well i'm screwed (686 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -1 on 8 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Banga3386 <tanzia682.at.aol.com> (View user info) at 2004-10-25 00:27:18 EDT
I am for is a MORON. i wanted to put the "final touches" on my shitty UM post and ended up missing the goddamned deadline by 13 minutes, why you ask because i eat frozen shit in a bag for a living.
I am not above sexual favors for getting into the next UM.
Here i will now post my lame ass post for your heckling pleasure:
Thursday I went to my Bar and Beverage class at 5:30 pm. Class was just lovely. Afterwards I called Hollie to let her know that I was on my way to pick her up so we could go to the City Museum to watch the bluegrass band. Called Amy but she didn't want to go. Hollie and I weren't really stressed out but were looking foreword to watching the band play to relax for a while. We arrived there about 9pm and there were only a couple of people there so we decided to just sit and talk. Before that could happen a short but large man ran up to me yelling, "Quick I need your help!" and started to run towards where 3 kids were playing on the steel walkways above the parking lot. Thinking one of the children had fallen I ran after him only to find out that he was just pissed that they had climbed on his car again to get to the walkways. He went ape, I got the barkeep, and then they all were gone. I laughed after rubbing my twisted ankle and said to Hollie, "Never a dull moment right?"
Eventually people started to arrive at the museum, except for the girl from work that I thought was going to meet me there. It was alright because Hollie and I had a great time talking to each other. The band was really kickin', the beer was damned tasty and cold (I found out that I also like Rolling Rock), and the fire was quite toasty. Approximately 5 minutes after telling Hol an anecdote about burning my boots while camping, she asked if it was safe for her to put her socked feet on the edge of the fire pit. I, being the gentleman/drunk/and retard that I am, decided to test the heat with my hand which of course was burned instantly. "You're a smart one, Mr. Grinch." I played it off that it didn't hurt which after a while became true.
The band played a very "chicken-pluckin'" version of "Rockin' in the Free World" right before last call. I opted for no more for the night. After the band was finished Hol and I decide to head for home since I had school the next day and she had an interview. When I arrived at the corner of Tucker and Washington, I actually took a moment to decide which way I wanted to go home. Anyway we head down Washington, right on Memorial, and straight on till morning. When we stopped at Memorial and Market (now I remember that It was a red/green light) I noticed a Ford Mustang facing the wrong way on Market on my right with 4 kids standing around it as well as a Mercury Mystique or a Ford Taurus, I never caught which one it was, on Memorial a couple feet from the light post pulled over to the side of the road. As we started to drive past we realized that there must have been an accident but there were no police or ambulance cherries in sight, also I saw a bunch of girls huddled over another girl on the ground and a couple were very frantic. I pulled over in front of the girls' car (Mystique) and got out.
There was a security guard standing there I noticed but he was more or less just waltzing around not really doing anything. From that I gathered that there was no emergency and that things were being handled. I walked over to the Mustang where four white kids, 2 guys & 2 girls, were standing there just dazed. I asked if they were alright and they all said that they were ok. I looked back at the 4 black girls who were over another girl who I realized was completely unconscious, and ran up to the guard and asked him if he called 911 which he did. I'm thinking still that things are being handled and that I don't want to get in the way and mess things up if I don't have to, but the girls were violently shaking the one on the ground yelling at her to wake up.
I ran over to them, called back "Guard, hey guard (numerous times), guard come here. Come over here." To which he put his hands up, started backing up, and said, "I can't, I'm not doing anything, I'm not doing anything." and just walked away. There is more to that but not until later. So I figured that I have to do something. I bent down to the girl on the ground, got her friends to stop shaking her, held her head and neck in my hands, and asked what happened. All I heard was that there was an accident; the girl was in the passenger seat, the hysterical woman was the girl's sister, and that the girl was pregnant, great. The woman who was hysterical continued to shake the girl and that wasn't to happen anymore so I yelled to her, "Hey listen, I need you to go over and talk to my friend over there." As soon as I said that I looked up and saw Hollie standing there like a ray of light from the heavens there to help me. "See her over there in the sweater; you need to go talk to her." The woman went right to Hollie and I didn't hear a peep from her for the rest of the event.
I started to ask the girl questions like her name and others, which her friends all answered for her. I smiled for a frustrated/humorous second but went on talking to DD, the girl on the ground. I kept one of DD's friends with me to help me talk to DD and to find out more information when I needed. I asked for the DD's last name and her friend told me about 4 times but for the life of me I couldn't hear the damn name. I guess it was because my ears had locked onto DD's voice because she had moaned and groaned a couple times. I became very frustrated after a while when I wasn't hearing any sirens so I yelled back and threw my cell phone at, yes at, one of the Mustang girls because she was close to me, for her to call 911 again (or for the first time, I didn't know). The friend and I kept talking to DD and eventually she woke up. I kept telling her, "You are going to be just fine honey. You and your baby are going to be just fine. I just need you to stay with me and keep talking, let me know what's gong on." She moaned a couple times, started to move which I then told her not to, and said that she couldn't open her right eye. I told her that it was a bit swollen, which it was, and that she should try to relax and that she will be ok. Truth be told, she wasn't trying to open her left eye so I think she may have just been really dazed because of everything and I don't really know exactly. I told her to keep talking to me and let me know she is with me. She complained about her side and then started crying. Her friend and I started comforting her but she then had a seizure. I'm holding her head with my right hand, putting my arm over her chest, her friend holds her hands, and tries to lie across her legs as best that she could without hurting her because DD's legs were pretty beaten up. The seizure didn't last but a moment and she then passed out. Hollie ran for my coat out of the truck and wrapped it around DD.
Now the friend and I are working double time to get her back awake. She finally comes around and I say, "Alright sweetie, stay with us and you're going to be just fine." I leave out the baby part because she's got enough to think about. At this time I can hear the ambulance miss their exit and I instantly figured out how long it would take them to get there so in that same instant I came up with a speech like text to get her through the coming moments until the medics could get there, also I didn't want to become redundant. DD is a lot calmer this time around and I can now ask her what hurts which she says her eye, side (I asked "right?" "Yeah" "left?" "Yeah"), and legs all hurt. The paramedics finally arrive and I looked up to see one standing there assessing the situation.
I thanked the friend for all her help and asked her to move so the medic could get in to where he needs to be. He crouches down and I tell him everything I know. I tell DD that the paramedic is going to ask her a number of questions and that she needs to talk to him. She responds positively. However when the medic starts talking to her she stops responding so I ask the same questions that he is asking. She is only responding to my voice and not to those of the medics or her friends. I figure it has something to do with "the voice of calm and reason" and that she became comfortable with me talking to her. I explained everything that was going on to her and everything that was happening to her so she won't be afraid and will cooperate. I helped get the neck brace on and tell her again to keep talking to me and all. She tries to tell me that she understands but the brace hinders vocal communication. I tell her to moan or use her face to talk back which she did perfectly. I told her that we were going to move her onto the board, the medic is going to move her legs, and that it is going to hurt like hell but that's what's going to happen. She says ok. Now when the medic moved her legs, she flinched hard but didn't scream or moan really so I don't think her legs were broken but more just beat to hell and in a lot of pain. We move her onto the board, I step back and the other paramedics move her onto the stretcher after taping her head and legs to the board.
When she was on the stretcher her arms fell limp off her chest so I ran back to her telling her to keep her hands up on her. I put her hands back on her chest and she tries to keep them there but is too weak. I tell her I'm going to clasp her fingers together which I did and it worked. I kept talking to her up until they put her in the ambulance. The earlier hysterical woman is a lot calmer but still losing it. She wants to go with DD so she rides in front. I looked at the car which was still smoking, ran to the driver to ask her if it was still on. She shows me her keys to let me know. I saw a lot of fluid coming out of the car and yelled "That's anti-freeze right?" "Yeah it's anti-freeze" replied a medic next to me. I was still in hyper do this do that mode. I finally stopped moving to catch my breath when the paramedic next to me slapped me on the chest and said, "Hey, thanks." I kind of gestured and made a noise of "yeah sure, no problem."
I turned to the rest of the Mystique girls and made sure that they were alright and that they didn't need medical assistance. The driver thanked me and gave me a hug. I tried to be cool and say something about that I just wanted to make sure that everyone was ok, which was completely true. One of them had hit her face on the headrest and had some blood on her upper lip but was alright. Actually that was the only blood I saw throughout the entire event. After I made sure they were ok I saw Hollie standing by the Mustang kids. They were sitting and talking to the police telling what they saw. Apparently the Mystique was going down Memorial trying to make a yellow light, didn't and hit the Mustang that was on Market crossing Memorial and hit their rear panel on the passenger side and spun them 180 degrees. After much deliberation I think that that story has a bag of shit tied to it and that both parties are at fault but since the Mystique driver exclaimed many times, "I am so sorry, it's all my fault" I guess there is no contest.
Anyway the Mustang kids seemed to be fine except for some serious seat belt bruises they were going to have in the morning, a couple of strained shoulders but nothing to write home about. I told them use ibuprofen, ice, sleep on a bed not a couch or floor, etc. One of them was on the phone trying to get a ride home but to no avail. I walked back to the truck, which was still running, for my half of a soda that I slammed. I made sure that the Mystique kids had a ride home. They said they lived 2-3 blocks west from where we were so they were going to hoof it. That wasn't the case for the Mustang kids. I could feel inside my brain what was going to happen and come out of my lips but my brain had no way of stopping it. "So where do you all live?" I asked. "Cahokia Illinois." Shit. "So you don't have a ride?" "Nope" Uh oh, here it comes... "Well, I can fit 2 in the cab and 2 in the bed, if that is ok with the cops." Aww damnit, I knew I was going to do that!
So I squared it with the cops to make sure it was legal and piled them all into the truck. I did one last check on the Mystique girls and we headed off. They said that they lived right by and around Pops, they lied. I ended up driving from the Poplar Bridge all the way down to the Jefferson Barracks Bridge 2 miles from my home. During the course of taking the 'Stangers home I learned that the driver was the only sober one there, was a dealer, and that they had to throw their pot and beer away right after the accident happened. That was just lovely to know. After all that fun and excitement it was finally time to go home. The first thing I felt immediately after turning on the road that would lead us home was breathe a huge sigh of relief that it was all over.
Yes an autistic monkey could do better writing but fuck it. Razor, next Ubercon, handjobs a plenty. I apologise to my opponent and to all. Now I'm off to have a hooker punch me in the trachea.
User Reviews
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2004-10-25 10:53:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Loser. What the fuck were you doing that you couldn't post it?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-10-25 10:25:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Dem were some damn long and confusing paragraphs.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-10-25 02:50:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ha, i'm almost bored enough to drive over to Grand and look for her!
Submitted by Banga3386 (user info) at 2004-10-25 01:12:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't want to annoy the chiefs of staff because some noob jerkoff couldn't figure out that 11pmcst means 12am est. I didn't actually think i would win with this post, it was just a story i had in backup. The only think that would suck would be if my opponent wrote about feces like the last one did. Either way i would have been against bart and I have neither the time nor the energy to write something to beat him. This i have to thank the fucking cardinals for (i work two jobs that revolve around stl sports). those piss wads better win the series now. The only thing i want is to be able to compete in the next UM.
Now time to drive up and down Grand Blvd. for that hooker with the colestomy bag.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-10-25 00:33:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
dude, you went to Cahokia with drug dealers? man, that's a good way to die.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-10-25 00:31:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You should have written about diarrhea.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-10-25 00:31:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Not the way to go about it.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2004-10-25 00:29:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
you fucking idiot. they probably would have let you slide.
idiot.