the end of the world (388 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: -0.5 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <fnordman.at.mail2007.com> (View user info) at 2004-10-26 02:46:44 EDT
I've been reading various people's posts on this site for a while now, and i finally worked up the sack to sign up and post something. I got slowed down by email verification, but now i'm ready to go. This is a piece something I wrote during my senior year of high school for creatvie writing, so enjoy
It started with a flash of light.
The flash grew in size and brilliance, bringing with it flame and thunder. But all those who saw it were dead. Either dead from the shockwave of the initial blast, or dead from the slow poison that followed it. It was horrible, so horrible that it demanded an equally horrible response. The innocent dead would insist that other innocents' die to equalize their loss. But it couldn't end at that. Never in history has it ended when even ground was reached. Retaliation was launched in response to retaliation, over and over, until nothing was left.
Of course, there were survivors. There were those who, either through forewarning or paranoia, had prepared for such an occurrence. The best, the brightest, often simply the richest, they hid in their bunkers, cocooned deep underground until it was all over. Then, they donned protective suits, that they might search for other survivors. None found each other. In the end, they all died alone, leaving the once great world of man and beast to it's rightful inheritors, the cockroaches.
Go ahead and rip it apart. I'll curl up in fetal position and cry for a while whether or not you do. Criticism will just give me a better reason for it.
User Reviews
Submitted by 1337 dude <j571_98.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-10-26 12:45:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Despite what anyone says, the end of the world happens when the Intarweb is flooded with LiveJournals and the angsty pock-marked Goth teens who pervade it (not to mention the other angsty LinkinPark fans) find out that nobody really cares about them. Because by that time, a newer, better Intarweb2 has come out which doesn't have porn, pop-ups or LiveJournals; boring, but at least there's no LJs. Then they all slit their wrists - of course, in the incorrect manner - and the entire world will be covered with pasty Goth blood, drowning every living thing on the planet.
The end.
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2004-10-26 11:31:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
wait, so who farted?
Submitted by abefroman42 (user info) at 2004-10-26 11:16:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
asshat
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2004-10-26 11:08:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I got to
"It was horrible, so horrible that it demanded an equally horrible response"
-2
and gave up. It did make me laugh though. It's that bad.
+1
If this isn't shenanigans, give up.
Submitted by Fleadh (user info) at 2004-10-26 08:20:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Two and a half lines is about how far I read.
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2004-10-26 06:51:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2004-10-26 02:51:52 (#)
Ranking: 1
Well the first post is always scary. And I'm sure you'll hear this from more than just me, but you certainly don't want to identify your first post as your first.
Otherwise this wasn't too bad. This type of story needs a lot more content though. A lot more. Otherwise it's just the same old end of the world tale.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-10-26 05:39:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"creatvie writing,"
indeed.
Submitted by Lucifer_Industries (user info) at 2004-10-26 05:24:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You should have taken a writing class before moving onto "creative" wrting.
Welcome to Ubersite.
Malone
Submitted by cheesedick (user info) at 2004-10-26 04:39:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 Die
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2004-10-26 04:32:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Sorry, that was terrible.
Spellings fun huh?
Submitted by TheMidnight12AM (user info) at 2004-10-26 04:24:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Short and sweet.
Submitted by DanielH (user info) at 2004-10-26 03:13:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"It was horrible, so horrible that it demanded an equally horrible response."
I'll leave that to others.
(Flesh it out. A pregnant lesbian stripper with a walnut-cracker fetish wouldn't hurt the mix.)
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2004-10-26 02:54:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It really does need a point; some kind of purpose. Other than that, there seems to be potential in your style. Please keep up the good work.
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2004-10-26 02:53:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2004-10-26 02:51:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Well the first post is always scary. And I'm sure you'll hear this from more than just me, but you certainly don't want to identify your first post as your first.
Otherwise this wasn't too bad. This type of story needs a lot more content though. A lot more. Otherwise it's just the same old end of the world tale.
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-10-26 02:50:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's ok, but I don't really get what the point was. Nuclear war is bad?
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2004-10-26 02:49:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
So I guess you flunked your senior year, huh?