Greeks are fags LOL: A rough draft (993 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 0.7 on 20 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by lessthanfour <ossum.at.ossum.dot.net> (View user info) at 2004-10-25 17:20:33 EDT
This is a paper for a western civ class I'm in. As with all my papers, this one sacrifices "quality" for "bitterness" and "irony". Hope you enjoy.
P.S. As the title suggests, this is a rough draft.
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Classical Greek Attitudes Toward Morality and "Unwinding"
lessthanfour
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
In many ways, ancient Greek culture seems barbaric from the modern American's perspective. Their entire civilization was founded upon the enslavement of others. A large percentage of non-slave adult males were either in an army, retired from an army, or dead because of an army... and the rest decided who said army should attack. Only the rich upper class had any real power in the government. Their domestic policy (and, by extension, their foreign policy) was "penetrate or be penetrated." They'd go to war because their gods told them to, or because their enemies believed in different gods. It's nearly impossible for today's American to envision living in such a nation.
Despite the vast differences of the times, ancient Greeks and modern Americans relax in much the same way: binge drinking followed by awkward dancing and sodomy.
Take, for example, the symposia beloved by wealthy Greeks. Merriam-Webster defines symposium as "a social gathering at which there is a free interchange of ideas." Well, the Greeks defined it the same way, except replace "free interchange" with "lots of alcohol consumption" and "of ideas" with "and forced sex with slaves." Throw in a bit of sung prayer and dancing in loving tribute to Dionysys, the god of getting trashed, and you've got yourself quite a lecherous affair.
Though they may seem like debauchery of the highest order, the symposia were basically a way for the upper class Greeks to unwind, and were considered morally acceptable, as they were tributes to Dionysus. Slaves were property to do with as the owner wished. Still, the modern American looking to relax would find the practice deplorable, and would instead stick to the wholesome American Way of fraternity parties, nightclubs, and Rophynol.
Homosexuality was another barbaric Greek practice. The Greeks were a people largely segregated by gender. Males in the army spent much of their time with other males. Females born into wealthy families would be sent off to charm school on the infamous isle of Lesbos... yes, that Lesbos. The result, which could be dubbed the "Prison Effect", is an increase in both the practice of, and general acceptance of homosexual tendencies. Even famous conquerors such as Alexander the Great reportedly had homoerotic relations, yet he didn't resign even after people found out! Apparently even people from New Jersey have higher moral standards than did the Greeks.
Clearly, this way of thinking is unacceptable to Americans. Homosexuality is wrong, and the greatest insult on the playground is to question the sexuality of another. Americans only want quality influences in their lives, and look to strong male role models such as Rock Hudson or great musicians such as KD Lang. They certainly wouldn't allow homosexuals to redecorate their apartment on Bravo, or tune in to HBO to watch men in prison rape one another.
Obviously, Americans are much more culturally advanced and civilized than the Greeks ever hoped to be. The Greeks actually considered drinking large quantities of wine, rape, and homosexuality to be morally acceptable! The fools didn't think they were doing anything wrong, and were just following the trends of the day. Plainly the fact that all these practices still happen in America despite the fact that society as a whole deems them to be immoral makes America the clear-cut ethical winner.
In conclusion, America: 2, Depraved Greeks: 0.
User Reviews
Submitted by Lechuga (user info) at 2004-10-28 18:22:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by lessthanfour (user info) at 2004-10-27 16:34:30 (#)
Ranking: 1
A decent start.. subsequent parts will make or break it though.
Part made: http://www.ubersite.com/m/49966
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-10-27 04:15:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by lessthanfour (user info) at 2004-10-26 14:15:53 (#)
Ranking: 2
I woke up in a shitty mood and read your comment. So of course I flame back. I don't want to start a war though. I respect your writing and am surprised you didn't get the irony in my post, even though I say in the header (basically) "this post is very ironic".
But whatever. I wish you the best. -2 me all you want, if you want to."""
I had re-rated your post before I read this.
"So of course I flame back."
That is not how it works on uber. Rate on each post as you see the merit or otherwise. This is an atypical site.
Don't turn into another childish rater, we can already see you are better than that.
Not that it bothers me I don't post here anymore but just a word of friendly advice.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-10-26 14:19:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I most humbly apologise.
I have a hard time spotting American irony.
You are atypical.
Apologies once again old horse.
Submitted by lessthanfour (user info) at 2004-10-26 14:07:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ATTN: DUMB FUCKS.
THIS ESSAY IS IRONIC. YES, I'M AWARE THE ENTIRE FIRST PARAGRAPH DESCRIBES AMERICA. IT'S IRONY.
YES, I'M AWARE THAT AMERICA IS A MORAL SHITHOLE. THAT'S THE POINT OF THE ESSAY.
YES, I'M AWARE LOL IN THE TOPIC IS RETARDED. SO IS CALLING ALL GREEKS FAGS. IT'S. IRONY. SEE, WHAT I DID IS TOOK THE AVERAGE IGNORANT AMERICAN STANCE AND WROTE MY PAPER IN THAT VOICE. IT'S CLEVER.
the essay still sucks.
p.s. die.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2004-10-26 08:58:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
feta ch eese sucks...so does lol in titles.
but clever story
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-10-26 06:44:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Only the rich upper class had any real power in the government."""
Many ways unlike America?
America was also founded on slavery.
AND the ancient greeks used to drive SUV's.
conclusive evidence I think you will all agree.
P.S What the fuck gave you the idea amyone would want to read a high school essay? Especially a dumb arse American high school?
Submitted by lessthanfour (user info) at 2004-10-26 06:12:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The lol was also ironic, dumbfuck.
Though I can't argue with you about the quality of the essay. It's clearly shit. I do think it's funny, but as an essay it's clearly terrible.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-10-26 05:13:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
LOL in title is auto -2
About your essay, it really sucks. No introduction, no conclusion, facts are stated, nothing is analysed or prooved.
You suck.
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2004-10-25 23:12:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by lessthanfour (user info) at 2004-10-25 19:55:41 (#)
Ranking: 2
I think I'd love you if you weren't male and acnescarred.
----
You've hurt over 200 pimples' feelings.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-10-25 22:52:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
this was pretty funny, albeit ridiculous.
Zoidberg, if you wanna argue about Ancient Greece, I'm your man.
Submitted by icarus9mm (user info) at 2004-10-25 22:48:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
dumbfuck.
Submitted by Jo_of_the_golden_P (user info) at 2004-10-25 20:00:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"They'd go to war because their gods told them to, or because their enemies believed in different gods. It's nearly impossible for today's American to envision living in such a nation."
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Submitted by Trion (user info) at 2004-10-25 19:53:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I worked a greek wedding last night and while they dance they were all throwing dollar bills on the floor. They all put their arms on each other's shoulders and moved around in circles while throwing dollar bills on the floor, I would not have believe it if I didn't see it with my own eyes. They must have pissed away at least 1500 dollars, it was appalling, how could you do something like that? Of course I made sure that I "creatively acquired" some of it. Fifty bucks was all I could grab without being noticed, better than nothing though especially since my damn bosses cut gave me only one day this week instead of my usual three. Helped make up for some of the money I lost.
Submitted by jenngd9 (user info) at 2004-10-25 19:42:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
it IS a kicker of all ass. You're so god damn sexy its ridiculous. And smart too. I <3 you
Submitted by lessthanfour (user info) at 2004-10-25 19:32:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
P.S. Magurk, I think you missed the point.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-10-25 19:31:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by lessthanfour (user info) at 2004-10-25 18:37:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Zoidberg
Yeah, sorry to disappoint. I really don't know much about ancient Greece anyway, but I could hook you up with someone to argue with, if you so desire.
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2004-10-25 17:47:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Im kind of disappointed. Not that the paper wasnt funny, but that it wasn't serious. I was hoping to have a chance to argue about ancient Greece.
I even got out my Xenophon after reading the first paragraph :(
Still, well put. I usually get pissed off at jerkoff assignments like this and do the same thing, going for a cheap laugh instead of putting any real effort into it.
Submitted by CoachMagirk27 (user info) at 2004-10-25 17:37:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You better hope your teacher isn't gay.
Submitted by congo (user info) at 2004-10-25 17:28:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahahahahahaha!
I wanna see what grade that gets. Hand it in, as is. No changes!