 had some violence in it.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2004-10-25 14:48:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Together, we form the Jesus Freak Army." +2 +2 +2!
Submitted by Dirtbird (user info) at 2004-10-25 13:58:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2004-10-25 12:55:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Coin flip. #2 wins.
Submitted by cexshun (user info) at 2004-10-25 12:05:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
#2 was quite funny. However, it's more of a story I'd rather read as an everyday uber post. I don't think it's something I can vote to pass onto round 4. #1 was a decent story, and I have a couple of friends that are the exact way with Diablo II. I mean come on guys, how can you pass up a kegger to have a Diablo II LAN party?!? vote #1
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-10-25 11:36:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
BIBLEIZE!
Submitted by PWNstar (user info) at 2004-10-25 11:07:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm voting entry 1, but I was disappointed that neither utilized a picture of "The Ultimate Warrior" that alone would have sold it.
Submitted by Spuds002 (user info) at 2004-10-25 10:46:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Jerry sat next to his dad and watched the game. It felt good. He couldn't see where the ball was half the time, but it was still great spending time with his dad.
they use a puck, but i still liked the story.
Submitted by Huber_the_Nose (user info) at 2004-10-25 10:29:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
what the hell is entry 2 all about?
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-10-25 09:03:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Deanwins <stonedboy55> at 2004-10-25 09:01:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
that was a wicked :)
Submitted by Jungle_Jimanee (user info) at 2004-10-25 08:44:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2004-10-25 08:17:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-10-25 08:17:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2004-10-25 07:01:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
only voted cuz i had too. awful, the both of them. 2 could have been better if the point was to make a mockery of the Muslim faith instead of sucking.
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2004-10-25 07:01:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-10-25 06:36:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
haha... the bible as a weapon.
My nephews were baptised the other day, and the priest said "Do you reject satan?" and the older boy (who's six) just gave the priest a blank look.
We all waited expectantly.
Blank look.
"Do you?"
Blank look.
Ummmm....
"Ahem... do you reject Satan?"
Blank look.
"Austin?"
Blank look.
Ut oh.
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2004-10-25 02:44:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-10-25 02:44:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The ending of #1 was fucking horrible, but excellent otherwise.
Submitted by Disektor (user info) at 2004-10-25 02:21:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Haha, those little kids got owned.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2004-10-25 01:57:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-10-25 01:15:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry 1 was mediocre. Entry 2 was just... fucking ridiculous, and not in a funny way.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-10-25 01:01:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Pringles4eva (user info) at 2004-10-25 01:00:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
entry two: BLOW ME
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2004-10-25 00:20:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I feel I should mention that I really enjoyed entry 1. It was excellent.
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2004-10-25 00:19:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-10-25 00:14:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by 10c7c (user info) at 2004-10-25 00:11:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2004-10-25 00:06:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-10-25 00:06:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Tough choice.
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2004-10-25 00:05:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Zi siouxioa niuile um3r :)
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-10-25 00:02:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So silly I laughed.
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2004-10-24 23:51:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2004-10-24 23:49:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
1 was great. Just great.