The day I almost died 20 times (1172 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: Truth
Rating: 1.75 on 22 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Snark << snarkk.at.gmail.com (View user info) at 2004-10-26 18:55:05 EDT
I remember looking up at the branches waving in the wind above me, partially blocking the cloudless afternoon sky above and thinking "Oh Oh" as a gust of wind hit my face and the first mammoth tree came down with an earsplitting wood rending squeal.
I had warned my supervisor about the wind from the helicopter, that the Braniacs in management had hovered above us in the day before, with the political tact of an Italian Mother-in-Law caught in a fit of Roid Rage.
"Get on the goddamned radio and tell those Assholes to Back the Fuck Off!!!"
My supervisor wasn't a bad guy but he was inexperienced. Dangerously inexperienced for the type of job we were doing, and the danger of the situation didn't leave room for calm explanation, so I let anger and fear do the convincing for me.
"Every one of these trees has the roots burnt out from them! Those fuckers are going to bring them down on us!"
Something about the expression on my face or the fact I was the most experienced person on the 11 man crew pushed him past his fear of management and he did as I asked.
10 minutes later I found myself back at it, working the powerful stream of water from the inch and a half fire hose in my hand around the base of the nearest fire scarred tree.
The fire from the cut block had escaped a good half kilometer into the woods on the north side of the block. It had burned fast and hot but luckily hadn't crowned (extended to the tree tops) and a day later they sent us in to contain it.
Later the same day the chopper had arrived and I found myself thinking that the idiots in management for the company that held the cutting permit for the area were going to kill me.
I was wrong.
Nature had first dibs.
So there I was, the next day, stuck in place in a state of shocked ineptitude as the first huge Fir tree gave up its fragile anchor to Mom, and came hurtling towards me and two of my co-workers.
Three of us looked up. Two of us took a step back out of reach of its thick branches as it hit the ground in front of where we'd been standing with a bone jarring, wood splintering THUD.
Luckily it didn't come close enough to Walt (the guy we didn't pull back with us) to hit him with the trunk, but one of the branches smacked into the back of one of his hand, as if to chastise him for being too stupid to move, as if to say
"That's what you get idiot. You back that ass up when you see me coming"
Shortly after that the wind kicked up and the rest of the forest came screeching down on top of us.
I remember thinking for a second that it was screaming, as if it had only just realized what the fire had done to it.
I remember thinking my supervisor wouldn't know what to do.
I remember thinking "If someone dies, I'm gonna feel like shit"
Then I remember running and yelling.
I pointed at the clearing through the trees and looked at Walt and Bill and yelled "GO!" then turned in the general direction of the rest of the crew and took flight.
"GET THE FUCK OUT! GET OUT OF THE WOODS!!!"
I yelled the sentence over and over like a madman as I dodged one toppling behemoth then another.
It's amazing what the mind can do in a life threatening situation, the clarity that comes with the instantaneous surge of adrenaline, as your brain calculates the sounds and trajectories of the solid wood coming down around you, while still piloting your body over the ground with a speed and dexterity you never knew you had.
We were only 50 meters (164 feet) from the block, less than a minute at a full run, and I was half that distance from the rest of the crew but might as well have been a hundred miles away.
For each step any of us made towards each other or safety a bristly green roadblock would appear with frighteningly crushing force.
Run... Dodge... Leap... Run... Sidestep... Backstep... Jump... Run ... Run... Pray
I honestly don't think I have ever been more terrified in my life.
It didn't take me long to realize that there was no way on God's green (toppling) earth that I was going to make the entire run to the block. Fortunately smarter people than I had figured out the same thing, and come up a better solution than my Decapitated Chicken strategy.
I remember sliding on the black ash carpeted ground through a small arch formed by the broken trunk of a younger fir, then springing to my feet in time to see 3 or 4 people huddled in a relatively protective space formed by the downed trunks of 5 or 6 of the largest trees I have ever seen.
"Wow" I thought "Good idea"
Then they saw me as well and began to frantically gesture in my direction.
"Hey" I thought "They're waving hello... no... their trying to tell me something... huh? Come? No... Go? OH FUCK TREE!"
Either out of sheer idiocy or some mistaken sense of temporary safety, I had stopped dead in my tracks directly beneath one of Mother Nature's hammers. Somehow I barely realized it in time to jump out of the way, before becoming the latest argument for the validity of natural selection.
I shot up off the ground almost as fast as I had hit it and glanced again at my co-workers. There was no room where they were. There was just no way I could fit.
I didn't fucking care.
I slammed into their frightened huddled mass with the single minded determination to blend with them on a genetic level, then once I was successful, grabbed the trunk of one of the nearest trees and held on for dear life.
I don't know how long it took before we could come out. It seemed like an hour but it's probably closer to 10 minutes. I think the worst of it happened over a 5 minute period.
What I do know is we had to literally climb out of our hidey hole and when we finally walked to the safety of the sun baked sea of stumps, we did so on a carpet of needles and wood, a good 5 feet off the ground.
We should have lost someone that day, hell maybe we should have lost everyone, but miraculously the worst injury was Walt's broken hand.
Most of us quit the next day when the chopper showed up and knocked 5 more trees down.
Now when I turn on the TV and see some Hippy chain himself to a tree I think "Go ahead. Hug that tree all you want"
I only hug trees when they're trying to kill me.
User Reviews
Submitted by jtrujillo34 (user info) at 2008-09-27 11:40:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2008-09-27 09:46:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-09-27 09:22:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-09-11 00:19:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Jo_of_the_golden_P (user info) at 2004-11-29 21:31:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sis <sismo12345.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-10-28 13:37:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey Snark , I can't believe that happened to you, I would have been terrified. I guess someone was in your corner that day. I would quit too if that happened to me, especially if management came in and knocked over more trees. I can't believe That they don't have safety regulations put in place. I would think the lives of the employees would be more important than the tree's. anyways TTYL Sis.
P.S. I am sure glad your still around.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2004-10-27 12:05:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Log It. Pave it. Paint it Green?
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2004-10-26 23:43:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
An easy solution to this would be to get a flamethrower and just burn down all trees. To hell with carbon dioxide.
Submitted by drfeggphd (user info) at 2004-10-26 22:39:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
...--just wanted to say
I liked this. Thanks for writing it.
Submitted by southpark (user info) at 2004-10-26 22:23:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
lick my balls and eat my anus out.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-10-26 22:22:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
suck my dick, choke on my cum, then you'll fuckin die.
Submitted by Xena (user info) at 2004-10-26 21:38:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nope! I don't think it was too rushed...I quite liked it.
"becoming the latest argument for the validity of natural selection" this was a sweet line!!
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2004-10-26 21:00:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2004-10-26 19:53:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, at least you took a few hours for contemplation. ;)
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2004-10-26 19:46:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
TigerLilly,
This happened quite a long time ago. It made me stand up and take a good look at the destructive lifestyle I was leading. Four hours later I was getting drunk in the bar like any other friday night.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2004-10-26 19:43:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Phew! Glad you're alright!
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2004-10-26 19:41:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wagglefraggle dinkledoo. I like pie and so should you.
..mofugga.
:)
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-10-26 19:14:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You make me so happy.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2004-10-26 19:13:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yes Circe,
You have imbued me with a healthy sense of Grammataphobia (my own word).
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-10-26 19:09:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2004-10-26 18:56:30 (#)
Ranking: 0
This post was extremely rushed. I shudder to think of the grammatical butchery I have committed.
__________
Make a girl's day and tell me that it's me you're afraid of. Please? Just say that I'm the one you're worried will come here and slam your face into the ground for fucking with the English language.
(By the way, it's a huge improvement on the last one I yelled at you for.)
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2004-10-26 19:08:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
good shite.
Submitted by Tickle (user info) at 2004-10-26 19:02:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is great! I could feel the intensity as I read it! I totally believe our Crazy Japanese friend now when she says Snark is quick, too quick. :)
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-10-26 19:01:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
It isn't the grammar.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2004-10-26 19:00:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn good read. Made me stop liking trees.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2004-10-26 18:56:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This post was extremely rushed. I shudder to think of the grammatical butchery I have committed.