Retelling An Epic: The Shah-Nama (1395 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 2 on 4 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by HatMan (View user info) at 2004-10-25 20:58:36 EDT
I recently had to go over, via IM, the entire story of the Shah-Nama with a buddy (who has some of the most serious ADD I've ever seen) for an English class. I've always been told I tell a great story, and if you've ever read the Shah-Nama, it sucks to read. It absolutely sucks. When I retold it, I realized my version was way, way better. The Shah-Nama is, however, ridiculously long and no one would read it if I posted it all. I figured I'd post for you guys the more interesting part, the part where Suhrab (son of Rustam) goes out to meet his father Rustam. Just remember while you read it, the kid has some very, very bad ADD.
Ok, Suhrab's mom tells him Rustam is his father. Rustam is the greatest warrior in the Persian army, and the Persian army was currently fighting the Turkmans' army. The custom back then was that instead of a full-scale war, just the very best fighter would walk out, and fight the other best fighter from the opposing army. Suhrab knew he was a total badass, so he joined the Turkmans' army. Then, he goes out on the battlefield, Rustam walks out to him, and they are supposed to fight.
But Suhrab tries not to, because he just wants to meet his dad. So he's all like, "Hey man, put your sword down. Let's be buddies. How about a round or two at the pub?" and Rustam's all like, "No man, don't fucking lie to me. I'mma kick yo' ass."
But Suhrab wasn't lying.
He just wants to chill with his dad, and Rustam doesnt know Suhrab is his son.
So they have to fight, right? They get into it, and they knock the shit out of each other from sun up to sun down, and eventually, in WWF-like fashion, Suhrab kicks the piss out of his dad, and he's got his sword high above his head, ready to decapitate his dad, even though he won't, because he loves his dad and he thinks everything will be cool if he does nothing.
And then, outta nowhere, Rustam tells a whopper of a lie.
He's like, "No man. That's not how we do it in Persia. You have to kick my ass twice before it's considered a win". Now, Suhrab being a gullible fucker, believes him.
So he gives Rustam a short break, Rustam starts praying to his god, and BAM! Divine intervention, the gods are like, GO MAN GO! KICK SOME ASS! And all his strength returns to him and then some. He's one bad motherfucker now. He's ready to kick some ass, and he does.
Suhrab's still all tired and achey from fighting for like, 12 hours.
Rustam beats the shit out of him this second time around. Like, wipes the fucking floor with him.
He sticks Suhrab in the belly with his sword, and Suhrab's all like, "Aw, shit man! YOU'RE MY FUCKING FATHER YOU PRICK! YOU CANT DO THIS!"
And then yeah, Rustam doesnt believe him at first, until he sees Suhrab is wearing something of his. Then he's like, "OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK!"
And he's all sorts of pissed off and sad, but then Suhrab's like, "Nah man, it was fate. Fate decided it was supposed to be like this. It is what it is."
And then Suhrab is fucking dead and ready to be eaten out by necrophiliacs.
And Rustam's like, "Dude. This blows. No more war."
And the war between Persia and the Turkmans ends.
User Reviews
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-11-04 16:52:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by HatMan (user info) at 2004-10-27 21:35:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Man, you know that smelly kid in school who would pee on the class fern and eat his boogers? The one that no one would ever talk to because he farted on the girls as he walked by?
I am the uber equivalent of that, apparently.
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2004-10-26 00:58:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice hat, HATMAN.
Submitted by Delaz (user info) at 2004-10-25 21:02:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/49679
I'LL MAKE SURE THERE IS A VICTORY OVER WHAT YOU SPEAK.