Reach out and Touch Someone (1024 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.69 on 29 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Malone (View user info) at 2004-10-27 22:52:41 EDT
"Touch me where I pee."
That's what she said to me at that critical moment in a making out session where things can go two ways, not having sex, and sex. What confused me at the time was that despite her body and my desires, this comment had me stopped at this crossroads.
When one is about to put a lot of focus on the sex organs, you usually try and dissasociate the region from it's other duties, namely pissing and shitting. Not that the ass is a sex organ in your science books, but it IS a sex organ (at least in prison.)
The bulge in my pants was no longer trying to rip through the fabric, but had retreated back to where it came. So there I was, about to be naked, she's halfway there, and I'm thinking about pee. Then I have to have a spiritual moment inside me where I have a sit down with my penis and we have a talk.
Me: Ahem, so, whats up?
My Penis: Nothing.
Me: Yes I see that.
My Penis: So what do we do about this? I can't concentrate.
Me: You've got to pull it together man, focus on something else.
My Penis: Take some of that advice yourself.
Me: Alright, let's do this.
And do it we did, but with such mental redirection I now feel like I have what it takes to be a Jedi.
Now, there are hundreds of different things that a person can say to another person to suggest raising the intimacy bar. You hear them all the time in movies and in romance novels. "Fuck me." is as about straight forward as you can get. Hell even something like "I want to feel your throbbing man tool" would have been slightly funny, but still appropriate. But "Touch me where I pee," that's not even something an asshole would use as a pickup line in a bar.
User Reviews
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2004-11-07 00:49:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
the anus IS a sexual organ in the science books
Submitted by WhatTheHell (user info) at 2004-10-28 09:16:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I kinda liked hearing that...
Made me sport a chubby.
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2004-10-28 06:48:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pee is sexy.
GodChicken's comment is sexier.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2004-10-28 06:47:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
6 year olds don't know the word 'Bajiner' yet. Aim higher.
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2004-10-28 06:28:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2004-10-28 06:26:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
reading
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2004-10-28 06:26:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Touch me where I pee."
i'll continue rading now
Submitted by heyzues (user info) at 2004-10-28 06:11:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2004-10-28 05:45:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DavyJones (user info) at 2004-10-28 05:20:29 (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow, GC, that was hilarious.
=============================
I try. I know it sucks.
Submitted by DavyJones (user info) at 2004-10-28 05:20:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow, GC, that was hilarious.
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2004-10-28 03:11:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
She said "Touch me where I make pee"
So I punched her in the kidneys.
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-10-28 00:56:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
but......but..That's what you told me to say!
That's it Malone. No more role playing.
p.s
You left your little sisters catholic school uniform over here. I'll be home tomorrow if you want to come pick it up.
Submitted by Shakey (user info) at 2004-10-28 00:02:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Maybe she's into the golden shower scene?
Good stuff
Submitted by RateBot (user info) at 2004-10-27 23:28:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Lucifer_Industries (user info) at 2004-10-27 23:20:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You are so sad. Don't you have school in the morning? Shouldn't you put your dick away and get to bed? Mommy comes bright and early to wake you up and get you on the bus.
Submitted by negative_tower_of_bart (user info) at 2004-10-27 23:17:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
that malone fucker is a fagot
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2004-10-27 23:14:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for lucifer industries. take that shit global, man!
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2004-10-27 23:08:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Not bad.
Submitted by negative_tower_of_bart (user info) at 2004-10-27 23:08:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
did malone cry to bart
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2004-10-27 23:08:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I didn't read it..but since theres nobody nearby, I'm touching myself.
<3
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-10-27 23:07:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Whoa, what's up w/ the ratings?
Submitted by Grim_Hippie (user info) at 2004-10-27 23:07:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm totally gonna use this as a pickup line now.
Submitted by Lucifer_Industries (user info) at 2004-10-27 23:05:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You're not clever, so go fuck yourself jizrag. Better yet, go wash your filthy hands from playing with your dick, then before you dry them off, ram your fingers in the light socket.
Malone
Submitted by negative_tower_of_bart (user info) at 2004-10-27 23:03:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Why do they, malone?
Submitted by Lucifer_Industries (user info) at 2004-10-27 22:57:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Everything you ever wanted to know about fartfuckingmilfone
User id: 13307
Registered on or around: 2004-10-27 22:26:55
# Messages posted: 0
# Reviews written: 0
# Times these posts have been reviewed : 0
# Hits: 0
Average rating of all messages: 0.00
Just so ya know.
Submitted by Lucifer_Industries (user info) at 2004-10-27 22:57:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Why, oh God why, do my posts ALWAYS attract these fuckholes who just registered, never posted and hit you with a -2?
Submitted by skoobiesnaks (user info) at 2004-10-27 22:55:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny shit.
Submitted by fartfuckingmilfone (user info) at 2004-10-27 22:55:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
touch this
Submitted by Sepsis (user info) at 2004-10-27 22:55:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this ruled.