Dirty Little Miami Cheerleader (6764 hits)
Category: Movies & TVRating: 1.75 on 8 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <lodnem.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2003-01-09 12:51:10 EST
i have to express my opinion on this matter because, well, i feel compelled to start a discussion on ABC's latest offering to reality television, 'The Bachelorette.'
while i don't advocate watching such a lame television show to everyone, i do advise all single males to watch at least one full episode because you can learn several things not to do when trying to 'pick up' a member of the opposite sex.
these are the obvious mistakes as gleened from the opening episode:
1) being cool does not mean sitting in the corner and not saying anything in hopes that someone will notice you, you look like an idiot and tough isn't being able to drink 10 glasses of wine.
2) buying expensive gifts for a girl you hadn't even met in person is pathetic, and while you may feel that the way to a woman's heart is through jewelry, you can not set the bar that high on your first date as she'll be expecting more and more lavish gifts as time goes on. you also don't need her thinking of you as santa clause. you're a god damned love machine remember?
3) if you're fat lose weight, don't dance in front of your male peers in hopes that the 'fat guy shuffle' will win her affection. a dancing fat man is, well, fat on parade.
4) writing poetry is for pussies. you are not poet, you're a loser who is afraid to get a day job. chicks dig poetry like guys dig chicks that drive trucks.
5) if you aren't rich, pretend. never answer a women's main question 'what do you do for a living' by saying things like 'i hate my job','i don't have a job','i'm in between things','i'm the cashier at the local cineplex.' while all of those things may be true, you are really an entrepreneur, retired, an architect, a doctor, a lawyer or an astronaut. you are never a car salesmen. trash men, you are not sanitation engineers, you are a vp of finance at a fortune 500 company...come on now.
6) conservative hair is for mormons. you must have a sense of personal style. while you may have millions in the bank, no self respecting female is going to publicly fall for a guy that looks like he'd scream if he couldn't find his favortite pair of tighty-whities.
7) never tell a women she looks beautiful. everyone tells women this and you will be instantly lumped in with the rest of them. if she compliments you, don't say anything back. they say water seeks it's own level, but this is not true when it comes to dating. women want to be adored and admired, but they want this from everyone who doesn't already feel this for them. it is a must that when you meet a very hot bitch that you refrain from giving her the upper hand. instead tell her that you prefer red over black or black over red dresses...whatever the case may be.
8) it's a good idea to not stare at a potential date as if she were lunch. sometimes people get scared when you bare your fangs and salivate.
9) if you have an earing, you're gay. unless she's into gay guys, lose the earing. don't go gay just to get a gay guy loving chick, it could cause irreprable harm to your psyche.
10) don't go on a tv show to win a marriage with an ex miami cheerleader. she isn't on tv to meet a guy, she's on tv to get attention. do go on a tv show to publicly humiliate an ex miami cheerleader by sleeping with her then telling half of america about the mole on her ass.
User Reviews
Submitted by PeopleAreStrange (user info) at 2003-01-18 07:44:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I meant to say at the time I first read this, good work lodnem, very funny.
PAS
Submitted by Random Joe at 2003-01-13 02:16:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
the bad thing about joe millionaire is that the guy is good looking.
if he were 5'1", had a mono brow and a 47 inch waist then it would be VERY entertaining.
just imagine after some hot slut was tonguing him for 4 weeks she finds out he's on food stamps and has a toe infection...ah that would be priceless.
the guy they have now, well if he wasn't a millionaire before the show he certainly could be afterwards so what will she care if it's 2-3 million instead of 50?
Submitted by johnnystiletto (user info) at 2003-01-12 03:15:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
well written, with a good point.
as a female, i was almost ashamed of my own gender when i saw the bachelorette prancing around like a filthy gutter whore in front of 25 senseless men.
it's obvious that she enjoys the attention.
it's also obvious that the guys have no 'picking-up-chicks' saavy.
<i>joe millionaire</i> is better; the best part is how the women are all dumber than clods of dirt.
plus they are all getting duped by a construction worker.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2003-01-09 17:06:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I the original "Random Joe," would like to say that this is the best thing you have ever written.
Submitted by lodnem (user info) at 2003-01-09 16:07:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
the show is pretty stupid.
the premise is that 25 guys meet one girl. the one girl then dates all 25 and at the end of so many weeks she choses one to propose to and if he accepts they get married....eh hollywood style which means it's all sort of reality tv bullshit where she'll end up with a guest appearance on the tonight show and one of the guys may end up doing a bad sitcom pilot.
all 25 men and her live in the same house while the show tapes, so you get to see what all these morons call 'their game' as they try to pick her up. every week she gets rid of some of them.
what makes it somewhat entertaining is that the chick is fine as hell. she's tonguing half of them, wandering around in a bikini, acting like a dirty little miami cheerleader....total slut.
i had to post this because the show, and every other spinoff like it is disgustingly lame. it's also very sad to see guys who have absolutely no clue how to pick up a chick, attempt to pick up a chick but i have to admit i wasn't going to change the channel since the laker game wasn't on.
that's it in a nutshell.
Submitted by jimmy at 2003-01-09 14:41:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
you learned all that from one episode? what is this show about exactly?
Submitted by ISuck (user info) at 2003-01-09 13:01:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish you could have posted this sooner. Like when I was 16.
Submitted by ISuck (user info) at 2003-01-09 13:01:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish you could have posted this sooner.