Employees must wear pants! (438 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.45 on 12 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Allenson (View user info) at 2004-10-27 02:50:40 EDT
First of all, let it be known that I work in one of the worst places on earth, next to the national fast food chains. It's a local fast food pizza place with 7 stores, and if you can guess what it is, you'll win a red snapper. (disclaimer: if you guess where I work, you will not get any fish)
This particular business likes to acquire its management from within via promotion. (woo! A shitload of extra responsibility and another buck an hour! Where do I sign?) The promotion system works fairly simply as follows: if you hang around long enough, and you're not a lazy ass, you become a manager, provided you don't refuse. I haven't yet gotten this position because this policy has, at present, left us with about as many managers as there are employees.
One of these managers has caused the company to make several changes in it's policy. In fact, he is the reason that the phrase "Employees must wear pants." now appears in the employee handbook. Originally, it read, "Employees must wear work shirts, and shoes black or dark in color. Employees may wear pants of black of khaki color." He took this to mean that pants were preferred by the employer but not necessary.
Of course, after you have such a thought, you really can't help but act on it.
So, the next day he shows up to work wearing shorts. Obviously, management frowns on this, but cannot do much since the handbook says, "employees may wear pants." Little did they know what would transpire next.
Our protagonist goes to the back to clock on, then grabs two aprons and heads to the restroom. A few minutes later, he emerges, sporting an apron front and rear, showing more than he legally can every time he moves too quickly. The owner, of course, gets complaints from management and, the very next day, every store is faxed a revised copy of a certain handbook page which now includes the statement, "employees MUST wear pants of black or khaki color." By the end of the week we are receiving full handbooks with our delivery truck, just in case the manager forgot to show anyone the revised page.
The best thing about this story? They let him work the entire night this way! Despite blatant health code violations, not to mention horrified customers, he was allowed to work a full shift without pants, since every time the store manager tried to yell at him, it dissolved into fits of giggling.
Oh yeah, and because I'm a wanna-be goth/emo kid, I'm going to go sit in the dark, cry, and listen to linkin park while masturbating to pictures of that ugly fucker with glasses that 14 year-old girls seem to think is a sex god. Maybe later I'll get my razor, and think about cutting myself because of how hard it is to have grown up in a normal middle-class household, but never go through with it because I'm a piece of shit emo kid. Then I'll spend all day tomorrow getting attention from the other trendy hot topic emo kids by telling them that I almost cut myself last night. Don't you wish you could be as cool and trendy as I am?
User Reviews
Submitted by tidalfae (user info) at 2004-10-27 14:50:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
um...it was good until the emo weird stuff
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2004-10-27 11:15:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Lets be friends.
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2004-10-27 09:39:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Since no one else said it:
Homer Simpson - "Don't you hate pants!?"
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2004-10-27 04:50:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by cheesedick (user info) at 2004-10-27 04:35:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes, we should get some iraqi terrorists to round up all the emo/goth kids and threaten them with beheading. Then watch them collectively urinate in their own pants. But you can GUARANTEE there would be one kid that was more goth/emo than anyone else and he would say something like "I'm not afraid to die, it cant be any worse than living in a world where we are forced to tidy our bedrooms EVERY DAY" and then the terrorist could grab hold of him and start sawing and he would die with pleas of "NO NO I DONT REALLY WANT TO DIE, PLEASE DONGGHHEFHFHHGFHHHARRRRRRRHGHHHHH"
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2004-10-27 04:27:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I quit. Fuck-ing-hoo-ray
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-10-27 03:45:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahahaha.
Loved the final para.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2004-10-27 03:44:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
We say emo kids and goth kids because it's a pain in the ass to list each individual name. We group them together and generalize. Crazy shit, huh?
Gooooood post.
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2004-10-27 03:11:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
keep kickin' kid.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2004-10-27 02:59:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
indeed i do wish
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2004-10-27 02:59:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Why did you tack on that extra paragraph about being emo? I thought it ruined the post.
Submitted by lordofduct (user info) at 2004-10-27 02:54:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Funny, i guess... Do people have something against high school students and their cliques? Is this the fad now out of school, "The Anti-Clique... Clique"